#4.5.11

Her: I promise

Her: I'll try to explain to you why this all hits me so hard. I hope that you might understand me a bit.

Her: I really stopped my whole life for you. I just was online, waiting for you and you were the centrum of my life. I wanted to be yours too, that's why I became so protective... I know that this wasn't healthy, especially for us, but... I can't quite explain why I became that...

Her: I regret it. I really do, because I ruined us with it.

Her: I haven't slept since friday, that's mainly the reason why I freaked out yesterday, the other reason was your "She doesn't makes you feel like you’re trash that’s been stamped in the mud"...

Her: I never wanted to hurt you. Never. I know that there's so much stuff going around in your life and you didn't need me to make you feel even worse.

Her: I didn't realize it, as weird as it sounds. I couldn't stop.

Her: It hurts me way more, because I saw you as my best friend too. I told you everything, nearly everything, but more than I told anyone. And because of this break up I didn't only lose my boyfriend, I lost my best friend too.

Her: A part of me still wants you back. This part will always want to have you back.

Her: I miss you. I miss talking to you.

Her: I miss hearing what's going on in your life. I don't like it that they know everything now and I don't. I really miss you. I know you might don't even want to talk to me for a while.

Her: I'm sorry.

Her: I'd like to know if you miss me too? How you are at the moment? What's going on at home?

Her: And most importantly if you think if we both can try it again, of course not right now, but maybe after a few month. When you calmed down and when you moved and when your life isn't so hectic anymore and when I started my life again. I'm meeting my friends more now and I try to go out more often. Do you think we even /could/ try it then again?

Her: Do you still have feelings for me? Do you miss our friendship?

Her: We probably won't talk that much in the next days, but ... I don't know.. I'm sorry for rambling so much..

Her: I'm sorry that I was such a horrible girlfriend.

Her: I love you and I wish you just the best. I really do.

Her: Please talk to me. You deserve this apology. Please.

Her: I'll go offline from chat. Please write me here. Yesterday I just wanted to call you, because I wanted to apologize. Please, I don't want to lose my best friend... Please write to me..

Her: If you don't want to talk, then it's alright, but please just give me a sign that you are alive.. I'm so worried about you right now. I can't concentrate... I miss you. I care for you. Very much. Please just give me a sign or say that you don't want to talk now. I.. Please.

Her: You won... I'll leave you alone. I got it now. I thought we could at least save our friendship but... I was stupid to believe that. You have good friends who are there when you need them. You never needed me. It is alright. I mean, I told you before that I won't survive this year... Well, I won't write you anymore. I apologize for being such a horrible person. We should have never met... I'm sorry. I didn't want all of this. I'm sorry.