#31oct2020

Like I miss him with all my heart and soul and it’s been so fucking hard because he’s my soul mate and I am madly in love with him but I can’t have him anymore and I just have to continue going to work like I’m fine. Like it’s not tearing me up inside and like everything suddenly doesn’t matter to me anymore. When I see him laughing and smiling while talking to people is like a dagger to my heart. Because we don’t smile at each other anymore. We don’t even make eye contact. Fuck I never knew just making eye contact and him looking me in the eyes would be something that I just miss so fucking much. How do you go from knowing everything about a person to just suddenly acting like strangers. Like I don’t know all the freckles on his neck and his face. Like I don’t now know these useless facts about him. And now I have to live here. Knowing he’s around somewhere. And that he lives a floor above me. That he’s so close yet just out of reach at all times. It breaks my fucking heart. I feel like half of me is missing and my heart and soul just feel empty now. And he became a part of me and now that is just gone and I feel incomplete now; like a goddamn shadow