How I’ve been feeling lately...
I have been feeling really stressed. This last weekend I thought I was going home to relax. The trip started a little bumpy because I had to pick up my parents from the airport at 5 in the morning, drive them to Orlando and then drive another two hours to my boyfriends house. But when I got to his house it was bliss. I had previously done all of the homework that was due that weekend and we had plans to go on a bunch of dates. That day went off without a hitch. By that night I was so tired and annoyed with being awake that i slept like a baby. The next morning is when the bad stuff started to happen. I had to drive another hour up to my house. I got there late so I got yelled at. I felt unappreciated because I had come up and saw my parents and I felt that that was what they should focus on, not the fact that I slept in and was late only 40 minutes. But the day got way worse. I had to leave my house at 3 so I could make it back to Tampa in time for a meeting I had to go to for my sorority. I was off to another late start because my nieces did not want me to leave, but by the time I got on the road I had not eaten for the day, I was starved but I didn't have time to get food like my mom wanted me to. The drive started nice, I listened to a podcast, I was making good time so I was less stressed. Then when I turned on my cruise control, the lady in front of me decided to brake going 70mph, and she braked hard. I tried with all my power but I couldn’t get my car to stop in time. I hit her car. My airbag deployed in my face. Thankfully everyone was okay. Everyone expect my car, I got a ticket, I got a bruised nose and a hurt back, I got stuck without a car, and she got to drive off. Life felt very unfair at that moment, I understand that I should have had more space between our cars but she shouldn’t have nearly stopped on the middle of a highway. That was on Sunday, today is Tuesday. I feel very lucky right now, I am lucky that everyone was okay and lucky that the events can easily be fixed. I also feel terror. I keep reliving and experiencing guilt. Every time I close my eyes I can see my car hit hers, I can feel the panic I felt when I realized I wasn't going to brake in time. Every time my neck moves it hurts, and every time it hurts I remember the feeling of the airbag slapping me in the face. I feel lucky that I have been able to get rides from people to school and back home, but I also feel like a burden, I normally hate asking things from people. I also get scared and panicked every time I am in a car now. I feel stressed because of the insurance and dealing with everything and not knowing how long till my car can be fixed and dread that it will be fixed soon and I will be forced to drive soon. I am feeling a lot lately, but I should be focusing on how lucky that I got away with just being sore and bruised.
