#5aug2018

I have always been someone who is very aloof about friendships. “I do not need a lot friends to be happy,” I would always tell myself. And while I still stick by that statement, I have realised that wanting to have more friends who get me is nothing to feel ashamed about. 

One of the things I have always struggled with in friendships is to not be the needy one. But that has often resulted in me losing touch with friends and me being too afraid to keep ‘bothering’ them. 

What got me thinking about this topic recently was my convocation ceremony. Everyone seemed to have groups and groups of friends to take photos with and commemorate the special event - CCA friends, primary school friends etc etc. For the first time in a while, I felt lonely.

Following the graduation ceremony, different groups of friends started making plans to meet up. And I was feeling so down that I almost declined the invitations. And that is when I realised something- friendships, just as any other relationships, need work. Friendships do not just happen and they do not keep following you. You hav to work at it, whether it is starting a conversation or saying yes to go meet friends. 

This is not to say that I do not have any constant friendships in my life. I have my two closest friends, who probably know more about me than myself. They are two people who I cherish with all my heart and soul. But sometimes, I feel like I am bothering them, especially when I feel like I have no one else to turn to other than them. And my biggest fear is becoming a thorn in their sides by being too clingy. 

Hanging out with my JC classmates today has shown me that it does not have to be awkward and weird to rekindle friendships. In fact, it can just be like old time. Even after five years, it was so easy to fall back into step with them. And I constantly kept thinking about how much I would have missed if I had backed out, like I was very tempted to. I had such a great time today, and also a great realisation that the first step always needs to be taken...by me.