Bolaire, to his most beloved friend: will you please kill my body? I need you to make it as violent as possible
Like, first of all, nobody is doing it like Hal/Bolaire, and secondly I appreciate that Liam "this one time I roleplayed through one of my besties strangling me to death" O'Brien is getting his enrichment
(Taliesin is also getting all the enrichment from being a creepy creature, of course)
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FANDOM: Digimon Adventure 01/02/Tri
RATING: Mature.
WORDCOUNT: 10 032
PAIRING(S): Endgame Taito, though the fic is primarily Taichi-centric. Side pairings include Takeru/Hikari and discussion of past Sorato.
CHARACTER(S): Taichi Kamiya, Yamato Ishida, Hikari Kamiya, Takeru Takashi, Daisuke Motomiya, Agumon, Veemon, Gabumon, Sora Takenoushi, and mention of the rest of the gang.
GENRE: Misapplied matchmaking. Also future!fic.
TRIGGER WARNING(S): Depression and discussion thereof, including one briefly mentioned suicide attempt in chapter two.
SUMMARY: In which Taichi has questionable ways to handle his issues, everyone tries to be nice, and Yamato yells at him a lot. Same old, same old, except for the part where they end up kissing.
[II. Rock Bottom] [III. Get up] [IV. Start over]
âYou,â Yamato hisses into the phone before Taichi is even done greeting him, âare the worst meddler in the history of sticking your nose where it doesnât belong!â
âI have no idea what youâre talking about,â Taichi replies without missing a beat, but all it gets him is a snort that ends on a jaw-cracking yawn.
Thereâs a sigh then, carrying the mental image of Yamato pinching at the bridge of his nose over the phone while Taichi tries to pull his socks on one-handed without falling on his face.
âAre you seriously trying to tell me you have nothing to do with Daisukeâs break up?â
âOkay, first of all,â Taichi corrects, eyebrows knitting in a frown of his own, âitâs not a break up when the people involved arenât even dating. Secondâcome on, at least listen to me before you start groaning!â
Yamato mutters something about a headache, which Taichi hears as the jab it is even as the sound of a chair scrapping on floorboard rises and falls in the background, followed by the dull slap of a thick book falling shut. Taichi glances at the clock, and almost groans in turn when he realizes itâs past midnight in Paris, which means either Yamato forgot about calling him until it was time for him to go to sleep, or he stayed up just so he could yell at Taichi as fast as possible.
Freaking typical.
âLook,â he says instead of starting another argumentâwhich, given his history and levels of irritation, heâs kind of grimly proud aboutââhe asked me if he should date that girl! All I said was that if he had to ask me then it might not be the best of ideas.â
âWhich you knew was going to drive them apart,â Yamato says, but doesnât ask. âBut you still said it because sheâs not one of us and you donât like that.â
âThatâs got nothing to do with it!â Taichi yelps, hating the way it makes him sound guiltier than he truly is or feels.
All he did was answer his roommateâs question and give a sincere piece of adviceâYamato may not like it, but that doesnât make it wrong, thank you very much! Besides, itâs not like heâs telling Daisuke he should stop all kind of datingâor any dating at all really. If heâd tried to convince the guy to stay single, now that would have been egoistical and downright cruel, but Taichi has no motive of that kind, and he crosses his arms over his chest in annoyance, shoulders tightening when Yamato insists:
âRight. I assume it has nothing to do with wanting to keep him as a roommate either?â
âOf course not!â Taichi retorts, and he almost hangs up when Yamato sighs his âwhy are we even friendsâ sigh. Instead, he insists: âIt doesnât, Yamato! Iâm trying to spare him useless pain, why would you even thinkââ
âBecause youâre still grumbling about Hikari and Takeru dating even after seven yearsââ
âI donât mind them dating,â Taichi starts, but this time itâs Yamatoâs turn to interrupt with:
âYou tried to convince her their flat was too big,â he says, voice rising in volume and decreasing sharply, probably when he remembers the time it is at his place.
âWell it is a littleââ
âItâs twenty square meters!â Yamato hisses, pitch climbing up as he makes obvious efforts to stay quiet, âAnd itâs not like itâs a new problem eitherâyouâve never really been okay with any of us dating.â
âI congratulated Mimi and Koushâwait, has she picked her new name yet?â
She only came out as a transgender woman a couple months ago, and sheâs been hesitating on a new name ever sinceâit makes sense sheâd want to take her time about it, but sometimes Taichi canât help feeling like itâs a bit of an awkward situation.
âNot yet,â Yamato says after a moment of reflexion, tone calmer for the interruption. âBut even if we overlook the fact that you also congratulated them on their breakup after only three months, your main source of happiness back then was, and I quote, that they âkept it in the familyâ.â
Taichi has to wince at that, because this was really not his shiniest moment. Still, he thinks as he locks his flat behind him and bypasses the elevator in favor of the stairs, more conductive to an argument, Yamato is definitely giving the incident more weight than it deserves.
âAlright,â he admits with a sigh even as he switches the staircase lights on, âthe phrasing was a bit creepy butââ
âIt was downright gross,â Yamato interrupts, apparently determined not to let anything slide, âand not just because of the wordingâyou canât just act like thereâs no one else we can date than other chosen children!â
âWell itâs not like anyone else is going to get what itâs like!â
Itâs been fourteen years since their first trip to the Digiworld, and Yamato may dislike it but the fact remains that, as experience has proved numerous times, even the other groups of chosen children canât quite share the experience. Turns out US-comics were wrong: when the strange monsters tried to destroy the earth, itâs Japan that got the worst of it.
Itâs nobodyâs fault, really, and Taichi hasnât resented the fate he got saddled with in years now, but the other teams, they had it easy. And even if they hadnâtâeven with the non-negligible amount of crap that fell on their nosesâthey didnât go through it the same way Taichi and his friends have, they donât carry the scars the same way they do. They have different cultures and different roles and different expectations and thatâs okay...it just means not even them understand what the experience was like for the Odaiba kids.
âDaisuke doesnât care,â Yamato says, voice muffled by a rustle of fabric against the phone receiver.
He must be getting ready for the night.
âHow would you know that,â Taichi asks even though it is, admittedly, not the kindest argument to pick, âyou barely even talk to him!â
âHis sister does,â Yamato replies without a pause, but his voice sounds tighter around the words, âand so does yours, and they both agree he didnât even seem to realize there was a difference to be felt until you shoved it in his head.â
Taichi didnât think people could really splutter indignantly, but what heâs doing right now really does sound like it. Itâs entirely Yamatoâs fault, though, because the nerveâthe willful misinterpretation is justâhow dare he! Yes, sure, most of them are dealing with it okayâtheyâve got mostly normal lives if you except the occasional star-struck Digimon and a recent offer for a documentary about their adventures from a very reputable history channel...and yes, sure, theyâve all got twelve other Chosen childrenâplus their Digimon partnersâto confide in and rely on, and that plays a lot.
It doesnât erase everything thoughâTaichi has yet to hear about a group of friends whoâs faced as many cases of depression, of nightmares, of random outbursts and awkward moments as theirs has, and Yamato of all people should know how hard it can be to go through this.
To mention that would be a low blow, though, and Taichi steers away from the argument, bringing up his other concern instead:
âYou havenât met the girl,â he says, âthereâs something off about her!â
âAkikoâs biggest flaw is that sheâs not one of the people weâve been exclusively hanging out with since fifth grade,â Yamato snaps, âand you know it. Maybe I havenât seen her, but I know sheâs as much of a scatterbrained dork as Daisuke, whichââ
âNow youâre making it sound like heâs stupid!â Taichi protests.
He hears Yamato stutter a bitâthereâs echo in the background, almost drowned out by the sound of traffic on Taichiâs end of the line, but it does still sound like Yamato has retreated to the bathroomâbefore he recovers and hisses:
âHe dropped out of school to open a noodle cart for fuckâs sake!â
âWhich heâs paying his part of the rent with,â Taichi points out, âand itâll cover the rest of his expenses too, so if you think he doesnât deserve better than a simple waitress just becauseââ
Yamato swears on the other end of the phone, and Taichi does groan at that, temples beating with a headache even as he reaches his bus stop and glares at the street. Stupid Yamato, shoving his stupid face on the other side of the stupid world, like there arenât any decent universities in Japan offering the stupid biology degree he decided to go for.
At least if heâd stayed, they could have this stupid argument face to face and settle it over a cup of tea or whatever.
âDo you even hear yourself talking?â Yamato asks when heâs done hissing invectives into the phone, ââhe deserves better than a simple waitressâ, seriously? Did we take a jump back to the eighteenth century I wasnât aware of?â
âAll Iâm saying,â Taichi ties to say, only to be interrupted right away, real anger cracking through Yamatoâs voice this time:
âAll youâre saying is youâll literally grasp at any reason Daisuke shouldnât date Akiko, all because you canât stand the idea of him leaving you behind like your sister did!â
âHikari didnât leave me behind,â Taichi protests, hand closing tighter against his phone, âshe texts me almost as much as you do!â
âAnd yet,â Yamato retorts, sarcasm dripping from his voice thick enough Taichi can hear it over the bustle of commuters climbing on and exiting the bus, âyou still act like she did, including with this.â
Yamato sighs, like heâs had this conversation far too often alreadyâhe hasnât, Taichi would knowâand insists:
âI know you donât mean to hurt anyone, Taichi, but thatâs what youâre going to do if you keep going that way.â
âDonât be ridiculous,â Taichi says, annoyed enough by now that he barely notices the streets his bus is driving by, and nearly misses the stop for his university, âIâm not going to hurt him.â
On the other end of the line, Yamatoâs snortâwrapped in the sound of running water, possibly because heâs run out of patience and decided to brush his teeth in the middle of a conversation like some kind of animalâis quite explicit as to how much he believes that. Taichi takes a deep breath and counts the steps from his bus stop to the university gates before he has a chance to explode.
Thereâs a bit of scratching, the sound of someone spitting, and Yamato sighs again:
âThereâs only thirteen of us in Japan, remember? And none of the girls are available. Thatâs a pretty limited dating pool youâre building him.â
âMimi and Miyako are into dudes,â Taichi points out, but even he canât argue when Yamato scoffs.
âMimi is even farther away from Japan than I am and sheâs not the long-distance relationship type. And the very idea of Daisuke and Miyako in any kind of romantic relationship is just begging for disaster.â
âOkay,â Taichi admits, because he may be as stubborn as Yamato, but even he knows a losing battle when he sees one, âno girl available. But Daisuke is bisexual.â
âAnd who do you think is going to date him? You, Iori, or me?â
âI donât want to date Daisuke!â Taichi protests, ears warming up a tad too fast.
Heâs not the last to call Daisuke easy on the eyesâto the guyâs face, even!âand he may or may not have toyed with the idea a little on one of the rare occasions he drank too much, but the truth of it is, aside from the rather obvious lack of romantic attraction there, that would make things even more awkward when well-meaning strangers mistake them for brothers.
Really, theyâre better off as friends.
âWell,â Yamato deadpans, âthen considering Iâm not interested in dating himââ
âYouâre not interested in dating, period,â Taichi replies, unable to hide the hint of triumph in his voice.
âItâs not about my issues, Taichi,â Yamato half-sighs, half-yawns as a door clicks shut in the background, âIâm not interested in anything remotely close to romantic with Daisuke, which leaves him with Iori, and Iâm pretty sure his partners would murder Daisuke in less than a day.â
âKen isnât dating anyone.â
âI donât think youâll get our second token straight to date a guy.â
âWe donât know that he is,â Taichi protests, lowering his voice as he nears his classroom, fifteen minutes early, âhe could still be in the closet.â
âWeâve hit every stripe on the rainbow-meter,â Yamato deadpans in a rustle of sheets, âeither heâs straight or heâs clearly not ready for dating.â A yawn. âAnd even if Iâm wrong, you canât just play pair the spares with our friends.â
âTheyâre barely even your friends,â Taichi snaps.
Itâs a low blow and he knows itâYamato may not speak with Daisuke on a regular basis, but heâs already demonstrated he was willing to go the extra mile for the guyâs sake anyway. Out of all the chosen children Taichi knows of, Yamato is probably the one whose bond to the rest of their little community are the strongestâthereâs a reason why the rallying point shifted from Taichi to him in later years, after all.
Yamatoâs relationship to Daisuke is still nowhere close to what he and Taichi have, though, or even to what exists between Yamato and Jyou, or Koushiro, whatever name she might end up picking. Yamato is a devoted friend, and so is Daisukeâitâs just easy to see their circles arenât exactly perfect matches.
âFuck you,â Yamato replies, the gritting of his teeth almost audible even through the phone, âyou donât get to tell me Iâm a bad friend when youâre the one about to send him head first into the fucking wall!â
âHe and Ken like each other,â Taichi replies, ears burning at him without it being enough to stop him.
âSo did Sora and I,â Yamato spitsâthis time Taichi forgets to keep an indoor voice when he protests:
âThat was different!â
He wasnât privy to the whole disasterâthere are things about those five years of dating (and one year of post-breakup chilly awkwardness) not even Takeru knows about, both the former couple and their Digimons incredibly tight-lipped about the whole affair. Taichi stood by the two of them throughout it all though, left them in peace when they needed him to, yelled at them when they needed him to, and collected the freaking pieces when they needed him to.
He may not have seen the car crash, but he was there for the clean up and oh, boy, is he glad he had help with that, because heâd have ended up in the gutter right alongside them if the others hadnât picked up the slack.
At some point it almost seemed like their group wouldnât survive the shift.
âWe liked each other,â Yamato repeats. âSee how ridiculous you sound now?â
âLook, it suckedâbig time,â Taichi agrees, because there was never any way to beat around that particular bush, âbut Ken and Daisuke are olderâthey know what their sexualities are by now.â
âI didnât at their age.â
Taichi swallows back another, more pointed low blowâhe can still hear Yamatoâs anger simmering under the thin layer of ice in his voice, and putting a spark to it now would really be asking for an explosion. Instead, he says:
âHikari and Takeru are happy.â
âException that confirms the rule,â Yamato replies with a hint of dark humor, âthe rest of our intra-dating attempts only ever ended up bitting us in the ass. Iâm pretty sure weâve all had enough of dating other Digisaviors for a lifetime, thank you very much.â
âDigisaviors?â Taichi repeats with a blink, âwhere the hell did you pick that?â
âThatâs what they call us in France,â Yamato brushes off, âdonât try to drop the topic. Iâm your friend, okay? And as a friend Iâm telling you youâre about to fuck up big time and you need to stop.â
âAnd I am telling you, youâre wrong.â
Thereâs a break in the conversation while Gabumonâs sleepy voice whines in the distanceâpoor guy must have had a hard time staying asleep with Yamato talking almost nonstop for the last, what? Half hour? How is he even still awake anyway? Last Taichi checked, Yamato went out like a light at eight PM like the old man heâs always secretly been.
Taichi listens to his friend apologize to his partner in a more subdued voiceâfrowning when they switch to French for a couple of sentences before Yamato sighs-yawns again:
âYouâre a brilliant politician,â he says, and Taichiâs chest warms at the words, even though he canât quite manage a smile for it after such a long-winded argument, âbut sometimes when it comes to our friends youâre so oblivious you make me want to slap you across the phone.â
âWell screw you too,â Taichi replies as the door opens up to let the previous class out, âIâve got class. Bye.â
He hangs up before Yamato can say anything else, and spends the rest of the morning ignoring the weird mix of satisfaction and nausea hanging at the edge of his stomach.
{ooo}
Hikari and Takeru, when Taichi visits them for the first time, look nauseatingly domestic. It hasnât even been three months since they moved in togetherâa fact which, Taichi might add, none of their parents were ecstatic aboutâbut their cupboard of a studio looks homely and lived-in already. Itâs tiny, sure, and the fold-up couch at the back looks enormous, cramped as it is between the tiniest of bathroom and a cooking area that barely deserves the name, but the kids move through it like they wouldnât give up the occasional bump for all the space in the world.
Taichi kind of wants to gag, but that would be pushing it.
âI still think youâre too young,â he mutters around his cup of tea, and while Takeru stays silentâalthough close as he is, itâs impossible to mistake the way he stiffens at the wordsâHikari doesnât share the same restraints:
âIf you start this conversation again,â she says with a daring look in her eyes, âI will kick you out.â
Taichi manages half of a placating gesture with his right hand while the left keeps his mug close to his mouth, hiding his face from view. The words press at the edge of his lips, lemon-sour against his tongue, but even he can only have the same conversation so many times before he gives up, and heâs had the this one with Hikari often enough that he knows her arguments by heart now.
âWe havenât been kids since 1999, havenât been at peace for that long ever, havenât got any reason to breakup, havenât got any reason to waitââTaichi has heard it all.
If heâs being very honest with himselfâhe doesnât like to, where this topic is concernedâTaichi is also capable of admitting that all these âwe havenâtâs come shadowed in a lot of âwe haveâs. âWeâve been supporting and helping and understanding each other since before we were ten,â Hikari probably thinks, but never quite says, âweâve been sent to war younger than anyone else, we have a right to enter peace early, tooâ.
Maybe they do.
It doesnât mean Taichi has to approve.
âFine,â he says anyway, because thereâs a difference between disapproving his sisterâs choice and actively antagonizing her over it, âso how do you guys keep this place clean? Did my sister move in with a neat freak?â
âOf all the possible subjects,â Hikari starts with a long-suffering sigh, but Takeru beats her to it:
âSorry, wrong brother.â
âItâs a dual effort,â Hikari approves, tone still stiff, while her boyfriend throws Taichi a worried look.
Taichiâs lips lift at that, thin and short-lived. He hasnât forgotten the way he argued with Yamato last weekâhasnât missed the absence of texts other than the automated âgo eat somethingâ Yamato sends so Taichi wonât forget one too many meals in profit of his political sciences textbooks and drop dead in a pool of his own sweat.
(Yamatoâs words, not Taichiâs.)
Despite it all though, itâs impossible not to remember how insanely ordered Yamatoâs bedroom always seemed whenever Taichi visited the Ishidaâs, before Yamato decided a year in Moscow to learn Russian wasnât long or far enough away and picked a French university for his higher education.
âHow do you keep things clean?â Hikari asks after a pauseâTaichi may have gotten a little sidetracked there, because sheâs gone from irritated to almost worried in record time.
âDual effort,â Taichi replies, deliberately paraphrasing her, although it sounds more flat than teasing, even to his own ears. âWe clean up after ourselves in the common areas and we deal with our own rooms. Why, how many centimeters of filth did you think I lived in?â
Hikariâs fingers twitch, same as they do whenever their parents get a little too overbearing during their weekly phone calls, and Taichi almost takes offense at thatâheâs ready to admit he didnât start his visit in the best way, but thereâs nothing to be annoyed about in what he just said, honestly!
âWeâre just a little worried,â Takeru says in a soothing tone, one hand landing on Hikariâs shoulder all casual like, as if Taichi werenât going to notice the way his thumb rubs circles over her jumper, âyouâve seemed a little down since we moved in here andââ
âItâs the end of November,â Taichi points out with a roll of his eyes before Takeru can finish his sentence, âIâve got a ton of exams coming up. Of course Iâm tired.â
He doesnât miss the glance floating between Takeru and Hikariâdoesnât miss the little twist of Takeruâs lips like heâs seeing something he was bracing himself forâand heâs a little more forceful than he should be when he sets his cup down on the tiny coffee table:
âYou know I can take care of myself, right? Iâve got the rent coveredââ
âItâs not the rent Iâm woââ
âI know how to operate a washing machine and a vacuum cleaner, I can even cook, contrary to what your brother likes to pretend!â
âHey, letâs not get Yamato involved,â Takeru says, raising his hands in defense, but Taichiâs annoyance is loose now, and he doesnât really try to restrain himself when he says:
âDonât worry, he doesnât need me to involve him in pretty much every aspects of my life, he does that perfectly well on his own!â
Both Hikari and Takeruâs eyes widen at his words, and Taichi has to make a conscious effort to stay seated, breathe in deep and swallow some of his anger down. Theyâre trying to look out for him, he reminds himself. Sure, theyâre insulting himâand possibly Daisuke, a littleâwhen they act like heâs going to crash and burn now his little sister has left him behind, despite the presence of a roommate who proved a perfectly sensible leader and friend in difficult time.
Still, their hearts are in the right place, and Taichi clings to that for as long as it takes to calm himself downâat least until heâs reasonably sure he wonât let his words say imply things he doesnât really mean.
âLook,â he manages after a whileâthe others, he notes, have waited him out, like defusing a bomb, and the thought makes him clench his fists togetherââDaisuke and I may not be in the same state of domestic bliss as you, but that doesnât mean weâre headed for disaster either, thank you very much.â
They share a look againâfull of things theyâve already discussed to hell and back, Taichi bets, full of things they donât want him to hear although, judging by the way they look at him afterwards, he might be concerned anyway.
âOkay,â Hikari says at last, articulation as careful as the hand she extends to touch Taichiâs knuckles with, âitâs just that IâveâIâm a little concerned about that thing with the waitressââ
âOh myââ Taichi cuts himself off to brush a hand over his face, âlet me guess, Yamato called you?â
âI learned it from Daisuke,â Hikari replies, eyebrows drawing together, âI didnât know Yamato knew you were involved.â
âWhen does he not know a thing about me?â Taichi scoffs, âWhatever I donât tell him he can learn from any of usâeven my own sister, apparently!â
âFirst of all,â Hikari counters, visibly refusing to back down, âIâve already said I didnât tell him about what you did. And secondly, can you really blame us? Heâs the one who gets the best results when it comes to getting through to you!â
âHeâs on the other side of the freaking world,â Taichi snaps at her, getting on his feet, âyou guys need to stop pretending like he can control my life from there.â
âNobody thinks that!â Takeru yelps, indignation written all over his features,but Taichi doesnât believe him.
People running to Yamato as soon as they have a problem with Taichiâor what heâs doing, or how heâs living, apparentlyâis nothing new, of course, but for the love of everything, the guy left Japan over eight years ago, itâs time everyone started getting with the program!
âLook,â Taichi says, kind of proud of how he manages to keep his voice level despite the abrupt urge to yell until everyone leaves him alone, âIâve got Agumon and Daisuke, Iâm doing fine, and I donât need Yamato to chaperon me, thank you very much.â
He gets to his feet after that, gathers his things and leaves before Hikari or Takeru can protestâbefore one of them can say something that will be blown out of proportion and they have a real argument.
Then he goes home, settles into some old comedy reruns with Agumon by his side and some leftover pizza in his plate, and waits until Daisuke comes home so he can investigates the guyâs feeling for Ken a little more thoroughly and finally clear the dayâs frustrations and contrarieties out of his mind.
{ooo}
For a few days, Taichi worries Hikariâs interventionâand the text-based mutual apology they engage in the day afterâmeans sheâll try to get more involved in his life again. Part of him wouldnât mind, but she is his little sister: heâs the one that should take care of her, not the reverse. Much like the rest of their group, though, Hikari is simply too busy to make time for anything that isnât her immediate life.
Taichi himself barely even leaves his flat unless heâs got classes or he needs to attend a work meeting in person which, given most of his meetings involve Digimonâand therefore a webcam or twoâis getting fairly rare. The end result is that he shares his time between studying, trying to convince his countryâs government to officially condemn the USAâs decision to maintain Digimonsâ legal status as pets, and the blissful, mind-numbing relief of bad comedy and not wearing that isnât at least at pajamas-levels of comfort.
He gets a couple of texts from Sora inviting him over to Kyotoârefuses, too tired to bother with the effort after so much mental exhaustionâand a long email from Kouâ he has yet to answerâhe wants to, he does, but itâs kind of hard writing something long when the only thing you have time for in your life is work, work, work, and some bits of university crammed in there. Taichi can barely make time for Agumon these days, he canât be blamed for not joining the others on their outings, collective or not!
The only positive effect of this, really, is that studying until the small hours of night means more chances of catching Yamato in the middle of his day, which means they end up texting even more than they did before their fight, saving Taichiâs social life from being entirely limited to his own flat.
Kenâs visit are a good thing, too, but for different reasons.
Heâs constantly around these days. He pretends heâs there to see Taichi, which is a little ridiculousâthen again, maybe Yamatoâs theory has merit and the kid isnât quite ready to put himself out thereâbut heâs always willing to talk about Daisukeâor Veemon, or the things he and Wormon do with the other twoâwhenever Taichi steers the conversation in that direction.
Itâs adorable in how oblivious Ken thinks Taichi is, and kind of refreshing in the innocence of the scheme, although Taichi sometimes wants to tell Ken being more forward, or at least talking to Daisuke, would be more efficient.
Either way, though, his matchmaking projects are looking quite auspicious, and while he tries to keep them to himself so he can avoid Yamatoâs disbelieving sarcasm and reproaches, Taichi canât help but feel very satisfied by his good work.
{ooo}
âI will never understand,â Yamato sighs into the phone in the middle of a Saturday night in early-December, âhow you can be such a brilliant politician and fail so completely at understanding people at the same time.â
âIâm going to pretend I only heard the nice part of this,â Taichi says, stretching his legs under his parentsâ kotatsu, âbut only because I feel magnanimous.â
His parents treated him to the best home-made meal ever for lunchâor at least the endless chain of instant ramen and leftover junk food he survives on when Daisuke doesnât bring noodles back from work made it feel that wayâthereâs a heater roasting at his feet, and so far heâs spent his afternoon doing exactly nothing but watch Agumon snore the time away between two micro-naps of his own. Throw in his motherâs solicitudeâher constant concern over his well being just short of overbearingâand the satisfaction of being positively toasty when itâs only six or seven degrees out, and youâd be hard pressed to find more mollifying conditions.
âIâll repeat myself then,â Yamato replies, something sizzling on his end of the line.
Taichi glances at the kitchen clock, and raises an eyebrow when he realizes it must be around eight AM in France...by Yamatoâs standard, itâs a positively indecent time to be having breakfast.
âYou suck at figuring out what the rest of us want.â
âI donât!â Taichi protests, patience shrinking faster than snow on a Meramon as he straightens up, âI told you, Ken just keeps talking about Daisukeââ
âDo you even let him talk about anything else?â Yamato interrupts with far too much sarcasm, âMaybe heâd be happy to talk about your job, too.â
âMy job is boring,â Taichi replies with a shrug, nodding at his mom when she comes to sit beside him with her crosswords, âwhy would he want to ask about it?â
âHeâs polite,â Yamato replies without missing a beatâthe sizzling stops, replaced by the sound of a pan scrapping against something hard, and a persistent buzzing coming to an abrupt halt before Yamato continues: âhe genuinely cares about youâoh and also youâre one of the people who has the most influence on whether or not Digimon will be allowed in the police force.â
âIâm not that influent, Yamato.â
âFine,â Yamato deadpans, âmaybe heâs just doing this because Hikari and I asked him to check in on you since heâs the one that lives closest to you with the most free time.â
âRight,â Taichi snorts, opening and closing his free hand into a fist near his head for his motherâs benefit, âlike Iâm going to believe that.â
âThen weâre back to the âyour work is not boringâ part of that conversation,â Yamato concludes, so matter of fact Taichi can almost see him shrug.
âPlease,â Taichi protests with a grunt loud enough to make his mother turn away from her crosswords and back at him, âlast week I had to talk a bunch of Numemons not to attack the primeââ
âThere was an attack?â
Taichi turns to look at his motherâthe worried lines around her mouth and under her eyes, the frown crinkling at her eyebrows as her knuckles whiten around her pencilâand almost wants to slap himself in the face for being so careless. Heâs usually better at controlling his vocabularyâbut then itâs harder to remember when heâs talking to one of the others.
Now his mother looks pale and tense, bracing herself for the worse before Taichi can even blink, and he canât blame her for itâhe knows he canât, not with everything he already put her throughâbut that doesnât prevent the spark of irritation blooming in his chest, tightening the fingers of his free hand around his thigh as he reassures her:
âWith stink bombs, mom. Itâs gross, but itâs not dangerous.â
âReally?â His mother insists, and Taichi clamps down hard on the wave of annoyance roiling against his stomach.
âYes,â he promises, hating the way itâs not enough to placate his motherâs worrying.
âWould you tell me if it was?â She insists, and Taichi sort of wants to answer ânoâ.
He never has, after allânot when he was a kid and it could have meant getting out of things entirely, not when he was a preteen he wasnât even directly involved, not when he was a teenager and he and his sister cried into her shoulder for almost an hour. What else was he supposed to do, anyway? Itâs not like she could have done anything but sit and wait, none of the people actually involved having time to stop and explain the situation to herâTaichi has done a lot of that when he was a kid, watching doctors and nurses busy themselves with his little sister without realizing there was another child there. He wasnât about to put her through that as well.
He started counting the weeks until he could move out of the family flat when he peed his bed a few days after Yamato left for his semester in Moscow, and hasnât even dreamed of coming back ever since.
âYou know what,â he tells his mother, face aching with a stiff smile, âI think Iâm going to take this call outside.â
âSweetie,â his mother tries, easily sensing the distance, âyou donât have toââ
âNo, itâs okay,â Taichi tells her, getting to his feet before she can touch him, âIâm feeling stuffy anyway. I can use the fresh air.â
He gives his mother one last would-be reassuring grimace, and tries not to look too obvious in his flight as he steps out on the balcony with nothing but slippers and a thick pullover to protect him from the cold. He sighs as soon as the glass door slides shut behind him, and purposefully keeps his gaze fixed on the skyline so he doesnât have to watch his mother instead.
âOutsider freak out?â Yamato asks after a while, voice softer than before.
âItâs my fault,â Taichi says with a shrugâhis voice is a little thick, but heâs pretty sure heâs going to catch a cold out there, so he doesnât let it bother him too muchââI slipped.â
Yamato hums in response, and Taichi almost asks if Yamato thinks he should have known better, too, but his stomach constricts at the thought, and the question leaves a bitter taste of bile in his mouth when he swallows it down. Instead, what he asks is:
âDoes it ever happen to you?â
âLike I talk to my parents enough for them to freak out.â
âTakeru could,â Taichi says, but Yamato scoffs.
âTo my mother, maybe. Not the old man, though.â
Taichi nods at that, and then Yamato tells him to wait before he starts saying something in FrenchâTaichi has no idea what. Heâs not surprised by Yamatoâs dismissalâhas spent enough nights at the Ishida residence before Yamato left the country to take an educated guess as to why his friend is so close-lipped around his familyâbut that doesnât prevent his heart from sinking as he listens to Yamato exchanges what must be goodbyes with his grandfather.
Itâs hard to understand that kind of situation when you havenât lived it, after all, and Taichi doesnât need someone who doesnât get it right now.
âPappy flipped out once,â Yamato says after silence has stretched between them for several seconds with no ending in sight, âit was definitely my fault. We...talk more. Since then.â
âDo you tell him about the nightmares?â
Yamato makes a garbled noise around his breakfast that could mean anything from âI donât have nightmaresâ--Taichi has countless middle-of-the-night texts and conversations that say otherwiseâto âwe sit at the kitchen table and swap war stories: I talk about Digimons and he talks about killing Nazisâ âor whatever Yamatoâs grandfather did back in the French Resistance. Something in Taichiâs stomach twists at the sound, somewhere between envy and sadness, and since he canât quite figure out which is which he decides to go back to safer grounds:
âWell, we canât prevent them from worrying,â he says, trying to sound more cheerful than he really is, âbut at least we can rejoice in the future success of operation Kensukeâand shut up, itâs a great portmanteau.â
âI didnât say anything,â Yamato deadpans, and itâs easy to reply:
âYou were about to.â
âYou never know,â Yamato says with a rattle of cutlery jostling around in a plate, âif reason doesnât work maybe aesthetics will.â
Taichi blows a raspberry into the phone out of principles more than anything else and, unsurprisingly enough, the only thing they exchange from then on is childish bickering, until Yamato has to beg out of the conversation so he can go attend his latest bootcamp. Taichi pretends to think Yamato is just admitting defeat, but the truth is he canât feel his toes anymore and itâs a relief to come inside. He rubs some warmth back into his arms, wincing as returning blood prickles along his veins, and then startles when he realizes his mother is still there, looking at him like he just did something adorable.
Taichi hasnât seen that kind of smile on herâor on his father, for that matterâsince he was a child trying to act older than he was for his sisterâs sake. The Digiworld and its host of complications erased that smile right off Taichiâs parentsâ face when it turned out he really had to make decisions that should have been far beyond his years, and seeing it back because of something as simple as a conversation with his best friend makes Taichi pause.
âWhat?â
âI was just thinking how much youâve grown,â his mother says, a touch of nostalgia gracing the edges of her smile, ânot so long ago a disagreement with Yamato would have ended in a shouting match.â
Taichiâs face floods with heat, and he looks to the ground as he remembers a week of near complete silence in the aftermath of what should have been a fairly innocent argument. âIâm twenty five, âma,â he mutters instead of telling her about that.
Sheâs still smiling when he leaves, and thatâs worth more than the exact truth.
{ooo}
He manages to phone Sora a few days before 2013 turns into 2014, and catching up with her somehow manages to shave something like ten years off his shoulders. Itâs early in life, maybe, to think like that, but that doesnât prevent Taichi from feeling the difference when the weight vanishes.
Heâs not sure how they get around to discussing Daisuke and his growing crush on Ken, but he does know how flabbergasted he feels when she says:
âI just hope itâs not going to go too far.â
Taichi blinks at her through the video chat window, face owlish enough that Biyomon giggles at him from behind Soraâs shoulder. Heâs a little too caught off guard to care though, because what on Earth?
âWhat do you mean, âtoo far?ââ
âWell Ken is clearly not interested,â Sora explains with a wide shrugsâshe pauses to answer a presumably important text before she finishes: âif Daisuke falls in love with him itâs going to make things really awkward. And painful.â
âOr not,â Taichi manages after chasing his own voice for a few seconds, âmight be youâre wrong and theyâre going to be perfectly happy together.â
Soraâs shoulders move like sheâs putting their hands togetherâpicking at the skin around her nails, maybeâand then she mumbles:
âMaybe.â
She sounds skeptical, at best, and changes the topic fast after that, grilling Taichi on his work and home life. He lies a littleâmakes up a couple of solitary outings just to spare himself the shame of admitting his social life has pretty much vanished, and does his best to sound like Digital World diplomacy is as fascinating a topic as it was when he started outâbut mostly sticks to things that would be true if he wasnât so busy and tired.
He brushes her offâgentlyâwhen she tries to warn him again, though. She may have the crest of love but sheâs too far to have real clarity on the situation, and Taichi isnât that brainless thank you very much.
{ooo}
It takes some effort not to gloat when Kenâs visits increase after their groupâs New Year reunionâTaichi didnât miss the effort Ken put in preparing the whole event and while simple kindness was definitely involved in the process, it certainly doesnât explain the kidâs enthusiasm about it, or how much discussion of Daisukeâs qualities, life and project he can endure. Even Taichi is getting a little tired of the topic, and heâs the one who usually starts with it!
Heâs had to slow down a bit in the past few days, because Wormon asked if Taichi was interested in Daisuke which wouldnât be a problem if not for the fact that it isnât what Taichi is going for at all. Besides, knowing Kenâs tendency to close up when heâs upsetâsecond only to Yamato in that regardâif Taichi doesnât set him straight, pun completely unintended, he might end up giving up on what might turn out to be the best thing of his life.
That would honestly be unacceptable.
So, Taichi makes it clear heâs not interested in Daisuke that way, keeps encouraging both Ken and Daisukeâs attention to the other, and celebrates with a much deserved sake shot one nightâor maybe more like two or three.
(Agumon and Daisuke freak out when they find the bottleânot even half emptyâso Taichi decides not to have a long-distance toast with Yamato about it, but that doesnât prevent him from cheering a little every time he spots even the smallest sign of progress in his project.)
{ooo}
Taichi spends most of the weekend after New Yearâs sitting on his TV with leftover cereals, watching reruns of Takeshiâs Castle while the others are either out or, in Agumonâs case, visiting a Tokomon village on File Continent. Itâs not a bad program: it keeps complicated thoughts at bay and lets him idle the day away without guilt, which is all heâs asking for these days.
He spends an unusually bright Sunday morning like that, ignoring the world around him until someone runs up to his doorâthe footsteps echo through the corridor for a long moment before thereâs banging on the door, and Kenâs voice calls out Taichiâs name through the wood. Taichi blinks and sighs at the sounds, peeling himself from the couch with the ache of too little movement in his joints before he makes his way to the door.
âOh myâare you alright?â Ken manages, out of breath, when Taichi opens the door and nearly brains him in the process, âYou werenât answering your phone!â
â...I was sleeping?â Taichi replies, shaping the words with more care than entirely necessary, âwhatâs the matter?â
âYamato tried to call you six time,â Ken replies, breathing slowly getting back to a normal rhythm, âyou didnât answer!â
âNo,â Taichi repeats, more slowly, âbecause I was sleeping.â
Itâs far too early for Yamato to be calling thoughâit must be around three AM in Paris right now, which is closer to late yesterday than it is to early this morning, and Taichi frowns when he realizes thereâs only one possible explanation for the disruption.
âWhat happened?â He asks Ken even as he rushes back to his bedroom to retrieve his laptop, âIs Mr. Takashi going to be alright?â
âWhat?â
âMr. Takashi!â Taichi repeats, opening his laptop in the same breath, âIf it were a Digimon thing youâd have led with that so Yamato called for something else, and unless something happened to him or Gabumon, then itâs got to be his grandfather, so how is he?â
âI donât know,â Ken replies, crossing his arms over his shoulders, âYamato didnât mention.â
Taichi pauses, confused.
âThen why on earth is he calling that early?â
âTaichi, itâs not early,â Ken says with the same careful enunciation Taichi used earlier, âitâs almost five PM.â
Taichi stares at Ken over the edge of his laptop, the orange glow of his screen almost painfully bright between them while he scrambles to gather his thoughts, and yet only manages a feeble:
âWhat?â
âItâs almost five PM,â Ken repeats like Taichi might break if the news is delivered too abruptly, âYamato asked me to check in on you because you missed your phone call.â
âIâjuâwhat?â Taichi stutters, still unable to make full use of his braincells, âwhat do you mean he asked you to check in on me?â
âWell,â Ken answers with a heavy blush, âweâve all been sort of worried about you lately, and you didnât seem ready to listen, so I agreed to keep an eye on you...then when you didnât answer on Skype or on your phone, Yamato asked me to pop by and I just...trusted his instincts, I guess.â
â...what?â
Kenâs face goes from flushed to beet red in record time, and Taichi almost feels his own eyes turn into panicked spirals as one realization follows another and he all but yells:
âWhat do you mean, you were keeping an eye on me?â
âLike said,â Ken says, shoving his hands behind his back, âwe were all worried...Iâm the one who lives closest, and your place is on my way from the academy, thatâs all. Why did you think I spent so much time here?â
âTo see Daisuke?â Taichi replies, hoping the high-pitch of his voice doesnât erase the âduhâ from it.
âI see him every day while he works,â Ken points out, puzzlement pushing at the edge of his obvious discomfort, âI can talk to him there. Besides, if I were visiting him, Iâd at least talk to him.â
âOkay,â Taichi answers, bringing his hands up to rub at the slowly-forming migraine between his temples, âso youâre...not interested in him?â
Ken blinks and looks down at his crossed arms as if expecting Wormon to be thereâas if looking for comfort in the shared confusionâbefore he shakes his head with a helpless little shrug and says:
âYou know Iâm straight, donât you? I mean. Iâm actually demiromantic, but Iâm still not interested in men.â
Taichiâs eyes widen, heart hammering louder and louder in his ears and against his ribcage as he absorbs the enormity of his mistake.
Monthsâheâs spent months encouraging Daisukeâs crush, shedding as much of a positive light on the prospective match as he could manage, plotting and congratulating himself on a project well-managed, and all that for what, exactly?
He shies away from the answer like stepping back from the edge of a cliff you were about to fall off of, clenches his fingers into fists, and tries to breathe deeply through his nose. What does his reasons matter? The result is exactly the same: he was warned against this. Extensively so, even, but it wasnât enough to stop him, and now Daisukeâs the one whoâs going to pay the price.
âOh my god,â he mutters, âwhat have Iââ
âItâs okay,â Ken interrupts, clearly misreading his intent, âwhat matters is youâre safe.â
Taichi looks back at Kenâs face thenâstares at the concern in his dark eyesâand tries to listen to his friendâs word while his brain slowly turns into some bland cotton-candy thing.
âItâs justâyouâve lost a lot of weight in the past few months,â Ken says like heâs reciting a list, âyou havenât been playing soccerâHikari said you didnât even eat much even when your mom was cooking. And then Yamato told us you sounded bored about your work and youâd started texting him at odd hoursâit wasnât that hard to put two and two together.â
Taichi frowns at that, going over Kenâs speech in his headâabrupt weight loss, lack of appetite, loss of enthusiasm...and okay, he woke up at five today, but thatâs just because work and university left him positively exhausted for heavenâs sake!
âYou think Iâm depressed?â He asks anyway, just to confirmâhe manages to be disappointed at the way Kenâs face softens no matter what, and squashes the feeling as hard and fast as he can manage. âIâm not depressed,â he promises.
âTaichi,â Ken starts, but Taichi cuts him off:
âIâm really not. Iâm just super tiredâI see how it can look that way, but just because it looks like it doesnât mean I am.â
âIn my experience,â Ken starts, but Taichi cuts him off with a raised hand:
âKen, Iâm not depressed. Stop worrying, and tell the others tooâIâm fine. Now, if youâll excuse me, I have something important to take care of.â
He all but pushes Ken out of the apartment after that, deploying considerable amounts of energy on convincing the guy not to worryâit doesnât look like it works but, at last, Taichi is alone again, and he can finally catch a breath.
After all, if heâs going to have to break a friendâs heartâall through his own usual, pathological, bullheaded stupidityâhe might as well take some time to figure out the least bad way of doing that.
If it even exists, that is.
{ooo}
Daisuke looks down at his hands while Taichiâs face catches fire, sweat boiling under his armpits while the burning heat of shame licks at his neck and ears.
Itâs only been a couple of hours since Ken left the flat, and maybe Taichi could have given himself more time before he had to face this conversation, but what would have been the point? Delaying things protects no one but himself, and if anything he deserves the discomfort after what he did. Heâs the bearer of Courage, dammit! Heâs supposed to be a leaderâto keep his team safeâand all heâs done lately is set one of them up for heartbreak while he made all the others worry!
Suffering for it wonât change anything to the situation, but at least it should ease his mind.
âI really am sorry,â he promises for what must be the third time in as many minutes, âI donâtâI shouldnât have encouraged you without knowing...I shouldnât even have gotten involved at all, actually. I never meant for you to get hurtâIâm so sorry.â
âWell,â Daisuke starts, almostâbut not quiteâmanaging to hide the shiver in his voice, âyou were trying to help. That happens.â
Taichi opens his mouth to answerâtries to nod in assent and accept the forgiveness heâs so readily presented withâbut the words stick at the back of his throat and he looks at the ground instead, fingers digging so hard in the flesh of his thighs even his knuckles ache. He stays silent, and lets the weight of his shame drag his shoulders down, down, down, until heâs almost kissing his own knees.
He barely resists the urge to bang his head against the bones when, after a long, painful silence, Daisuke leaves the living room and slams the door to his bedroom shut behind him.
{ooo}
âI canât even believe anyone thought Iâd make a good ambassador,â Taichi tells Yamato when he catches him on the phone a several hours later, âIâm soâsoâstupid and selfish!â
Yamato half-yawns, half-grunts into the phone, and Taichi listens to the rustle of fabric on his friendâs end of the line, followed with another soft grunt whenâTaichi assumesâYamato realizes what time it is.
It strikes him, now, that there is quite a lot of irony in waking someone late at night so he can complain about being too selfish, but then the damage is already done by nowâand Yamato will just call back if Taichi hangs up anyway.
âSorry,â he says nonetheless, glad, for once, that Agumon isnât here to witness the interaction, âIâm sorry, I didnât realizeââ
âCalm down, itâs barely past nine here,â Yamato tells him in a whisperâGabumon must be sleeping in the same room, meaning Taichi could end up indirectly waking the Digimon up as well.
Things just get better and better.
âThe real question is why are you up at five AM?â
âYou were right about Daisuke,â Taichi admits in lieu of an answer, ears still burning, âabout Kenâabout everything.â
Thereâs a pause on the other end of the lineâTaichi imagines he can hear Yamato frown, impossible though he knows it to be.
âI assume,â Yamato says in a careful tone, âthat you apologized already and he didnât take it too well?â
âHe took it very well, actually,â Taichi admits in a tight voice, âbetter than I had any right to hope for. He thought I was just trying to be nice.â
âSo you set him straight.â
Taichi swallows around the thick lump in his throatârefuses to let the burn of his eyelids become anything more, even if it takes some loud, deep breathing Yamato is sure to identify. At least the living room is dark now, and neither Daisuke nor Veemon have given any indication they wanted to come out so far.
âI didnât even have enough guts for that,â Taichi admits, shame rushing back to life with the words, âI just sat there and let him figure it out for himself.â
âAt least you didnât lie,â Yamato points out, tone more gentle than it has any right to beâit stiffens Taichiâs back, claws at his throat until he hisses:
âYou sound like you donât even mind!â
âFine. You were stupid, pigheaded and selfish, and you got Daisuke hurt, just like I said you would,â Yamato says, each words sharp as a knife, âdoes it make you feel better?â
âNo,â Taichi admits.
In Yamatoâs defense, itâs not like anything has a chance of succeeding at that just now.
âThen saying it was pointless,â Yamato says, voice barely above a whisper, âyouâre a decent human being. You feel bad enough about this without me adding to it.â
âFor all the good it does to Daisuke,â Taichi mutters, and Yamato snorts.
âI donât think you can do anything about that just now,â he says, âyouâve said your piece, now give him space so he can think things through. Then weâll see how it goes.â
Taichi sighs and nods, even though he knows Yamato canât possibly hear that, much less see it.
Yamatoâs right, though: there isnât much to be done about Daisukeâs predicament right now, and itâs not Taichiâs place to do it. Excruciating as it is, the only thing he can do is wait.
âWhat if he doesnât want anything to do with me afterwards?â
The question left Taichiâs lips almost of its own accord, cold dread flooding his lungs at the though. What if Daisuke decides to leave for goodâwhat if the others feel like they have to make a choice, what if Taichiâs stupidity just damaged their group beyond repair?
âI donât think heâll do that,â Yamato starts, but Taichi snorts before he can finish his sentence:
âHow would you even know that?â
âBecause I wouldnât,â Yamato says, matter-of-fact tone blurring into a yawn. âWeâre not close friends, but we share a crest, remember? Heâll need time, sure, but I donât think heâll leave entirely.â
Taichi nods again, the motion just as useless as it was before, and wipes at the edge of his eyes with his palms. Really, heâs being patheticâYamatoâs right. Thereâs nothing he can do to help right now, and sitting in the dark like an idiot wonât change anything to his situation.
With a sigh, he gets to his feetâwinces when his knees crack as he straightens upâand then he says:
âHeâd have a right to leave though. I basically broke his heart because I was afraid heâd leave the flat.â
âI know,â Yamato replies, âyou messed up, thereâs no hiding that. I just donât think itâs entirely your fault.â
âIâm not depressed,â Taichi replies automatically, before he amends: âwell, obviously I am feeling depressed, but Iâm not actually sick or anything.â
âThen youâre doing a good job of pretending,â Yamato says, and Taichi pauses at the edge of his bedroom, one hand on the threshold to hold himself steady:
âIâm not,â he insists. Then, tiredness stretching his voice into some sort of half-whine he barely recognizes: âcan we just leave it at that? Iâm not up for a debate about it. Iâm fine. Overall.â
âOkay,â Yamato says in that way that means he still disagrees but doesnât want to fight about itâin a way, itâs almost worst than having to argue the point. âYou should go to sleep now, though. Youâll feel better tomorrow.â
âI donât feel like sleeping.â
Taichi would say heâs not tiredâif anything, it would salvage the sad remnants of his dignity, if only to his own eyes, even if not much of it is left to spare where Yamato is concernedâbut the truth is he hasnât been that exhausted since the weeks following the Reboot. Itâs a bone-deep ache, something thick enough to coat his entire being and spirit, and right now he doesnât have the energy to pretend otherwise.
Itâs not like Yamato hasnât already seen him at his worst, anyway. Whatâs one more instance in the grand scheme of things?
âAt least go to bed,â Yamato insists, and Taichi honestly only agrees because putting up a fight is too much of an effort just now.
He makes his way to his bedroom on autopilot, free hand in front of him to avoid bumping nose-first into the wall as he feels his way to his bed. He collapses on it without bothering to take his clothes offâhe only even put them on out of respect for Daisuke anywayâand keeps his phone against his ear when he pushes his head into the pillow.
It takes him a second to register the sounds of movement on Yamatoâs end of the line, and then heâs yawning into the phone:
âWhat are you doing?â
âGetting my guitar out,â Yamato replies after a brief pauseâhe must have gotten earphones to free his hands, then.
âYou think a lullabyâs going to put me to sleep?â
âI know Iâve put you to sleep that way before,â Yamato replies without missing a beat, âshut up and enjoy.â
Taichi chuckles, surprising himself with it, but he does manage to shimmy out of his dress pants and slip under the covers while Yamato tunes his instrument.
It barely takes half a measure of a tune from Spirited away before he falls asleep.
Btw I love that in og Leverage Eliot comes across as the most mature and ""normal"" member of the ot3 despite all the violence, and the longer the show (and Redemption) goes on the more apparent it becomes that out of the three he's actually the most bogged down by his trauma and the least likely to think he deserves to do anything about it :/
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Something I still like about the boys' dynamics is that on the one hand you have Edwin, self professedly allergic to emotions, who will nevertheless make most inconveniences in his life everyone else's problem (at least if the way he handles Crystal's arrival is any indication)
Vs Charles 'I like emotions. Big emotions guy, me' who will manage everyone's issues before he admits that he even has any of his own
This works great with their everything, too: Edwin, invisible and quiet all his life, now taking up all the space he wants vs Charles, under constant scrutiny for 16 years, seeking the safety of being unperceived
Idk, I was reminded of that while reading a fic and I really like it
This is also the reason why I personally think if either of them is going to start off an explicit discussion of consent and stuff when it comes to intimacy, it's definitely Edwin
I like that Eliot is our window into blue collar society. It would have been easy, I think, for a show with Leverage's politics to treat the so called 'hicks' as others, as separate group
But because we have Eliot who consistently gets them and sympathizes with their struggle and motivation it helps keep them relatable and human
I just really really love the idea of a Charles who can't stop himself from flirting with Edwin
Not 'oh gosh wait that was flirting I shouldn't have done that' (which is also delish) but something more like 'oh he likes me'
'oh I can make him blush and fluster and do things for me because he likes me' and just. Delighting in the novelty of it and not quite managing to stop testing it, wanting to ask 'do you still like me now I flirted with you?' 'what happens if I flirt harderâgosh you still love me holy shit, he loves me even when I'm obviously unbearable, holy shit I'm so luckyâ'
Just. A part of Charles, beyond or after the shame and the self worth issues, delighted by the knowledge that he has power (as in influence) over the person he's happy to follow for the rest of his afterlife and absolutely basking in it, and Edwin extremely happy to indulge that side of Charles
What I'm saying is service top Edwin and the most enchanted Charles with his praise kink AND a need for control he didn't know he had both going into overdrive