#290th

Man, days have passed and I just kept realizing the same old truth: I am reliant, dependent shit T_T None of things could ever be self-motivated for a permanence for long. That's why if I meet good people or inspiring ones around me, things I am passionate about would be completed in one way or another. With no such people, I have no will to do any in any time soon...

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1. What's with the plan to finish Strangers Collection? - I made three entries so far (all of them were finished well in Goldsmiths but none after that. NONE)

Yes I progressed no further, people that I met and impressed me, whom I want to write about, all sort of strangers and interesting things I happened to be entitled to, they are memories, all in my mind that will soon obliterate all the past to give space for the present that is, soon, going to be the past in no time...

2. I thought Gap Year would be so free that I could take time documenting all kind of writings onto PC, being organised you know (as many of them were badly handwritten in pencils and in few more years I don't think I could even read my own handwriting). Guess what?

Oh forget about it. It's not even started. It's not gonna start until I am old and retired, when I could sit down and then see my whole life played back through the old pages I turned.

(On the bright side... it must be fun reading it when you are an old grandma lol)

3. Drawing - Nope. The whole color set is still there. Untouched. I took effort to bring that big chunky box back home, thinking I could improve my drawing or start painting again during such a wonderful free year....

=> Fuck No.

4. Blogging - Yeah see this writing right here. Finally after such a... while lol => Here comes Reality.

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DAMN.

Even the things I want to do

Having free time right now...

YET...

And then, SURELY, when I have to work, I would start craving to do what I want even more and there we are, I get self-motivated finally! But guess what? No Time. 

Maybe at that future, it's because I have things I 'have to do' verse things I 'desire'. You have friends there 'Desire', and that's why you could be loud, REALLY loud.

Now..... Where the heck are you, 'Desire'?????

You seem to be too alone to even mind me huh? I need you to motivate me but here I am, finding you out of no fucking where. Only waiting for 'Work' to appear soon then you could ran toward me demanding my time and notice huh!!! X(((((((((((((

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MAY I BLAME? (><)

- I blamed the environment. No motivation for those things. Internet is as expensive as water, electricity and et cetera. Everything here seems deterring you from flying to the c-zone. For I am currently a free-loader T_T ... well erm, I can't be too thoughtless. 

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Wait I never mean this post would end up like this... (!!!) Why would it be written about all these? @_@ It's not even reasonable. Shit. I find this post very useless but I post it anyway. ...

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