#2phelluvaboss

The sky was a vibrant green in The Halo of Diligence. Businessmen and women with angel wings flew from building to building, always busy. Beaver angels were repairing buildings and worker bees were giving out divine nectar to the denizens. There were hospitals everywhere and the sheep workers were prudent to ensure all the needs of their clients were met. One hospital made of white marble was called “Goode To Shews,” and was run by angel sheep and cherubs. Diligence was busy like New York City but without the crime, congestion, and stress. The majority of denizens seemed happy, productive and alert. Advertisements showed a smiling angel with a caduceus wearing a doctor’s white coat against a green background: “RaphaelCares: 911 is a flash of white light away!”

“Hello,” said a female voice to a beaver doctor wearing a hospital gown. Their figures were briefly shadowed as they talked in one of the hospital rooms. “Have you seen my brother anywhere?”

“No, I haven’t,” the beaver replied, stepping into the light. He wore a white doctor’s coat with a green cross logo with a halo on top of it. His nametag read “Doctor Woodchuck.” A white halo was over his head, and he had small angel wings behind him. He held a wooden clipboard and took notes with a wooden pencil. He had brown fur on his face and body, two long buckteeth, and a beaver tail. One monocle was over his eye.

“I haven’t seen him in so long, I miss him.”

“Well, I hope you find him soon,” said Doctor Woodchuck. “He might be in another Halo. Also, I appreciate you coming in for your regular appointments. It’s always great to see you.”

“I’ll keep looking. Thank you,” said the tall female figure. They waved goodbye and the female darted off into the distance.

0 0 0

Back in the Humility Halo, Docile strolled into the office, bright and clean and ready to work.

“Who’s the new client?” Docile asked.

Tirred and Timmid stared at a tall new angel with long white hair with a red streak in it. He had white wings, a gray face, and wore a black shirt and white pants. His belly revealed red lava inside him. He had a dark blue necklace that looked like part of a yin-yang symbol. His eyes glowed blue.

“Apologies for the strange appearance. I used to be a choir teacher back on Earth,” he said. “We were all going on a field trip to see a volcano. After taking a selfie with the kids, one of the kids climbed over the rusted railing. I managed to rescue him, but…the railing broke apart and I fell into the volcano in the process. Another teacher tried to help me in vain…his name is Timmy. Timmy is a big no-drugs advocate and a fellow Christian. Though I do know some Christians who do drugs on the side…not pretty. Anyway, I arrived here in Heaven and now I guess I’m immune to lava, ironically.”

Docile smiled. “You’re not afraid of volcanos anymore?”

“Goodness yes, I’m still scared of them!” he exclaimed. “But yes, if I have to go into lava, I can. I’ve gotten so many requests to create lava cannons and brimstone bombs to use against the demons, but going to Hell is the last thing I want to do. I’m a singer, not a fighter!”

“Interesting,” said Docile. “I’ll be glad to help on this mission.”

“Say, Docile,” Timmid mentioned, “Don’t you think we should do the mission this time, just me and Tirred? There’s been news about an elf working around in Diligence and Earth.”

Docile raised his eyebrows. “Yeah?”

“…and she seems to be looking for you. Seems desperate to find you.”

Timmid mentioned to the elf’s Gracebook profile on Docile’s blue laptop with a golden apple logo. An ad was off to the side that showed two smiling angels for “Chastinder: find your perfect spouse without sin and drama: sign up today!” “Adonai Ad-Block, blocks all irrelevant ads 99% of the time! (Save for Evangelical 1% “Spread the Good News! Accept Jesus as your savior here and now and stay in Heaven! Support us and you won’t have to worry about Hell or Earth! Afterlife’s good!”)

The profile showed: “Holly Wata. Currently looking for work! Previous experience in a choir (performer). Experience: Singing, Advocate against sex and drugs, Performing, Pastor Apprenticeship, Bible study, Religion study.”

“I…um…think she’s fine on her own,” Docile added nervously.

“Are you two related?” Tirred asked.

“Yeah, you said you had a sister, right?” Timmid asked.

“Haven’t seen her in a while,” Docile said with a shrug.

“Why don’t you go see her? Take some time off,” Timmid suggested.

Docile stepped back. “I don’t think I should, I have a client to help, and we need the cashflow. The client needs help to let his living family members know he’s okay...”

“We’ll take care of that!” Timmid beamed. “Right, Tirred?”

Tirred shrugged, unenthused about going back to Earth. “Sure, I guess.”

“Go see your sister,” Timmid encouraged her boss. “We’ll take it from here.”

Docile sighed as Timmid and Tirred went off with the client out of the room. Sunna was fast asleep on a chair, with catnip sprinkled on the table.

After talking with the client, Timmid presented a bulletin board to Tirred who rolled his eyes. It showed various places on Earth, different church locations, maps, and the like.

“This is a bit much, Timmid,” he said.

“This is our first mission on our own, so we need to be prepared. Don’t forget our human disguises.”

“Right,” Tirred grumbled. “Wouldn’t want someone like you being fawned over by a bunch of camp kids while I’m left in the dust.”

Timmid raised her eyebrows. “Huh? What’s that supposed to mean?!”

“Nothing…”

“Let me remind you, Tir, that we are still not fully back together. And we are going caroling, not camping. So be on your best behavior, or you’ll see both our butts being fired.”

“Fine,” Tirred crossed his arms and smoothed out his angel wings. “Let’s get it over with. But no distractions this time! Being around mortals makes me gag.”

“You don’t hear God or Jesus saying that,” Timmid glared. “Now let’s go, we have a lot of work to do.”

No one noticed Docile reading a Bible passage in his office…and him accidentally falling through a portal to a wintery scene on Earth below…

0 0 0

With the help of a crystal from Camael, the two elves found themselves in a winter wonderland somewhere on Earth. The city lights and lamps glowed in the snowy night and a bridge led the way to a forest with some cabins. Families in cabins and houses were happily chatting with hot chocolate in mugs while kids built snowmen in front yards.

Tirred had his human disguise with short black hair, white skin and a heavy green jacket and black long pants. Timmid wore a red jacket, a Santa hat and a purple jacket, pantyhose, and a white dress underneath. Her curly hair was white, matching her disguised white skin.

Tirred snickered. “If you took that jacket off, you’d look like a washed-out bride. ‘Tammy!’”

“Shut up, ‘Tiren’,” she retorted with his fake name. “We have to focus. Where would we find a singing group where the client and the teacher would be?”

Tirred shrugged. “How about that one?”

Tirred pointed to a nearby sign that read “LuvDaLawd Choir Performance Tonight!”

Tirred beamed. “Convenient, isn’t it? Let’s go!”

“Wait!” said Timmid. “Shouldn’t we just ask around so we know where the performance is? Or at least take some time to enjoy the view?”

“We can enjoy the view after our mission is done,” Tirred said. “You said we needed to focus...and I just pointed out the fastest way there.”

Timmid sighed. “Fine, we’ll do it your way.” As she followed him, she pleaded, “Can we at least stop by the bakery for some angel food cake…?”

“Timmid!”

“Right, heh, heh, sorry.”

The disguised elves wandered through the snowy streets, eying toys displayed in store windows and candy cane decorations by the trees.

“Look, there it is!” said Timmid. Up ahead was a tall church building with spires jutting the cloudy night sky. A “LuvDaLawd” sign was placed near the double doors. Stained glass windows in the building showed Jesus, angels, a shepherd, a white dove, and other beautiful art. They headed inside and spotted a children’s choir. They were dressed in white, holding candles and singing “Glory to the Newborn King.” Timmid and Tirred happily and respectfully watched on brown wooden benches with groups of parents.

After several more songs, the children bowed, and the parents politely clapped.

“Docile would love this,” Timmid smiled.

“Yeah, I guess,” Tirred said, standing up. “But aren’t we supposed to be looking for his sister or whatever?”

“Yeah, and also find anyone connected to our client to comfort, like that teacher he told us about.”

“That’s a lot for one mission. We don’t even know what he looks like.”

“Could it be that one?” Timmid asked.

They spotted a man with wild white hair and glasses. “Excuse me, sir,” Timmid asked, walking up to him. “Do you happen to know anyone by the name of…erm…”

“Huh?” the man asked puzzled.

Tirred turned to the puzzled Timmid and hissed. “I can’t believe you don’t know our client’s name!”

“Shouldn’t you have asked him that?” Timmid asked.

“I thought he would tell us!” Tirred scowled. “Now he’s just gonna be known as the aquatic demon sinner counselor client…”

“Uh, I think you mean the seraphim angel saint teacher client,” Timmid chided. “Seriously, for someone who hates demons, your mind sure goes a lot to them. Plus, your names are a mouth full.”

“That’s not what I meant, and you know it.”

“I’m surprised that you don’t take field trips to Hell.”

“I’d only do it to bash their brains out,” Tirred barred his teeth.

“Unpopular opinion, I’d think Heaven would be a lot better without the Exorcists and all this violence, going against ‘thou shalt not kill…’”

“Again, we kill them for good reason. I’ve had these petty arguments with you before and I’m sick of it. Now stop being such a whiny wallflower wimp and help me talk to the…”

“…teacher?”

 Tirred and Timmid paused as the man stared at them wide-eyed, blowing out a puff of marijuana smoke from a pipe. He fiddled with his bow tie on his suit. Some of the other teachers were glaring at him.

The man then coughed out loud and chuckled nervously. “Well, it seems you lovebirds have a lot to talk about…but I think I’d better get going. Lots of drugs…erm…hugs to give out, ya know!”

He fiddled with his glasses and scurried away.

Timmid’s face brightened. “Wait, sir, what’s your name?!”

The man didn’t answer and vanished.

“Weird Waldo is his name,” a blond lady teacher mentioned. “Pissog” was scribbled over her name tag and a nearby kid snickered with a marker in his hand. The lady continued. “At least that’s his nickname. He loves Jesus like the rest of us, but thanks to his family, he’s been addicted to pot for a while. Surprised he didn’t get caught. One teacher was secretly gay and when we found out, he got kicked out. I heard one of the kids had an unusually close relationship with one of the pasters here…don’t know much else since the paster’s still here and the kid is not.”

Tirred and Timmid glanced uneasily at one of the well-dressed men leading a sermon in the background.

“I just remembered the teacher’s name,” Timmid brightened and looked at Tirred. “Jimmy! Do you know if he’s around?”

The lady shrugged. “Haven’t had anyone named Jimmy here.”

Timmid looked downcast. “Great, now we’ll have to look at another caroling camp.”

Tirred got straight to the point. “You have any teachers fall from a cliff on field trips recently?”

The lady looked teary-eyed. “Oh yes, last week when that one guy rescued that kid, but fell off the canyons in the process. I was with another class nearby when it happened. Another teacher was the hero’s good friend…Timmy was his name, I believe.”

“Where is he?”

“Try the courtyard. He often helps with protests there.”

“Oh, thank you!” Timmid said. The lady smiled and strolled away. The two elves walked through the church, their footsteps echoing.

Tirred smirked. “You thought his name was Jimmy? Who’s stupid now?”

Timmid elbowed him. “Shut it!”

They arrived at the courtyard, but no one was there.

“What a bust,” grumbled Tirred. “Now what do we do?”

“The only thing left to do in a time like this,” Timmid sighed and then winked.

0 0 0

Much to Tirred’s protest, they found themselves building snowmen, drinking hot chocolate, and signing carols off-key for several days. Timmid giggled as Tirred “volunteered” to teach the kids various notes during choir practice.

“Now this is an awesome mission!” Timmid laughed as she fired snowball after snowball to Tirred’s face.

“Don’t make me call Docile,” he shivered, shaking off the snow. “He’s not gonna be happy about this. In fact, I’m going off to protest against sin on the street.”

“Have it your way,” Timmid said. “I’ll just stay here and earn more favor from these churchgoers.”

Tirred wandered off, trying not to slip on the icy sidewalk. He slipped anyway and crashed right into…

“What the? Sir?!”

Docile had walked right into him and both fell in a heap in the snow. Tirred and Docile transformed back into their elf selves.

“What are you doing here?!” Tirred asked.

“Fell through a hole after praying that I wouldn’t have to see her again…”

“Who?” Tirred asked.

“The one who’s searching for me…who’s super annoying, even though I still love her.”

“What have you been doing all this time?”

“Working at a nearby soup kitchen and trying to stay warm,” Docile replied. “And looking for a Bible to get back.”

“Well, Timmid and I are still trying to find the teacher.”

“We better hurry, it’s freezing out here.”

Timmid raced over to catch up, also turning back into her elf form. “There you are, Tirred. Just got done with the final choir performance. They all loved me when I joined in, it’s a shame you weren’t there to complain about it. Oh, hello Docile!”

“You got here fast,” Tirred said. “How did you know where I was?”

“I could hear your grumpy thoughts from far away.”

“I know we’re angels but stop reading people’s minds!” Tirred barked. “I was on my way to the ‘LuvDaLawd’ protest.”

“You don’t have to look far, because there it is,” said Docile, pointing.

Up ahead, they saw a bunch of people holding up signs that read, “Just say no to drugs!” “Lust is the greatest sin!” “Let Jesus Save You!” “The Devil Does Drugs…God Stays Pure.” “No Pork!” “There are plenty of vices in Hell!” “Read This Sign! I Can’t Think of Anything To Say, But If You Are Reading This, It’s Never Too Late to Help Me With Your Donation. $”

Docile then spotted two people at the front of the crowd. One was the teacher, Timmy, who had tried to rescue the angel client. He was dressed in long blue jeans, a white sweater with a gold cross on it and had black short sleek hair. He was holding up a sign in his hands that read “LuvDaLawd, Prove Your Goodness to God!”

Then Docile spotted the tall woman next to him, and his eyes widened. She had white skin, light blue eyes, long blonde hair in ponytails and was wearing a watch with a pink Camael crystal in it. She wore a long dress with teal and blue stripes on it, and white furry tall boots. In the street, she was burning a pile of heroin and drugs, while also tossing in adult novels, which were being handed to her by the teacher. The crowd cheered as the so-called banned books crumbled and fizzled in the flames.

Docile gasped…there was no mistaking the white family mark on her forehead that also matched the one on Docile.

“HOLLY!” Docile called.

The woman turned around and smiled in surprise. “DOCILE?!”

“That’s your sister, isn’t it?” Tirred asked.

“Yep,” Docile sighed.

“Oh, my twin brother!” Holly Wata raced toward him with a hug. Docile flinched. “It’s been too long! I’ve been looking everywhere for you. Haven’t seen you since spotting you at Camael’s Corner briefly. I searched much of Diligence but then figured you were near E.L.F. You weren’t there, but by then, it was time for me to head to Earth.”

“Earth?” Docile asked, stepping back. “How are you allowed to go to Earth?”

Holly brushed her blonde hair back. “You know how in Hell, succubi and incubi can travel to Earth thanks to magical crystals from Asmodeus? How Asmodeus allows them to come up to Earth to spread drugs, lust, and other sins in an attempt to bring more humans to Hell? Yeah, we angels do not like the thought of those filthy beings taking over Earth and especially not Heaven. So, Camael, archangel of the Chasity Halo formed a group of angels of many species, including elves and cherubs to help counter that spread. Thanks to these Camaelean crystals, we come up here to spread the Good News, and warn humans about the dangers of drugs and sex. Timmy is a human that works for me.”

“I helped fund the abstinence classes for schools,” Timmy smiled. “Still seems to work…mostly…”

Docile groaned out loud. “Holly, I’ve told you before. I know you have good intentions of wanting to make the world a better place. But your methods seem a little extreme.”

“You really think being passive about these issues will stop the demons from influencing mortal’s minds?” Holly asked, folding her arms. “No one is doing anything to stop them and that is why I must continue the mission. As a matter of fact…”

She stepped closer. “I’m surprised you didn’t join me much earlier.” Docile gulped.

Timmid seethed. “Hey, lady! That’s my boss. He’s been very busy coming to Earth as well to…”

“Save humans from early death and demons?” Holly asked. “Yes, I know about that. But the thing is…heading to Earth to do such dirty work? That’s usually for the cherubs and it is very risky without human disguises.”

“I use mine all the time…” Docile began.

“You may try and save all the humans you can, but with demons still leading people to suicide and possession and so many vices, the cycle will never end. The only way to truly slow down the madness is to shine the light of righteousness at the source. Once more humans are aware of the sins and the demons and choose to stop, the demons won’t have any leverage. More humans will be protected by the Lord’s grace…at least the worthy ones…and those demons will leave Earth alone…especially after Judgment Day is over with.”

“That’s not for another eternity,” Timmid mentioned.

“No! It could happen at any time!” Holly remarked. “Jesus needs to know that many people can be redeemed, the more the better. We angels are here to help speed up the process.”

“I like your thinking!” Tirred exclaimed, but then added, “Still, it would be much better to fight the demons outright. Maybe send the Exorcists to Earth as well as Hell?”

There was an intense silence. Even the protestors stopped in the snow in confusion. “Look at their stupid alien elf costumes,” one of them muttered. “They’re green Vulcans!”

“HEAVEN’S NO!” cried Holly and Docile at the same time. “You know how bloodthirsty those things are?!”

Docile and Holly looked at each other. “Jinx!” Holly laughed as Docile rolled his eyes. She laughed more before turning serious again.

“Why don’t you go back to singing with Camael and leave mortals out of things,” Docile scoffed, folding his arms.

Holly raised an eyebrow. “Please, Docile, I need your help. You have great choir and performance skills like me, but you’re also a great leader. I know you don’t like any pressure, like when Dad wanted you to be an Exorcist, but I promise, this will be different. No violence, no sadness, none of that. You will empower the humans with your words and gradually eliminate sin one day at a time. I am lucky to be able to have this decent work, and I’ll be even luckier to have you by my side. I don’t want you gone for so long again.”

“So, what do you think?” she asked. “Are you ready to make a difference in the world?”

Docile lowered his head, feeling guilty about upsetting his sister. He looked at his employees. Holly was his family, but at the same time, Docile had found a new family. There was a strange feeling inside that told him that ruthless violence or dogmatic propaganda were not real solutions against the demonic threats. Not that he wanted to befriend any demons…but perhaps…demons could be redeemed in their own way? Why hadn’t God stopped them already? With a snap of His fingers, the demons could just disappear. But why allow them to exist…why allow sin to grip the minds of mortals and immortals alike? And was sin completely bad…or perhaps it could be modified to better fit the needs of all the parties?

Docile gazed at the loud demanding protest ahead of him and saw that it was just adding fuel to the fire, literally. Flames rose as more books and adult sex toys were added to the burning pile. A kid screamed and cried as a red-devil teddy bear was snatched away from him by Timmy. The toy was tossed into the inferno, plastic eyes melting. A gay lesbian couple sobbed in the background as a framed picture of them was tossed into the fire, too.

Docile thought about what his mother had said when he was little, his mother who had very different beliefs than many denizens of Heaven: “Sometimes the ugliest meanest monster needs the most love. And sometimes the brightest angel can be a master of deception.” Docile could almost see his mother’s face in the flames.

“I think…” Docile began, gathering courage. “I think you need to stop.”

Holly raised her eyebrow. “What?”

“This…this is all wrong. Instead of just reminding people to follow Jesus and be good, your crew is policing and punishing people for undesirable behavior. You really think berating people for being gay or unmarried or liking porn in private will change anything?”

“Those sins must be eliminated,” Holly said. “No marriage equals no happy families for kids. Look at all the women in careers and more children being neglected. Society will crumble.”

“And unhappy marriages or forced marriages mean broken families and dead kids,” Docile countered. “You’re eliminating natural love.”

“God’s love is the only love that matters. I’m also steering people away from unconventional and toxic sex,” she said. “More porn leads to more abuse and death. And this makes demons all the more powerful.”

“I hate porn as much as you do, but sex is a natural instinct,” Docile said, fist raised. “Teens need to be taught how to do it safely and children already know about it. You can’t try to avoid something that will happen to most everyone.”

“People cannot control their primal instincts. The only proper way is with a married couple for procreation. The demons latch onto everything else.”

“So, I guess humanity needs to die out since no one can do sex right.”

“You have no morals, brother.”

“And you have no compassion for mortals. You claim to want to save them, but you don’t know how complex they are. You don’t even warn people of gun dangers!”

 “You don’t understand mortals, either. Perhaps it’s time for you to learn that saving mortals is not all fun and games. And we still need guns for protection.”

“So criminals can keep shooting children? Why aren’t we burning guns in your pile?!”

Holly was at a loss for words. “Um…I-I guess so we can shoot those who would dare burn the Bible?”

“You sound like Dad in a bad mood,” Docile shook his head. “There’s a good reason why I decided to not see you all this time.”

Holly gasped. “You…you deliberately wanted to stay away from me?!”

In a flash of light, Holly Wata turned into her true elf form: dark teal green skin, pointy elf ears, blue/teal eyes, bald like Docile, white angel wings on her back and a halo over her head. Black scar lines decorated her arms. Tears fell from her eyes. “W-why can’t we just get along and spend time like when we were kids? I can’t believe you!”

“You don’t believe me anymore? Well, believe this!” Docile cried, pulling out his staff. A jet of holy water shot out from his staff, dowsing the fire. The protestors started to boo.

“And I’ll tell everyone at Camael’s Corner that your blonde hair was just a wig!”

“No, it was real hair from a magic potion! It was…just temporary.”

“I will have to stop you,” Docile mentioned.

Holly tried to slap the staff from her brother’s hands. “No, I will not let you sabotage my job!”

Tirred growled. “I like your work but keep your hands off my boss!”

“Actually,” Tirred continued, “I think it’s time to tell Timmy that the person he tried to save is happy and safe in Heaven.”

“Oh, thank Jesus,” Timmy sighed with relief.

“Timmid, could you go with Timmy and tell our client’s family that he’s okay?”

“Yes, sir,” Timmid smiled.

“Hey, I’m the sir here!” Docile glared at Tirred.

“I just wanna get this mission done.”

Timmid grabbed onto Timmy and teleported away.

Holly pulled out her staff and shot a sphere of light that spread around the area. The crowd walked safely away as if nothing were happening. The elves ripped their jackets off, revealing their usual work clothes. Docile and Tirred clashed staffs with Holly, who was more than a match for both of them. Holly flipped into the air, sending blasts of light at the duo. Tirred and Docile dodged the attacks, moving toward her on either side. She jumped onto both of their staffs before ascending into the air. She twirled around, sending the blasts of light from Docile’s staff back at them.

Docile dodged the blasts again.

Before long, Timmid and Timmy returned in a flash of light. “We’re back,” she said. “Timmy managed to find the family and I blessed them.”

“Good work, Timmid,” Tirred began before he was knocked into the air by Holly. Timmid caught him.

“Enough of this, Holly!” Docile brushed off his work suit. “I don’t want to fight you!”

Holly looked at Timmy and he lifted up his sign again. This time it said, “Last chance, Docile.”

Docile seethed and shook his head. He walked over to Timmy. “Please do something else with your life. You don’t have to tell other people what to think.”

Holly clicked her tongue sadly. “Have it your way, brother. I’ll just send you back home so I can get back to work.”

She let out angelic vocals that caused many humans to smile and sway in delight. Light glowed around her in the air and a golden beam light appeared from her staff.

“Watch out, sir!” Tirred yelled, pushing Docile aside. The light flew from her staff, heading right to where Docile was before…

The beam hit Timmy as if it were in slow motion. Timmy gasped as his body turned into a brilliant golden light, his physical features disappearing. He then faded as his soul traveled to Heaven, the now blank sign remaining behind on the ground. The elves stood breathlessly still.

“Yeshua’s Holy Backside!” Holly swore in anger and sobs. “Thanks a lot, Docile! Now I need a new job! I can’t believe I just…”

Docile help up his hands. “It was just an accident! I know we haven’t always gotten along, but I won’t let you get banished to Hell!”

“You’d better not!”

“On the bright side, the teachers are now back together in a peaceful world. But now it means we’ll have to come back and give Timmy’s family comfort,” said Timmid.

Tirred groaned. “Can we save that for tomorrow?”

“As far as anyone else knows,” Timmid began, “Timmy was walking in the woods and got eaten by a bear. I’ll relay the news tomorrow.”

“You should’ve stuck with me,” Holly pleaded to Docile. “You just left with no call, no note…please let me help you…let’s catch up, amend things…”

“Just because I’m your brother doesn’t mean I want to help you in your toxic propaganda,” Docile said coldly. “Not to mention cozying up to cynical, choir-crazed Camael. If you keep bothering me like this…then, I never wanna see you, ever!”

More somber silence.

Holly created a light circular portal back to Diligence in Heaven with her crystal, a deep glare at Docile. “The next time you wanna ruin my plans, Docile…don’t!” Holly disappeared as the portal closed.

Docile sighed and Tirred and Timmid lowered their heads.

“That was pretty harsh, sir,” Tirred mentioned.

“It had to be done,” Docile said. “Thank you guys for the help.”

“How are we going to get back without a Bible?” Tirred asked.

His question was answered as Holly tossed a Bible onto his head from above, through a light portal.

“Ow!” he spat.

“Let’s go,” said Docile. He recited a passage, and they were soon out of the snow and back in their clean E.L.F. office. Sunna was fast asleep on the table. She soon woke up. “Hello, everyone, did I miss anything? Why are you guys covered in snow?”

Flashes of silver shone in the Heavenly light and under the golden-red sky of the Patience Halo. Soother flew like the wind as he practiced fighting maneuvers with his two angelic katana blades. Thankfully, he didn’t have to worry about the heaviness of his Exorcist suit, for he was merely dressed in a more loose-fitting black suit with an angelic silver “A” on it, standing for Adam, the leader. Adam’s influence had spread to both Heaven realms, not to mention the poisonous propaganda of Adam’s ally angel Adina.

No one really knew how exactly Menadel and Soother met. Unlike Striker, Soother didn’t really hate the elite per se, but he did desire that his race gain more recognition for their hard work and service behind the scenes of everyday heavenly life. The Shem HaMephorash angels and the Ars Goetia demons had been going back and forth between peaceful negotiations and ominous contentions for hundreds of years. There were not many Ars Goetia demons left in 2P Hell according to rumor and as far as anyone knew, there was no mention of any Shem HaMephorash angels in the main Heaven realm. Soother certainly did not want to kill anyone, let alone attack the fellow elves of E.L.F. However, with rumors of the main Stolas not adhering completely to his duties and the 2P Stolas causing havoc, Menadel figured the next best thing would be to solve the problem, permanently.

Perhaps Menadel was impressed by Soother’s agility and strength and unique ability to lull denizens to sleep with his hypnotic eyes. Whatever the case, Soother had failed in his original mission to kill the 2P Stolas…and nearly caused the canon demons to become aware of the existence of their parallel counterparts.

But Soother would soon find out to his relief that something different had occurred.

Conjuring up other angelic weapons like spears, pistols, swords and holy daggers, Soother slashed through the air at moving holograms of demons, which were magically projected in the air via magenta crystals situated from below. They were one of many crystal inventions from Camael, besides the extra ability to travel to Earth. Soother felt more comfortable practicing by himself, rather than being berated by the predominant saints and non-human angel members of the Exorcists. He felt sorrow for the former humans who had been coerced by Adam and the elite to blindly kill their former brethren. Even more abominable was Adam’s groupie gang of angel Exorcist girls who relished in blood slaughter and his arrogant affections. Even still…Soother had grown up with the belief that all demons were evil and that the Exorcists were heroic veterans who played their role in keeping Heaven safe and Hell from formulating ideas of chaos and rebellion.

“Still,” he thought, “It feels wrong to go against ‘thou shall not kill.’ Even Jesus himself does not approve of all this slaughter. He’s the one who gives us second chances after all. But alas, there is elite corruption in every world, I suppose.” The way that Soother’s mind and body had transformed into a brutal killing machine after putting on the mask still troubled him. He performed more moves with his katana blades before sheathing them.

Later, Soother stretched as he took a heavenly elevator to the next Halo. He glanced up at the schedule for “Elevator 777.”

There was “Humility Halo” in a sky-blue background (opposite of red Pride), with the icon of Michael next to it, protector of humanity and rival of Lucifer who represented Pride and the sinners.

“Patience Halo” was in a light red background with the icon of Archangel Uriel. Uriel was the meditative archangel of wisdom and represented the divine light of God. Studious Uriel was the opposite of the loud, fiery and Wrathful Satan.

“Temperance Halo” was a yellow color with the Archangel Jophiel icon next to it.

“Charity Halo” was in white with the icon of Archangel Gabriel. Gabriel represented love, generosity, protection, and justice, giving instead of being Greedy like Mammon. No criminals in that Halo.

“Chasity Halo” was in light pink with the icon of Archangel Camael. Camael valued purity, order in relationships, abstinence, and obedience, the opposite of lustful demon Asmodeus.

“Kindness Halo” was on a light purple background with the icon of Archangel Zadkiel. Zadkiel represented “Chesed” or “kindness” in the sephirot, opposite of the envious Leviathan.

“Diligence Halo” was a light green (opposite of Sloth pink), with the icon of Archangel Raphael, the healer. Raphael worked to eliminate drugs and diseases on Earth and in Heaven. He was the opposite of Belphegor, the drug addict. Soother got on the large heavenly elevator and off he went.

Later that day, as the sun set in the white Charity Halo sky, Soother set aside time for the beings in Heaven he did respect (Besides God). In a white celestial temple, Soother prayed respectfully to the five main Archangels who were represented by magnificent marble statues in the four corners of the sacred space. Thankfully the temple was empty, so Soother could go inside and do his ritual at his own pace. Smooth white cobblestone, gold torches in a circle, a skylight on the ceiling to let in light, natural openings around the Greek-style pillars to display the sky…Soother felt right at home.

There was Archangel Michael, the mighty protector and slayer of evil, with his battle armor and flaming sword in hand. He represented South and Fire, and the energies of the Sun. Blue sapphires decorated the handle of the marble sword.

There was Archangel Gabriel, the messenger angel who told Mary about Jesus’ birth. His messages nurturing and always changing, he represented West and Water and the energies of the Moon. The white lily in his hand was decorated with pearls.

There was Archangel Raphael, the healer with emerald robes, who could heal physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual wounds. He represented East and Air, and the energies of Mercury. He held a marble caduceus, the snake decorated with emeralds.

There was Archangel Uriel, the genderless Seraphim angel of wisdom and guidance in all areas of life. They represented North and Earth, with the energies of Saturn. The Uriel statue was decorated with rubies, with Uriel seated in a meditative lotus pose, their head a ball of fire with an eye of gold. A book and a flame were in their stone hands.

Finally, there was Metatron, a fusion of all four angels, and one who represented the Word and power of God Himself. The Ether element, all planets and all the directions were associated with him. A smaller statue of Sandalphon was attached to it, Sandalphon holding a lyre. Metatron held the Book of Life and a Merkabah shaped symbol in his hands.

A square fire pit was in the center of the temple. Soother lit it and violet flames flickered to life, dancing with passion amid the angel states and the light of God shining from a circular hole in the star-painted dome. The Metatron statue was directly in the center of the space, in front of Soother.

Soother began the Hindu-style offerings, murmuring prayers in Latin, Sanskrit and Enochian. Incense sticks of frankincense and myrrh added to the sacred, calming atmosphere. He spoke as if others were with him.

“Honor to Fire and the South! We bow down to the heroic Micheal, protector of humanity and ‘One Who Is Like God.’ May our enemies and fears surrender to your sword of divine fire.”

“Honor to Water and the West! We bow down to the nurturing Gabriel, God’s messenger who is ‘Strong Like God.’ Help us keep our faith strong and pure as you blow your trumpet.”

“Honor to Air and the East! We bow down to the empathetic Raphael, ‘God Heals,’ the divine healer, and bestower of wellbeing. Thank you for your miracles and devotion for the health of all.”

“Honor to Earth and the North! We bow down to the wise Uriel, ‘God’s Light.’ Illuminate us with your wisdom and guide us to our true path of righteousness.”

“Honor to the Holy Spirit and all Energy! We bow down to Metatron, ‘God’s Scribe’ and Enoch in divine form. One who has every name in God’s Book of Life. Show us mercy and help cleanse our misdeeds for the Day of Judgment. Help us remember that we are God and God is with us for eternity. Hail Sandalphon, Archangel of Music, Elijah in divine form.”

“Om…Ave Dios. Depart in peace and I thank you for your presence.”

After his prayers and mantras, he added his offerings to the fire: herbs, fruit, pieces of vegetables, seeds, and petals of flowers. He folded his hands together and briefly closed his eyes, imagining the archangels comforting him.

After Soother finished his ritual and used holy water to drown the flames, he felt a presence behind him.

“Let’s have a discussion, Soother.”

It was his boss, Menadel of the Shem HaMephorash angels. He wore a robe of white which ended in a grayish tone at the bottom. The Hebrew symbol, representing one of the seventy-two names of God was on the front of his robe in small black print. His hair was long and black, his face swan-like and white. He had brilliant white wings that sometimes displayed eyes. He wore his usual cape of two intertwining swan heads together and a gold necklace with his sigil on it. A halo over his head showed a crimson crystal in the center. In his powerful angelic form, he could turn into a giant monstrous swan being.

Soother slowly stood up and followed the angel to his office. Although Menadel was not mean, he did have a stern side. Soother often felt nervous in the presence of someone so devoted to work. He worried that he would be chided for failing his previous mission of killing the alternate Ars Goetia. They soon stood in Menadel’s spacious office. There was an ornate desk with a computer on it and tall arched windows that showed the darkening sky. Red Christian crosses were on display on white banners hanging from the walls like flags from the Crusades. Another sign showed black figures of gay men and gay women in sexual positions; below that was a figure of a horned person with genitals from both sexes about to sacrifice a baby on a pentagram. “Stand for your One True God,” the slogan said. “If you see something, say something!”

Soother glanced around nervously, wishing he was back at the temple. His only comfort in the room was a painting of Jesus with light around his head, arms open in welcome.

After a brief silence, Menadel cleared his throat and turned toward the elf.

“I have some promising news, Soother. It turns out that 2P Stolas and many other demons have weakened due to the already bleak conditions of their dysphoric Lovecraftian Hell. And fortunately for me…”

Soother waited.

“…I have just heard news that Prince Stolas in main Hell was injured by an angelic weapon…from an imp demon, no less. It was his karma for cheating with an imp and neglecting his astronomy duties. Without having to engage in arguments or keep an eye on my counterpart rival for a while, I can now return to more...intimate matters.”

“Such as?”

Menadel sighed. “Trying to undo the divorce…um, the unease between me and my former wife, Flora. I know I wasn’t there for my daughter, Quartet and wanted Flora to be a traditional passive wife, and I put my career before my family…”

“Right…”

“But perhaps, I can help Quartet become a worthy heir to the Shem HaMephorash. It’ll help with her confidence and expand her reputation.” He spoke in a murmur. “It’s sort of a win-win for me. She can succeed and the seventy-two angels gain a supporter, or she fails, and I can get her inheritance, despite already being rich. She has extra money from Lord Azrael.”

“Sir,” Soother began. “Doesn’t that make you as bad and greedy as…”

“The demons? Like Stolas’ ex-wife and her brother? No. I’m not trying to kill anyone. I’m only trying to keep Heaven and its structures in order as best as I can. But I cannot do it alone. Which brings me to…”

He turned around to face Soother. “You. Do be careful this time around with your next mission.”

“What mission is that, sir?”

“First of all, keep up with your Exorcist training, you never know when either Heaven may be threatened by sinners. And your new mission is this: root out any denizens who may be demons or who may be supporting demons. Lord Adam wants any traces of Hell or demon support out of the Heaven worlds. The former humans must not regress to sin, so they will always need constant reminders from Lord Adam, our Heavenly community and from God.”

Soother raised a brow. “You mean propaganda?”

“Well…”

Soother looked suspicious. “And wasn’t Adam a former human who sinned?”

Menadel leaned close to Soother’s face and hissed. “Do not let him hear his secret! Adam forsook his humanity long ago. Only a handful know and the many who do know often find themselves at the points of his spears or falling toward brimstone. As far as we’re concerned, it is a false rumor; Adam is the perfect holy candidate to eradicate the evil sinners and keep Heaven safe from them. Adam wants revenge against Lilith and Lucifer for playing a part in his banishment, so he kills sinners to remind them of their mistake of leaving him and Eden. (How ironic that the father of man allows the death of his own race while the mother of man allows the demonization of them). The exterminations do Hell a favor by allowing the Overlords and currency and resources to continue thriving without the excess population. Even Lucifer agreed to it in exchange for his safety and rulership.”

“And this relates to me how?” Soother pondered.

“It’s a warning to anyone who thinks the sinners below deserve any pity or sympathy. And to anyone who thinks the Ars Goetia are more trustworthy than our own order. You are to remind others that sin will not be tolerated…that our world can be a paradise that will thrive and triumph over Hell and Earth.”

Soother groaned. “Have you been watching too many of ‘Adam’s Awesome Extreme Acoustic air guitar shows again? Like that horrific episode, ‘Why Heavenborn Are Better Than Saints, Why Sinners And Demons Should Perish, And Why Adam Is #1’? AND WHY IS THAT EVEN AN EPSIODE?!”

Menadel chuckled nervously. “…maybe. Surprisingly enough, I have a little spare time now and again.”

“I swear the merchandise that a**h**e now gets…” Soother grumbled.

“Language,” chided Menadel. He picked up a glowing red apple with Adam’s monstrous Exorcist face on it. “The ‘Adam’s Apple™’ works wonders during my late midnight shifts…”

Soother rolled his eyes.

Menadel chuckled, then got back to business. “Anyway, Soother, help me keep the population calm, eliminate hints of satanic threats and keep the saints in both Heavens oblivious to their tortured former family members down in Hell…”

Sweat beaded on Soother’s face, and he gulped…

Menadel chuckled nervously. “Sorry Soother…Adam’s orders.”

“Let me guess, I’ll go to Hell if I don’t.”

Menadel shrugged. “I’ll just make sure you’re put on duty to clean and consecrate every chalice and temple in existence in the Heavens…yeah, there’s a lot.”

Soother shrugged.

“…and see how your horse would do in a race against the fiery Seraphim steeds…”

Knowing his horse’s fear of fire, Soother held up his hands. “Okay, I’ll do it, sir! Just, d-don’t send me down, please!”

Menadel smiled softly. “I knew I could count on you. You will be rewarded greatly for helping me feel at ease on my temporary ‘vacation.’”

0 0 0

Before long, Menadel, Flora, Azrael and Damabiah sat at a fancy café called “Charity Café – Pour For The Poor!” Indeed, for every coffee that was bought, donations were made to the poor (who weren’t really that poor considering it was Heaven).

Of course, there was an awkward silence between Flora and her ex. A part of her was happy to see he was doing well. But then she remembered that he neglected his duties as a father. Menadel was determined to make things right…even if he was still mad that Flora had left him for another angel…an angel of death, no less.

“Flora,” Menadel began, sipping his cup of coffee, pinky up.

“Menadel,” Flora returned the gesture.

Azrael looked uncomfortable as well. He kept glancing at the swan angel, wondering why he had to be here.

“Are you sure that you guys getting back together will be best for our daughter?” Azrael asked.

“If only to save our reputation,” Menadel replied. “Divorce is still frowned upon by many denizens in Heaven. We just got the softer hit because we’re rich.”

“It’s a little late for that,” mentioned Flora, folding her arms and glaring. Her dress glittered with green grass made of light, with colorful flowers dotting it. “Seventeen years late. You’ve always prioritized money and work over Quartet’s wellbeing.”

“You know that the Shem HaMephorash have to follow strict rules,” Menadel replied, sipping more coffee. “We serve the greater good and only for God.”

Flora scoffed. “Maybe you should’ve thought of that before deciding to have a kid with me!”

The pale-faced Azrael sighed, wearing his usual dark suit, with a skull pin, black wings folded behind him. His tired eyes were sunken behind his long black hair. “Can we just get this agreement over with? I personally am not a fan of Menadel getting more days with Quartet. And who is with you, anyway, Menadel?”

Flora turned to look at Damabiah, another angel of the Shem HaMephorash. Damabiah was pale skinned with long periwinkle hair and sky-blue eyes. Her light blue dress shimmered and rippled like a fountain. Damabiah was the “Fountain of God’s wisdom,” an angel of nature and water. Her white wings were folded behind her, and a teal-white halo hovered over her head.

“Pleasure to meet you all,” Damabiah said. “I am a colleague of Menadel, angel of summertime and a dove-hybrid. And the anthesis of Andrealphus. That icy cunning peacock gets on my nerves, for real. I don’t even know why he has ice powers anyway.” Many of the Shem HaMephorash angels were divine bird-hominoids and beings opposite of the demonic creatures. “Yes, I can turn into a dove and shower mortals with wisdom…provided they are polite and not in you know where.” She moved her finger across a gold pin on her dress with her angelic sigil on it and Hebrew writing.

“So, what wisdom do you have for us?” Flora asked, turning back to the topic, speaking in sarcasm. “Perhaps we should call in an angel of marriage and turn back time.”

Damabiah cleared her throat, dismissing the comment. “Well, as Flora’s first husband, I think it would be fair for Menadel to be able to spend more time with his daughter to make up for lost time…”

Azrael began to protest, but Damabiah held up a finger.

“…however, I think that Quartet should make the final decision. She is almost seventeen and soon to learn how to master magic and become an heir. At the very least, Menadel and Azrael should both be allowed to train her.”

“But our magic and views are as different as light and death, literally,” Azrael mentioned.

‘Which is precisely why Quartet should master both,” Damabiah replied. “In order to defeat potential darkness, she must have a feeling for the darkness to some degree. Besides, a bubbly princess who wears emo clothes all day does seem a bit odd.” Menadel nodded while Azrael glowered.

Menadel spoke up with a sly grin. “I propose that I either get half the time with Quartet…or…I get a fraction of the family inheritance.”

“You weren’t even around half the time!” Flora spat. “Plus, you’re rich enough already!”

“Do you know how hard it is to be a divine veteran for God? To work almost twenty-four hours to ensure Heaven’s safety and order? Relying God’s messages and translating them is hard enough.”

“Who do you think you are, an Exorcist?” Flora rolled her eyes.

“Better. I am part of a divine group that has been forgotten in the main Heaven. I think I deserve some recognition for my hard work after all these years. Can’t I at least have one chance to…be a better husband? We still have eternity do we not?”

Damabiah seemed to buy into it, because she said, “I think Menadel’s got a point.”

“Of course you would, you’re his sister,” Flora remarked. “Now go back to your little business family and stay out of our business!”

Menadel sighed, taking another sip of coffee. “Well, I guess I could leave you guys alone. But then again, rumors still spread. If someone very important, say an Exorcist general were to find out about you cheating on me…” He tsked. “I don’t see any good in that.”

“I’m surprised you didn’t think about spreading rumors about me earlier,” Flora glared.

“Got too busy and didn’t have the idea,” Menadel shrugged.

“God’s loyal servant can’t let go of the past,” Azrael barked, rolling his eyes. The air around him dimmed. “Say all the crap you want…you are not taking my wife away from me…or my daughter.”

“She is my daughter as well; you’d do well to remember that.” Menadel’s eyes briefly flashed.

“If you let that pompous guitar-strumming ass near my family just for your status…” Azrael began, teeth bared.

Menadel chuckled. “What? You’ll kill me? I’m immortal and you’ll just get punished. I heard Samael…”

“Cannot punish another angel,” Azrael finished. “The deal is off, Menadel.”

Menadel glared. “Maybe not an angel, but perhaps…”

He glanced over toward the window, speaking in telepathy… “…any group of deviant elves trying to challenge things.”

A pair of hypnotic dark blue eyes glowed on a pointed eared shadow figure. The figure flew to the side, got on a winged horse and was soon out of sight.

0 0 0

Docile, and his E.L.F. crew were talking and walking with a group of saints, some of them carrying protest signs. They were among those in Heaven who didn’t fully agree with the annual Extermination...and some were outright appalled by the idea, despite it going on for hundreds of years. They held signs that read, “Adam the A**h**e!” and “Redeem Our Sinner Families!” “Vote For Eve!” “Support Your Real God and the Archangels!” “Heaven Rights For Ex-Humans!”

Of course, Adam’s groups and many of the elite angels in both worlds were the predominant force in the Heavens. With the Overlords in Hell either struggling to try and defeat the Exorcists, or agreeing to their agendas for their own gains, true redemption seemed almost impossible. To make matters worse, the group of Heaven’s equivalents to the Overlords, the Born-Again Council, was not available for discussions.

“I wish God could fix this division between us,” sighed Docile. “Why couldn’t God love humans and angels equally? Punishment isn’t gonna help the people of Earth learn from their mistakes.”

“I agree,” said Sunna, licking her paw. “That Adam angel gives me the creeps. That demonic grin and his promiscuous arrogant behavior…I’m surprised that is even allowed in our world! Adam’s trying to create a tyrannical rule over all the worlds. This madness must end.”

“Not to mention our fellow elves are all but ignored, even behind the C.H.E.R.U.B.S.,” Timmid added, holding up a sign that read, “Justice For Animal Angels, Too!”

Tirred help up a sign that read, “I’m with those who fight in vain.”

Docile glared at his employee. “Don’t tell me you actually support him?”

“Adam?” Tirred scoffed.  “I may hate demons and want them all dead, but even I find Adam f*cking annoying.”

“Language,” Sunna hissed.

“P*ss off, pussycat,” Tirred retorted. “Ironic that all these people are worshipping Adam as an idol and not God Himself.”

Rival protestors held banners with red Christian crosses on them. Many signs read, “Save the best for the native Heaven-born!” “Adam is our new Savior!” “Destroy Deviants and Demons!” “Obey Your One True God.” “Cleanse every world in the Lord’s name!”

Docile sighed. “Who knew Heaven would grow to be as messed up as Earth and Hell.”

They protested some more before the E.L.F. crew headed home. Sadly the “conservative” group were ahead of the “liberals” by seven points. The former, nicknamed the “Adamgelicals” had persuaded the higher-ups that no meeting was necessary to debate the Exorcist’s brutal methods against sinners…as far as they knew, anyone going against God deserved death in all its forms, the more painful the better. The latter, a lesser-known faction of Heaven (at least in the 2P one) had nicknamed themselves, “Jesus’ Love-Workers,” to which many Heaven-denizens cruelly dismissed them as being “New-Age hippies trying to save the damned.”

“Jesus would want to give all sinners a second chance, just like the princess in Hell,” many would say. Many of the members were former humans.

“Tell us where Jesus is and then we’ll talk. And the chance of Hell’s princess redeeming sinners is…well, like Hell freezing over!” The rival group laughed, mostly consisting of the Heaven-born. “Or like Heaven getting rained on! Hahaha!”

A sheep cherub spoke up. “It rains sometimes in other Halos. And in Dante’s ninth circle of Hell…”

A lion roared. “Shut it, Ewe, you’re on the Right side here!”

A sad look. “Whatever you say, Leo. I’m Ewe, just another sheep cherub in a world full of sheep.” Ewe flew off, hanging up fliers of Cletus, Collin, and Keenie: “Banished/Missing, if found, please head to Earth/Hell for immediate rescue.”

E.L.F. were glad to break free of the clamoring crowd. The sun was setting in the Humility Halo, turning the sky an indigo color. Polished marble buildings, churches with gemstones embedded in the structure and various shops briefly shone in the fading sunset light. The streetlights looked like golden suns as E.L.F. passed underneath them, heading to their houses. Docile and Sunna lived together, while Tirred and Timmid now resided in separate rooms.

The peaceful protests almost never turned violent, but harsh words were still spoken. “It’s Lucifer’s fault,” Tirred grumbled to the others. “If he had just followed God’s orders, he wouldn’t have made Eve get in trouble…”

“He was in love with her,” Timmid countered. “And God was strict with His children, what else would you expect love-struck gods to do?”

“I’d argue it was Adam’s fault,” said Sunna. “As the first man, he should’ve known better. If he had been respectful to Lilith, she wouldn’t have left Eden and Eve wouldn’t have eaten the forbidden fruit and God wouldn’t have decided that all flawed humans should go to Hell…”

“Blah, blah, blah,” Tirred groaned. “Coulda, woulda, shoulda. “The only thing I care about is Adam and those demons being burned to ash.”

“Perhaps we could go to the Heaven Ambassadry and request another meeting?” Timmid asked.

There were many Heaven Ambassadry buildings in the realms, including one in the main Hell. Like the one in Hell, the adjacent fence was golden, and the points were shaped like Exorcist spears and eyes were also part of the design. The golden doors had handles shaped like round suns. The arched windows showed Christan crosses, halos, and eyes. There were also nearby towers that looked like church steeples. There were gold frames near the roof and light shone around it. Angels could have meetings there to talk about the exterminations and various events…and the princess of Hell was planning to meet with some of the angels. Protection magic surrounded the buildings, keeping them indestructible and protected from any demonic criminals. Inside all the buildings were portals to allow angels to easily travel between the worlds.

“Not a chance,” Tirred sulked. “They won’t listen to guys like us.”

Soother wanted more than ever to join the E.L.F. crew, to find some way to help the elves get more recognition. But Menadel’s orders conflicted with his thoughts. Half the time, he convinced himself that Menadel and Adam and God and the rulers of Heaven knew what they were doing. That the exterminations were for the greater good…after all, God allowed it to happen.

If only an influential individual like Docile could be persuaded to a better point of view…his own. Last time, there was a misunderstanding, but this time, things would be different. Docile would have to listen to him, and then E.L.F. would have to follow. No more orders from Menadel, no more conflicts, mission accomplished.

As dark Asian ninja music played in the background, Soother waited in the shadows as he watched Docile go. “I’m sorry it has to be like this…” His face twitched and his narrowed eyes glowed as he put on his Exorcist mask.

Before long, E.L.F. were back in their respective homes. They were modest and well-kept places, with elaborate paintings in their living rooms and spacious beds. Sunna purred as she curled up on her large round bed, her teal blanket decorated with suns, paw prints, and Christian crosses. Timmid slept in her own bed, her room was neat and decorated with lots of flowers, animal posters, and some candles. Tirred’s room had an unusual display of angelic weapons, ancient artifacts, and a poster of a winking shirtless Samael (sometimes used for target practice.)

Docile’s room had awards on display from his days in choir and Bible study sessions. He had pictures of him with a smiling Sunna after she had gotten adopted, and the certificate was signed. Docile posed with the E.L.F. crew, everyone smiling except for Tirred. There were more pictures on the wall of Docile and Rizzafolli donating to charity and one with Docile, his sister and their parents. His blankets were midnight blue with gold sequins on them like stars. Docile slept soundly as the moon rose in the sky.

From outside the building, a ninja figure held out a knife and muttered a spell. The knife briefly became a silver key that unlocked the door. The shadow of the figure slowly moved up the steps, the stairs creaking under black boots. Ever so quietly, the figure stopped in front of Docile’s bedroom door. The door was pushed open, and the figure crept closer to Docile’s sleeping form. A hand reached near Docile’s face…

In his sleep, Docile briefly knocked the figure back with his face. The intruder stumbled and lifted himself up.

“Hello, Tirred,” Docile mumbled. “Can I marry you?”

The figure tried again…

…but got hit in the face with a punch from the sleeping Docile.

“You’re not Jesus. You’re Cletus…stop stealing my spotlight and my empire wine!”

The figure grabbed Docile’s arms, pinning him down. Docile slowly opened his eyes, half-asleep. “Dad? Why are you being so dominant…”

Frustrated, the figure slapped Docile across the face and removed his hood. Docile’s eyes widened, fully awake, as he saw who it really was.

“Soother? What are…”

Soother hummed and the circular teal lines in his dark blue sclera eyes moved inward and out. Docile’s eyes fluttered and he soon sank back into sleep. Docile was carried over Soother’s shoulder as he made his way down the stairs. Sunna’s pointed ears twitched and she jolted awake. She stretched and jumped down from the bed, scurrying on all fours out of her bedroom. She had made it outside just in time to see Docile’s limp form hang over Soother’s shoulders and vanish around the corner.

“Docile?” Sunna called. “Where are you?”

She yawned and raced ahead, but Soother was already gone. Growing concerned, Sunna wasted no time. She dashed back into her house and called Tirred and Timmid’s cellphones. When they didn’t answer, she grabbed a secret round light from inside a cabinet and aimed it out the open window.

Gradually, Timmid and Tirred woke up to find a light flashing in the night sky. They emerged from their bedrooms.

“What the heaven is that?” Tirred asked.

“An angel bat,” Timmid replied, drowsy. Sure enough, the light showed a bat-shape with feathery white angel wings.

“Some prankster doing stupid things,” moaned Tirred. “Go back to sleep.”

Sunna growled. “No, that’s not the one.” She fiddled with the light and flicked it again.

“Wait, wait, look,” said Timmid before Tirred turned back around. “The image has changed.”

The image was now pink with a skeletal black horse as the logo. “Spindlehorse” was written below it.

Tirred shrugged. “Again, this prank is a great insult because it doesn’t show me. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to dream about kicking demon butt.”

“You really can be a jerk sometimes,” Timmid spat.

“No, no, no!” Sunna muttered. “Come, on, come on, come on!”

Finally, Sunna got the image she was looking for.

“Urgh!” Tirred groaned. “Will those people stop with the light flashing Batman prank?”

“Uh…Tirred…”

“What?!”

“That’s our symbol.”

“Spindlehorse didn’t make us, unfortunately,” Tirred growled. “Now get lost before I…”

Timmid pulled Tirred hard on the arm toward the window. “Look, you demon-hating bastard!”

Tirred blinked twice at what he saw. Sure enough, there was the E.L.F. logo symbol in the sky before them. The figures showed Tirred holding a sword, Timmid holding a scepter, and Docile holding a heart with a glowing cross inside with “Efficient Lifesaving Fellows” underneath. Docile had the Batman signal idea in place should their cellphones not work in an emergency.

“It’s an emergency!” Timmid cried. “Someone’s in trouble!”

“I’m not a superhero,” Tirred grumbled. “You go do it.”

“You’re coming with me! That signal is coming from Docile and Sunna’s house. Hurry!”

Tirred groaned but followed Timmid as they got dressed and ran several blocks to the house.

Sunna was already waiting out front.

“What’s going on, Sunna?” Tirred asked.

“It’s Docile! Someone broke into the house and took him!”

“What?!” Tirred bellowed. “Why would anyone be stupid enough to do that? And how did they even get in?”

“We have to find him, fast,” Sunna said. “Tirred, go back home and gather some weapons.”

“You know we can’t kill anyone in Heaven. Only higher angels can erase souls.”

“No, but temporary pain can still work,” said Sunna. “And I know how much you like using your weapons.”

“Ditto,” he said with a nod.

“Timmid,” said Sunna. “Try contacting Quartet or anyone else who knows Docile. Perhaps we can get a lead. I’ll try to sniff them out. Meet back at the Heaven Ambassadry building.”

“Which one?” Timmid asked. “Unlike Hell, there’s more than one in Heaven.”

“The one that looks most like the one in the main Hell,” said Sunna.

“They all look the same,” said Timmid.

“Just pick one!” barked Tirred.

“Sunna had the idea,” said Timmid. “Which one is it?”

“The one closest to the catnip store.”

“Of course it’d be that one,” Tirred rolled his eyes.

The three E.L.F. members spread out. Timmid called Quartet on her cellphone.

“Hello?” Quartet asked.

“Quartet, this is Timmid.”

“Oh, you are Sunna’s friend, yes?”

“Yes.”

“I just woke up to gaze at the stars for a bit. You’re lucky I’m awake and I know you. What’s up?”

“I think something has happened to Docile.”

“Docile?”

“Yes, my boss at E.L.F.”

“What happened?”

“Some thief broke into his house and took him. He may have been drugged or something.”

“There are no drugs in Heaven,” Quartet explained. “Maybe he got knocked out.”

“I need your help. Do you think you could get your father to help you rescue him?”

“Dad is asleep from a long important meeting. I don’t think he’s in the mood.”

“What was the meeting about?”

“He said it involved some elite angels and they were talking about my parents and their divorce. Well, my original dad.”

“Does that have anything to do with Docile?”

“Don’t know.”

Timmid held her head sadly, certain that Docile would never be found…

“But dad did mention an unusual thing there,” said Quartet. “He saw Menadel briefly talk with a figure outside. Some shadow with glowing blue eyes.”

“Blue eyes?”

“Blue-green eyes, very big. And the figure may have been riding a horse.”

“A flaming horse?”

“No, a winged Pegasus.”

“Is there anyone in Heaven who rides a winged horse?”

“I’m sure there’s many. Is there anyone you know in particular that rides them all the time?”

Timmid’s eyes widened as she put the pieces together.

“Soother…” she breathed.

“Good night, Timmid and good luck,” said Quartet. Timmid hung up and raced back to a heavenly building where Tirred and Sunna also arrived.

“Any clues?” Tirred asked.

“Nope,” said Sunna, brushing back her long brown braids. “My nose is tired from all the catnip.” She briefly sucked on the last bit of a green leaf.

“Hippie,” Tirred muttered.

Timmid panted. “I…I think it was Soother.”

“Soother? That nice elf with the hypnotic eyes and white winged horse back in the Patience Halo?” asked Sunna in surprise.

“Yes.”

Tirred narrowed his eyes. “I knew that shady sneak was up to no good. He’s so upset at us running his mission that he wants to hold our boss for ransom!” He sharpened his holy dagger.

“Let’s calm down,” said Sunna. “Perhaps there is more to it. Let’s head to the Patience Halo and find out where he lives. See how he likes us breaking into his house!”

“Which could very well be a trap,” Tirred pointed out.

“We have no choice,” said Timmid. “We have to find him.” They headed into their white E.L.F. van and drove down the road through a portal to the Patience Halo.

As Soother flew across the sky on his winged horse, Hypnoheart, four elves dressed in white monk-like robes began to sing Soother’s theme song, while playing Indian sitars and various Asian instruments.

“He’s flying over the puffy clouds

Not many say his name out loud

Look into his eyes and you’ll fall asleep

From Halo to Halo, his work runs deep”

“He’s Soother, he’s Soother

Getting stuff done, he’s number one, he’s Soother

Trying to being the elf to his side

To close Heaven’s moral divide

Despite his charm, he’s a mystery

Troubled with an unknown history”

“Side-changing

Elf-exchanging

Plan arranging

Soother!”

“He’s sweet and gentle and thin and kind

But be wary of what’s in his mind

He loves the Lord with all his heart

But authorities turn his life apart

He’s Soother! Soother!”

After they were done and noticed Soother, Soother said with a smile, “Thank you so much,” and tossed them a bag of gold coins. The elves cheered and headed off. Before long, Soother and the horse had reached a secret area in a large garden, where there was a small white house with a red Japanese-style roof design on top.

The E.L.F. crew arrived at the Route 777 gas station, where the four elves in white robes holding their instruments hummed Soother’s theme song on a bench. Tirred climbed out and got the gas while Timmid wandered around. Sunna waved to a Charlie’s Angels motorcycle gang, consisting of muscular elves and vehicles decorated with Christian crosses that could fly into the sky.

“Hello there,” Timmid called, spotting the quartet of musicians. “Have you guys seen Soother? He’s a ninja elf who rides a white horse?”

“Yes,” one of them said. “A friendly enigmatic fellow. He lives in the Goodman suburbs, in a small house near the gardens and temples. Very guru aesthetic, can’t miss it.”

“Thank you kindly,” Timmid smiled. “Hey, Tirred, we got another lead!” After they got gas, Sunna drove the van again down the road.

0 0 0

Docile slowly opened his eyes. He found his hands and feet tied with glowing white rope. He was leaning against the wall and saw Soother about to make a phone call. He looked around at Soother’s small, modest place. There were yoga mats off to the side, an array of blue candles on shelves, various Asian-style art and of course, a display of angelic weapons on the walls: scimitars, katanas, nun chucks, swords, pistols, and the like. The display would be enough for the agents of D.H.O.R.K.S. to fawn over. Strangely enough, soft meditation angelic music played in the background from a small set of speakers near Soother’s feet.

“Nice statue,” Docile remarked after seeing a small gold figure of Soother seated in a lotus pose on a shelf. Soother turned around. “Oh, you’re up.”

“Don’t put me back to sleep,” Docile’s eyes narrowed. “What do you want from me?”

“Nothing much. I’m still a little bit upset that you and your crew sabotaged my mission last time. But good news is that Menadel has other plans…for his family and for you.”

“Why me?”

Soother stepped closer. “The two of us could work well together.”

Docile frowned. “I already told you last time, I don’t want to join you in killing demons.”

“You don’t have to. I just think that you and E.L.F. could benefit from working with authorities to keep Heaven in order.”

“You don’t like the authorities,” Docile mentioned. “Especially Adam.”

Soother sighed. “I don’t have a choice. Menadel ordered me to find more people to support the seventy-two angels and most of them conform to the idea that Heaven must have perfect denizens. To uphold traditional Christian values that have stood the test of time.”

Docile strained against his binds. “You’re starting to sound like my fanatical sister. Our religion has been warped by mankind for centuries and now even divine beings are falling for the trap. Heaven is supposed to help and redeem all humans, not just the ‘good’ ones.”

Soother shrugged. “I’m just saying that if we have to wait until we can get Adam and the other elite out, then we should do so. There can be no support of demons or even any mention of sinners in our world. My duty is to the Lord, and thus to Adam and all the tenets.”

“There is no ‘we,’” Docile seethed. “And I know you don’t believe that.”

“Don’t I?” Soother put an angelic knife close to Docile’s neck.

Docile grinned. “If you really want me that bad, then E.L.F. must have some influence here. Our job is to not just save people on Earth, but to reunite families and souls from all worlds. And if that includes Hell, so be it. NO ONE deserves to be separated from family, sinner or not!” Docile choked up, “I know that because it happened to me!”

“Save your sob story,” Soother waved a dismissive hand. “Menadel said that I had to take care of deviant individuals like you.”

“You are one, yourself.”

“Shut it!”

“Look,” said Docile. “I have my own business that does its own thing. I wish you and other people would stop shoving your Evangelical beliefs down everyone’s throat and forcing people to convert! You know that will never work in the long run!”

A pause from Soother. “It’s the Adamgelical faith.”

“F**k that noise!”

“LANGUAGE!” Soother bellowed, striking Docile hard in the face. Docile growled and tried to kick Soother, but Soother moved out of the way. Soother pulled hard on Docile’s pointed elf ears. “You’d best be on good behavior,” he muttered darkly. “Menadel is on his way. And with you in our possession, your crew will follow our orders. There will be no more saving unworthy Earth folk or speaking out against the exterminations.”

“I’d rather be dammed,” Docile spat. “Like those cherubs that were banished.”

“You may change your mind,” Soother warned. He paced around and lifted his cellphone to his ear.

“Menadel, sir, this is Soother. Yes, I have him. His crew should be here any minute.”

Soother revealed an unnatural evil grin that gave Docile the shivers. Docile prayed that his crew would rescue him before Menadel arrived. He knew that fighting one of the Shem HaMephorash was next to impossible.

Just when Soother was about to deliver another insulting blow to Docile’s face…

“Leave our boss alone!” roared a fierce feline voice. The door was kicked down and there stood Tirred, Timmid, and Sunna. Tirred pulled out his pistol, Timmid held her white glowing short sword and Sunna brandished her sharp claws. Timmid threw a dagger, which landed at Docile’s feet. With mental telekinesis and effort, Docile managed to slice off the ropes binding his hands and feet.

“Thank you, Jesus,” Docile smiled, grateful tears in his eyes.

Soother put on his Exorcist mask, his body twitching as he held two glowing curved blades in his hands. “Welcome to my tranquil temple,” he said. “It’s quite rude to barge in without removing your shoes.”

“And it’s quite rude to steal our boss from under our noses,” Timmid spat.

Soother shrugged. “Just follow me and Menadel’s orders and Heaven will be a peaceful place for the greater good.”

“Never,” hissed Sunna, her brown striped fur standing on end.

“I wouldn’t support Adam, even if it means brimstone,” Tirred began. “Now be a good little elf and hand over our boss.”

Soother whistled and his steed Hypnoheart came flying in, neighing, and crashing through the roof. The elves barely managed to avoid his large hooves that crashed onto the floor. Several eyes blinked at Docile on the horse’s white feathery wings.

“N-nice horsey,” Docile sputtered, taking steps back in fear.

The horse grabbed Docile’s work suit in his mouth and carried him into the air. They flew over a peaceful garden with fountains, flowers, koi ponds and meditation spots.

“HEEEELLLLP!” Docile cried in terror. “I hate horses and heights!”

“Says an angel who can fly,” Soother scoffed.

“I’m coming, sir!” Sunna called, springing up from all fours and flying after the horse. Tirred and Timmid both began to fight the Exorcist-dressed Soother.

Sunna flew after Docile as the horse swerved out of Sunna’s reach several times. She avoided getting hit with his hooves before she flipped down and grabbed hold of one of his wings. The wings beat fast, almost knocking her off. Docile reached a hand to Sunna and she reached her paw to him. They could almost reach each other, but it wasn’t enough.

“Punch him in the mouth!” Sunna called.

“But I’ll fall!”

“You have wings for Viv’s sakes!” Sunna cried. “I’ll catch you!”

Docile gulped and nodded. He landed a fist to the horse’s chin and the stunned equine dropped him. Docile briefly stumbled as he fell, but Sunna dove forward and caught him. They looked at each other and grinned. “Let’s move this horse to another pasture,” she said to Docile, winking. “How about someplace hot?” They flew off together with Hypnoheart following close behind.

They flew over the city and toward a sky race where flaming stallions were pulling chariots with alien-looking angels inside.

“Excuse me, coming through!” Sunna called as she held the terrified Docile’s hand. They dodged hooves, flaming wheels with eyes on them and the protests from the racers as they hurried along the track. Just as Sunna suspected and what Soother had been afraid of, Hypnoheart whined back in fear at the sight of the flames on the horses.

“Look at that scaredy horse!” one of the red bully seraphim stallions whinnied at Hypnoheart. His name was Pyro. “He has no flames at all! No eyes like us! I bet he can’t even fly seven miles with those wimpy wings!”

An orange female one named Sera joined in. “Too afraid of getting hot, snow-horse?”

A light blue-white one snorted. Azul. “I bet your master sings you lullabies to sleep!” The horses laughed.

Hypnoheart neighed and flew away in fear and embarrassment back to Soother.

Sunna and Docile high-fived before flying back to Soother’s place. They arrived just in time to watch Soother spin around and knock Tirred and Timmid back with his twin bladed weapons. Tirred fired angelic bullets, but Soother’s Exorcist suit absorbed most of the blows. Soother rushed forward and slammed Timmid against the wall.

“Timmid!” Docile cried. “Don’t look into his…”

Wide-eyed Timmid started swaying and soon slumped to the ground after being influenced by Soother’s hypnotic stare.

“…eyes,” Docile groaned. Soother turned toward him, surprised. Timmid was not entirely asleep, but she felt like her whole body had gone numb.

“Welcome back,” Soother drawled. “I see you’ve escaped my horse.”

Docile smirked as he saw Hypnoheart shaking outside behind a tree. “I guess he’s scared of me now since I led him to his jock bullies.”

“My idea!” Sunna piped up.

“Hypnoheart got burned by those horses when he was a foal,” Soother said with a glare. “Took years of holy water and healing to get him back on his hooves.”

“How awful,” Timmid said with a frown. “If you truly care about your horse, you’ll take care of him and let us go instead.”

“Um…no,” Soother grinned again, slapping her in the face. She fell to the floor but stood up again. “Menadel should be here any…”

Whack!

Soother found himself being wacked on the head with a sword by Tirred from behind.

“That’s my ex-girlfriend, creep!” Tirred yelled and landed punches to Soother’s chest and neck. “Only I get to insult her!”

Soother then grabbed hold of Tirred’s arms, making him drop the sword. “You really are a snively selfish brat.” Tirred strained to free his arms in vain against Soother’s Exorcist-powered strength. Sunna leaped at Soother, but Soother moved to the side as she slammed into the wall.

“If you ever wanted to be an Exorcist,” Soother told Tirred, “Here’s a reason to decline!” He lifted the wrathful elf and tossed him through the room. He yelled and crashed into screen dividers with designs of cherry blossoms on them. “I’m not okay!” he groaned. Sunna leaped and scratched Soother’s arms, but Soother picked her up by the scruff of her neck and tossed her outside. To her dismay, she flew and landed smack into a round outdoor fountain of water. She yowled and hissed as she sat up and shivered, soaking wet.

“Enjoy your bath, kitty cat!” Soother called out, mockingly.

“Enough, Soother!” Docile growled. Soother towered over him. “Well partner, looks like it’s just you and me now.”

Docile scowled at Soother, soon finding himself cornered against a wall. Docile grew nervous as Soother inched closer.

“Let’s try this persuasion thing again,” Soother said. “This time, I’m not offering you an Exorcist position, nor any chance to become powerful for our species. In fact, you don’t have to work with any Archangels or royalty if you don’t want to.”

“I only work for myself,” Docile deadpanned. “No one else. Especially not with Exorcist jerks who think that eliminating humans who’ve made mistakes is going to create a better world.”

“If only you could grasp the bigger picture,” Soother mused, eyes glowing from under his mask. “I’m giving you a chance to collaborate with me, to ensure Heaven is a safe, peaceful paradise for all.”

“I refuse to join you until the Exorcists are disbanded,” Docile replied.

“What if Menadel decides to send you and your crew to Hell?” Soother asked, knife under Docile’s throat.

Docile’s eyes glowed menacingly, a strange courage and frustration gathering within him. “Go for it, punk. As long as I have my friends with me, I’ll do anything to help and honor the innocent victims killed by our own people.”

Soother stepped back, surprised. He had run out of ideas. “Well, if you won’t corporate, I bet Menadel will find some way to…”

“Yeah sure,” Docile smirked. “Go back to your daddy master and let him make your needs met.”

“He’s not my father!”

“Who is it?”

“None of your business!” Soother then paused and stared at Docile again. His eyes narrowed and his malicious sharp grin grew. “What about your daddy? Still not a good enough son for him? Not the Exorcist warrior or son of God he wanted you to be? The Shem HaMephorash has records of people.”

“I don’t care about that crap anymore,” Docile seethed. “I’ve forged my own path. I have everyone I could possibly need.”

“Do you, now?” Soother’s face darkened. “Perhaps there is one person missing from your perfect little life. What was their name again? Someone who went far far away? Was it…Allita?”

Docile froze in a panic, sweat beading down his forehead.

0 0 0

Meanwhile, Menadel and his sister Damabiah lounged in their golden palace. The palace was in the middle of a stunning green garden, and golden fountains sprayed golden water into basins of various sizes. The golden liquid could give healing and knowledge to those who drank it. (They were, of course, constructed by Damabiah.

Using yellow magic, Damabiah manifested two lumps of sugar and dropped them into her cup of hot tea. She stirred it with a gold spoon and smiled. Her brother sat across from her, also sipping tea. They sat at a brown round table with emeralds embedded onto the sides.

“So, about that meeting earlier,” Damabiah said. “How did you think it went?”

Menadel sighed. “I honestly expected it to be better. Flora wants nothing to do with me and Azrael would be happy to decorate my gravestone.”

“You’re immortal.”

“You know what I mean. And technically, God can kill any one of us at any time. But it seems like God has forgotten He needs the Shem HaMephorash. We are aspects of His divine name and yet the angels of death and violence seems to be all the rage these days.”

Damabiah blinked, pushing back her periwinkle hair. “I thought you wanted violence against demons.”

“Well yes, but…” he had a reminiscent look. “I do miss the old days when there was less work to be done and we could help God create the cosmos without having to babysit humans or watch demons.”

“To be fair, the Archangels and cherubs do much of those interactions, helping humanity as a whole,” she mentioned.

“And us? We may as well be like the Empyrean Guard who patrols God’s abode and spies on other worlds.”

“Would you…prefer to do something else?” asked Damabiah.

“Besides helping Quartet become heir and getting rich…not much I guess…”

Damabiah smirked. “My own brother, patron of careers, not even sure what to do about his own. Just hiring an elf to kidnap another elf.”

“Well, perhaps you have a better idea of how we can convince that elf to support our campaign.”

Damabiah stood up and pulled out a treasured business card from a shelf. It had Menadel’s sigil on the front and his profile description on the back. She smiled at him. “Perhaps a new idea that you won’t like.”

Menadel glared. His sister put a hand on his shoulder and showed him his card. She read, “Menadel, ‘the Honorable God,’ Angel of work and jobs. He can help with finding and keeping jobs and setting goals.”

Damabiah continued.  “I bet you didn’t see the second description of yourself.”

“Second description?” he asked, bewildered.

His sister read, “Helps reunite estranged family members. Brings an end to gossip and slander.”

Menadel stared blankly.

Damabiah shook her head and snickered. “You got so wrapped up in work that you forgotten what your own powers are?”

“So what? How is this important?”

“Think about it!” Damabiah beamed. “You’re used to arguing with Prince Stolas and you seem obsessed with wanting to kill him.”

“He’s neglectful and annoying!” Menadel roared. “And his relationships and sexual stuff is just gross.”

“Yeah, the sibling/romantic relationship between Stella and Andrealphus is revolting. But never mind all that. You watch over him for a reason, right?” she asked.

“Yeah…”

“How about instead of trying to end him, why not…show some mercy and help him?”

“Helping demons? Are you out of your mind?! Heaven isn’t exactly demon friendly.”  

Damabiah held up her hands. “I’m not saying you have to befriend him. But maybe you could use your ‘new’ abilities to help settle things down. You could help Stolas make amends with his family and maybe even his ex-wife. With no more gossip about Stolas being divorced and involved with Blitzo, he won’t potentially get killed. With his family settled down, he will be able to continue his duties of reading the stars. Plus, this will reduce the chances of war.”

“And nothing is in it for me?”

“Oh, there’s plenty in it for you. The first step is to call off Soother’s mission to convert Docile.”

“Why would…”

She cut him off. “We don’t need Docile. We already have plenty of support for Adam and the elite already. And yes, I know people’s names… ‘Fountain of Knowledge,’ after all.”

“Why, again?”

“Biding our time to gain the advantage works the best,” she said. “With no worries about Stolas, you’ll have time to finally make amends with your own family. To not be so weighed down by work. And I’ll talk to Azrael to see about giving you some money as a reward. If you can prove to them that you’re serious about Quartet’s wellbeing, then perhaps we’ll be able to work things out.”

“Yes,” Menadel smiled. “And still find ways to cleanse any sinners and deviants in Heaven, right?”

Damabiah frowned. “Leave that to the Exorcists. You need a break from all the Adam propaganda politics.”

Menadel sighed, seeming to realize just how tired he really was. “Yes, you’re right. You always have a way of grounding me when I get my head too stuck in the clouds.”

A yellow cloud appeared and hovered near Menadel’s face. He gasped and sneezed. Damabiah giggled.

“Can you at least agree not to prank me with your magic tricks?” Menadel said, folding his arms.

“No promises on that one,” she said, holding up a golden rotary phone to his ear. “Now go call Soother.”

0 0 0

Docile breathed heavily, tears forming in his eyes.

Soother leaned down. “She was your mother, wasn’t she? Menadel told me all about her. She was sent to Hell for avidly supporting sinners and demons.”

“W-what?” Docile asked. He had no idea how long he had repressed those long- lost memories. When he had separated from his sister and lost contact with his best friend…when he had seen his mother being dragged away after she and a tag-team had tried to burn Exorcist weapons in holy flames. He had forgotten about reading that obituary section in the newspaper, the same spot where there was a list of criminals who had been banished. His father, Yesha Cantus, out of fear, had tried to mold him into the ideal son ever since.

“I can help you get her back,” Soother mused into his ear.

Docile stared into Soother’s eyes. With his comrades numbed by Soother on the ground, he already felt like giving up. “Why?”

“To bring justice to you and to me. You said you wanted to help families reunite. Now I will do the same for you.”

Docile sobbed, feeling helpless. “Okay, okay fine! You can make me support Adam and Menadel and whoever else you want. I’ll even stop protesting against the Exorcists! Just bring her back, please!” He was begging on his hands and knees, influenced by both Soother’s stare and his own deep emotions.

“Then it’s settled,” Soother whispered, his face in shadow. “Time to take a nice, good sleep…”

Holy, Holy, Holy!

Soother stood up, surprised at the sound of his angelic ringtone. He heard his cellphone ring and picked it up to answer it.

“Hello?”

“Soother, this is Menadel.”

“Hello, sir, are you coming?”

“I’m afraid there’s been a change of plans. I want you to let Docile and E.L.F. go. No more negotiating with them.”

Soother raised an eyebrow. “Wait what? You said you’d be here by now. And I have him hook, line, and sinker.”

“It’s better if we let Docile decide what to do on his own. We already have enough supporters for Adam and the Exorcists anyway. I’ll give you some much needed time off, some money…”

Soother glared.

“…and a fire-proof spell for your horse if you let E.L.F. go.”

Soother groaned. “It’s always one thing after another with angelic royalty. E.L.F. will just keep challenging the system. Can’t you make up your mind?”

“My mind is made up. Let him go and come back to me.”

“Yes, sir,” Soother sighed as he hung up.

Soother stood up, Exorcist mask still on. “I think I can still get all of you to confirm to my beliefs anyway.”

Docile’s spirit lifted as his crew slowly stood up and joined him. “Guess what, Soother,” Docile smiled weakly. “It doesn’t matter what you throw at us. I have my companions with me.” He looked at Sunna, Tirred and Timmid who gave him warm encouraging looks. He stood up taller. “As a matter of fact, I don’t need your help or the Archangels or anyone. Perhaps in a new mission, we’ll find a way to bring my mother back on our own.”

Soother let out a distorted maniacal Exorcist laugh. “You fool! I have no interest in going down to Hell to bring her back.”

“You were trying to trick me into obeying you!” Docile cried.

Soother nodded. “It’s impossible! The only way for a person to return to Heaven is if they are redeemed from their sins! And I don’t see redemption happening any time soon!” He threw a dagger into the head of a stuffed red demon training dummy on the far side of the room.

Soother continued. “The Exorcists will continue their divine duties of destruction, whether you like it or not. And if you interfere again…you can kiss your business goodbye!”

Docile fumed, sobbed and shook. He breathed heavily; his teeth bared.

“Docile?” Sunna began, with a concerned look. Docile slowly rose off the ground, white wings flapping. A few drops of golden blood dripped from a cut on his forehead.

“In fact,” Soother continued, with a crazed expression. “I’d just let the whole thing go. She’s probably forgotten about you by now!”

Docile clenched his fists and his angelic scepter formed from light into his hands. His wings beat furiously, and angry teal eyes briefly dotted his white feathered wings.

“Sir!” Tirred cried. “He’s getting under your skin as a last-ditch attempt to get you in trouble!”

Docile slowly aimed his scepter at Soother’s head.

“Don’t kill him, sir!” Timmid yelled over the noise of angelic magic breaking apart the room, cracking the walls, ceiling, and floor. “If you kill him or harm him severely, you’ll be banished, too!”

Docile strained, fingers clenched as golden light formed from the black sphere at the top of his staff. The light and electricity grew brighter as he aimed.

“Have fun being alone, Docile!” Soother screeched.

“DOCILE, NO!” Timmid, Tirred, and Sunna screamed.

Docile roared and a blast of electrifying light shot out from the scepter and hit Soother in the face. The elf flew backwards and crashed into the wall. The golden statue of the Buddha Soother fell onto the elf’s head with a crash. Docile stomped over to the barely conscious Soother and ripped the Exorcist mask off his face. He threw it on the ground and jabbed at it ferociously with a nearby angelic spear. The mask cracked and split into pieces under Docile’s feet. With a final act, Docile aimed his scepter again and disintegrated the mask completely with a beam of light.

Tirred, Timmid, and Sunna stared silently at Docile, shaking and whimpering. Soother’s eyes fluttered open. “What…have you…done?”

Docile spit on the ground. “A**h**e,” he swore at Soother before turning around and walking out of the room. Sunna covered her mouth with her paws.

“Do I even need to tell you, ‘Language?!’” Timmid sighed at her boss.

“No, no, not again!” Soother sobbed at the damage. “What have I done? Docile…wait!” Docile had already left.

E.L.F. stared back at Soother’s crumbled house.

“I hope you have insurance,” Sunna said quietly.

Timmid happily strolled into the E.L.F. meeting room, her white dress flowing, her white hair neatly pulled into a ponytail. Tirred sat bored as usual, while Sunna was busy grooming her paw. Docile had just finished writing on the whiteboard: “Mother Mary’s New Interview, Coming Next Tuesday!” and “10 Reasons Why E.L.F. Beats C.H.E.R.U.B.” and “Why Does Heaven Have Alcoholic Beverages?” and “Why Can’t I Find Anything Else To Draw On Here…If Anyone Mentions Horses Having Sex, I’ll Write Them Up!”

“Hello, Timmid!” chirped Sunna. “What are you so excited about?”

“I just saw my old childhood friend today!” she trilled. “He talked about giving money to charity and how important it is to abstain from unhealthy sex. Also, he seems to have a great distaste for sharks.”

“Interesting,” said Sunna. “I’ve certainly never heard of him.”

“Is he a loan shark?” Tirred muttered, half-curious.

“No, he’s a care-bear,” Timmid mentioned. Tirred rolled his eyes.

Just then Docile’s cellphone rang. “Just a second everyone,” said the head elf, standing up. “I think I’ve got a new client.” He wandered back to his office.

“Thank you for calling Efficient Lifesaving Fellows, saving souls of all ages, this is Docile, how may we bless you?”

A female voice spoke on the other end. “There will be no reason for your crew to go down to Earth this time.”

“Why not?” Docile asked, confused.

“I’d like for you guys to come to my estate to talk business. There is something important that I’m sure will be worth your time.”

“Cool,” said Docile. “Who are you and what’s the address?”

“Transportation has already been taken care of,” said the voice. “And you’ll find out who I am soon enough.”

Soon there was a knock on the front door of the E.L.F. building. Docile led the way downstairs and his crew followed. They found a brown bi-pedal angel bear with white wings and a halo. He was dressed as a butler. Another brown bear wore overalls and a sunhat. The other bear sat on a seat, holding the reins of a golden carriage. Two giant white doves sat in the front on the street, waiting to take off. The seats inside were covered with red curtains decorated with eagle designs.

“At least it’s not horses,” Docile mentioned as he climbed into the coach followed by Tirred, Timmid, and Sunna. They put on their seatbelts and with a “Yah!” from the bear driver, the doves took off into the light blue sky. The carriage soon flew through a portal and the sky turned white. They were in the Halo of Charity. Tirred and Timmid still avoided eye contact.

“Hey Tirred,” Docile mentioned to his subordinate. “Aren’t you from here?”

“I grew up in Patience, like Timmid,” mentioned Tirred and pointed. “I live just over there.” They flew over a glorious landscape filled with trees, rivers, and clean pristine buildings. Down below, people were having fun at the Woo-Hoo Land amusement park. The crystal structures and water slides glimmered in the sunlight. There was no pollution and no violence in sight. Several other angels patrolled the area, standing guard like divine police. A sign read: “Welcome to Generosity Town: enjoy your stay! No Criminals Allowed!” The carriage continued until it lowered to a stop. “Whoa!” called the bear pilot and they stopped. Tirred got out and the others followed.

“Whoa!” Timmid exclaimed in amazement. “Is that…”

“Yes, my home,” said Tirred.

They stood on the grounds of a marvelous mansion. The walls were made of marble painted red and several rubies decorated the window frames. The roofs were styled like those of German houses and there were two black eagle statues flanking the double gold doors. The lawn was green and there was a fountain of water in the center of the area. The roof over the front door was held by two white Greek columns. The whole area was immaculate.

Just then, two slender elves came out from inside. The man had short black hair like Tirred’s, navy blue sclera eyes with teal pupils, black freckles, and dark teal skin. His pointed ears extended past his black round hat on his head. He wore a navy-blue suit and green tie and a police badge on his chest. He also wore nice dark pants and shoes.

“Hello Tirred,” said the man. “It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you.”

Tirred slowly made his way forward, straightening his teal bow tie.

“Hello, father,” Tirred replied. “Everyone, this is my father, Turquoise. And this is my…”

“Ex-girlfriend,” Timmid muttered.

“Nice to meet you,” Turquoise said, shaking Timmid’s hand. Timmid shyly stepped back.

“I heard you guys are all in a business to help humans,” said Turquoise. “I hope you are being careful out there. You know humans can get pretty nasty.”

“Well, I personally love those guys,” Docile added, stepping forward. “Look past their flaws and you’ll see saints in progress.”

Turquoise raised his eyebrows. “You must be Docile. With the silent ‘e,’ right?” They shook hands.

“Yes, that’s me,” he said. “And my assistant Sunna.” She waved in the background.

“And this over here is my wife, Blau,” Turquoise mentioned.

Tirred glanced at his mother with an apprehensive look. She was tall and slim, wearing a blue German dress and black heeled shoes. Her hair was black, straight, and long, her elf ears sticking out. She had the same eye color, skin color and black freckles as her family.

“Helping humans on the job,” Blau said out loud, her face blank. “I’m surprised my son is still not a Cleanser yet.”

There was an awkward silence. Timmid got the answer as to why Tirred was quiet about his family.

“Mother,” Tirred began. “I’ve been trying for years. They said I’m too short.”

“Your boss was one,” she mentioned.

“Yeah,” Docile added. “But it got to be too much.”

“So, you quit.” Her eyes narrowed.

Docile shrugged nervously. “Y-yeah. But I started my own business to help humans get to Heaven. I’d say that’s good enough for me.”

‘Well, you do you,” she shrugged. “I only care about what my son does.”

Turquoise chuckled nervously, glancing at his wife. “You know, how about we all come inside for some dinner? My bear assistants have something special planned for tonight.”

Two bears wearing uniforms stood guard by the door, holding angelic spears. Their wings were folded behind them. Tirred looked at a nearby poster hanging from the wall in the shadows inside the manor: “Go beyond human sin…count yourself lucky to be here.” It showed etheric angels with glowing eyes and alien-white faces.

“You doing okay, Tirred?” Sunna asked, walking beside him.

Tirred folded his arms. “I’m fine,” he said.

“You don’t look very…”

“I already said I’m fine!” he seethed. “Perhaps you should’ve stayed behind!”

“No way,” Sunna glared. “I never leave my friends behind. At least…the good ones.”

Tirred rolled his eyes, glaring at Timmid who stared at him.

“What’re you looking at?” he asked, making her flinch. “I’m still not talking to you.”

“F-fine,” she said, eyes downcast. “I’d say even my cowardly family is braver and more honorable than you, but…”

Tirred seethed in annoyance as he stomped toward the door.

Docile strolled in and took off his shoes before heading inside. The others did the same. The bears came in last and closed the double doors.

0 0 0

The mansion interior was large and light. There were several large windows that let in sunlight. The wallpaper was red and decorated with designs of angelic eagles, wings outstretched and eyes on them. A cross of spears was under the eagles.

Blau strolled over to a bar, where a glass cabinet with glass bottles glowed white. She took a bottle of Heaven’s Light 33 and poured some for Docile. She also added several ice cubes to his drink. She walked over to the elf and gave it to him. Docile bowed in thanks as he sat on a black leather chair in the living room. Blau walked back to the bar and poured a tall glass for herself. A fireplace emitted white flames in the living room, the black grate decorated with eagle designs.

“So Docile,” Turquoise said. “Is it true that you used to be an Exorcist?”

“Yes,” said Docile. “I was also part of God’s choir for a while, but my father Jeshua Cantus encouraged me to join the ranks.”

Turquoise smiled. “That’s very impressive. It’s great to have someone in Heaven with experience and courage.” He sat down across from Docile, and they drank their drinks. Timmid and Tirred sat on opposite ends of a couch. Sunna was curled up on a nearby rug.

Docile added, “Of course it wasn’t easy. Being an elf in comparison to the other heaven-borns can be a bit of a struggle. Even compared to the formerly human saints, it’s like you’re in the background.”

“Tell me about it,” Blau said with a sigh. “This family has been the head of Charity’s divine protective force for many years. Our money is generously donated to several programs: one to help the Cleansers and two, to help fund schools for the saints.”

“What do those schools do?” Docile asked.

Blau smiled as she sat on a stool. “They explain the many amazing roles that saints and the heaven-born alike can fulfil. There are some roles, for example, God’s council, that the heaven-born are more suited for. But the former mortals can go around and teach angels and new arrivals what it’s like in both worlds. And of course, the Cleansers is a position not for the faint of heart. Heaven-born and former humans alike can apply.”

Timmid’s eyes went wide. “Wait a minute. I thought only female angels could serve under Hazbin Adam.”

“There are a lot of females in the Hazbin army, but with so many Sinners in Hell, angels from every class…and either realm of Heaven…are encouraged to apply for Cleansers. Even elves.”

Tirred gulped.

Timmid spoke up. “D-doesn’t that mean that…the former humans who came to Heaven…are killing the former humans now in Hell?”

“Yep,” Blau said casually as she took another sip of her drink. “Man against man…conflict has always been in their nature.”

“And…you see nothing wrong with that?” Timmid asked. Docile also looked concerned.

“That’s just the way it works up here,” Blau explained. “There are lots of requirements for humans to be admitted into paradise and very few make it. But hey, some like Adam get incredible privileges.”

“But their families in Hell…” Timmid began.

“Are not their families anymore,” Blau finished. “Saints and sinners don’t mix, after all. Besides…” She drank again. “There is so much to do up here anyway. Drinks to enjoy, charities to fund, sinners to judge…”

“Right,” Tirred began as he stared at the various angelic weapons on display on the walls around the rooms. There was a tense silence before a knock on the door was heard.

“I’ll get it,” called Timmid. She stood up and walked to the door. She opened it.

“Hello, old friend!” smiled Zach the bear.

“Oh Zach!” she beamed. “You got here just in time. Come in!”

Zach stepped inside, briefly stretching his wings. He was a lavender-colored bear with white angel wings and a gold halo over his head. He wore blue overalls, a white shirt with a red heart on it and carried a flute in his pocket.

Tirred rolled his eyes. “Great, the care-bear is back.”

Zach walked up to Tirred and smiled. “How’s my grumpy little elf buddy?” he teased, playfully pulling at Tirred’s cheeks. Tirred swiped the bear paws away. “I’m not your buddy!”

“Oh, sure you are! Remember you, me and Timmid, how we used to shoot arrows together at camp?”

Timmid smiled. “Archery class was one of my favorites.”

“I always beat you,” Tirred mentioned.

“Yeah, but Zach beat you at everything else,” she giggled. “Your canoe flipped over, and your s’mores got burned to a crisp.”

Tirred scowled. “Don’t remind me! Plus, his size gave him a huge advantage!”

“How about a celebratory bear-hug for our reunion!” smiled Zach. Zach squeezed a smiling Timmid and an annoyed Tirred before dropping them.

“Welcome back, Zach,” Turquoise smiled. “It’s great to see you again. And I always appreciate you promoting our family business.”

Zach smiled. “Just doing what I do best.”

“Tirred in the judicial force,” Docile smiled. “Imagine that. Next time I’ll call your parents to arrest you if you get in trouble.” He laughed playfully, much to Tirred’s annoyance. He saw a framed picture of Turquoise shaking hands with an angel with a flaming head and a sword by his side. Another one was a family picture of a baby Tirred standing next to his parents. His father’s hand was on his shoulder while his mother stood off to the side.

Just then, a maid elf came into the room. “Dinner is served.”

0 0 0

They all sat down at a long dining room table, where an array of German meals were placed in front of them: sauerbraten roast beef stew, bratwurst, reibekuchen fried potatoes, and kirschtorte sponge cake with liquor, chocolate and cherries. Tirred stared at his food, not hungry. Timmid picked at her potatoes. Sunna and Docile enjoyed their food, while Blau drank some more. A vase of red, orange, and yellow flowers was at the center of the table.

“This is kinda awkward,” Docile mentioned.

“I suppose you want to know why you’re here,” Turquoise said.

“Yes,” Docile said. “We save people on Earth, right? We bless them and give them chances to come here. We don’t normally do contracts for locals so if you want to do business with us…”

“We don’t want to do business with E.L.F.,” said Turquoise. “We’re here to do business with our son.”

“Me?” Tirred asked.

“Yes,” added Blau. “I summoned E.L.F. to make sure you’d show up. Because…Zach over here will be helping us out.”

“Why him? He’s annoying and cheery!” Tirred narrowed his eyes.

“Ever since you left, your mother and I had to pick up the slack. Not only do we fund charities, but we also have to help out the former humans here who’ve…lost their way,” Turquoise explained. “I think Zach’s loving presence will help encourage some of the saints to change their ways and remain marvelous obedient citizens.”

“But he can’t even handle a spear!” Tirred protested.

“That’s why we have you,” Blau deadpanned. “To make sure nothing goes wrong.”

Tirred stared at his plate again.

“But why waste our time over it?” Docile asked.

“And what does this have to do with Tirred?” Timmid asked.

“Tomorrow, there will be a special ceremony,” Turquoise said. “Zach and Tirred will head to Samael’s stadium to help pass judgment to troublesome folk. No punishment or anything, just to give some feedback. Then all of you will be free to go once it is over. I’m hoping that Tirred will finally get a chance to be a Cleanser if he succeeds. To become a steadfast, unwavering warrior, one must not falter in the faces of wrongdoers. Sometimes killing is necessary for the greater good.”

“Thou shall not kill except when God wants us to,” Tirred rolled his eyes with a scoff. His father glared at him.

“So… it’s jury duty?” Sunna asked, as she finished her meal.

“Sort of,” said Turquoise. “No need for him to stress out. No pressure at all!”

Docile wondered. “Maybe he wouldn’t be stressed out if he didn’t have to constantly wield weapons and be with a person that’s too nice for him.”

“Thank you, sir,” Tirred said to Docile.

“You’re welcome, son,” said Turquoise. “I’m glad to know you’re up for the responsibility.”

“I was talking to Docile,” Tirred said. His father glared at him.

“Look, son, being able to do what is necessary to keep our world in order, along with weapon use is essential experience for being a Cleanser. It’s what you wanted for years, right?”

Tirred nodded, sullenly. The desire was engrained in him so deep, that he constantly forced himself to believe it.

“Then, there you go,” his father said with a smile. “I know tensions have been high tonight, so I think you all should get some rest. The servants will show you to your rooms, they’re all prepared. Docile and the rest of E.L.F. will stay here, tomorrow.”

Timmid was about to protest, but Sunna encouraged her to move forward.

The group headed out of the dining room and up the stairs.

Docile wondered out loud as they reached the top of the stairs, “Why does your dad want us to stay here?”

Tirred sighed. “It’s my dad. He doesn’t want strangers around when family business goes on.”

“But you’ve been with us long enough,” Docile said.

“Yes,” Timmid said. “As much of a jerk as you are, we always stick together. Who says we can’t hang back to make sure it goes alright?”

“I suppose you can try,” Tirred began.

“You can do it,” Sunna encouraged. “Get plenty of rest.”

Tirred gave Timmid a soft look as if he wanted to talk to her more. But she just turned her head away.

E.L.F. went to their separate rooms.

0 0 0

The next day, Tirred and Zach got up early and headed with Blau and Turquoise to the stadium. Tirred and Zach were dressed in their best black suits for the occasion. The stadium was silver and shaped like a golden moon. They walked through the doors and came to a wide arena.

As soon as they entered, Tirred had a strange feeling of dread. Zach, meanwhile, was fascinated by the room and the crowd.

“So many kind people here,” Zach exclaimed. “I can’t wait for the ceremony. Aren’t you excited, buddy?”

Tirred tried to keep his teeth from chattering. Zach didn’t know what really went on in these walls, but Tirred always remembered.

There were angels sitting on comfortable benches in a semi-circle. Within the walls were torch decorations on either side: golden angels playing trumpets and white flames dancing in the trumpet openings. On the white marble floor was a design of justice scales made from real gold that decorated the floor. Sitting at a podium were council members that looked like white etheric aliens with glowing white halos on top of their heads. Several archangels were seated to the left, including the blonde haired and pale faced Michael.

Samael himself was seated at the highest seat, a spear in his hand, hair blonde. He was God’s harshest judge and thrived on giving out various punishments. He stood proudly in his red suit, badges glinting in the firelight. He glanced at Tirred and winked. Tirred felt like he was going to vomit.

Tirred felt a hand tug his ear, hard. Out of the corner of his eye, he felt someone by him. A whisper from his mother into his ear, made him freeze. There was a stench of alcohol that reached his nostrils.

“Don’t mess this up, Tirred. You should’ve stayed with this family in the beginning. One step out of line, you’ll be begging for the Lord’s mercy. Understand?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Tirred nodded with a whimper and his mother let go of his ear. Turquoise kept walking along, oblivious. The elves took their places behind Samael in a row of seats. Sunlight shone through a decorative hole in the ceiling.

The courtroom grew quiet. Several Exorcist angels from Hazbin Heaven stood guard; their faces hidden by horned black LED masks with hideous demonic grins.

“Is everyone ready?” Michael asked.

“Yes, sir,” one of the angels said. Another angel began to magically write down the proceedings with a feathered quill on a scroll, hovering in the air.

“Welcome one and all, heavenly hosts,” Michael began. “Today is another fine day to welcome our new citizens and arrivals who are about to enter our world. Today’s jury consists of the leader, Lord Samael, me, Archangel Michael…” He listed more names and ended, “…and finally, our esteemed elf family members of the court, Turquoise Sirname, Blau Sirname, their son Tirred Sirname, and new recruit Zach Trueman.”

Zach beamed as the elves looked sullen.   

“Successful completion of this session will enable Tirred Sirname to begin his Exorcist training or Cleanser training in a week’s time after filling out the necessary forms. Whatever group he chooses.”

“Of course, he’ll have to turn into a sexy lady to be with me,” Adam smirked. “All memories gone.”

Tirred stood stunned. His father patted him on the back and his mother smiled at him.

“Two groups will arrive,” said Michael. “The ones from the left portal will be new arrivals from Earth.” He pointed toward a green swirling portal. “Those who pass the qualifications will transform into their animal angelic forms and ascend the golden stairs to our world in triumph.” He waved his hand and a golden staircase appeared, leading up to the hole in the ceiling. “The other gold portal over there,” he pointed, “will consist of current saints and Heaven-born arriving in need of correction and assistance. God’s word will be the final call. The newly departed will be the first to arrive.”

“Let this session commence,” Samael called, banging his staff on the floor.

0 0 0

Timmid, Sunna, and Docile soon woke up to find that Tirred had already left. They were about to go outside, when a bear in a suit and hat blocked their way.

“No leaving until the ceremony is over,” he said in a gruff voice.

“Why?” Timmid asked.

“Non-family members not invited.”

“But Zach’s not part of his family,” Docile said.

“I don’t make the rules, I just follow them.” The bear waved a paw, mentioning for them to scram. They wandered back to their rooms.

“Is it just me, or am I getting a bad feeling about Tirred?” Timmid asked.

“You worried that he’ll mess up as usual?” Sunna asked.

“No, not that.” She sighed, fingering her hair. “Well, sort of. I know that I broke up with him and don’t really want to see him again. But…I just have this feeling he may be in danger.”

Docile shrugged. “I don’t see how going to a courtroom could be dangerous. There are many of them that help with greeting new souls to Heaven and giving people a chance to correct their wrongs here.”

“But didn’t you hear Turquoise last night?” Timmid asked. “They are going to Samael’s courtroom specifically.”

Docile’s face fell. “Samael? He’s usually only there for bad punishments. You know, for angels that disobey the rules and don’t want to repent.”

Timmid stuttered. “W-what kinds of punishments are we talking about?”

“Probably the whips and chains ones that I’ve been through,” Docile said. "And reciting the Bible a hundred times. There are no penances that get worse than that…”

0 0 0

The new souls soon arrived in single file through the green portal.

“Ronny Mash,” Michael called. The spirit of a brown-haired man glided forward.

“Welcome to modern Purgatory,” Samael said. “Let’s check your profile.”

A list of the man’s actions and qualities appeared behind him, on a transparent wall of slithering silver energy.

“Let’s see…born in New York, died half an hour ago, had a wife Layla Lee, two nice children…”

He then was asked questions.

“Have you displayed the virtues of kindness, charity, loyalty to your spouse, faith in God and selfless service?”

“I have,” Ronny said.

Scenes flashed on the energy screen of all the good things he did in life. The archangels nodded in approval.

“Now for your sins…,” said Samael.

Ronny’s bad deeds appeared on screen, and he turned away in embarrassment.

“Well, it looks like you had a one-night stand with a guy while drunk, skipped church for a year, did the usual swearing words…”

“I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…”

“Remember,” Michael said. “You have a chance to repent.”

After reciting from the Bible, Ronny stepped into a circle of white flames. A red “P” was on his forehead.

“These flames will purify you of your sins,” Michael says.  “If the ‘P’ vanishes, that means God has accepted you.” The other angels took careful notes. “Angel groups, you may begin your discussions.”

Tirred and his family then met with another group of angels and talked amongst themselves.

“Ronny may have cheated on his wife, but he was drunk and not in his right mind,” said an angel.

“Did he confess his actions to his wife?”

“Yes, he did, and apologized.”

“Took a while, but it’s better than nothing.”

“Why did he skip church?”

“It was just an accident.”

“But he kissed a man…”

“Again…not in his normal state of mind…”

“Love is love. There are plenty of gays here.”

“Gays who have to hide their actions.”

“Why wouldn’t there be gays here? Hell’s population is literally 95% non-binary.”

“So, it makes sense that Heaven’s population should be straight, traditional, opposite and plain boring!”

“At least schools here are perfect.”

“If you follow all the rules and wear neat uniforms 24/7. There really doesn’t need to be North-Korea level worship of God and Jesus all the time.”

“Would you rather be in Hell and face school-shooters every day? Jeez, I thought Earth was bad enough nowadays, those poor souls...”

“Can we all get back to the topic, please?!”

Tirred’s family, as usual, called out the group’s final decision. “We think he’s innocent.”

“Let’s see the verdict,” said Samael.

The room grew tense and quiet in anticipation. Tirred gulped as the soul stood in the circle of white flames. After a few moments, the red “P” vanished, and the flames cleared.

Samael banged his staff. “He is granted entry.”

The room clapped and Ronny sighed in relief. His soul floated up and after being engulfed in rainbow light, he hovered in his new angelic form. The crowd gasped in amazement as Ronny became a sentient flying lion with wings and a halo.

“Choose your eternal name,” said Michael.

“My new name…is Leo Lionel Lionheart!” called the soul and everyone cheered.

Angels escorted him up the golden steps through the portal in the roof. Tirred sighed in relief.

The next soul was a blonde woman who had died from suicide.

“Kelly Mainford,” Samael said. “Let’s see your profile.”

Images from her life appeared on screen as the angels took notes. She had donated to charities, done well in school, and gotten married.

“Let’s see the sins,” Samael said. “Hmm…no attending church, being unfaithful to your husband…”

Kelly grew fearful. “I had to leave him. He was being very violent with me.”

“Using drugs…being a prostitute, oh my, you know, G-O-D…”

“My husband stole all my money, so I had to make more!”

Samael narrowed his eyes. “Not to mention being violent toward others, almost killing a man…”

“He was trying to take my children away!”

“Enough. Step into the circle.”

Kelly did so and a “P” appeared on her forehead. After a few tense minutes, the “P” was still there. The flames began to grow hot around her, hurting her. The crowd murmured and gasped.

Samael had a glint in his red eyes. “I’m sorry, Kelly, but it looks like you won’t get to go up to Heaven today.”

“W-What do you mean?! This is madness!”

“Take her away.”

She pleaded. “No! Stop, you can’t do this!” Exorcists grabbed hold of both her arms, unfazed that she was a spirit. They dragged her through the silver energy wall, the “P” vanishing. Kelly saw she was out in space, staring at stars and the eye of God above. Then she looked down…at a large portal with a red sky below it. Sulfur and brimstone reached her nostrils.

“Stop, please! Don’t take me from my family! I’m innocent!” Tears flowed down her face.

“Watch your back next time you see us,” one of the Exorcists said with a low cackle. “Feel free to choose a name worthy of your sins.”

She screamed in a panic and struggled against the Exorcist’s grips in vain. They shoved her backward and she screamed as she fell. Gravity rapidly pulled her down and her body morphed and contorted in the darkness. She had soon turned into her demon form…a gray she-wolf, before she landed in a heap on the Hell streets of Pentagram City. The Exorcists laughed malevolently and stepped back into the divine courtroom.

0 0 0

Docile froze and gasped in realization. “…unless you’re talking about banishment to Hell.”

Sunna and Timmid gasped. “What does that mean?”

“It means that Tirred will either have the chance to become an Exorcist or…experience something bad we don’t want to know about.” Docile said.

“We have to save him,” Timmid declared, panic in her eyes. “I sensed something off about his parents. No wonder he’s been such a bully! Only I’m allowed to mess with him!”

“But how will we get past the guards?” Sunna asked.

“Hey!” bellowed one of the bears, reaching for Sunna, “Get back to your roo…”

The bear was pushed backward by a kick from Timmid. The bear flew backwards and hit the wall with a painful grunt. Sunna and Docile stared at Timmid in disbelief.

“T-that’s how,” Timmid said, determined.

More stomping was coming closer to them.

“Let’s go,” Docile called. They got into position and fought the other bears. Sunna dodged their swipes and scratched their big feet with her claws, sliding underneath them. Docile grabbed a spear from the wall and twirled it at another bear goon. Timmid did flips in the air as she kicked the back of a bear’s head.

“Don’t kill them!” Docile warned. “Just knock them out!”

“Will do,” Sunna said, as she hissed at another growling bear. She grabbed a bottle of Heaven’s Light 33, smashing it against the bear’s head. The goon crumpled to the ground as the glass shattered. Docile kicked open the front door and the others followed. They raced across the grounds until reaching Zach’s purple car. The license plate read “TDDYBR,” and the car was clean inside. There were heart, rainbow and star bumper stickers on the back and front of the car.

Docile sat in the front, Timmid to the side and Sunna in the back. They put on their seatbelts. Docile finagled with the radio stations, pressing a button. The stations read, “MICHAEL’S MUSIC,” “STATION 777,” “HEAVENLY TUNES,” “GOD’S COVANENT CHOIR,” “GOSPEL SONGS” “EVANGELICAL HARMONIES.” Finally Docile found the perfect station: “PATIENCE’S #1 CHURCH HITS.”

The crew soon raced down the highways to the stadium. They soon reached the building. They got out of the car, racing past more bear guards, and dodging several Exorcists. Docile led the way into the building, running down the halls.

0 0 0

This time, the other portal wavered, and a Heaven-born angel stepped through, flanked by towering Exorcists. The angel was a small white female sheep wearing a green dress. She cowered as she was pushed forward, her white wings fluttering.

“Honey Baa,” Michael began. “Heaven-born. Friend of the worker bees and a fellow cherub. She’s been faithful, obedient, and compassionate for years…until now.”

The crowd murmured as Samael read her crimes.

“After Exorcist General Sir Adam patrolled Cherub Towne, Honey Baa took it upon herself to punch, kick, and swear at him along the path.”

The angels murmured again.

“Honey Baa, what say you?”

“I say, I’m not guilty.”

Samael shook his head. “Repent now and you’ll be forgiven. Why did you attack Adam like that? You know violence is strictly forbidden.”

Honey Baa wailed and pointed into the stands. “Adam is a selfish arrogant prick! No one else seems to care what he’s doing, but I saw him with my own eyes. He pushed my colleagues around and lifted up my dress from behind!”

Lute and Adam snickered from their golden thrones. Adam’s eyes and sharp teeth glowed yellow from the darkness as he spoke. “Lord Samael, she’s delusional! I did no such act.”

“I know what you did!” Honey Baa spat. “You also choked my best friend Maria the other day.”

“She’s a former human,” Adam said. “And she was trying to enter God’s palace to request contacting her husband from…down there. Former humans still come from sin, so I had to teach her a lesson. Cherubs should know their place. And elves, too.” He looked in disdain at Tirred, who seethed, eyes wide.

“And to think I used to admire you and your fighting against sinners,” Tirred thought in disbelief. “But even I don’t treat women and sinners like you do.”

“Everyone knows that only the Heaven-born can even get a small glimpse of God’s abode,” Lute added, sharpening her curved sword.

“I think she should get on her knees and apologize for spitting in my face,” Adam said with a smug. Samael nodded in agreement. “Go ahead, Honey Baa...”

But the trembling defiant Honey Baa crossed her arms. “After Adam assaulted me like that? F*ck no!”

More murmurs.

Samael cleared his throat. “Well, Honey Baa, for disrespecting Adam, you have sealed your fate…”

“No!”

Everyone turned to Zach.

“Excuse me?” Samael barked, turning around. “Zach, how rude of you to interrupt this judgment!”

Zach stood up. “No! Listen to her! She just explained to you that Adam assaulted her. She was just defending herself! Are you really gonna send her to Hell over that?”

Samael seethed. “Violence and swearing are not permitted here. And any act against Adam is an act against God.”

Zach stood his ground. “I don’t believe that God would want someone so prideful and heartless to represent Him. Jesus would definitely be appalled.”

“You know nothing of Jesus,” Samael said. “You’re just a bloke of a bear lucky enough to be part of your esteemed elf group. Now cease your behavior or join her!”

“Zach,” Turquoise said, sadly. “There is nothing you can…”

Zach brushed Turquoise aside. “I will not let you take her away! This is injustice!”

“I hereby sentence Zach to fire and brimstone…!” Samael began.

Just then, the double doors burst open and in barged E.L.F.

“Objection, Your Honor!” Docile yelled, pointing his angelic spear forward. The other E.L.F. members posed in fighting positions.

Samael growled as the crowd whispered and stared at the elves. “Oh, what now?!”

“Tirred!” Timmid called, racing to him.

“What are you guys doing here?” Tirred asked.

“Rescuing you,” Timmid said. She gasped. “Zach!”

Zach ran over to Honey Baa in the center of the chamber, knocking the Exorcists back with his meaty paws. He narrowly avoided a spear. “Fly away from here, Honey Baa, I’ll hold them off!” Zach yelled.

“What is that bumbling bear doing?” Tirred wondered aloud.

Zach punched the two Exorcists some more. He watched as Honey Baa flew back through the portal in the ceiling.

“That little b*tch!” Adam scoffed. He mentioned to more Exorcists. “Seize those filthy elves!”

The angels tried to calm everyone down. “Order! Order!” Michael barked to the fighters who ignored him. Tirred stood up to join his crew, but Blau gripped his arm. “Don’t you dare, Tir. Remember your family comes first.”

Tirred watched as Exorcists closed in on Docile, Timmid, Sunna and Zach. They could defeat them, but would they be able to escape the courtroom before more showed up?

Timmid was about to punch an Exorcist when another Exorcist tossed Zach to the side like a limp doll. The bear stood up but was soon pinned down by dark clawed hands. They dragged him forward to Blau and Turquoise, awaiting instructions.

Turquoise stared in silence. Blau stared at the bear in disgust. “Our family prides itself on honoring Lord Adam and Heaven’s protectors. Zach, your immature and reckless actions today have demonstrated your disloyalty. You let a criminal and angel-turned sinner escape. And there is only one place for the unfaithful.”

Blau glared at her husband, and he fearfully nodded.

Zach sobbed, then stared long and hard into their eyes.

“I’d rather go to Hell than serve the likes of you, anymore. Blau, I saw you mistreat my friend. I should’ve known something was up with you. I love Heaven too, but I refuse to honor a general who only knows the opposite of what God stands for. His violence ruthless acts make Hell’s demons tame in comparison.”

“Well then,” Blau said with a sneer. “It looks like you’ve been demoted from care-bear to scare-bear.”

Timmid screamed in protest as Zach was dragged away toward the silver energy wall.  

“Goodbye, Zach,” Blau said dismissively.

“Zach!” Timmid cried. She, too, was held in place by an Exorcist.

The portal opened, revealing dark space and the portal to Hell below. From behind the “X” of the Exorcists’ spears blocking the way, Tirred saw the pleading face of his annoying, but caring former friend.

“Timmid! Tirred! Tir, please help me!”

The bear’s brown eyes begged for help, his paw outstretched, wings beating frantically. Tirred gasped, frozen to the spot in despair.

“Tirred, please!”

He was dragged further and further away.

“Zach, I…” Tirred began.

In the background, Tirred saw the Exorcists carelessly toss the screaming bear down into the portal. His wings burned to ash as he fell. A tear fell down Tirred’s cheek. Up in the stands, Zach’s parents sobbed into each other’s hairy lavender arms.

Docile froze too, memories racing back to him. He saw the desperate dark teal face of his mother Allita in the courtroom. Docile was a little elf, his father, Yesha Cantus, somberly holding him back with his arm. Allita’s long blonde hair flowed in the breeze, as the portal in the silver transparent energy wall was opened. She wore a long blue dress with black sashes on it, the opposite of Blitzo’s imp mother, Tilla.

“Sins: protesting for the rights of demons and sinners to stay alive in Hell. Disobeying officials in church. Claiming that elves are as legitimate as the canon cherubs and angels. Supporting gays, rebels, heretics, and addicts.”

Samael banged his staff onto the floor in judgment.

“Mommy!” little Docile cried.

Allita raced toward her husband and son. She hugged them both, and they each cried. She gave Docile and extra-long hug before she was grabbed from behind by two Exorcists. She struggled and removed her necklace from her neck with one hand. She strained and reached forward, dropping the necklace into Docile’s small hands. It was a teal circle with a smiley face on it.

“Mommy!” Docile cried as his mother was moved further away. He last saw her pleading face before she vanished through the energy wall.

0 0 0

Tirred stood in shock after racing forward to the center of the room. “What have I done?” He had failed to save his friend…and he failed to show him the love he deserved. Zach had been nothing but kind (and annoying) to him, and now it was too late to save him.

“Tir,” said his father, coming behind him. He showed him an Exorcist spear in his palms that glinted in the light. “Now is your chance to begin your training and go back to your seat. I’m sorry about what happened to your friend. But you must finish your judgments and accept all outcomes. Can you do that for me?”

Tirred stared long and hard at the spear. This was his moment., his dream come to life. Had he known his family would help him become an Exorcist/Cleanser, he would’ve returned long ago. But he never found real forgiveness from them. But now…he would be forgiven by his family. He would finally make them proud. Tirred would prove to Heaven that he was a worthy warrior, even though he was an elf.

He glanced to see Docile, Timmid, and Sunna about to be escorted out of the courtroom by the alien angels. Timmid gave him a sad, heart-breaking look. He was about to lose her for good.

“Tirred,” Blau said, hand on his shoulder. “I talked to the Cleansers and they will help make you taller and stronger. Take the spear and do your duty. You will see many more faces of Sinners you will punish. You may as well get used to it. You know I only want what’s best for you. You’ve wanted this for years. Leave E.L.F. Make up for lost time and expand our business again.”

“Hurry, Tirred, so the session can resume,” said his father.

“Best for me?” Tirred wondered.

He saw his friends again, almost to the door. Tirred glanced up at Adam’s face, his formal idol. In the angel’s eyes was the look of a bully excited to test a punching bag.

“Do it, Tir,” Turquoise urged.

Tirred looked at his parents, breathing out years of repressed fear and pain.

“Or best for them?”

After what he witnessed, after he had watched his friend’s banishment, he knew that could’ve easily been him. Or Timmid. He now realized just how self-centered and bloodthirsty the Exorcists were…and how cruel and ignorant he had been to E.L.F. And his family business depending on him becoming…a sinner-killing monster.

He had a new family, a true family…and he wasn’t leaving them behind.

Tirred stepped back. “No.”

“What was that?” Turquoise asked, eyebrow raised.

“No. I’m sorry, sir, but I-I’ll have to decline your offer.”

“You wouldn’t…” Blau glared.

Tirred turned around and faced Michael. “Lord Michael, let E.L.F. go. Let me go with them. I won’t bother anyone else again. You too, Samael.”

“Address me properly, boy,” Samael spat.

“Sorry, your Mishonor, sir. Can I choose how you’ll punish me next?”

Samael’s eye twitched as a couple angels snickered.

Michael seemed to consider this. He waved his hand and the angels let go of E.L.F.

Tirred smiled in apology at Docile, who smiled warmly.

“It’s okay, Tirred. Let’s go home.”

“Docile…”

Abruptly, Tirred was grabbed from behind and pulled through the energy wall.

“Tirred!” Docile yelled with a gasp.

Timmid screamed and Sunna hissed at more Exorcists. Tirred struggled against the grip and soon found himself staring at outer space. His captor flew forward with him. Then Tirred yelled in fear as a red sky appeared below his feet. He was hanging by his collar above the portal to Hell…but he wasn’t held by an Exorcist.

Tirred felt a hand slap hard across his face, another hand gripping his collar. “You are more of a disgrace than I thought! If you won’t continue our legacy, then there is no more use for you!”

“Mother, stop!” Tirred choked.

Tirred shook in despair as his mother’s eyes bore into his soul, her fingers tearing into his wings. Tears filled his eyes. Sparks from the portal licked his shoes. One of his black shoes fell off and descended into the fiery depths. His mother’s fingers slowly loosened their grip…

Blau was then forcefully pulled back by her long black hair. She fell backward and rolled onto the narrow ground near the energy wall. Tirred struggled to pick himself up onto the small stone ledge. Timmid flew over and grabbed his hand. Tirred smiled in thanks as she rescued him.

“Not our son, you b*tch!” His father’s voice. “Are you insane?!”

 Turquoise wrestled his wife on the narrow stone pathway, no longer fearing her outbursts.

“Get off!” she yelled. “He’s gonna ruin everything!”

“Get out of here, Tir!” called his father, looking at him. “Don’t cause any more trouble, you hear me?!”

“Y-yes sir!”

Tirred nodded and raced back through the wall with Timmid. The Exorcists carried Tirred’s parents back through the energy wall.

Michael stood up. “This court is temporarily adjourned. We will meet back after lunch. All members of E.L.F. may leave in peace. Now. And Turquoise and Blau may leave to their home at once. Do not barge in and bother this court again.”

Samael protested but Michael cut him off. “The decision is final.” He took Samael’s staff and banged it like a gavel.

The elves left through the open doors, escorted out by the alien angels. Tirred turned and saw his mother’s vengeful face fade into the background.

0 0 0

Back at E.L.F. headquarters, the bears and carriage had taken them back.

Timmid and Tirred hugged each other and sobbed in front of the building.

“I’m so sorry, Timmid.”

“That’s okay, Tir. Next time, just tell me if your mother’s a psychopath. I can handle it.”

Docile and Sunna joined the hug. “I’m glad everything ended up okay,” Sunna said.

“So can we…uh…get back together?” Tirred asked.

“Don’t push it,” Timmid warned. “Your parents may be jerks, but you still have to make up for it.”

Tirred planted a small kiss to her cheek and revealed a small smile. “How about that? For saving my life?”

Timmid blushed. “Well…I guess that’s a start.” She showed Tirred a piece of white cake.

“Angel food cake? You know that Devil’s food cake is…”

Tirred slapped the cake to the floor with a swipe of his arm and stormed off, a sad look on Timmid’s face.

0 0 0

“In the glorious expanse of the seven heavens, there exists infinite amounts of incredible phenomena. The third sphere of Heaven where those who love God and humanity dwell. The twelve wise men in the fourth. The warriors in the fifth sphere and the righteous in the sixth. The golden ladder in the seventh for those who devoted themselves to prayer. But in the higher spheres of the Fixed Stars, you may see Mary and other saints. The highest sphere of all is the Empyrean, where angels dance in circles of light around the Light which is God Himself. Divine white roses flourish with life and positivity. Although Seraphim sing around God’s throne, seeing the Empyrean and its angelic guardians is just as spectacular. One the sabbath day, on the 7th day of the seventh month, our corner of reality is treated to an incredible sight. For it is said that Jesus Christ Himself will appear from a shining beam of light, bringing together souls from all corners of Heaven together. A divine sermon takes place in the sky, where Jesus and the Holy Spirit Dove will give each of us a divine message from God about our futures. This advice will give us much to think about in our long prosperous lives. Anyone can attend…” Yeshua’s Gist.”

Azrael, the Angel of Death, narrated the scene, a Bible in front of him. The images showed the Virgin Mary and the saints talking to various angels and souls. It showed Jesus with long brown hair and a white face and him wearing a worn white robe with a dove over his head. The sun, the moon, and all the planets aligned and formed the seven heavens, while the stars and angels brightened the higher spheres. Azrael curled up his hand and the images faded. An open Bible hovered in front of him, surrounded by gold magic.

“Well, at least it’ll be fun for the outgoing folk,” he mentioned.

He tucked in little Quartet Enoch, the swan princess who giggled. Quartet had white feathery hair and a dark face with green eyes. She wore a blue dress with halos on it. Her mother, Flora, had long black feathers; she was an avian nature angel.

Quartet’s room was white with blue trim on the ceiling. She had a princess bed with a gold sparkling canopy, and a gold crown design on the headboard. An overhead mobile showed an angel playing a trumpet, a star, a harp, and a flower.

“Daddy, can we go see it someday?” she asked, eyes wide in wonder.

“Of course,” said Azrael. “I promise. When the day comes, nothing will be able to keep me and your mom from seeing it with you. Goodnight, my angel.”

“Goodnight,” called Quartet with a yawn. The Bible followed Azrael as he closed the door. Quartet wiggled in her bed and giggled with excitement.

0 0 0

Many years later, a teen Quartet woke up, excited. On her calendar, she had drawn a Christian Cross and the smiling faces of her and her father and mother. She put on her green dress with black skulls on it, her gold crown, white jacket, and white boots. She greeted some golden singing roses that were in pots along the hall.

“Hey, Mom! Hey, Dad!” she called. The kitchen was empty. A halo flickered above her head.

“Mom?”

She looked on the balcony. Black onyx pillars held several dome-shaped gazebos in a garden below. There was a tricking of a gold fountain with a statue of a raised sword with water gushing from the tip. No one save for a groundskeeper elf was present there.

“Dad?”

Quartet walked all throughout the palace, her hand on a golden rail decorated with eye designs.

She finally spotted them out front in the courtyard. They were speaking in hushed tones.

They turned to her. “Oh, hello ‘Tet,” said Flora, brushing a flower from her black feathery hair. Her dress was various shades of green and made of feathers. Her angel wings were folded back, and a halo hovered above her head.

“Are you ready to go?” asked Azrael.

“Yes!” said Quartet.

“Go change into this,” said Flora. She showed Quartet a beautiful golden dress with diamonds on the front shaped like a Christian Cross between two white angel wings. There was also a pair of white high heels and gemstones to attach to her wings.

“Huh,” said Quartet. “I didn’t know it was that fancy. Still very nice.”

Quartet snapped her fingers and lifted herself magically into the air. In a flash of light, the fancy dress moved toward her and was on her. Her original clothes were back in Flora’s arms.

“Better,” said Flora.

Quartet lowered to the ground and smiled, but then spotted her dad walking away.

“Dad, where are you going?”

Azrael turned to her with a somber expression. “To attend to my usual duties.”

A bloody scythe appeared in his hand and his dark wings stretched outward as thunder crashed in the background for effect.

“But I thought you were coming with us?”

Flora sighed. “There has been…a slight change in plans.”

“Let me know how it goes,” said Azrael before vanishing into the darkness.

Quartet gasped. “The ceremony isn’t canceled, is it?”

“No,” said Flora. She waved her hand and a portal appeared. Both of them stepped through it and it closed behind them. They stood before a large gold palace with Hebrew letters engraved into the ornate double doors.

“Mom, what’s going on?” Quartet asked.

Flora gave her a look. “I should’ve told you this sooner but…”

“But what?”

“You know that you visit your father for the weekend once every month, right?”

Quartet’s eyes went wide. ‘Sugar honey iced tea!’ she thought. ‘I completely forgot!’ She slowly nodded.

“Well, it’s that time again.”

The double doors opened and there stood a tall, elegant swan angel. His eyes glowed dark green and his black feathery hair was in a tight bun. He wore a white suit with a high collar trimmed with gold with his sigil on his suit. Two swan heads looped around his neck. A red necktie was in the middle of his suit, and he also had a red cape behind him. Hovering above him was a halo with a red carnelian crystal in the center. His face was feathery white, and he had a hooked beak-like nose.

He revealed a small smile. “Hello, Quartet. It’s great to see you again.”

Among other rooms in the palace were other angelic members of the Shem HaMeporash. Some were humanoid but manly angels who had features of lions, lambs, doves, swans, eagles, and other heavenly animals.

Quartet awkwardly waved back. “Hello father.”

“I see Azrael has let you slack off again,” Menadel muttered to Quartet as he strode forward. He briefly looked at Flora. “You know, Flora…if your daughter ever wants to fulfil her role better and spend more time with me…”

“That is, if you’re not preoccupied with the angelic council and half a dozen other things,” Flora remarked coldly. “I’ve said it before…Quartet stays with me and Azrael the most. He’s married to me.”

“Which is a big mistake,” he seethed. “Falling for the angel of death who’s so unlike yourself.” 

“He loves me for who I am. He didn’t hesitate to care for Quartet.”

“You were supposed to raise her during the time I was gone,” said Menadel. “I wanted to be there with you and her. But my duties to answer mortals’ prayers and monitor the inferior race of the Goetia demons was paramount.”

“And you called yourself a breadwinner husband,” Flora scoffed. “Just because we’re rich doesn’t mean you can go off and put more things on all our plates! I’m surprised you’re not on duty right now!”

“I wouldn’t miss this ceremony for the world,” he said. “And neither should you and Quartet. You were supposed to remain my faithful wife. If you were a mortal and cheated on me like you did…well, just be glad you aren’t one.”

“How low of you to suddenly degrade the very beings you try to help,” Flora narrowed her eyes. “Mortals were made in His image too, not just us angels.”

“Sinful mortals are like sinful demons…just as bad and more often than not, they become demons themselves. Hence why we need Quartet to be diligent with ensuring that no threats…”

“The only threat I perceive is your overbearing, straight and narrow attitude,” Flora spat. “She’s still a young teen!”

 Quartet hid her face in her hands briefly as she watched the argument. Quartet knew whenever she was with her dad, she witnessed his detachment from her and his preoccupation with rules. She hated when her parents didn’t get along.

Hence when he said to Quartet, “I hope you’ve been practicing for the ceremony. There’s much to do.”

“Sorry, Quartet,” said Flora. “But you’ll be spending the weekend and ceremony with Menadel. I’ll meet you at the ceremony later.”

Quartet glared at her mother, who gave her an apologetic look.

Flora vanished through a portal, leaving Quartet alone.

Half an hour later in the ornate living room, Quartet’s back hurt as she stood rehearsing her lines for the ceremony. Being a princess, if she decided to attend, which she was, Menadel reminded her of her important role to inspire her people. Quartet enjoyed singing and praising to her Lord…but eight times in a row was getting tiresome.

“He is Elohim, our benevolent, all-knowing Creator. Jesus the Christ is His extension, the savior of the human race and of Earth. Archangel Michael, He Who Is Like God, is His angel general and supreme protector, sword of flame the bane of all evil. Before there was only darkness, but God brought light and life. For all who are lost…for mortals lost in sin and for the denizens of Heaven seeking answers, you can always go to Him. Obey, pray, and serve each day…for He knows all of us best. His light is brighter than a thousand suns, the whole of this universe created by Him. Jesus devotes his life to Viv…”

Menadel raised his eyebrow. Quartet cleared her throat.

“Um, I mean to give, all He has to help rich and poor alike…”

“More passion. More faith,” Menadel pressed.

“Father, I’ve done this so many times now…” Quartet groaned. She flopped on a couch made of velvety red satin.

“It must be perfect, if you are to attend,” he said. “Heaven counts greatly on the influence of the Shem HaMeporash family. The ceremony starts in a few hours.”

‘Still cares about status over his own daughter,’ Quartet thought. She never thought she would have to recite a speech.

“Can I take a break?” she asked.

“Yes,” he said. “After you finish your closing lines.”

Quartet sighed and continued.

“Don’t forget your choir song and pyrotechnic display afterwards,” Menadel reminded her.

After she finished, Quartet raced to her room upstairs. This room was vaster and more spacious than her other mansion room…not as homey. White pillars supported a large, curved balcony that was all her own. A gold chandelier with teal glowing crystals hung on the high ceiling. The ceiling itself was painted with Adam reaching out to God. (A replica of a famous mortal work of art). White marble swan statues were everywhere around the room and throughout the mansion, with Menadel’s symbol on them. Her bed was queen-sized, no signs of her familiar nature posters. But there were some posters of Jesus, clouds, and the Ten Commandments…almost like her father set up this room for her (he did.) When she was younger, Menadel was comforting in subtle ways, like when he sang the Lord’s prayer to her as a lullaby. Or the times when he said he was proud of her after teaching her some magic and flying. But Quartet figured that Menadel only saw her as a valued potential member of the Shem HaMeporash…not who she was deeper down. The weekends she spent with him were a tedious nuisance.

Azrael may have been gloomy and distant, but he had a softer, understanding side that seemed to be absent in her real father. Azrael also didn’t emphasis the religious aspects all that much. He mostly let Flora nurture her but was there for Quartet as much as he could.

At least, Quartet hoped Azrael was trying.

Quartet picked up her blue backpack with stars on it and slung it over her shoulders.

She then picked up a Bible on her dresser and flipped open the pages. There was no way she’d be dragged along to the ceremony by Menadel. She could already see Menadel parading her around just to make Azrael and other misunderstood angels uneasy. She looked much more like her avian mother and father than she did to the humanoid Azrael. Azrael was an archangel, similar to Samuel…important, but not always liked. 

Quartet looked at her scroll of paper that read “Change Is Holy…the Benefits of a more Inclusive Christianity.”  She absentmindedly opened a small portal and tossed the wrapped-up scroll through.

Then she concentrated.

“Take me to see my savior,” she said, visualizing Jesus in her mind. Then her mind got distracted.

The Bible glowed golden, and a white spinning cross appeared under Quartet. Tendrils of white spun and danced around her. Quartet’s eyes briefly glowed white, and she walked through the portal. The portal closed behind her.

0 0 0

At E.L.F. headquarters, a calendar hung on the wall. On one square, Docile had written, “Samuel?” with a drawing of a dark moon and a whip and a sad face. Others read “Jesus ceremony,” “Calm Sunday,” “Choir Practice,” “Good Friday For Coffee,” “Eww, Horses,” “All Complaints Day,” “Three Wing’s Day,” “Cash Wednesday!”, “Lent Rent Pay Day,” “All Sols Day,” and “Symphony.” In several squares, Docile had written “Have Them Talk.” That was circled in red on the current date. The calendar had a picture of Docile and his friend Veronica together at the beach.

Docile wasn’t having much luck in getting “them to talk,” a.k.a. Tirred and Timmid. They were still sour after their breakup at Camael’s Corner in the Chasity Halo.

Tirred and Timmid were sitting on separate couches, arms crossed.

“Now guys,” Docile said nervously. “You know that both of you still have to work with me to save lives…”

The elves glared at each other.

“I brought you two here for a reason. We need to solve this dilemma so we can move forward. Let’s take turns telling each other’s sides of the story,” Docile said. “Who would like to go…?”

“I will,” Tirred grumbled.

“You didn’t even let our boss finish!” Timmid piped up.

“Who cares? I’d like to apologize and get it over with.”

“You’re gonna need to do more than apologize for spreading that nasty rumor about Docile!” she said.

“It’s true though, isn’t it? You let yourself be punished by Samael?”

“Yes, but there was no other choice,” Docile said. “His Bible is what allows us to get into the human world. The only reason why I haven’t fired you is that I’m giving you one more chance to prove yourself.”

“How so?”

“By not spreading any more rumors. By being nicer to your ex-girlfriend and co-workers. By…going on one more mission with us.”

Tirred smirked. “You’re always gonna keep me, aren’t you? You need me as a healer and fighter.”

“Well, I…I could always replace you!” Docile mentioned.

Tirred growled. “Replace me?! With whom?”

Purring came from the doorway.

Tirred fumed when Sunna skipped into the room. She wore white pants, a sky -blue blouse and little blue gems on her long brown braids. Her eyes were round and sky blue, her furry brown cat face lit up.

“Wha…no, not…not her! Are you joking?”

“Uh…” Docile looked over to Timmid who gave a thumbs up.

“No, mister!” Docile spat. “I’m not! It’s time for some tough love. Sunna’s a fantastic healer…her purrs are enough!”

“She’s a ditzy hippie and high on catnip,” Tirred scoffed.

“Go…back to your desk!”

“Urgh!” Tirred yelled as he stomped off.

Sunna swayed with a mystic air as she sang,

“All souls come from the land of love

The land of love, the land of love,

All around us and above

All souls come from the land of love”

“Before time, a realm sublime

God made us all divine

Sent us down to explore

To create and love and do it more”

“Make friends, make amends

Our journey never ends

We do what we will

And we’re all loved still

All loved still, all loved still”

“Success to enjoy, errors to solve

God is change, we all evolve

We are harmony, we are one

All shall return when our lives are done”

“All souls come from the land of love

The land of love, the land of love,

All around us and above

All souls come from the land of love!”

Sunna sat happily at her desk as the three elves sat with open stunned mouths.

“She’s getting worse,” called Tirred, making a crazy “coo-coo” sign.

“You know, sir,” said Timmid. “Adding someone new might be the right thing to do. It’s not good for business with customers that depend on us saving lives for them to have a…”

She raised her voice, “…selfish, inconsiderate bratty sadist in our office!”

Tirred seethed. “That does it!”

Timmid and Tirred stomped toward each other, Docile getting ready to separate them.

“Oh look, you have a visitor!” Sunna called to Docile, pointing to the doorway. The elves paused.

Walking through a golden portal was none other than Quartet. She froze as the portal closed behind her.

The elves turned to look in silence.

“Um…hello,” Quartet said nervously. “I don’t think this is where the ceremony is.”

“Are you…Menadel’s daughter?” Docile asked.

Quartet stepped back. “Please don’t mention to him that I’m here! Sorry to bother you guys, I gotta go.”

She looked at her Bible pages, waved her hand again and another portal appeared. Her eyes turned white and gold energy swirled all around her. The elves stepped back and covered their eyes. Sunna looked on in curiosity.

‘Please let it be right this time,’ she thought.

“Wait,” Docile called, arm outstretched, “Maybe we should call…”

Quartet vanished and the portal closed.

“…Azrael…he’s not gonna like this,” Docile finished.

Docile grabbed Sunna’s fish-shaped rotary phone.

“Hello…Lord Azrael? Your adopted daughter just took a Bible and teleported to heaven’s knows where. We’ll find her as soon as we can, but we’ll need some help. Okay, bye.”

Seconds later, the office door opened by itself. There stood Lord Azrael, scythe and all. He was not happy.

“How did this happen?” he asked as he ducked under the short doorway. “She was supposed to stay at Menadel’s.”

“She just appeared in our office holding a Bible out of nowhere,” said Timmid. “Said she was going to a ceremony.”

“Hold that thought,” said Lord Azrael. He vanished into black flames and headed to the ceremony. Minutes later, he teleported right back, looking concerned.

“She’s not there,” he said. “She’s not back at the mansion either. Where could she have gone?!”

Sunna padded over and sniffed the air. “N.Y.”

“Huh?” asked Tirred.

Everyone looked at her.

“What?” she asked. “I have a good nose.”

“N.Y. Wait…New York?!” Azrael suddenly cried. “That’s in the mortal world! She could be in danger!”

“What are we waiting for then?” asked Docile. “Let’s go find her!”

“Disguises first,” mentioned Azrael. He chanted something and waved his hand. Teal light enveloped everyone in the room, and they floated into the air. After several flashes of light, they appeared standing on the ground in their new human disguises.

Azrael appeared as a tall man with thick long black hair, a black goatee, sullen eyes and wearing a fancy all-black suit. He wore a skull ring on one of his pale fingers.

“Hello, Grimm Reaper,” Docile remarked as he stared at his form. He wore his usual uniform but now had white skin and short black hair and blue eyes. Tirred had white skin, thin black hair and darker eyes. Timmid had slightly messy white hair and blue eyes. Sunna, now an African American woman, admired her beautiful dreadlocks and brown cat-like eyes.

Azrael opened a portal and the group walked through. The portal closed behind them.

“Whoa,” the disguised elves said as they stared at the high towering skyscraper buildings around them. The Statue of Liberty stood radiant in the distance as people went on boat tours. The usual crowds of people were heading off toward Times Square for work, music, and shopping. Cars honked and yellow taxis maneuvered through the busy streets. Several gift shops were selling “Big Apple” and “I Love New Yok” shirts.

“The city that never sleeps,” Docile said. “Entertainment, everyone always moving and moving. Not so much different from Heaven.”

Timmid flinched at several thugs smoking and spitting in nearby alleyways. “Except for all the bad stuff.”

“And the misspelled signs,” Tirred grumbled, observing the “Welcome to New Yok!” signs everywhere.

“Sunna, sniff,” Docile said with a smile, marching forward.

Sunna intently sniffed a bag of catnip she had brought with her. She opened it and poured bits of it onto her tongue. Her eyes darted and her smile was one of bliss. A purr rumbled in her throat. The other E.L.F. members gave her sideways looks.

“Not that smelling!” Docile glared.

“Oh, right,” she said, pocketing the bag. “I still can’t smell anything in this city.”

“Can’t you do anything right?” Tirred spat.

“Can’t you be anything other than a nuisance?” she retorted. Timmid snickered.

“The next person I hear arguing will get a reduction in pay,” Docile warned. “Let’s go.”

The group walked by hot dog stands and men playing guitars on the ground. They visited “Rockiseller Center” where a beautiful Christmas tree was on display. Many people were laughing and ice skating around in circles. Holiday music played from the speakers.

“Christmas in July?” Timmid wondered. “I’ll take it.”

Timmid looked around and spotted a guy selling art. “Oh cool!” she said.

“Get some art over here!” called the bearded man. There were pastel oil paintings of dolphins and sunsets. There were keychains of the Statue of Liberty, Oscar award statues, palm trees, and a cartoon smiling glasses-wearing Vivziepop with blond hair and pink highlights in it.

Tirred rolled his eyes. “We’re on a mission, remember? That stuff is rubbish.”

“No, Tirred! I’m buying these!” she said in excitement. She handed the man some dollar bills and took several art and keychains with her.

“I’m a star at the Oscars,” she sang, pretending to use the Oscar keychain as a microphone.

Tirred rolled his eyes again and mentioned ahead of him. “Thanks to you, we just lost the group.”

“You’re no fun,” she said. “Let’s go find them.”

0 0 0

“Hey guys!” Docile called. “Check out this crazy costume!”

Azrael and Sunna snickered at Docile’s outfit. He wore a black jacket, a fake red pointed tail and fake stripped horns on his head. His mask over his face was an imp face painted red and white with fake sharp yellow teeth.

“This outta scare the pants off of any thugs around!”

A nearby woman screamed in happiness.

“Oh my gosh, everyone! Look! It’s New Yok’s Star, Blitzo!”

Docile glared. “What the buck is a Blitz…oh.”

In his costume, Docile glanced up at a billboard. An ad was displayed, showing a menacing imp with a pistol and an open-mouthed grin. Flames were in the background and the imp was riding on a brown horse. The title read in black, “HORSING AROUND: HOW TO GET AWAY WITH MURDER! ™”

Docile was soon surrounded by a large crowd, lifting him up. “Help!” he cried as fans screamed and cheered around him.

“I’ll handle this,” Azrael grumbled.

“No killing!” Docile cried to him.

Crew members and guards held the crowd back as a white van pulled up. A director with black hair and a black beard was eating a granola bar.

“Blitz!” the director called, flanked by towering agents. “We’ve been looking everywhere for you! You were supposed to be on set five minutes ago!”

Docile took one look at the director’s upside-down pentagram necklace and flinched. “No way! I’m not going with you!”

“Very funny,” he said. “Now get in the car.”

“No, put me down!” he cried as one of the muscular agents picked him up. One of his fake horns fell off and several fans fought over it. A boy tore off his shirt and his chest read “I LUV HB!”

“I’m Blitz’s…agent,” Azrael mentioned. “And I demand you…”

Azrael was also picked up and both were tossed into the back.

“Sunna! Find Quartet!” Docile called. Sunna nodded and leaped over the crowd.

 Docile leaped forward, but the doors closed in front of him.

Before long, they were both dragged into the studio. Makeup artists began working on Docile.

“Let’s get him ready! He’s on in five!” called the producer.

“Five what? I can’t be on a sitcom!” Docile cried to no avail.

Docile was soon ready and standing next to Azrael.

“Alright, you’re on in 10…9…”

The producer vanished through the curtains.

“Why am I doing this? I can’t be on stage!”

“Just blend in so we can find Quartet,” said Azrael, pushing him gently forward. “Good luck.”

“And action!” called the director as the lights came on. Guitar theme music played, and the red curtains opened.

Docile was on a stage that looked horrible. It appeared to look like a desert with cactus plants and fake dead bodies near his feet. There was an animatronic brown horse off to the side with one eye missing.

An actor with a demon mask was pretending to groan in pain. “Oh…Blitzo you horrible scum imp…you have any last mocking words?”

Docile froze on the spot. Sweating.

“Say something,” whispered Azrael as a teleprompter appeared.

Docile then read his lines half-heartedly. “Oh yeah, uh…no, the ‘o’ is silent you…fucking…asshole.”

After a moment, the audience laughed as screens overhead displayed “LAUGH” in green. Azrael laughed under his breath.

Docile improvised. “B-but don’t worry…God will take you where you need to be, away from your suffering so you can repent for your sins!”

After an awkward pause, the screens prompted the audience to laugh again, so they did.

Soon enough after half an hour, the audience began to get bored with the show.

“Oh, Kniffty,” said Docile, holding up a one-eyed black cat animatronic and reciting his lines. “You’ve done it again! You’ve cleaned up every mouse in this here Hell hotel! Very nifty of you to do so!”

The audience laughed half-heartedly. The cat animatronic let out a meow. “It’s nice to meet you! I’ve always wanted to make new friends!”

“Me too, kitty!” Docile said with a smile. “In fact, it is time I give you a new home. Find someone to take good care of you!”

“We could take care of her,” said an actor dressed like a tall red man with antlers. He was followed by people dressed in black. “I always can provide a smile for those in need!”

Docile stared at the kitty animatronic…and a flashback came to him.

0 0 0

Back in Heaven, he was at a “HeavenCat Adoption Center.” There were kitty condos and fenced in yards for them to play in. Docile stared at a humanoid black cat girl with angel wings that looked like the animatronic. She only had one eye. Her furry siblings smiled at him from inside a box.

“They’re all so cute. And so…content. But…lonely.”

“Maybe you could adopt this one here,” said a fat cheetah lady, pointing to another open-window condo. “Long-lived, lanky and very low maintenance.”

Docile peered into the adjacent condo and spotted a hairless pink cat with bent whiskers and a fish bone in its mouth.

“Uh, no thanks,” Docile said. “Someone more family friendly?”

“No problem.” said the cheetah lady. “We have a nice selection of other felines.”

“Who’s that?” Docile asked, pointing to another condo.

“Oh her?” asked the cheetah. “That’s Sunna. What a crazy little thing.”

Sunna was bouncing up and down and playing with a live mouse, much to the distaste of the quiet cats.

“Serious hyperactive qualities. I hate to say it, but once she turns eighteen next month, she’ll be off on her own,” the cheetah mentioned.  “We have food stamps and shelters though, so hopefully it won’t be too bad. Menial work is just as important, so…as long as she behaves, she won’t go homeless…”

Docile freaked out at the word “homeless.” He adopted her on the spot.

0 0 0

“No, no, no, no,” he said, back in the present. “You can’t have her. She’s my kitty and I love her!”

“The audience went “AWWW” as the signs flashed the message.

“Alright, Blitzo,” said an actress with a cigarette in her mouth. “Let’s finish up this show so Hell can get more ratings and sinners…”

She grabbed the animatronic but Docile held on tight.

“Let go of her!” he cried. He cradled the cat in his arms. He tossed off his mask, tail, horns, and costume, leaving his regular clothes on. The audience gasped as his human disguise fell away as well.

“Ahh!” a kid in the audience cried. “It’s a booger elf!”

Docile narrowed his eyes. “Really?”

The animatronic cat scampered out of his arms.

“Wait, come back!” he cried.

The crew and producers tried to grab him, but Docile sent them back with light blasts from his scepter. Azrael shoved more people aside and grabbed hold of Docile. “Let’s go find our daughters.”  

The animatronic cat laughed evilly and with a paw swipe, cut one of the wires near the curtain. The prompting screens changed from “LAUGH” TO “AWW” to “FUCK,” in red.

To Docile’s horror, everyone in the audience stripped off their clothes and pounced on anyone nearby. Moans and groans and the sticky scents of semen and sweat filled the space.

It was pure chaos!

“I think I’m gonna barf,” Docile groaned as Azrael carried him outside the door into the blissful fresh air.

Docile jumped out of Azrael’s arms and hurled onto the pavement. He accidentally slammed the end of his scepter down onto the street.

The studio building erupted in a set of flames and explosions.

Docile and Azrael stared at the burning building in disbelief. After making the sign of the cross over their chests, Docile and Azrael hurried on.

0 0 0

Quartet looked around at the vast city she now found herself in.

“Where am I?”

“Hello!” called a man dressed like a duck. “Great costume!”

“Uh…thanks?” Quartet blinked, before brushing herself off and following the crowd of people. 

“Excuse me?” she asked, several people who ignored her and walked on by. “Can anyone tell me where to find Jesus?”

“In Heaven, sinner,” replied a gruff old man who bumped into her on purpose. “The unworthy have no hope of seeing him.”

Quartet asked around some more. “Where can I find Jesus?”

“In your heart, of course,” said a blonde woman wearing a Christian Cross necklace and a red shirt.

“Where can I find Jesus?”

“He will come on the final days of Earth,” said an elderly woman. “He’ll save us all…I hope. Just be patient.”

“Where can I find Jesus?”

“Jesus? He ain’t real, bitch,” said a black guy. “Get your religious propaganda out of my space!”

“Where…can I…find…Jesus…” asked a tired Quartet.

“He’s over at this church of Latter-Day Saints,” said a red-haired man. “They do sermons every morning.” He handed her a church pamphlet.

“Thank you!” Octavia called. She raced over toward the church building and sat on a bench. A child next to her gave her a weird look.  

“Don’t stare at the creepy bird lady,” said the child’s mother, pulling her child closer to her.

The sermon and lecture went on and on…but still no sign of Jesus.

Thoughts raced through Quartet’s mind as the pastor talked and talked.

“What kind of sermon is this? No music, no standing and clapping. No loud and proud ‘Praise Jesus!’ and harp playing like in Heaven! This is church, not a high school lecture! You humans are so boring.”

“Ugh, talking about funds for the church again? Don’t you people realize there are hundreds of starving and homeless humans out there? You have plenty of money…use it!”

“I already know my Bible verses and history. You don’t need to repeat the same thing three times.”

“Enough with the talks about Hell! Positivity is what makes people want to get closer to God. God is perfect and good; thus He should not be feared! No, don’t you dare teach children under five about Hell…heck teens can get traumatized by that shit.”

“Whoa…did I just swear in my head? Without it being censored? I guess it only gets censored in Heaven.”

“Politics again. Abortion is bad? No gays here? Modern up, Christianity…Jesus accepts everyone!”

“You keep saying ‘Jesus will come!’ Well, where is He? I’ve been sitting on my feathery bum for hours…”

Quartet covered her mouth as everyone glared at her. She had accidentally said her last thought aloud.

She spoke nervously. “Heh, heh. May the Lord be with you, amen.”

Quartet scurried out of the church, groaning in frustration.

She continued walking until she spotted Altar-P, a Christian-themed clothing store. There was a beautiful art print of a swan resting in a golden fountain. A cross stood in the background on a hill as golden rays of the sun lit up the whole area.

Quartet admired the art and took a selfie. She posted on Gracebook, Heaven’s version of Facebook:

“Found this amazing art print in the window of Altar-P. Whoever made this masterpiece rocks! #earththings.”

The locations on her phone were Earth, Chasity Halo, Patience Halo, Humility Halo, Kindness/Loyalty Halo, Charity Halo, Temperance Halo, and Diligence Halo.

About half an hour after Quartet left, Sunna spotted the swan art print. She happily took a selfie and posted her picture on Gracebook:

“What a beautiful piece of art! You never know what you’ll find in the mortal world! #earththings.”

Sunna scrolled through the posts on her phone. Her username was “Sunlightpurring777.” Her “friends” were Veronica, Portal99, and Cool Cat. When she saw an identical post from Quartet, she gasped. She looked at Quartet’s profile. “Tet,” “Happy,” “Lover of Life” were her profile descriptions with angel emojis. She had 77 followers and followed 256 profiles.

Sunna noticed Quartet posing in front of a mansion that looked like a castle with towers. She headed over to it, but Quartet wasn’t there.

She traveled all over “New Yok,” looking at Quartet’s posts, trying to figure out where she was. She read Quartet’s posts and traveled to the various places.  

“So, this is the Statue of Liberty! Wonder why it’s so green? #earththings.”

“It’s Christmas in July! Saw some beautiful lights and Christmas trees on display. Went ice-skating today, tried to do a spin…gotta see if I can magically heal my bruised knees. #funearththings.”

Sunna thought she saw Quartet ice-skating. She carefully went onto the ice but let out a cat-like yowl as she stumbled and waved her arms. “Whaaaa!” She slid on the ice on her belly…seeing the figure as just a teen girl with a wig and large glasses.

Sunna laughed nervously and got up on shaking legs. She had forgotten that she briefly didn’t have her supportive cat claws anymore.

Another post from Quartet:

“Why is New Yok called the Big Apple? I don’t see any apples around…save for that rotten one that guy is holding over there. #grossearththings.”

Sunna hissed at a hobo-man who had tried to snatch her catnip.

“What a weirdo,” several people muttered at Sunna.

Sunna spotted a Bastet figure on display at another store. She was tempted to buy it…until she spotted a smiling Jesus figure with sunglasses near it. Knowing she could only honor one, she decided to skip it. She tossed several coins and dollar bills into a homeless man’s cup. He promptly used the money to buy cheap beer.

Quartet’s next post:

“The people who destroyed the Twin Towers are probably sulking around as demons in Hell. Nice memorial wall, though. #sadearththings.”

A picture of a tired Quartet sitting on a bench:

“This city could use a proper clean-up and noise cancellation. Lots of crime, too. This world NEEDS Jesus, y’all! #whyearththings.”

Several dogs on leash barked loudly at Sunna, causing her to jump in fear. “Ahh! Stay away!” she hissed.

“Scaredy cat! Or should I say, scaredy bitch!” several men laughed as Sunna darted away from the growling dogs, her hairs on end.

Sunna was panting in exhaustion by the time the sun had set. Under an indigo sky was a golden church with a water fountain in front of it. The fountain had a spinning globe in the center, supported by two statue hands. She raced toward the church and turned a corner. Sunna arrived at a curved flight of stairs.

Sunna glanced at Quartet’s final post:

“Apparently, Jesus is supposed to make an appearance at this gold church, where he will come down and do His speech. Don’t want to use my Bible and accidentally travel to somewhere else unknown again. As a resident of Heaven, He should be able to see me.”

Sunna looked at the church in the background of Quartet’s picture…and it was the same one!

 Just then, Sunna spotted a figure at the top of the stairs in a prayer position. The moonlight highlighted a familiar figure with feathery hair!

Quartet!

Sunna sighed with relief and transformed back into her normal cat form.

“Hey,” said Sunna, walking up the stairs.

Quartet turned around, tears in her eyes. “Hey. How did you find me?”

Quartet stood up as Sunna walked over.

“Your Gracebook,” Sunna replied with a smile. She held up her phone and scrolled through the church pictures. “Nice pics by the way.”

“Oh, thanks,” Quartet sniffled.

“Are you okay?” Sunna asked.

Quartet sat on the ledge as Sunna did the same. Quartet’s Bible and bag were next to her. “I can’t believe I was so stupid! I’ve been wandering all over New Yok City to find Jesus! I thought that I could find a spot where it’d be easier for Him to travel down to Earth. Now I’ve probably missed that fancy ceremony! And all I have now is this…smog-filled busy city!”

“Well, it’s not that bad,” Sunna replied. “It may not be like Heaven, but it’s unique in its own light. I mean,” Sunna shrugged, “It was kind of fun exploring around outside of home for the first time.”

“Yeah…you’re right,” said Quartet. “Oh, my dad’s gonna kill me!”

“Um…which one?” Sunna asked.

“Menadel for sure,” Quartet grumbled. “I’ll probably have to repent for my sins and stay grounded for a century! And…”

Quartet sniffed again.

“What?”

“My other dad…Azrael…he’s so busy with work like Menadel, he doesn’t even care! I’ve waited for years to go to this ceremony, but now I won’t get to go with dad and mom.”

Sunna put a comforting paw on her shoulder. “Let me tell you something. Azrael may be busy a lot, but he is very worried about you. He’s here.”

“Here?”

“Looking for you right now,” Sunna mentioned. “Your mom probably is wondering where you are as well.”

“Urgh, now I feel so bad,” Quartet sighed.

“We all make mistakes, it’s okay,” said Sunna. “Azrael, Flora…and yes even Menadel…they may not always get it right when it comes to parenting. But I assure you…all of them are trying.”

“Y-you sure?”

“I know it,” Sunna said. “Divorce…meeting Heaven’s rules and expectations…not always easy at all. But love always wins in the end. You know my song?”

Quartet shook her head.

Sunna’s eyes lit up and she sang a slower softer version of her previous song:

“All souls come from the land of love

The land of love, the land of love,

All around us and above,

All souls come from the land of love.”

Quartet’s eyes lit up as she heard the glorious sound of a choir from inside the church. The vocals supported the rest of Sunna’s song. Quartet leaned in for a hug and was further comforted by Sunna’s purrs. Her eyes closed.

“When you feel like the world breaks

Know that God forgives all mistakes

There is always love around you

Your soul family has found you

Let the loving universe guide you

to the truth that’s always inside you

The souls and stars are your friends

In a sea of love that never ends

That never ends.”

The girls hugged for a while, then separated.

“Thank you, Sunna, that was beautiful,” Quartet sniffed. Sunna felt like a comforting sister.

Sunna held out a paw and Quartet took it. “You ready to go?”

“Yes.”

“Let’s get you home,” smiled Sunna.

Both of them opened the portal together, appearing in Central Park.

Docile gasped in happiness. “Sunna!”

Sunna and Quartet walked through, hand in hand before it closed behind them.

“Oh Dad!” Sunna raced over and hugged Docile. “Thank goodness you’re alright.”

From the shadows, a gang member pointed a gun at the turned heads of Sunna and Docile…

Slash!

Azrael waved his scythe in an uppercut motion. With a scream, the gangster’s body tore in two and the two halves landed in a gory thud onto the grass.

He turned around, making his bloody scythe vanish.

“Quartet!” Azrael exclaimed.

Quartet lowered her head. “Hey, dad.”

Azrael pulled her into a hug. “Your mother and I were so worried about you!”

“I’m so sorry,” said Quartet.

“Why did you run away from Menadel’s? You know he was counting on you to be at the ceremony. And you know I haven’t taught you spells like that yet.”

“I didn’t want to go with him! I wanted to go with you and mom! I tried traveling to the ceremony but…heh…it didn’t seem to work out…”

“Yeshua’s Gist! Oh, Quartet I’m so sorry…I thought that you going with Menadel was the right thing to do…since…he’s your real dad…”

Quartet hugged him again. “You’re my real dad! I’m just glad you’re here!”

They stood and hugged, tears in their eyes.

Just then, under the moonlight, a man dressed like Jesus was surrounded by a crowd. He had a guitar in his hands and was singing “New Yok.” A bold “I’m J#1!” tag was on his chest along with a red apple sticker. A band sign read “Jesus and the Three Kings”, with a drummer, a keyboardist and a bassist playing beside him with crowns on their heads.

Several fireworks shot into the sky.

“If I can make it there, I’m gonna make it anywhere, it’s up to you! New Yok! New Yok!” he sang.

The crowd clapped and sang and danced along. Soon, Quartet and Azrael found themselves dancing to the music.

“It’s Jesus!” Quartet smiled in amazement at the guitar-playing saint. “It’s a miracle! I can’t believe He had time to come down to Earth for a visit!”

Azrael chuckled with a bit of an eye roll. “Still want to ask him about your future?”

“You know what? I’m happy knowing about the now,” Quartet said, staring into her dad’s eyes with love.

Sunna and Docile smiled happy tears and danced as well. Docile did a mental count and froze.

 “Hey, where are T and T?”

0 0 0

Meanwhile in an alley, Tirred tapped his foot impatiently in front of the portal. Timmid was dragging a heavy bag full of CDs, art, Oscar statues, medals, trophies, and the like.

“Art is heavy,” she grunted.

“March, miss!” Tirred spat.

His eyes then went wide as he spotted a shadow figure point a gun at an oblivious Timmid. It appeared to be a gang member. From his scepter, Tirred fired a bolt of light at the figure and the figure dropped dead. More angry footsteps were approaching. Timmid looked around. “What was that Tirred?”

Tirred grabbed Timmid and carried her through the portal. She cried for her merchandise, but the portal closed.

0 0 0

Menadel tapped his foot impatiently. His eyes widened as Jesus gave out future advice to the last person.

“It’s an honor to see you again, sir,” Menadel said. “Perhaps you could grant me your wonderous wisdom?”

Jesus chuckled softly. “Sorry Menadel, but that’s all the time I have. I only get to the people that I feel called to.”

“B-but I’m the most prominent well-respected member of the Shem HaMeporash!”

“There were lots of children who needed my advice more. Even I can’t read everyone!” Jesus responded.

“Please, sir, I am worthy to be read!”

Jesus paused. “Say…it’s a shame your daughter couldn’t be here. I heard she had a great speech planned. Something about “a more inclusive modern Christianity?”

“Um…that’s the wrong script…”

“Is it? Because I think she sent me a draft earlier today.” He held up Quartet’s scroll. “I, for one, am super impressed! She’s truly a tremendous force…born under a great celestial alignment like Octavia from Hell. Here’s hoping she can make Heaven an even better place for all. Anyway, have a good day, Menadel!”

“Wait, sir…!”

He vanished.

Sunna the Heaven-cat sat in the back of a clean flying taxi, the seats white and well-kept. She wore a beautiful long teal dress with a white Christian Cross in the center. Her long brown hair was pulled back in a braided ponytail, and she had several sapphires in her hair. Her necklace consisted of small white light orbs like glowing pearls against her furry light brown skin.

Sunna’s cellphone rang and “Docile” appeared on the screen.

“Hi Dad,” she beamed. “I’m off to the party in Chasity! There’ll be heaven-cats and elves there. Oh, I’m super excited!”

“Are you meeting Portal?” Docile asked.

“Yes,” Sunna blushed, remembering Portal inviting her to the party during autumn break.

“Be careful around him,” said Docile. “Remember what happened last time.”

“I will,” said Sunna, soon hanging up.

The taxi flew through a portal and the sky changed from sky blue to the light pink of Chasity. They flew through the sky and landed on a well-maintained street. Signs around the city read, “Good things come in moderation!” Other signs read “No sex”, “No excessive alcohol”, “No excessive food.” In all the restaurants, everyone got equal portions of what they needed, and the rest went to charity. Classical music and meditation music played throughout the streets and the lights were never too bright. Marble and gold statues of angels holding scales and swords stood over glistening gardens and pristine parks. Fountains held golden water which poured from one stone cup to another before settling down at the bottom. White doves and black doves flew around the denizens of heaven, who happily shared their bread and treats. Ying-Yang symbols dotted several shops. Of course, there were also many signs and advertisements promoting good marriages, abstinence, and safe sex.

No loud parties, no big celebrations. Only a sense of peace and calmness.

“Want me to drop you off here?” asked the female driver as the taxi lowered and slowed to a stop.

“Yes, please,” said Sunna. She got out of the taxi and saw a dazzling sight. She saw the large ruby-colored restaurant in front of her where elves and heaven-cats wore formal clothing; dresses and tuxedos studded with gems. They quietly talked and danced inside. No one stuffed their faces nor ate big portions…there was a politeness and serenity about the place. Even though it was in the Chasity Halo, the culture reminded her of Temperance. “Camael’s Concert at Camael’s Corner” shone in gold letters on a banner over the door. Classical music flowed through the restaurant, delighting the guests.

Sunna wondered where the party music was. But she decided that classical music was great, too.

“Sunna,” called Portal. The muscular white feline walked over, dressed in a light gray tuxedo and a blue tie.

“Portal!” Sunna smiled.

“Glad you could make it!” Portal smiled.

“Yeah, thanks for inviting me,” Sunna added.

“You’re welcome.”

Portal led Sunna into the restaurant. The top of it was a large dark red dome with glowing heart designs that matched the sky. The double doors were made of rose quartz and the handles looked like curved in white angel wings.

“Dinner for two,” he said. The waitress, a white cat with black stripes wearing a black dress smiled and said, “Right this way.”

She led them to a table with a white cloth where a golden rose in a small vase was placed in the center. They were near the dance floor, where heaven-cats were waltzing with each other. Portal and Sunna sat down, taking in the tranquil atmosphere. The serious angel Cassiel was playing the piano on a stage, to the delight of the guests. There was also the golden cross stage where Camael and Holly Wata had performed.

“Hey everyone, meet my new friend,” Portal called. Other heaven-cats meowed in greeting to Sunna, while a few rolled their eyes. One looked at Sunna in disapproval of her dress that revealed her legs. Near a magenta lava lamp, against a wall of golden ambrosia was the pink sigil of Camael.

The striped cat waitress came over to their table.

“Can I get you anything to drink?”

“One glass of Holy Spirit on the rocks, please,” Portal replied.

“Cloud Nine wine for me,” Sunna said.

“Okay then, they’ll be right over,” said the waitress, “But remember, everyone only gets one drink per serving.” She smiled and left.

Sunna shrugged. “I don’t get it. Heaven has endless feasts of food, yet we can’t even have another glass here? I mean, what if we spill it?”

“It encourages moderation and enjoyment of what you have,” Portal responded. “Especially when it comes to relationships. Unlike Earth, Heaven takes careful consideration of everyone’s needs. Just be glad the alcohol we have doesn’t affect us angels.”

“It still tastes good, at least.”

Sunna glanced at her menu: “Holy Trinity Dinners! One appetizer, one meal and one dessert…only 333 spirits!”

Sunna sighed. “Everything is getting so expensive nowadays.”

“Tell me about it,” Portal replied. “But at least we’re not in Earth or in Hell; their prices are outrageous!”

“Say,” said Sunna as the waitress placed their drinks in front of them, “You still working for Verosika? I mean, Veronica? Uh…”

“You mean Kiva Perdera? Yes,” Portal replied.

“Wait a minute! Didn’t you guys get arrested on Earth? And didn’t Kiva get banished to Earth? How did she get back into Heaven?”

“Must have been her fame,” said Portal. “She still has many fans in Heaven and they eventually overruled Deere’s decision to banish her. Or…”

Portal twiddled his furry thumbs, “I may have also created a portal and got her back in. Following orders to make sure there’s no conflict.”

“Following whose orders?” Sunna implied.

“Welcome ladies and gentlemen to our special celebration tonight,” said a voice. “Live at Camael’s Corner.” An angelic figure strolled onto the dance floor while several angels with glowing lotus flowers over their heads played a nearby grand piano and a violin.

“Him, of course,” said Portal.

“Wait…since when did you also work for…” Sunna began.

“Are you ready to celebrate with the King Pin of Chasity?” said the voice.

Applause followed.

“Let us begin.”

The spotlight revealed the angel of Chasity, Camael himself.  He wore his usual pink suit, dark pink top hat, and often carried a hidden sword just in case. His hair was short and brown, his skin white. He played a love song on his golden lyre and the audience was entranced by magic visions of peace, love, and harmony.

Portal clapped and Sunna was genuinely pleased.

“Hello, Portal,” called Camael, who came over in the blink of an eye. The two of them shook hands.

“It’s great to see you again,” said Portal. “How’s Holly?”

“Holly, Kiva, and Veronica? Still doing their work. Kiva is doing her performances and Holly is mostly on her missions to stop the spread of sin on Earth. Veronica is keeping to herself lately. Frankly, I think Holly would be better suited for the next mission…Kiva went a little overboard last time.”

Camael paused. “Oh, is this the kitten you were talking about?”

“Yeah,” said Portal. “Sunna this is Camael, the boss of my so-called boss, Kiva.”

“So…you’re alright with being with lower-status beings like cherubs and elves and cats?” Sunna asked nervously.

Camael shrugged. “We need as much help as we can get. If those guys can do their part for the Lord, I’m all for it.”

“Yeah, sure,” said Sunna, suddenly feeling self-conscious at all the elite cats around her. 

“Anyway, hope you have a nice night,” Camael said. “See you guys around.”

Camael left into the shadows as Cassiel mentored a group of angels about various dimensions.

For the next half-hour, Sunna was attempting to use the right forks and spoons for her meal. Portal helped her with choosing the correct utensils for her Golden Honey Soup, Ichthys eggs, lobster bisque with gold flecks, heavenly salad, and traditional angel food cake for dessert. She enjoyed the food and resisted the urge to lap out of her bowl.

One of the elite cats raised her eyebrows at Sunna’s hippie demeanor, while another cat wore a bracelet that read “The cat’s meow.” Another cat wore a suit with “I am purrfect” on it and another wore a “divine lives” shirt.

After Sunna finished her meal and after an awkward waltzing with Portal, she got a phone call.

Sunna answered.  “Hey Dad.”

“I’m on my way to your party.”

“Why?”

“Just to see that everything’s alright. I still don’t trust that Portal guy.”

“Dad, he’s fine and very nice. Give him a chance.”

“No promises.”

Soon enough, Docile had arrived in a fancier version of his E.L.F. getup.

“Enjoying your date?” he asked, arms folded.

Sunna blushed. “It…wasn’t really a date. We just talked about work and stuff.”

“Hello, Docile,” said Camael, appearing behind him. “You were just here the other day, yes? How’s E.L.F.?”

Docile smiled nervously. “It’s going great, sir. Some wild mishaps here and there, but otherwise alright.”

“Just be sure to stay out of trouble,” Camael said. “I’d listen to your sister if I were you…she has a pretty good idea about an ideal world in Heaven and Earth.”

“Right,” said Docile with a sigh and roll of his eyes. He turned to Sunna. “You ready to go?”

“Actually, how about a fun little contest?” asked Camael. “You still fresh with your vocals right?”

“Been a while since choir, but I’m up for it,” Docile said.

“Whoever can sing the greatest hymn about God, wins,” said Camael. “Cassiel will judge.”

“Bring it on,” said Docile.

Sunna drowned out the devotional droning and the ritual riffraff until, to her disappointment…

“Better luck next time,” said Camael to Docile before leaving. Docile groaned. “I was so close.” He turned to Sunna. “I’m ready to go home.”

“Me too,” said Sunna. “This party is getting boring for me.”

The elite cats stared at Sunna with judging eyes as she and Docile headed out the door.

They arrived back at their house in Humility, Docile and Sunna heading to their own rooms. The walls were emerald and sapphire with pictures of the E.L.F. crew.

“I love you, Sunny,” said Docile.

“I love you too, dad,” Sunna replied. “You know I’ll always be there for you.”

“Be where?”

Sunna laughed. “Everywhere, with you whenever you need me.”

“Spoken like a true E.L.F. member. Hey, don’t forget to help open the office in the morning.”

Sunna sighed. “Almost forgot about that.”

Anniversary Plans

The sky was a brilliant white and fluffy white clouds seemed to glow in the rays of the sun. Down below was a city in the clouds; heart-shaped buildings made of gold, silver, and glass. A nearby white sign with an eye on the upper center and a light blue Christian Cross read, “Welcome to Elf City: Second Sphere,” referring to one of the nine sectors of the Halo of Humility (similar to the nine circles of the vast Pride Ring in Hell). Standing out from the crowd of structures was the gleaming white E.L.F. office building, large concrete wings jutting off to the sides of it.

Sitting at her desk, Sunna lounged with an “Elf Gossip” magazine in her hand. It showed the two pop star sisters, Veronica and Kiva posing on the front cover. It read, “Two Opposing Views, Two Singing Sensations.” Sunna had heard that Veronica, Docile’s childhood friend, was much nicer than Kiva.

Sunna finished her bottle of Holy Water and placed it next to an open page in the Bible. The pink sigil of Camael lit up on the page. A portal soon opened into the room, outlined in pink flames. On the other side in a city, Docile was comforting a human.

“It’s okay, Jonny. Rest assured your father is here with us in Heaven. He will patiently wait for you, and he is proud of you.”

Docile gave the sobbing Jonny a hug before stepping back through. Tirred waved his staff in front of the man’s face, and he turned away as if he never saw them in the first place.

“Whoa, that was a lot of grievers today,” Docile sighed in exhaustion.

“I’ll say,” Timmid yawned as she carried funeral flowers in her hand as she slouched inside the office. “I’m not sure which is more draining, mortal funerals or religious lectures!”

“Well, you better stay tired,” Tirred added with a sigh of his own as he stepped through, “Because I’m going to bed.”

“Don’t you dare fall asleep in my office, Tirred,” Docile said. “Besides, I’m taking us out to dinner tonight. Let’s hit up the new diner down the street.”

“Wait,” Timmid suddenly called. Tirred turned around.

“We’ve been dating for a year now,” she said, facing the others. “I know it’s been rough at times, but I think we’re making some progress.” She grinned. “So, to celebrate, I’m taking Tirred to Camael’s Corner in the Chasity Halo!”

“Camael’s Corner?!” Tirred gasped, wide eyed in disbelief. “No way! That place is always booked!”

“Well, I’ve been planning it for a while,” Timmid responded, fluffing her white hair. “Made a reservation.”

“Wow, I can’t believe it…” Tirred said, surprised. “How you managed to book us a spot in such an exquisite place. Thank you…”

Timmid and Tirred embraced and kissed, while Docile smiled in admiration.

“I’d love to come too and help you celebrate your holy matrimony,” Docile pleasantly offered.

“Oh, please do,” Timmid added before Tirred mentioned, “I’m sorry, but the reservation is just for us.”

“Oh…okay, I understand,” Docile said. He suddenly felt left out. “I wish I had someone to go with me…”

“Aw cheer up, Docile,” Timmid said. “I’m sure next time we can get something arranged for you. You don’t need to feel alone; we’ve got your back. And perhaps someday, you might meet someone very special too.”

“Sure, it’s not like your lack of interest in anything intimate has anything to do with…”

“Don’t listen to him!” Timmid said to her boss, glaring at Tirred. Docile’s eyes darted off to the side.

Timmid hugged Docile before they separated. “You can spend time with us beforehand, we don’t mind. Right Tirred?”

Tirred rolled his eyes.

“Okay then, see you love-bugs later,” Docile said as he made his way out the door.

Tirred grinned mischievously at Timmid after he left. “Why don’t we head on home and…wash our sweat off.” He smirked as he gently rubbed the top middle area over her breasts.

Timmid turned red in the face and grinned. “Not here,” she hissed before she was led away by Tirred.

0 0 0

Later, the gang soon reached an area with white pillars and high domed ceilings with mural paintings on them. Some paintings showed cherubs flying around robed men who were riding on chariots. The classic “Finger of God” painting was framed on one wall. Light fixtures above were in the shape of golden halos, the lights illuminating the pristine white tile floors. One section of the floor was decorated with a large blue Christian Cross, another with the Star of David.

“Chariot 777 departing for Chasity in five minutes,” said a voice from a loudspeaker.

The chariots, in fact, appeared more like flying metal trains. The front of the trains were built in the shape of S shaped golden horses, the body consisting of train windows and doors. Two pairs of large gold metallic wings allowed the vehicle to fly in the air. The wheels were golden and lit up in flames and eyes whenever they spun. Angels and elves hurried along down escalators and elevators to the trains.

An itinerary on the screen showed the various levels of Heaven. It read “Chariot 777: Schedule.”

“Chasity” was labeled in pink with “Direct,” a downward arrow and “Boarding” beside it. “Humility” was labeled in white, with “Direct” and an upward arrow next to it. “Kindness” was in lavender, “Diligence” was in gold, “Temperance” was in teal, “Charity” was in blue, and “Patience” was in green, with “On Time” labeled next to them. (The colors also matched the sky colors in each Halo.)

Docile followed Timmid and Tirred as they sat together on a bench to wait. Tirred wore a black tux with a teal blue bowtie. Timmid had her white hair slicked back and wore a long white sparkly dress. Docile wore a more standard white tux. He got out his cell phone and pressed a call icon with him and a smiling Sunna on it. “SunnyGirl” was the label.

“Sunna here, I can’t come to the phone right now. Please leave a message that’s the cat’s meow!”

The voicemail beeped and Docile left his message.

“Hey Sunny, just wanted to let you know I won’t be back home until late. I have something important to do.”

He hung up and followed the couple down an escalator to one of the chariot trains. Docile was not sure why he wanted to follow them, when he wasn’t formally invited. Perhaps he wanted to keep them safe…and to see what this “dating” thing looked like.

Surely it was worth a try, right?

They all got into the train.

“The doors are closing.”

Buttons on the side wall displayed the Halo levels:

Humility

Patience

Temperance

Charity

Chasity

Kindness

Diligence

With a mechanical sounding neigh, the wheels began to spin with flames and the horse-like train sped from the tunnel and out into the open air. The flapping wings kept it airborne. They traveled downward within hovering clear crystal tubes between glowing portals in the sky, the sky colors changing from sky blue to white to pink. The train zipped through another tunnel down a track before skidding to a stop.

“Exit here for Chasity Halo.”

The doors opened and the angels filed out. Docile followed Tirred and Timmid from the terminal. Tirred and Timmid walked by a large slow-spinning pink crystal heart structure in the middle of the station. Even if he wasn’t invited, at least he’d get to see his employees off safely.

They all walked out into the outside world.

0 0 0

The Chasity Halo

The Halo of Chasity was a grand sight. The sky was a pleasing light pink, and the clouds were puffy white and shaped like hearts. The streets and buildings were immaculate, and angels wandered around in modest clothing. They wore long Victorian-style dresses in pastel colors, fancy suits, or regular modern clothes with several layers to cover up their arms, legs, and shoulders. Bi-pedal winged doves, sheep, and human-like angels with skin of every color, chatted amicably as church bells rang out their solemnizing symphonies. White flowers, songs and wedding decorations were as common as birthday parties in this realm.

Neon signs advertised churches, food, and shopping malls. Rule signs read: “No oral, no anal, no BDSM, no harm! Get married and stay sexually safe!” Another sign read, “Condoms and Contraceptives.” A billboard demanded, “NO sex on the Sabbat days and NO premarital sex.” More posters showed happy angels in wedding attire. Another sign on a bus warned, “Sex is a gift of God; use it wisely.” Some angels wore restraints and belts over their penises and vaginas in public.

More signs in bold letters one with a white flower on it:

“Abstinence: the positive choice to not engage in sexual activity until after marriage. Shows self-dignity and respect for God’s gift of sexuality. Do YOU have what it takes?”

A sign with hearts and entwined rings: “Stay true to your marriage partner; happiness will follow.”

A neon sign read: “Unitive love + marriage + procreative sex = happy families, you do the math!”

A commercial on a screen flared. “Beware: sex outside marriage leads to lust and destruction! Just because STDs won’t kill you in the afterlife doesn’t mean you’ll be spared!”

“Welp, this is why I’m asexual,” Docile gulped as he looked around nervously at the signs.

He glanced around where angel children were being taught a sexual education class. They wore school uniforms and were separated by gender: bio male, bio female, male-to-female, female-to-male, intersex, robotic, and crystal.

“And this is how Christian mortals teach their children about abstinence. We’ve altered it a bit to accommodate the different angel species here,” said a teacher with a flaming eye for a head and wearing a white robe.

“Mortals and their illusionary genders,” said a crystal wheel-shaped angel, shaking their head at a kid angel with a harp head.

Before long, Docile arrived at a spectacular looming building. It was shaped like a large ruby cathedral but functioned as a dinner theater. “Camael’s Corner” lit up in bold gold letters at the front of the structure. A golden cross was at the top prominent sphere of the building, along with a Star of David, the Islamic crescent moon symbol, and a Buddhist symbol also in gold. The windows were different colors of red, blue, green, and yellow stained glass; the holes shaped like large doves. The entrance was a large gold archway with a stone cherub angel at the top for the design. The two old-fashioned lantern lights on either side changed colors every ten seconds.

A long line of angels and elves waited to get in along a rope with poles. Docile caught up with Tirred and Timmid. Tirred and Timmid walked up to the bouncer elf, a thin man with dark teal skin, a long black mustache, pointed ears and a black tux with a bowtie. A metal sphere attached to the wall briefly used a laser light to shine on the heads of the visitors. It beeped and briefly turned green, but when it turned red, the specific person would be sent away. After making a “right this way” gesture to two swans, he gazed at the elves. The laser security light beeped green after landing on Timmid’s forehead. But when it came to Tirred, it flared an angry red. As they moved forward, the bouncer yanked Tirred back by the ear.

“Hey!” he spat.

The bouncer, Neter, let go. His eyes narrowed. “I’ve heard of you before.”

“So?” Tirred scoffed. “Me and my girlfriend have a reservation.”

“So, this club is for those of pure hearts and thoughts only.”

“Are you saying I’m not pure?!”

“Well judging on how you took part in almost putting Earth into chaos, there’s no good reason why someone like you should be allowed to come in. The cognitive camera proved it.”

“I was bucking brainwashed!” Tirred fired back. “And your mind-reading devices are both invasive and a load of bull-spit!”

“Rules are rules,” he stated in an Enochian accent. “In order to provide the best experience for our customers at this exclusive joint, and to help promote closeness to the Lord, impure intentions are left at the door.”

“But anyone can have dirty thoughts at any time,” Tirred argued, crossing his arms. “Even in Heaven. How can you expect not only our behaviors, but our minds to be perfect 100% of the time?!”

“I don’t expect it. God does. End of story.”

The bouncer mentioned to a nearby sign that read, “Treat others the way you want to be treated…but ensue your thoughts are superior to those of the weak.”

Timmid stared in concern and suspicion. Like the other sign she saw several weeks ago: “Surround yourself with people who will lift you up…But ditch your friends you cannot use,” it sounded like the second part was added onto the much older, genuine rule. And the strange orange Muppet-like face of the icon that was supposedly God that was also on the sign…Timmid sensed fakeness in that as well. She knew God didn’t look silly like that.

“Not if they don’t make any sense! You just made that up!” Tirred fumed.

Neter growled and a white-hot aura slowly rose from him. “I’m gonna have to ask you to leave, Tirred. Timmid, you may head on in.”

“Hold the throne,” Docile pushed the other elves aside, much to their surprise. He marched up to the bouncer. “I thought this club was for couples only.”

“Anyone pure of thought and action who has a reservation may enter,” the bouncer said. The camera beeped green on Docile’s head… “…And that means you too if you wish, for a fee. Just don’t get any ideas.”

“I’m not leaving!” Tirred seethed, getting ready to fight. But before Tirred was about to be punched into the street, Docile intervened.

“It’s okay, guys,” he said. “How about I take Timmid in and we’ll get Tirred something to go?”

Docile reached into his pocket and paid an extra fee, as he did not make a reservation.

“Seriously, sir?” Tirred growled as Timmid brightened.

“Oh, thank you, Docile!” she smiled. She put a hand on Tirred’s shoulder. “It’ll only be for a few moments, Tir. I’ll be back soon, and we can do something together afterwards.”

“It was your idea in the first place,” Tirred explained, “And now you’re willing to change your mind just like that?”

“Well…I wanted to visit this place for a while now…it was expensive, too. Please, Tir, it’ll only be for a little bit.”

“Fine!”

“That’s the spirit, Tirred!” Docile whooped, not noticing his cell phone falling from his pocket. “Let’s go, Timmid.”

Tirred picked up the cell phone as Docile and Timmid entered the building. Tirred stared at the glaring bouncer blocking his way, slightly nervous.

“I have more questions for an ass like you…but I’ll shave them for later.” Tirred twirled the bouncer’s mustache roughly with a finger.

Whack!

A hard punch from the bouncer sent Tirred flying into a nearby dumpster. He lifted the lid and got out, falling onto the ground.

“You pucking frude!” he stuttered nonsensically. He sighed and leaned against a brick wall, staring at the glaringly bright coral pink sky. He then looked down at Docile’s phone.

Why was it that his boss got everything he wanted? A lead position, admiration from Timmid, special powers and now Docile had taken his place with Timmid. He was getting fed up with being second. The phone had not switched to the lock screen yet, so Tirred pressed a call icon. He was going to call Docile to let him know he found his phone.

But as he scrolled through the contact lists, he got an even better idea. His finger hovered over an icon of Samael, labeled, “Venom Alpha-PleaseDon’tHurtMeAgain.”

A mischievous grin spread across Tirred’s face.

0 0 0

Meanwhile in his golden splendid palace, Samael hummed happily as he watched TV on a red snakeskin leather couch in the living room. He popped “Heavenly Hal-Os” cereal into his mouth, wings folded behind him. “Heaven-G” network was labeled on the TV. He scrolled through God-flix, YHWH +, Prime Nine, and Divine Times. The show that appeared was a comedic re-telling of the Heaven-Hell War between Lucifer and Michael and the fallen angels. “Inferno Paradise” was the title in bold fiery orange against white. A mighty red dragon was breathing fire at a spinning crystal wheel and a golden chariot robotic figure.

“For Heaven’s and Hell’s sake, just kiss already!” the commentator joked as the blonde pale-faced Michael and Lucifer glared at each other and leaned into each other’s faces. Samael snickered out loud.

“Looks like paradise got lost for Lucifer,” the commentator announced as Lucifer fell in anger, “But then again, Lucifer claims it’s better to reign in Hell than serve in Heaven. Had a little too much Cloud Nine Wine, huh, Lucy?”

Samael barked into laughter. “Never gets old! If only I could have some beers with you, old friend,” he mentioned.

The commentator continued. “Hmm…what if Lucifer was the one who ate the apple? Would he gain the knowledge of good and evil…or is he the knowledge itself? Would the effects blow his mind, or would it just be an ordinary apple? I’m surprised that Adam made it through without choking, he must’ve had a big Adam’s apple!”

Just then, the skull-speaker shaped rotary phone rang. The rings sounded like the screaming of a thousand souls. In red smoke above it, the label read, “Docy is calling.”

Samael eagerly reached for the phone. “Hello? Docy?”

“Um…Lord Samael, yes?”

“Who is this? You don’t sound like my long distant servant.”

“You’re only talking to the second-in-command of the most well-known, influential blessing company in Heaven, my Lord!” Tirred bragged.

“Only second-in-command? How disappointing.”

Tirred seethed on the other end.

Samael pondered. “So, if you’re here, where is Docile? How did you get this number anyway?”

“Docile entrusted me with his phone when he decided to go out to dinner with my girlfriend!” Tirred randomly fibbed.

“Ooh, a stealer, eh?” Samael grinned. “You must’ve pissed your gf off for her to go that route! Hahaha!”

“It’s not like…um…” Tirred began. But a sharp-toothed grin appeared. “I mean, yes, Docile’s been getting into a lot of trouble, lately.”

“Hmm…as I suspected,” Samael mentioned.

“Yes. It was his idea in the first place to have us go up to Earth. And for us to not fully stick to our reviving and blessing. He decided to help three dimwitted sheep from the other Heaven and travel to Earth! We even saw demons there too! Put us all in danger!”

“Indeed,” Samael chuckled. “It was pretty entertaining seeing you all zombie-like under Kiva’s control. As an Archangel, I can see events on Earth.”

Tirred fumed but sighed. “Look, sir, Docile…secretly loves it when you punish him.”

Samael looked taken aback. “He does?”

“Of course! Why do you think he keeps getting himself into trouble? Because he knows that he’ll always sin, and therefore comes back to you.” He hid a snicker. “You know what they say…suffering brings one closer to the divine.”

Samael’s eyes glowed red with passion. “Bloody bells! He really must’ve been a good actor when he did all that wailing and crying. I’m not sure whether to tone things down or turn them up a notch.”

“Whatever you think works, sir. Just don’t kill him, of course.”

“Of course not. Life can get boring and lonesome without your incredibly passive leader. Hohohohoho!”

“Anyway,” Tirred interrupted, walking down the street, “Can you make it to Chasity? If you can help get me into Camael’s Corner, you’ll get to see Docile again.”

“I can make it there in twenty,” Samael said, waving his fingers and making an elegant red suit appear over his bare chest. His hair was short and blonde, glowing like it was on fire. “Or better yet…”

A red portal appeared behind Tirred and then closed. Tirred bumped into someone behind him and looked up to see Samael’s crazed face looking down at him…

“…NOW!”

Tirred jumped back in fear, almost dropping the phone. He caught it. “O-okay, sir, see you soon,” he hung up before staring at the towering Archangel in front of him.

“I get to see Docile…” Samael mentioned, walking silently toward Tirred like a night creature. “You keep my number a secret, makes sure the Bible stays in Docile’s and my hands, and…”

Samael snuck behind him, a clawed hand inches from his pointed ears. “…you experience a night of…passionate punishments for your actions…”

Tirred blushed despite himself, and his eyes grew dilated at Samael’s hungry ones. “Thy will be done, Lord Samael.”

Soon enough, the two of them reached Camael’s Corner. The bouncer spotted Tirred.

“You again? Beat it, punk…”

Samael cleared his throat. “Ahem…do we have a problem?”

The camera beeped red on Samael’s forehead, but one glowing glare from Samael’s eyes made the camera spark and deactivate. The bouncer trembled at the sight of the Archangel.

“Oh…uh…my apologies, Lord Samael. P-please come in…”

Tirred smiled in triumph at the glaring bouncer as he and Samael walked hand in hand inside.

“Oh my!” Samael exclaimed as he and Tirred looked around. “This place is absolutely hideous!”

Calming red, pink, and white lights filled the vast space as angels sat down at round, white-clothed tables to eat. Pink lotus lights turned small sections of the wall pink, while magenta lights brightened the place further. Small dove wings on either side of a triangle with a heart in the middle were the small symbols that made up the wallpaper. Bookshelves and books were off to the side where more angels sat and waited. An older angel with a blue book head was reading another blue book that looked just like his face.

“So…this must be what they call ‘Facebook,’” he remarked.

The light fixtures were shaped like halos and cherub angels flew around, serving clams, cheese, o d’oeuvres, and fish eggs on platters. Posing on raised platforms were angels in exquisite costumes from many different time periods. One wore a dress from the Middle Ages, another wore a 20th century suit, and a few others wore Egyptian, Greek, and Roman garb. There were also angels dressed as warriors.

A symphony orchestra played violins, a grand piano, trumpets, lyres, a portative organ, sistrums, and several harps near a stage, the angels in various shapes and sizes.

By the golden stage shaped like a cross, were white-clothed tables spread out. Tirred and Samael sat at one, in blue chairs decorated with designs of flames on the back. A blue candle in a fancy holder was at the center of the table.

“Ah,” Samael said, looking over at Timmid and Docile sitting together. “There they are!”

Docile and Timmid glanced over and gasped.

“Tirred?!” Docile exclaimed. “How did you get in? And what’s he doing here?” Docile flinched back.

“Just making sure you elves aren’t getting into more trouble than you already have,” Samael mentioned. “Tirred here was generous enough to invite me over for the fun!” Tirred grinned at Docile’s shocked look. It felt good to be sitting in the presence of one of his long-time role models.

Samael examined a golden knife in his hands, making Cardinal, the elf waiter, uneasy.

“C-can I, erm, get you two off…”

The elf promptly vanished to the outside world and another squat elf hurried to take his place.

“Off with something to drink or eat?”

Tirred and Samael raised their eyebrows. Docile looked over at Timmid. “Well, this is unexpected.” 

They looked at the various options on the menu: “Luscious Lobster,” “Jesus Bread and Wine”, “100 CE Cloud Nine Wine (Non-alcoholic)”, “Iced Holy Water”, “Garden of Eden Salad,” “Sun-Infused Oranges,” “Pharaoh’s Platter,”  “YHWH Yam,” “Lotus Juice,” “Holy Cow,” “Green Sensu Beans,” “Apple Pie of Life,” “Summer Cornucopia,” “Boar Head with Fried Snails and Duck,” “Angel Hair Pasta,” “Angel Food Cake…”

“These all cost a lot of spirits,” Timmid whispered to Docile, who also looked in concern. She watched as another angel ordered the “Crystal Concoction,” a blue and light purple sparkly Atlantis drink that temporarily made one knowledgeable, spiritual, and inventive. “It’s no wonder many celebrities come here to eat.”

Meanwhile, Azrael and Flora were talking to each other at another table.

“I hope our Quartet is doing alright,” Azrael said with a hint of worry. “Are you sure it was a good idea?”

“She’s grown up now,” Flora reassured. “It’s about time we let her visit Menadel and talk things over. They’re probably chatting right now.”

“But she hasn’t even seen him since…”

“I know. Give or take a month or so. But I think he still cares deeply for us…and for her. He didn’t really have a choice.”

“And now he’s suddenly allowed to stop working and see her?” Azrael narrowed his eyes.

“Pretty much,” replied Flora. “Don’t get mad, but I talked to him for a while when he was on break. He’s watched Quartet grow up every night from his enchanted orb. Besides, when I saw him recently…I heard he’s prepared to press matters forward more than before.”

Azrael did not like the sound of that. Although both were busy beings, there was something he couldn’t quite put his feathers on about Menadel.

But if it made her happy…

Flora put her hand into his and squeezed it in comfort. “She’ll be fine. If any argument breaks out, we have some extra wine at the house.”

“You trust your ex-husband too much.”

“He’s still a part of me…or was a part of my life at least.”

Docile was just about to ask Tirred what the heaven was going on, when the lights dimmed, and a voice spoke out to greet the audience.

0 0 0

Camael

“Ladies and gentlemen! I see some holy faces around here today!”

Coming from behind the curtains was a female elf with long blonde-white hair with a teal face and blue eyes. She wore a dazzling pink dress with a shimmer of rubies decorating the bottom part of her dress. Her heels were made of silver diamonds and her halo glowed white. She was Holly Wata, Docile’s sister.

Docile groaned and rolled his eyes, hiding his face behind a menu. “Oh no, not her.”

“Welcome, welcome, welcome to Camael’s Corner, Chasity Halo’s number one place for marriages, vows, and a wide array of pure clean performances! Staged every week for all you disciples of the Father!”

She walked down the golden cross stage, with Camael’s sigil at in the center. His sigil had the Mars signs on it.

“The gem joint of Camael himself! C’mon, give him some love!”

She held her hands in a heart shape as the audience clapped and cheered.

“Did she just say…Camael?” Timmid asked.

Tirred rolled his eyes, “Oh no! Not him!” Timmid shuddered in fear and Docile, too, looked slightly concerned.

Holly Wata continued.

“I am Holly Wata, formerly a member of the choir of elf siblings. We have a great line-up for you here today: Veronica and Kiva!”

By the bar where Sully Serious was handing out drinks, Veronica happily took a martini from him, while Kiva posed for pictures while glaring at Veronica. The drinks up on the shelves were behind a pink heart-shaped glass barrier.

“The I Doers!”

Several elves dressed up in wedding costumes smiled at each other and posed.

“The Purifiers and the Virginal Vestas!”

Several lady angels wearing nun robes juggled fireballs in their hands.

Holly Wata took several deep breaths and gulps of water before continuing. “But as everyone’s warming up, did any of you hear about the profits and the complimentary reviews that happened recently at Woo-Hoo Land?”

The audience cheered.

“Oh yeah! I’m sure you all are unanimous angel advocates regarding that topic! I’ll tell you what: I’d sure love to shake the hand of my good brother and his group of employees. He even brought Azrael and his princess along. Our numbers and funds rose that day thanks to them. Surely everyone here has heard of E.L.F. and Docile, right?”

Crickets chirping.

“Who’s that non-canon OC?” asked a drunk elf.

Holly Wata glared. “Docile, my brother, you drunken oblivious brother-sucker! Get the heaven out of here!”

The elf vanished outside to the back of the line. After looking around, he promptly texted his friend: “Lasted 10 minutes longer in there that time!”

Holly Wata continued. “Those elves saved more human lives and got us more attention than that one festival in Woo-Hoo World! There’s no place to make your dreams come true than that Disney inspired park. Hahahaha!”

“I don’t know what you mean,” said a random patron. “The one in hell sounds much more exciting!”

Holly Wata spoke into the microphone, “Okay, keep that guy far away from me!”

She turned back to the audience.

“So, without wasting any more time, our little opening act is a fresh one. Coming at us from a little elf from the Patience Halo, give it up for Timmid…with one very strange name indeed.”

The audience clapped as Timmid got up onto the stage with her white swan-shaped guitar. She blew Tirred a kiss and he smiled.

“H-hello everyone,” she began as feedback emitted from the microphone. “Oh!” She cleared her throat. “Hi, thank you for letting me be here. It’s an honor to play. This song is for my boyfriend Tirred, a surprise for our first anniversary. I love you Tirred.”

She strummed the strings and began to sing.

“I love you”

“More than the bishop loves the church”

“More than the dove loves the Holy Spirit”

“More than Mica loves his El”

“Yeah, you make me blessed to live in Heaven”

“Our love is a sweet story times…seven?”

“And you’re more complex and confusing than that guy named Devin…”

“Hey!” Tirred and Devin the random elf yelled from nearby.

“Our love is a tight glove…you emit divine godly…”

Timmid coughed loudly as pink smoke with hearts in them spread over the stage.  “Spit, spit! I can’t see anything!”

The smoke cleared and Tirred sat with his arms folded, eyes bored.

Timmid waved her hand. “O-Oh I’m sorry! I did horrible, didn’t I? Here, let me start over…”

Tirred whispered something to Devin, who grew intrigued.

“I hope we never grow apart at the start…” she began. Timmid looked over and saw Devin whisper something to another angel. Devin had been talking to Tirred and whispers floated and buzzed around the room.

“W-what’s going on?” Timmid asked.

“Samael sleeps with an elf?!” Sully Serious asked, pointing in disbelief as more people gasped. The messages spread like wildfire.

“Wait…Docile gets turned on…by suffering and sex?!”

“That can’t be right. He’s one of the greatest healers in Heaven!”

“He and his gang are nothing but common troublemakers,” chided an elderly owl. “Makes sense they’d grovel to royalty and do anything for that extra dollar.”

“I knew they were never non-profit!” exclaimed another angel.

Spotlights shone onto Samael and Docile, both flinching from embarrassment.

Kiva walked on stage and witnessed Docile cowering under the spotlight. “I always knew you were a sinning fool,” the cherub sneered.

“How the buck did you escape from Earth?!” Docile asked between tears when he saw her.

“I have my ways.” She did a sway of her hips as fans took pictures and surrounded her. Veronica looked at Docile with pity and sadness but was carried away by an adoring crowd. Holly Wata glared at Kiva.

“Maybe Tirred should be the new leader,” said a young kid after hearing his parents continue the rumor they heard.

Tirred sat with a smug, pleased look on his face.

“What is the meaning of this?” Samael glared at Tirred.

“Um…” Tirred began, backing up, clearly not expecting the attention to be thrust back onto himself. “Just wanted to update you on how…naughty my boss has been…”

Timmid dropped her guitar and raced over toward Docile, whose eyes already teared up. She gave him a comforting hug. “It’s alright, sir…”

“Never in a million suns have I ever felt pleasure from being punished by that arrogant creep!” He sobbed in pain and embarrassment. “I had to get that specific Bible from him because it was one of the few that had the spell to access Earth. Without it…our b-business…”

Timmid leaned in some more, staring at Docile with empathetic eyes. “You’re doing all you can to keep E.L.F. going; it may have been unconventional, but you had no choice. It’ll be okay.”

Timmid then stood up and saw her boyfriend.

“Wha---you did this?” Tears filled her eyes. “You spread the rumors? Why?!”

“Why not?” Tirred asked. “He always gets in the way of our time together. All he talks about is God and missions and how much he loves hot coffee! We never get any real work done like the Exorcists do. While we go around playing doctor, hundreds of Sinners roam around plotting to bring down all that is good!”

Several angels muttered amongst themselves at their tables.

“Docile was put in charge for a reason, Tirred,” Timmid stated, now angry with hands on her hips. “He’s done nothing but benefit E.L.F. and our Heaven. What could you possibly have against him? Or any authority figure for that matter? You cannot always get what you want!”

“But both of us should! It’s Heaven for goodness sake!”

“Why’d you join E.L.F. in the first place then?” Timmid tilted her head.

“Because I fell in love with you,” Tirred admitted. “I needed to survive and get an actual job and not recklessly spend all the money I had and go broke. And I did want to help mortals and angels, too. But now we need to take things a step further. We have to show the worlds how capable we elves actually are!”

“We do that just fine already! There’s no need to hurt your colleagues in the process!” Timmid spat.

“Ditch your friends you cannot use,” Tirred muttered.

Timmid crossed her arms and huffed. “How bucking stupid are you to believe that God would actually relay those pseudo-messages to all of us?”

Tirred could not answer that.

Just then…

“Who dares spread discordance in my lounge of love?” asked an ethereal voice from behind them.

“Camael’s Corner is not the place for sorrows below and above,” Holly Wata added, as she got on stage with the winged figure.

A hand from the tall figure revealed a leather Bible with a golden cross on it. “What else do you expect from the proprietors of this city?” sang the figure.

Holly Wata’s eyes glowed teal in the dimmed light as she sang, spreading out her arms. “Your angel host, Camael, the embodiment of Cha-a-a-a-sity!”

Camael stepped into the light, wearing a dark pink and red suit, his skin a pale white. His face was white as well, appearing to be immersed within harmless light pink flames. An elegant pink halo with a crystal in the center hovered above his head, just under a small dark pink top hat, and his wings were large and almost translucent. Embedded in his wings were golden eyes and on the collar of his suit were a few red gems, glinting like hardened lava. His hair appeared short and dark brown, and his yellow eyes gave off an alien glow. His pants were black, and his shoes were dark and shiny. In his right hand was a Bible and in his left hand was a golden scepter with a shining light pink heart at the top. Strangely enough, golden wedding rings with diamonds served as his earrings. A few dove feathers branched off from his hat and collar.

The music began and Timmid and Tirred looked at them nervously.

“In the House of Cha-a-a-a-sity!” harmonized Holly Wata. “We don’t accept situations that aren’t pretty!”

“Love, marriage and the baby carriage…it’s the ideal, dear…we gotta help make it real here,” Camael added, gracefully flying from pole to pole as angelic dragons breathed fireworks from their mouths. His sigil glowed pink on the ground. “To ease the fear, immoral sex and hate have no place here.”

Camael smiled at Azrael and Flora holding hands. “A relationship built on trust and love, not carnality. Now that’s the spirit of cha-a-a-asity!”

“Show devotion…it’s our notion!” Kiva added with a smug look at Docile who shrank back under the light. The backup singers repeated “Notion, notion!” Fans took pictures of her as she swooped and danced on stage. She pointed gleefully at Docile and his crew, her black dress and heels shining. “Apparently, Docile couldn’t handle duty and commotion!” (“Commotion! Commotion!”) A gullible fool, running a business that’s uncool. And his workers argue and fight; now that’s just cruel!”

“Please don’t say bad things about my brother,” Holly Wata began, but Kiva cut her off.

“Like that jester imp, you’re a means to a greater end,” reminded Kiva as Holly Wata looked uneasy. “Don’t pretend,” harmonized Kiva’s cherub backup singers who spun around and surrounded Holly Wata. She flinched from Kiva as she put a firm hand on her shoulder. “Remember who you defend. The one whose time you must wisely spend.”

“For your fame and freedom, you helped seal the deal,” Camael added in a low whisper. “Now’s the time to embrace your glamor and appeal!”

Holly Wata looked apologetically at a confused Docile before turning to Camael and dancing with him once more.

“And you, Samael,” Camael called in song. “Are you not well, brother? Why are you so concerned with temptations from Hell?”

Samael looked nervous and out of place.

“Wanting to punish evil is one thing…but to give into desires with a private fling? What did you do? Is it true, is it true?”

Samael, red in the face, refused to answer.

“He will keep an eye on youuuu,” Camael warned the archangel. “Do not initiate your departure from Heaven’s bluuuue.”

The two of them danced as more fireworks shot out from trumpet-shaped dispensers. They sang their duet.

“Issues of divorce are not part of our course!”

“Loyalty and faith make us giddy…”

“Purity and love remain in this city…”

“Cleansing the gritty, embracing all that’s good and pretty…”

“Be who you are meant to be…”

“In the House of Cha-a-a-a-a-s…”

Wham!

Tirred wacked Holly Wata in the head with the swan guitar.

“Hey!” Camael protested.

Tirred smiled and handed Timmid her guitar. “I think you were trying to sing something for me, Timmi,” he said. Both elves were on stage.

Timmid brushed away tears and took the guitar. She let out shaking breaths then gave Tirred an unsuspecting hard glare. “I think I was.”

But instead of finishing her love song, she strummed the strings rapidly, stress emanating from her body.

“I hate this!” she yelled abruptly, making Tirred and the audience gasp in surprise and unease. Camael tended to Holly Wata, waking her up with a wave of his hand.

“Why are things the way they are? Love ain’t always pretty…it can leave many a scar…I hope I don’t ruin this guitar!”

She leaned angrily into Tirred’s face, dodging his angry hand swipes at the guitar. Timmid sang loud and off-key. Some audience members covered their ears.

“You take things for granted, it’s like you’re always disenchanted…”

“Always stuck in your pride, chasing the greener side…”

“Shut up!” yelled Tirred in song, fists clenched. “That’s not true…”

“All these years, I’ve supported you. I’m surprised Heaven hasn’t deported you! What satisfaction can you possibly gain…from seeing your inferiors in pain?”

“Oh, I think it’s starting to rain…” Tirred added as thunder shook the building and lightning flashed outside.

“We’re not even married yet…have you no regret?!”

“Some things, I have to forget…”

Tirred briefly lowered his head.

“Forget? What can you get?”

Tirred continued. “Those at the top survive. How else can we thrive? You make me feel alive. Oh Timmid, please…stay. Stay with me today. I’ll take all my errors and pain away.”

“Making the same mistakes again and again. Will it ever end? Can you really prove…that you’re my friend?”

Angry tears started to spill from Tirred’s eyes. “You’ve missed the chance for us to ascend…Don’t try to pretend…that you accept all these norms.”

They both sang a discordant duet on stage, glaring at each other as a platform they were on rose into the air.

“Our thoughts are the ominous flashes of storms…”

“What if we were not meant to last forever? A separation instead of us together? Time flies, time flies, your words are lies, are lies, are lies!”

“There’s only one thing that we know will be truuueee…”

A long dreadful pause.

“I’ll miss you,” they finished softly.

They sat on the small podium, backs against the pole, legs dangling down. They loosely held hands and turned away from each other as tears streaked down their dark teal faces. The lights around them were a dim sad blue.

“I’ll miss you…”

The crowd muttered and booed lowly as the two elves jumped from the podium and walked wordlessly toward Docile. When they did notice each other, anger returned. Docile stood still in shock. Several audience members hugged each other tightly at their tables as if afraid their partners would leave them.

Camael took another look at the fuming Tirred, Timmid and the concerned Docile and Samael.

Kiva with her hands on her hips grinned smugly at E.L.F. beside Camael and Holly Wata on stage. The look in her eyes sent a clear sinister message: “I’ll help decide who gets to be in paradise…and who will lose everything they love!”

Camael glared at them while Holly Wata sadly shook her head. Camael responded, “What an absolutely pitiful display. It sickens me. Get out!”

All of them vanished to the outside of the club. (Save for Samael…he just stormed out.)

0 0 0

Outside Camael’s Corner, Timmid and Tirred stood, arms folded, hardly facing each other. They stood, downcast as rain fell from the dark pink night sky.

“Timmid, I’m sor…”

Timmid held up a hand. “I’ve heard enough, I’ve seen enough. If punishing wrongdoers, upstaging your boss, and indulging in selfish greed is all you care about, then I want nothing to do with you!”

“But you’re the only one I care about! You…”

“No! You don’t understand half of what goes on around you. You’re too focused on yourself and half the time, you don’t give a flying feather about what I have to say.”

“Your words are nonsense!” Tirred scoffed but paused when Timmid gave him a look.

“I love and care for you more than you’ll ever know,” Tirred begged. He stepped forward, but Timmid pushed him away.

“You keep apologizing but as far as I’m concerned, you don’t truly make any effort to learn from your mistakes. You know what they say here in Chasity…” She emphasized: “…be faithful to the ones you love!”

“Who cares about this spit-hole of a place?! We’re from Patience, remember? Just…be patient with me, please…”

“I’ve been patient with you for a long time, Tirred.” She wiped stray tears away and her voice cracked. “I just think…we need a break from each other.”

“A break? How long?”

“However long it takes.”

“Ten seconds, okay then,” he joked bluntly.

 “Just leave me alone for a while, okay! You ruined our…my special night!”

“Your special night?!” Tirred breathed. “It was gonna be our special night. But you decided to play along with Docile and everyone else because you’re too scared.”

“Scared of what?” she asked.

“Everything! You can’t truly stand up for me or yourself to save your life. You just want to be subservient to every rule you come across. Questioning things is not enough…you have to go out and take action!”

“I certainly am not scared by my former selfish, blood-thirsty, pompous brute boyfriend! And at least I don’t actively get myself into trouble by being mean and a careless rebel like some people I know!”

“You’re an utter wimp! Just look at your name!”

Both elves growled at each other, wings extended, halos throbbing with anger.

“Former, selfish…”

“Former?!”  Tirred’s eyes widened, veins popping out. “Don’t you dare break up with me, snitch!”

“I just did, you no-good, booger-faced, wannabe Sinner!”

“Aaargh! Take that back, baby b*itch!”

“Right back at ya, arrogant a**hole! Take this!”

“No swearing allowed!” Docile bellowed as Tirred and Timmid began a short fight.

Docile gently took Timmid’s arm and pushed Tirred away from her. “Come on, Tim. Let’s get out of here.”

Timmid took some deep breaths and sobbed. She let herself be led by Docile down the street as rain poured down from the clouds.

“Goodbye, Tirred,” she spoke somberly, briefly looking back with sad eyes. “I’ll…not talk to you at work…”

“Last chance, Tirred…you’re almost fired!” Docile called, also briefly looking back.

Tirred reached out a hand to Timmid, but the damage was done. He was now single, heart-broken, and alone.

Just before Samael left, he glanced over to the side at Tirred, eyes flaming. “Talking about your leader behind his back for attention…that’s low even for elves like you,” he remarked. Every word stung Tirred’s heart. “Now I’ll have to smother those nasty rumors you spread before I lose my reputation. Although I’m a punisher, if they suspect I was involved with common elves…”

Samael spoke again, “Just so you know, Docile’s motivation, skill and kindness is what makes him a qualified leader at your little company. He’s passive enough to not cross any serious lines. I’ll admit, I was hoping for some torturing fun from someone new…”

He snapped his fingers and a glowing red portal appeared.

“But now that I think about it…not even I would want to punish some worthless, lying bigot like you!”

On his knees in the rain, Tirred held his head in his hands as Samael vanished and the portal closed.

0 0 0

Docile glumly made his way back to his emerald and sapphire walled house. He flicked on the light and walked inside. On the wall were pictures of Docile, Tirred, Timmid and Sunna smiling at the office. Pictures of doves, trumpets, and crystals were scattered around. An unusual feature about the pictures was the fact that Docile had scribbled himself out of them in black pen. Perhaps it was a leftover insecurity brought by his father.

Docile walked over to Sunna’s white bedroom door, which had drawings of cat prints, mice and flowers taped onto it. Docile took a note from the door that read:

“Hi dad, I’m at a party with Portal, be back soon!”

“Oh no,” Docile thought. “She doesn’t know what Portal tried to do to us…”

Concerned with his daughter’s safety and feeling defeated, Docile slumped onto a nearby couch. Docile picked up his phone and tapped the Christian Cross blue unlock icon. On his phone were apps for a Heaven Instagram, a TV app, 3 unread texts and emails, MichaelSecurity, Metatron-ics, Gabriel-To-Go, Raphael-Care, Uriel-Meditation, KNDNES, a Camael heart logo and a fancy sword icon for Michael.

Docile tapped onto the photo icon and began to scroll. The first picture showed Docile tending to his lashes on his back. He swiped to the left and it showed Docile, Tirred and Timmid drinking bubble tea. The third picture showed Timmid beaming and Tirred with a blank expression as a smiling Docile held out two E.L.F. labels in his hands. It was the day that Timmid and Tirred had joined E.L.F.

The fourth picture showed Sunna in a blue sweater happily hugging Docile tightly as he held an adoption certificate in his hands. In the fifth picture, Docile was in a black tuxedo posing with Veronica who wore a sparkly gray dress with hearts on it. This was back when they were good friends together, before her sister Kiva got carried away by fame, and before Veronica became famous.

Docile berated himself for not staying connected with Veronica more often. Sure, she was busy living in the limelight, but unlike Kiva, she showed appreciation for Docile as he was. He believed at first that Kiva would be good to work with, since she knew Veronica so well. It wasn’t long before time and distance separated them.

The sixth picture seemed like it was from a different time period altogether. It showed a teenage Docile with braces on his sharp white teeth posing with his sister Holly Wata who was in fact, an elf with a dark teal face and the same white heart-shaped birthmark on his forehead that Docile had but with thick long white hair. She had his arm around Docile and wore a white shirt with a gold “G” on it and a white outstretched hand, referencing Gabriel. Docile wore a white shirt that read “Gabriel” on it in gold. Interestingly, Docile’s black mark on the side of his face was gone.

The seventh picture showed Docile and Holly Wata in choir robes holding plastic candles as happy little kids. Back then, Docile and Holly Wata sang in choir together and he also performed at Woo-Hoo Land with Rizzafolli/Boo Fizz the cyborg. After a terrible tragedy involving knocked over candles at a church, both elves were healed but Docile was left with a black burn scar on his face. Holly Wata was lucky. After Holly Wata outshined Docile and wanted to be closer to Camael, she decided to help him with his work, even going to Earth on occasion to spread the Good News with the help of pink magic Camael-Crystals. Before long, Holly Wata became a sensation. Although she tried seeing Docile as much as possible, Docile wanted to avoid her and her preaching.

Docile’s eyes went wide as he swiped to the eighth picture. There he was as a kid, next to his dark, teal-faced twin sister Holly Wata. Both were smiling as they held a card that read a misspelled “Happy Berth Moma.” Standing behind him was an elf with a kind dark teal face and long white hair that had gray and dark streaks in a few spots. It was Docile’s mother, Allita. Docile wore her necklace every day to bring him comfort. They all had the same white mark on their foreheads. Docile glanced over to an old newspaper clipping in a dark corner of the wall that showed a section under “Obituaries and Executions.” Next to a date was a black and white picture of Docile’s mother, her halo broken. Red devil horns were drawn around her head in red pencil.