#5.19.20

May 19, 2020

So why do I bring this up? Well... if I’m being honest... I’ve kind of fallen off the wagon for a while, in terms of my practice and my Path. I’m not really sure what happened, but ever since February... things just haven’t really been the same. I’ve been like, distracted. Sure, I’ve done some things in my practice off and on, but... something has been pulling me away from it. 

And I’ve been urged to go back. I feel like shit, and my energy is low, and I don’t feel good mentally, until I come back to my practice. But for some reason I keep leaving, falling off again, drifting away... and each time, I feel worse and worse. 

Well. I think last night I finally got the message. I need to focus on my Path. This is what I need to do. I need to stop being so distracted, and choose to practice again.

I did some stretches, and I felt my body pulling me towards my meditation cushion, which I haven’t touched in months. I did some Qigong for the first time in a long time, which I hate to admit, but it’s true. Throughout the session, I literally felt my energy moving, clearing, and getting unstuck, and my body was reacting physically in different ways; my nose got stuffed up and then started draining; my body itself suddenly got very hot and I started to sweat, even though my room is cold; I had sensations throughout my arms as I felt the energy move down it.

I decided to do a reading with my Kuan-Yin oracle deck, which again, I haven’t used in months. The moment I held them in my hands, I felt our energy connect, and it felt really good. Like... I felt energy coming out of the deck and into me, and it felt like it was telling me that it missed me. I did a reading for myself, and as always, it resonated. 

Now... everything is so weird?? Like... you know when you go on a vacation, for like a couple of weeks, and when you come back home, you’re home, but it feels so weird? Like it’s the same place you’ve been in before, but it’s different somehow. That’s how I feel now... with everything... my energy is doing some really weird things... 

Anyways, that’s why I haven’t really been super active with my blog. I’m not sure why, but things have been off for me for a while now. But... hopefully this is things finally turning around, and getting back into it. 

In other news... last night I had my first experience with Deities/Gods!

It was in a dream. The dream is super hazy to me; but in the dream, I was talking to a Deity, and I think I was working with them too. I don’t remember which God it was, but I do remember that they were female; a goddess. It felt like I was talking to another spirit, but they were much larger physically, and very powerful energetically. She was cool and collected and casual, but her power was immense and she knew it. 

I’ve always been agnostic as to my beliefs on Deities/The Gods; I have some theories pertaining to them, but ultimately I’ve never had any experiences directly with them, so I literally did not have enough of anything to have any beliefs about them; hence the agnosticism. Now, I still don’t have enough to constitute a belief, but if I continue seeing this Goddess... who knows. Honestly, I’m down. If they want to keep communicating with me, I’m open to it.

This evening I spoke with an exchange student from China, and besides other school stuff, I asked him many, many questions about Chinese Medicine, and its’ prevalence in China. It’s very interesting; I learned a lot, about how things are run. I was always curious how much Western Medicine they used in hospitals and stuff, because Western Medicine does have some advantages. It turns out that they use Chinese Medicine for the most part; it’s much more prevalent than I thought it was. I asked which they used for a broken ankle, and he said “Oh, Chinese Medicine, definitely” which was a big surprise. He then went and showed me this like bandage/patch that, assuming it isn’t a really bad break, they put on the ankle, which heals them in a couple of weeks. The patch has a salve on it with Chinese herbs. SUPER COOOLL holy shit I had no idea that they did that. Anyways, apparently for most things they offer herbs, which I am glad that I am going to be studying herbs when I go to school for it.

Alright, that’s it for now. I’m quite tired; I have a lot of sleeping to do tonight. I hope that everyone sleeps well.

B via insta stories

Well hello there. I realised the other day it had been a minute since we chatted, and I was missing you. Do you wear your hair long or short now? Did you take your piercings out? You’ll probably be pleased to know my hair is big and long again. I think after Melodrama came out I said I wouldn’t put out another record until my hair was long— both because hair takes time to grow, and I knew I needed time, and because I knew the next record would require the longest and wildest hair yet. In many cultures and religions throughout history, long hair has been viewed as a source of power and a link to the spiritual world, and I can certainly say that I have never felt more spiritually rich, and in touch with the voices that guide.

(Yes I’m a fucking herb. Sue me!!!)

B via insta stories