#30daysnotv

It comes as zero surprise to me that I’ve slacked off on the journal entries. It was never my goal or interest to improve on this so I’m at peace with it. But now the experiment is almost done and I have a lot of mixed emotions.

I had to regress on my standards on Saturday. I got injured and I’m mostly on bed rest at this point. Originally I had said that I would be okay to watch movies at the end of the day and only if I had the time for an entire film. As I started I to the experiment I felt like it was too much of a cheat and would find myself slipping down a path that was counter productive. But now with this level of limited mobility I needed an outlet. Still not watching TV and I haven’t gone crazy.

Part of this is making me a little sad now that I’m doing to the end. I very much want to keep a lot of the good habits developed in the last thirty days. I’ve been excellent on my Spanish studies. Keeping up with news on multiple platforms. Being active and engaged. Although since I don’t have insurance I have no idea how long it will be until I can get back on my feet

My relationships are so much stronger. Since I haven’t been in a rush to get home and de stress it’s brought the moment into focus. Every word and touch has become my entirety.

I really do pity those with an addiction to social media and their phones. Don’t get me wrong I’m very dependent on mine but when I’m with someone it goes away. Taking out your phone is the fastest way to silently declare that the person you with isn’t important to you. I’ve seen some of the IG stars out and about in Hollywood, doing their best to look like they’re having a good time. But as soon as the phone stops recording (if it ever does) the smiles drop. The sadness is evident. But, I digress.

I’m looking for a balanced structure when this is over. I’m no longer feeling the pride of someone that has bing watched the latest show in one day. There’s more to expect from myself. But it will be nice to do nothing more affectingly when I need to and not because I don’t have anything better to do.

Thank you for everyone for not ruining the 2nd season of Punisher for me! That will be my Thursday.

There’s a really dangerous time when kicking any addiction and it’s not at the bottom. Hitting rock bottom is the turn. You’re at your worst and that flame will kick on or off guiding your path from there out. It can be extremely triumphant and be the first break of independence where you can see the spot of happiness through the despair. It’s the moment right after that when you think you’re in control.

It’s incredible how like this experiment has been to my quitting smoking. There are withdrawals, fear of missing out, regular daily habits that needed to be broken and replaced. But now I’m hitting this familiar place where it’s not so bad.

I’ve kind of got a routine down now keeping my days very full and productive. I’m not feeling like I’m missing out as much. There was a trailer for the final season of Punisher on Netflix that’s making it rough. But I’m spending more time at the gym, having much more focused conversations and getting a lot of choirs at home accomplished. The benefits have been tremendous but that’s where the reasoning started to creep in.

Last night the roomie really just needed a chill night. Watch a movie and do nothing. My first thought was I’m doing so well. Haven’t cheated at all I’m sure I can reward myself with one decent movie for the night. That same feeling of confidence and feeling in control is why I failed so many times at quitting smoking. I’m not good at dabbling. Much more of a cheat day type of guy vs a cheat meal.

In my original line of thinking I was going to allow myself to watch movies at the end of the day and only if I had enough time to watch one in it’s entirety. After a few days in I felt like this was a cheat and would only sabotage my intentions so I nixed it.

I held strong and decided to stay the course. She was extremely supportive and has been of my whole journey. Selfishly I’m sure she just enjoys not coming home to explosions and laser blasts.