#21.03.2025

It isn’t wise to walk when there is blood spilled in front of you. No matter what you see in the flames. Its a ruse. Its a trick. Even if I see salvation on the other side, I taste the blood on the floor. I crawl when I see you crying for me. I gather what I can of the blood. Dont die on me. I’ll get it back for you. You will live. You have to live. But spilled milk is spoiled. I can’t get it through my head because you’re dying in front of my eyes. Blood. Blood. Blood. I hope it’s not yours but I’m lying to myself. I burn myself to reach you. There’s no god. If there was one he would’ve saved you from the hands that strangle you to death on the altar of your own castle. Stop praying to god. Look at me. Breathe for me. Don’t die in the castle that echoes his name when commanded treason. Don’t die in vain. Look at me. Live for me. Don’t you dare die on me, mother.

you asked to hold my hand and your fingers felt so wide and sturdy between mine. on some later evening, you'll tell me how slender mine are and i'll brush it off but i'll remember this moment. you asked to hold my hand and it felt so right and so strange and so wonderful i'd have to pull away for fear of feeling too much. i lie and say something about my hands being sweaty. i wouldn't hold your hand again until hours later, though i wanted to the whole time. i would do anything to hold your strong, strange hands right now. but you haven't been in arm's reach for 77 days.. not that I'm counting

I HAD IT. THE LOVE THAT I'VE BEEN POSTING AND REPOSTING AND DRAFTING ABOUT. I HAD IT AND I NEVER TOLD HIM AND HE LEFT FOR REASONS OUTSIDE OF OUR CONTROL. AND I NEVER TOLD HIM. AND NOW HE'S FAR AWAY AND I'LL NEVER SEE HIM AGAIN AND HE LIVES BY THE OCEAN WITHOUT ME. I was too busy being afraid to just be in love with him. And now what? The fears came true and the love has nowhere to go.. i think i broke my own heart