#4thofapril

hey you!

Hi! Ok, this is hard, & I don’t know where to begin… I know you’re not a fan of stuffs like this pero trust me this won’t be cheesy, or at least not that I don’t know of, basta basahin at tapusin mo na lng… wag ka mag alala cause this is like gonna be the first and last letter ull be getting from me, & this is the best way for me, kc alm mo nmn pgsalita ako, sobrang sabog, walang thought, alam mo yan. and dis is the best way I can think of, kc malamng kung ssbhn ko sau to lht in person malamang humagulgol lang ako at malamang winalk outan mo lang ako… And don’t worry I’ll try to not sound mdrama… if not just keep up with this for the last time…

Anywiez… Hindi ko tlga alam… I don’t even know if this is the right thing to do either…. I don’t even know what will happen next after this letter. This is like everything na… Dhil alm ko kung gaano mo ka ayaw ang drama pero la n ko mgwa, I don’t know what to do anymore… So bare with me, here it goes….

Obviously our last talk didn’t turn out that well…  there are things said which I don’t know kung we mean it or not… but, it got me thinking a lot…. Sbe mo nga it doesn’t come naturally to us anymore na, that love lessen not like before, and that hurts a lot… kc nbwasan at hndi ko alm bkt cia nbwasn, though hndi pa ubos, wag n ntin hntyin maubos pa.. sbe mo nga things change, people change, obviously feelings too…  & obviously wer not on the same page anymore, u love me less, I love you more… it hurts pla… my time dn pla kc n mrrmdmn mong paubos na paxenxa mo na nkkinip n mghnty if ur wer going to be alrigth, like if ur gonna text me or not…. pro congratualtions n hndi pla ko manhid… kso nging tao nmn ako n umaapaw ang emosyon ngaun…  Niiyak na ko ha… akala ko ung mga gntong scenario kc pang movies lng, pwde dn pla s totoong buhay… I didn’t even imagine that I’ll be telling u this, kc gusto ko ikw mgslita, sbe ko nga db kung cnu ung my away cia mgslita…. pero after a lot of thinking, a lot of crying and a lot sleepless nights…. Alam ko na kung anu gusto mo gawin ko, gusto mo skin mnggaling whatever possible closure we can have…. Tma db? So e2 na nga un… d ko kc kayang sbhn ng personal eh…. Dhl malamng kung s personal to nku mlamang asar n asar k n s iyak ko ngaun at least s sulat d mo nkkita… pero… un nga, I think, We can end this now… for real this time…  so no one is hanging by a moment anymore na, no one is left wondering kung ano n ba tlga, hndi na tyo ung mahal mo ko ngaun, bukas d msydo, nxt day hndi, s susunod sakto lng, s susunod oo n nmn, kc dpt its constant… kht ayaw ko pa sana dhl snbe ko s srili ko nung nrmdmn ko n mahal kta eh d kta susukuan at kng ddtng man ung time n kelangan n tpusin hndi ako ung ggwa nun… pero kc mkhng hndi n nga ng wowork out at sbe mo nga, hndi nmn kelngan na lge my gwin n paraan pra mg work out to db…. At mkhng ako n lng din nmn kc my gusto n hawakan p to… kht snbe mo n hndi m nmn snsbe n ayaw mo pa pero un n ung nrrmdam ko… so, ok… im letting go now…. Kht mskit pla… Malay mo… this would be better pa… kc wer not forcing anything anymore n, wer not forcing any feelings to be present anymore na… feelings wer not complicated again…  I don’t know if im still making any sense here pa… this is hard… really hard, I have no idea this will be as hard as it is…. Ayoko pa tlga eh, selfish pero ayoko kc n mwala ka s mallit kong mundo at alm kung my knit png pag-asa… but I guess that’s life… you’re not happy anymore with what we have anymore, at kht d mo sbhn alm ko nhhrpn ka n s ugali ko at s drma ko at s ugali ng mga ksma ko s buhay… so kht paulit-ulit ko pang sbhn na ayoko pa… I will not be forcing you to be in it anymore… but I guess what I can do na lng is to keep u as a friend… at sna gusto mo akong mgng friend after, kht d nmn tlga tau ngcmula n mgkaibgn tlga… and malay mo… there is still the future… who knows, future is big blur right? We don’t know where will we end up…  So for now lets be friends at the least, ssmahan mo p dn ako pg gusto ko mnood ng sine ha… mhrp mnood mg isa eh…. J, hndi, pero…  ma mimiss ko lht, yung feeling n alam kong my umiicp skin once in a while… yung my mg papapuyat skin s gabe kc d ko alm kung asa bahay k n b o ano lalo n kung nka inom ka… ung simple things that makes me think, ah c walter, ok n kya, kmain n kaya, gnyan… bsta, mamimiss ko ung presence… pero alam ko mkkta p nmn kta eh… db?

It will take time for me to get over you… damn! You’re my first love, and my first heart break, my first happiness, my first freedom… db? Dme first… Hndi mo lng alm at d p lng cguro halata… pero ang dme ko ntutunan ha… dhl sau, ntututo ko mg mtigas ng mukha, that’s a positive thing for me, kc ntutunan ko pano ko ilalaban ko ano ung gusto ko… at dhl din sau ntuto ko humingi ng freedom… n hindi ko nppnsin dte n wala pla ako… and those are sooo big for someone like me who lives in such a contained world…  I envy you so much for having such a freedom and having such a big world... n kht hndi man ako npasok s mundo mo n yun, thanks for showing it to me nonetheless, thanks for having two worlds wen wer together, your big world and your world with mine…  bsta thank you tlga s lht…. Hndi mo alm, pero mdme ka ngwa skin, and I appreciate it big time… bsta thank you…. Pte s kna mama mo at papa mo ky ate mo… s lahat… I felt welcome at the least…. Sbe ko nga there’s something with your family that is so nice…. & I mean it. Thank you for making happy at least for almost half a year pero xempre alm mo nmn ng inrte lng ako nung cmula…. Sna pla sngot kta ng maaga… pero it doesn’t matter though, kilig p dn nmn un… halos lampas isang taon dn taung ngkabaliwan s isat-isat combining the with or without commitment stage echos ntn…. Bsta thank you sa lahat ng out bursting feelings period.

And I know you don’t want to hear this, pero sorry pa din, s mga nsbe nila n hndi mgnda tungkol sayo, s drama that I’ve caused you… believe me, wer almost der in making it to them… malapit na, kso baka tlgng gnun….  Ska, sbe mo nga wla k nmn pki s sbe nla and alam ko nmn ur nothing like that, ur a nice guy walter, ur just misunderstood…. U maybe difficult sometimes, but Ur lovable, at alam mo yan… kya nga mdme cla dyn eh… ;) and I know ur better than what u r right now… manghuhula ako, I know u can have a good one ahead of u, syng lng I can’t be a part of it anymore, sayang u aren’t my first and my last… pero ok n n ikw first. Kw na!  dmeng kong iyak at ngiti sau  eh… dme pa kilig… ikaw n b my gnyng attitude, ewan ko n lng kung hndi k p mg succeed nyan… bsta u just have to do it right… be driven, be inspired again…  ano p b? sna u’ll be ok with this, and I know you will… you’re the toughest guy I’ve ever met… ikw nga lng nakilala ko n hndi ntuwa n nilalambing… tas bawas-bwsan mo yang pigging wala mong pki elam s mundo ha… ska ung mood swings mo… once in a while, lulunok k din ng pride, d yan nkktaba…. Mang aamo k din minsan pte… d msama n ipkta mo n mahal mo ung girl once in a while, pero sbgy, I don’t need to tell u all of these, kc alm ko, ggwin mo yan, when u felt she’s the right one… at sna nrmdmn mo nmn n mahal nga kita tlga… & for the the last time maybe, I’m telling you that I love you…. Mg iingat ka prteat , bawasn n lht ng dpt bawasn…

Tma  na… mhba na, tas mdrma na… nddrmhn k n for sure, bka nkakunot n noo mo. U can throw this na after reading… and for the record naiiyak n kc ko kya tama na rin…. Dis is like a confession I don’t know what kind of letter n din eh… sna u agree on whatever the decision is… kung hndi man, sbhin mo n lng… you can react violently or whatever you want to react…. But whatever… everything is up to u know…. Kc I’ve said what I wanted to say, though I don’t like saying it, it just that its sad that we will be ending like this soon, hope there is no bad blood among the two of us & everything will be ok for the both of us too… J