#35thbday

After the longest time, I finally reopened my account. I know I just needed someone or somewhere to vent out everything that is in my head right now. My heart would want to stop beating, my body is tired, and I can’t feel anything aside from the fact that I am totally drained. I am at a point wherein I just don’t care what people will say about me, the fuck how will my “husband” think and feel about me. I just simply don’t care anymore. I am not happy yet I don’t have any plans or don’t know where will I be going. Everything seems to be pointless. I am tired of all the routines. I’m tired of doing my best for everyone yet still they only treat me like a doormat. I was happy to be here in a place where I wanted to be for so long yet I never expected that I will feel this kind of aloneness, not just physically but emotionally.  Today is my birthday technically since it’s the 11th of November in the Philippines, where I was born. Yet, I am alone, receiving birthday greetings from everyone from the Philippines but my day here is empty and lonely.