#5.10.2013

I'm...alright. It's been 4 months and...12 days since my last drink. Haven't touched the stuff since the night of the accident. Doc says my shoulder's gonna be okay. Bursitis, I think it was. I wasn't really listening. After he mentioned painkillers, I kinda tuned it out. 

I didn't want the pills, 'cause that lucid feeling reminds me of being drunk, and it might sound stupid, but I just wanna avoid all of it. So I pop Excedrin when the pain gets to be too much, but it's not as bad lately. 

Don't wanna worry Red. I feel like she's always worried about me. Yeah, that's just her way, but I don't want to give her a reason to be concerned. The stuff with her parents moving away really hurt. I hate seeing her upset, or hearing her cry, even though I know it's good for her to get these things out. 

I think it just makes me miss my own parents. Been thinking about them a lot lately. Wondering if they think about me. Since I texted Dad a few months back, I haven't heard anything. I just...things are happening in my life, and I need them. I want to fix our relationship, but I have no idea how. Mom said I needed to stop being selfish. To grow up. But it still feels like part of me is missing 'cause I don't have them 

That guilt's still there, and I don't know how to make it go away. It sits heavy on me, pressing down like a weight, especially after hearing my girl cry. She doesn't have her parents. They don't want her. But that's alright, 'cause she has me, and I'll never stop loving her. I have my parents...I think. But I don't know how to approach this situation. This silence isn't the answer. I gotta talk to them.