#2020lessons

We learn far more, we become far stronger by what goes wrong in our lives than what goes right.

When someone shows you who they are, believe them.

In my world, there is no mistake. Everything happens to teach me a lesson.

It’s not that we are perfect and they are not. We are not perfect and that’s the whole point in a relationship. We come with imperfections, we come with flaws, we come with insecurities and wounds from previous relationships, from our parents, from experiences in our lives, from our failures and our tragedies. When we come to a relationship, in some ways we already come as ‘scratched goods’, but the whole point is that you need to come to a relationship to meet a team player, who is also imperfect, and you can help heal each other. You can’t heal each other, of course. That’s something only we ourselves can do, but we can provide an environment for our partner where it’s possible for them to heal, where it’s possible for them to become strong, to become great. Mark Twain said that: “The really great, make you feel that you too can become great.”

So when someone tells you they want to go on a break you say, “That’s great, if you want to fix it in the relationship, I’m willing to work on it with you. If you’re determined to have a break anyway, that’s fine. But you need to know that for me, that will be a breakup. And I’m going to be moving forward as if you’re not going to be in my life because I can’t wait around. I’m too valuable. And my time and my life are too valuable. And I have too much respect for myself to wait around for someone who is not sure about me. I can deal with anyone saying to me there are things they want to work on in the relationship. I’m willing to show up for that because that to me is a team. But someone who is telling me that what they have to do requires ‘us’ not being a team anymore, isn’t the ‘teammate’ I need. So, I’m going to move on, politely.”

If you sit there agonizing over what words to use, and treading over eggshells as you say something, then if you're doing that to the extreme, it means that you don't have a healthy relationship.

“You have to begin the process of genuine acceptance that you didn’t have what you thought you had, that you thought you were gonna have something that was gonna last, you thought you had someone that was willing to give their all and do that with you, it turns out you didn’t. Now, that’s an unpalatable truth during a breakup. That’s not something we want to hear. That’s uncomfortable. But, on the other side of accepting that, is relief. Accepting this truth is the beginning of inner peace.”

There's the mourning, 'cause you think you lost the person you're supposed to be with. I can promise you, you haven't. Because, unless someone chooses you, they ain't the person you're supposed to be with. You can be disappointed, he wasn't the person, but you can't grieve like he was the person 'cause he's not. Disappointment takes a minute to get over too, but it's much easier to get over than true grieving of, "I've lost the love of my life." You didn't lose that. That's still to come. Something better is coming for you. I promise.