#22.3.25

dayanamıyorsun. katlanamıyorsun. ne diye devam ediyorsun anlamıyorum. her saniye daha ağır. daha da ağır. hepsi sırtına çökecek, hakediyorsun. nefes almayı bile beceremiyorsun. hoş, hakettiğin de yok. koca bir hiçten ibaretsin. hiçlikten bile daha azsın. insan olman gereken yerde boş bir zararden fazlası olamazsın. haketmediği havayı soluyan koca bir hata. tiksindiricisin. mide bulandırıcı. aslında durmadan hatırlıyorsun ama görmezden gelmeyi seçiyorsun. acınası. ve de aptalca. zihninde sıkışıp kaldın. zihnini sikeyim. bi boka yarasa bari. içinde iyiye dair tek bir zerre yok. kendini kandırma. yok. çaresi yok çünkü bencilsin. hep öyleydin. bencil ve mide bulandırıcı. evet. tam olarak bu.

It's only 11pm but I'm calling day 3 over because I'm pretty tired. Bumrushed chapter 6 so I could unlock skells and then have just been doing all side and affinity missions and heart-to-hearts available to me really. Notably met Liesel whom I straight up forgot was marketed because Neilnail's design got me that much more. She seems cool though, fuck her boss, interested in the eventual direction of her affinity missions. Ofc got Hraesvelg as well which is very fun, almost feels like they made a dodge tank skell lmao. Cooldowns are short enough to actually feel usable in combat which isn't something regular skells ever really got to say so I'm about it. Plus it does in fact just look sick as hell lol. One quick note is I've kind of been trying to get the best outcome for every quest, like avoiding optional deaths and filling out the affinity chart properly, shit like that. Was so far so good until today, where I did the Tree clan prone rescue mission and did not realise I could save the one that dies. Last manual save was 2 hours before this, autosave happened afterwards. I didn't want to redo things. And so he lays dead. Rest in peace.