#3.14.19

"The Heart Of The Wall"

Feeling like giving up (on recovery, not life), but I couldn't bear to be left alone, and I know my family and friends will only continue to support me so long if I fall headfirst into my ED....and I also know that any quasi recovery will eventually lead to a headfirst dive into relapse.

Bits of my life that are better now than they were when I was skinnier and more disordered:

Less trauma reactions. They're still there, but there are much fewer.

I'm in school. The world is not a haze. I'm not doing great in school, but I am in school.

I'm not constantly tired.

Physically I don't feel like shit.

I'M NOT HAVING HEART PALPITATIONS EVERY OTHER DAY!!!

I have more to talk to my best friend about, we aren't distant, as we were when all I could think about was weight.

I actually have sex drive.

I'm living with my boyfriend.

I'm not suicidal. (I like to conveniently forget that most of the times I was restricting I was suicidal).

I'm not spending most of my days walking around "burning calories" and sleeping.

I can cry when I'm upset rather than just dissociating and numbing out.

"Simple"

LOUIS TOMLINSON, TWO OF US | TRACK REVIEW

Mar 14, 2019 | Posted by the musical hype | Music, Pop Culture, Reviews, Singles & Tracks

One Direction’s Louis Tomlinson delivers his best and most meaningful single as a solo artist yet, “Two of Us,” dedicated to his late mum.

“So, I will keep you, day and night, here until the day I die / I’ll be living one life for the two of us / I will be the best of me, always keep you next to me / I’ll be living one life for the two of us.” Aww, how moving! Louis Tomlinson is the final holdout from One Direction who has yet to release a solo EP or album. Tomlinson has released a couple of singles post-One Direction, including “Just Hold On” alongside Steve Aoki, as well as “Back to You”, “Just Like You”, and “Miss You” where he’s attributed as the lead artist.  After a ‘dry spell’ with no new music being released from Louis, he returns with his fourth proper solo single, “Two of Us.”

“Two of Us” is quite different from the other three solo singles released by Louis Tomlinson.  How so? He eschews profanity completely.  Yep.  “Two of Us” is a ballad that is built on authenticity, realness, and sincerity as opposed to how many f-bombs can be thrown in to toughen up the sound.  As always, Tomlinson sounds expressive – his best attribute is that angelic, boyish tenor.  Even though he sounds much younger than his 27 years, he convincingly sells this dedicatory ballad to his late mother.  “You’ll never known how much I miss you,” he sings on the first verse, continuing, “The day that they took you, I wish it was me instead.”  Of course, the aforementioned chorus is the moving, incredibly thoughtful centerpiece of “Two of Us.”

FINAL THOUGHTS

“Two of Us” is the type of record that really doesn’t require evaluation, at least in the bigger scheme of things.  Louis Tomlinson has a bigger, more transcendent purpose in mind – honoring his mom.  That’s bigger than any review that The Musical Hype can award.   But, from a musical standpoint, “Two of Us” is a truly well-rounded record that showcases Tomlinson’s strengths as a solo artist. It’s not a record that will change the world, or perhaps even his trajectory as a pop artist, but it definitely should be relatable to anyone who has lost someone they loved dearly.