#2015projectawesome

My last experiment of 2015 has come to an end! This one definitely didn’t go according to plan, but it was extremely worthwhile nonetheless. I’ll explain:

I started out with the rigid guideline that I could not eat after 7pm, unless it was raw vegetables or apples. I came into this with a hope that perhaps this rigidity could cement itself into my routine, and eventually I wouldn’t even want or crave food after 7pm.

For the first week, this worked (ish). I forced myself to stop eating after 7pm. It felt great in the mornings to be hungry. But it was extremely difficult when I worked late shifts, in which there was always delicious free food around after 7pm. Starting with tiny cheating episodes, I began consistently breaking the rule and then always hating myself afterwards, perpetuating a cycle of binge->shame->punish->binge->shame->punish.

It was at this point that I desperately Googled “how to cure binge eating disorder”, and found this article, which Jenny had sent to me a while prior. It spoke to me like no other article about Binge Eating Disorder (B.E.D.) I’d ever read – this girl clearly understood my struggle, and she had practical and optimistic tips to start on the road to a healthy relationship with food. One of her rules was ‘Think addition, not restriction”. Another was “Stop trying to be perfect.” Suddenly it seemed like perhaps my rigid “no eating after 7pm” rule, despite being well-intentioned, might actually be exacerbating my problem.

So I jumped ship mid-month. I quit. I decided that if there’s anything I’ve definitively learned from this year of experiments (there’ll be a longer post on this soon!), it’s that rigidity, while perhaps helpful at the beginning, is rarely practical or healthy for me. I need to practice balance. And so, one of my primary goals for the upcoming year is going to be to beat B.E.D. by changing the way I look at food. I will actively work on no longer looking at food as a reward, or as a scarce commodity. It is nutrition It can taste delicious Treats are okay. But mindful eating, questioning whether I’m actually hungry before grabbing for food, and an appreciation for temperance are going to be big goals for me in the coming months.

I’m definitely glad I tried this experiment, because it led me to a more important conclusion than the one I was testing. I might come back to this experiment sometime months or years from now, when I feel like I have a healthier relationship with food, and can work more on the idea of fasting without entering a toxic spiral.

I initially was planning to do a different experiment this month, but I’ve been struggling with food so much for the past couple of months that I need to stage an intervention with myself.

Some background:

My relationship with food has its ups and downs. After an adolescence of not-so-great body image, I’ve come to terms with my body the way it is (curves are sexy, y’all!), but I still have a range of ~5 pounds or so that I usually try to remain within, and strongly prefer to be at the bottom of. Lately, I’m at the top of that range. And more importantly, I’m feeling bloated, unhealthy, and unhappy with myself for my lack of discipline. I miss feeling strong, and healthy, and svelte.

SO, with that in mind, I’ve narrowed it down to two major problems I deal with with food: (1) a sugar addiction, which I attempted to curb in June, but definitely still exists, and (2) a habit of snacking, especially late at night.

I’ve read countless articles urging readers to stop eating 2-3 hours before bedtime in order to better digest food and save calories. I’ve read other articles touting the benefits of intermittent fasting for 14- to 16-hour periods. I also know that I personally feel fabulous when I wake up in the morning after having not eaten in a while, actually hungry for breakfast for once. I know also that the times I’ve been thinnest and healthiest have been the times I was traveling and couldn’t snack. Knowing all of this (and knowing that December means Christmas which means I’m definitely going to fail at another no-sugar-challenge), I’m going to nix night-time eating, hopefully once and for all.

The experiment rule is simple: No eating after 7pm, except for apples and plain raw vegetables (no sauce). I’m only giving myself that little treat to keep me sane, especially at the beginning. But I’m hoping that by the end of the month, I don’t even need it, and can happily eat nothing between 7pm and morning. I also believe in the idea that sometimes the best way to kick a habit is to replace it with a different habit, and if that different habit is to eat an apple, I think I can get behind that.

Wish me luck, everyone! And wish my roommate Jenny luck, who might be dealing with a grumpy Sophia a lot of nights.

November is ending, making way for December, which means I’m done with my Creative Writing Challenge (though hopefully not done writing for a long, long time!) Here’s the end-of-month recap:

First of all, a note: I didn’t write every single day, as I had hoped. I did, however, write much more than i ever have before. Sure, there were days when I was too tired and went to bed instead. But there were also days when I wrote for hours, until the wee hours of the morning when I couldn’t think straight anymore. Overall, I’m proud of myself, and very happy with both this month’s output and its lessons, which are outlined below:

Begin each piece by freewriting, without fear of sounding ridiculous or “wrong”. Sometimes to get the right line, you just have to write around it - write out a bunch of possibilities, and it’ll grow out of them. Of course, both the freewriting and the editing are necessary steps to a poem. I can’t get stuck in freewriting mode and not make time to edit, as I’m often guilty of doing. But I also can’t get stuck with a blank page by not freewriting.

Every word must (eventually) count. Don’t use a ten cent line when you could use one worth a dollar. Use fewer, more potent words to make your point. No wasted space. This is often what I struggle with most in the editing process -- taking what I have and fixing bland lines to make it more potent. But it’s something worth working on, as I believe it’s the difference between a good poem and a great poem.

Have a theme you’re driving towards. The theme can be light, perhaps, but usually the goal is to make it piercing in some way. Don’t just describe a scene -- describe a scene with a thematic implication. Make it a strong one, one you care about. For example, my challenge #5 was initially an imagined story poem about my fictional grandmother and her mother drinking tea. No thematic undertone or reason for writing it. So … what did I do? I gave it one, and now it’s about a (fictional) me, imagining my grandmother’s mother and thinking about how different we are, and the implications of that evolution on my life. I’m still not 100% happy with it, but I’m proud of making that change, and of thereby learning this lesson.

Write what you want to write about. i initially tried doing a creative writing challenge every day, which was indeed challenging and led to some interesting pieces. But it also meant I cared a lot less about what I wrote, because it wasn’t as personal or important to me. Some days, instead of doing a challenge, I chose to work on a longer spoken word piece or song instead, which was more satisfying at the time. I think that getting out of my comfort zone is great, but only if I allow room in the challenge to still talk about themes that I care about. Some of my challenges did this well (for example, forcing me to write in haiku form, but allowing me free reign over subject matter), while others drew me away from subject matter I cared about towards other arbitrary subjects and themes about which I didn’t have any strong feelings. Perhaps it’s important to have a balance of free reign and constraint-based writing to remain both prolific and versatile. The most important thing is just to keep writing something.

Hi everybody – welcome to September! I’ve spent the past few months doing some interesting habit work, namely with generosity, sugar consumption, cold showers, and honesty. This month, I’m switching it up a bit by focusing not on a habit as much as on a skill. That is to say, I aim to make my focus on this skill habitual for the month. But unlike the other months, this month I’m much more focused on the knowledge and skills I will gain than on the general lifestyle changes I’m making. What skill, you might be wondering? Why – the game of chess!

Growing up, my dad always loved chess. He would play on Yahoo! Games incessantly, increasing his ranking against other online players, and sometimes he’d play my siblings and me, too. He’s the one who taught me how to play, and I’ve always found it impossibly difficult. I understand the rules of the game, but I really struggle with finding a strategy, with being able to think far enough ahead to execute a strategy, and with being aware and observant enough to notice my opponent’s strategy and tactics, and avoid stupid mistakes and being blindsided. I met a man near South Ferry named Johnny, who teaches people chess all day, and who insists that the skills one needs to succeed at chess are the same skills one needs to succeed in life. This struck me as an interesting assertion. But hey – we’ll see. We’ll focus on the chess for now, and see what the month brings in terms of revelations.

THE RULES

 Learn at least one new chess tactic/fact/strategy each day.*

Play at least two games of chess, whether online or against someone in real life, each week.

Play at least one game of chess against someone in Washington Square Park or Union Square Park**

*I will study online resources to learn both overall strategy and specific tactics to be used throughout the game, including openers, checkmates, and everything in between.

**It’s significant that I chose this month to hone my chess skills – it’s my last month in NYC, and here in the city, there are regulars in the parks playing chess. For a few dollars, you can play a game with them. But be careful – they’re quite good! It’s been on my bucket list for a while now to play chess with one of these guys, even if I embarrass myself. But hey – I might as well spend this month getting better at chess, and then cap off the month by playing one of them towards the end!

I can’t believe we’ve come to the end of August! This is such a strange time for me – as someone who spends all winter waiting for summer to come, it’s strange to think that summer’s ending. A little scary, even. But c’est la vie. I need to learn to appreciate every season.

In any case, with the end of August comes the end of another month experiment. You may have noticed I never posted an intro post for an August experiment. This was on purpose. My August experiment was “Radical Honesty”, and I wanted it to be a secret. I didn’t want my friends knowing I was intentionally being extra honest with them, or it would have ruined the experiment. So here’s the overview and findings all in one post!

First, a bit about why I chose to do a Radical Honesty experiment:

I’ve always highly valued the practice of sincerity, or authenticity. Genuineness, so to speak. I truly believe that if everyone in the world worked hard to understand who they were and what they valued, and then lived according to that even when it was hard, the world would be a better, realer place, full of more beautiful connections, more vulnerability, more fulfillment of dreams, more societal institutions stemming directly from the values of their citizens. I’ve been thinking for a while now about how best to do my part towards creating this world I dream of. Gandhi says you must “be the change you wish to see in the world”, so I figured there’s no better place to start than myself. How can I be more authentic in my everyday life? How can I better reflect my true self in the choices I make, and in my interactions with the people in my life? Honesty seemed to me to be very related to authenticity. To be honest was to recognize your thoughts and feelings as valid and stand up for them, voice them. So, I would try, for one month, to be radically honest.

The parameters of the experiment were pretty simple:

Whenever I voiced a thought – whether in person, on the phone, over text, in an email, etc. – it must be an honest thought.

Whenever I had a strong thought or feeling about something, I had to voice it.

But after a couple of days, I was already weary. I was feeling harsh and not liking that feeling, so I amended the parameters just a little bit to stress the fact that I wanted to combine <honesty with kindness>. I wanted to always be honest, but to be honest in a manner that was kind, respectful, and loving, rather than out of spite, fear, or hatred. This didn’t sound like it would be that hard, right?

Now, for a bit of honesty: I definitely stopped following this experiment so strictly after the first two weeks or so, after realizing that I don’t think honesty-at-all-times is quite the answer for an authentic life (more about this below). Instead, I simply became more cognizant of when I was being honest and when I was not, and that became a conscious choice. Sometimes, I’d make the choice to be radically honest. Sometimes I would make the choice not to be.

Here were my findings about the practice of honesty:

Being honest is much easier over text than in person. Texting and emailing are forms of communication that give you time to think about your response. I could ask myself, “Is this really honest?” and if the answer was no, I could change it. In real time, as in an in-person conversation, that’s much harder. I found myself telling white lies, or at least not voicing my true feelings, and I wouldn’t even realize it until after the fact, until it was too late to do something about it. Or, if I realized it in time, I wouldn’t know exactly how to word those feelings, and so I would become too afraid to do so. In a text, I can write and rewrite my thoughts over and over again until I feel it’s both authentic and kind. Not so easy when you’re thinking on your feet.

Honesty is not black and white – it has many shades of grey. How honest do I need to be? Do I need to be *completely* unfiltered? Do I need to say everything that’s on my mind exactly when I feel it? Do I just need to voice things I feel strongly about? How much can I tweak the sentiment so that it’s more kind? What even really is the honest truth? I think it’s impractical to do such a strict experiment with honesty. It’s not an issue that lends itself well to strict categories.

I often avoid expressing honest thoughts out of fear. By midway through the month, my honesty track record wasn’t going so hot. I realized that I filter myself ALL THE TIME. It’s so hard to actually say “you’re really cute”, “I really like you”, “I’m not having a very good time right now”, “No, I don’t really want to see you again”. It’s scary, because it could harm relationships, cause awkward moments.

It felt good to voice my needs. I think the times when I felt this experiment to be most beneficial – the times when I’m clearly not honest enough – is when I have a need that isn’t being met in a relationship in my life. Whether it’s a friend who is always late but whom I never call out for fear of rocking the boat, or a roommate whose dishes I always end up resentfully doing myself instead of discussing, or a friend who is really busy and isn’t making time for our friendship, these are issues that deserve to be discussed. Out of love. Out of a desire to preserve the relationship and resolve the issue, or determine if perhaps the relationship isn’t working. To let these things go is to disrespect myself and to do a disservice to the people in my life, who may not even be aware these things are bothering me. By setting boundaries and honestly and lovingly discussing when they’re crossed, I set myself up for healthier relationships, less resentment, and more satisfaction. Even if it’s scary to bring up in the moment.

But sometimes, I also avoid expressing honest thoughts out of love for the other person. Balancing kindness and honesty is HARD sometimes. I didn’t think that would be an issue – I try hard to have a loving perspective towards life and the people in my life, so I figured I could be honest in a way that was loving towards myself and others. But what happens when the way you feel, or what you’re thinking, isn’t inherently loving? What happens when I have an unkind thought? Ultimately, I decided that kindness (real kindness) must be put before honesty. About halfway through the experiment, I struggled to understand what was even honest anymore. At one point, I was given a free empanada by some kind girl at an empanada stand. She had made them all herself and was selling them, but it was the end of the day, so she gave me one for free. She asked me afterwards what I thought of the empanada. To be honest, I didn’t really like it – it was too greasy for my taste, and didn’t have enough flavor. But this girl was so kind to give me one – I love her, and I want to lift her up! What do I say? I’m having an honesty crisis: I’m *honestly* having a negative thought, but I also *honestly* want to make people feel good.

Honesty and authenticity are different things, and my core self is much more important than my passing thoughts. My goal in all of this was to be more authentic. I believe that my authentic self is love, that love is what we are made of. I do not believe that we are our thoughts. Our thoughts do not define us. And so, when I have to choose between expressing my authentic self and expressing a thought, I want to choose to express what I truly am, what I truly desire to put out into the world: love.

So, then, the question becomes: What is the most loving thing to do? To tell the empanada girl that the empanada could have used a little seasoning (in as kind a way as I can), or to just tell her I love it and that she did a great job (even though I don’t totally believe that’s true?) Is honesty by definition loving and a gift (so she can improve the empanadas), or is it just unnecessary?

Grand Takeaway:

When I’m hesitating to voice an honest thought or feeling, I should ask myself two things: (1) Am I hesitating out of fear or out of love?

Hesitating out of fear: am I afraid that the person won’t return my sentiment, or that I will feel awkward, or that I don’t deserve to voice this? [If so, voice the thought or feeling.]

Hesitating out of love: is this a thought or feeling that breaks the person down rather than builds them up? Is this a thought or feeling that will make them feel awkward or uncomfortable? [If so, go to question #2.]

(2)    How important is it to me that I voice this thought or feeling? How much does it feel like an important, authentic reflection of myself?

Do I feel strongly about this? Is it a need that isn’t being met? A boundary being crossed? Something I firmly believe in and want to stand up for?   [OR]

Is it just a passing thought that does not matter much to me or my own sense of self-worth? (e.g. my feelings about the quality of the empanada)

If I’m hesitating out of fear, I should almost always “say yes” and just VOICE IT.

If I’m hesitating out of love, I must ask myself question #2. If it’s just a passing thought (like my opinion on the empanada), there’s no real reason to voice it. Better to go with a kinder response. If, however, it’s a boundary being crossed, or something important to me, perhaps it might be worth voicing even if it’s going to be challenging for the recipient to hear.

That’s all for now, folks! My grand takeaway is that honesty might not be all it’s cracked up to be, and might not even be directly correlated with authenticity. Better to focus on how to better authentically express love for myself and others, which is who I am at my core, rather than my thoughts.

Hi everyone! Another month has ended, which means the wrapping up of another experiment – this time, my daily freezing shower. I made it! I successfully took a freezing cold shower every single morning all month, with no missed days. This might have been my most successful experiment yet, in terms of keeping my rules. Much like in my No-Sugar Experiment Wrap-up, I’m going to present you with a log of my feelings about these showers:

Week 1 (2-minute showers):

Day 1: HOLY MOMS THAT IS TERRIFYINGLY COLD. Stood outside the shower for a solid 30 seconds before getting in, just thinking about how miserable it was going to be.

Day 2: These are actually really delightful after you get wet enough. It’s like a cold swimming pool – you have to get your hair wet and really just lower your overall temperature, and then it’s enjoyable.

Day 3: Interestingly enough, I’ve started taking ALL of my showers cold, including my nighttime showers, even though that isn’t required! I can’t decide if I’m doing this because I genuinely like the cold feeling, or to get used to it so the mornings aren’t as bad. Also, I just went to the beach today, and the ocean, which everyone else described as “freezing cold”, didn’t feel so bad to me! Unsure if I’m getting used to the cold feeling, or just developing the mental fortitude to cope with it well.

Day 4: I’m unsure what to do on mornings I go to the gym. Should I shower before AND after the gym? Or just save my freezing shower for when I get back? Does that still count?

Day 5: This is getting WAY easier. I now step in without hesitating, and I’ve learned to embrace the freezing water droplets as just what it is: water. It’s not scary. Except when my head starts to actually go kind of numb. That’s a little scary.

Day 6: Hives have formed under my armpits. They are insanely itchy, and I have no idea if they have anything to do with the cold showers or not – it’s just interesting that they showed up at the same time. I want to try doing warm showers to see if they go away, but I’m going to make it through the month first.

Week 2 (3-minute showers):

Day 7: I think this experiment is helping me with other parts of my life, like my splits! (I’ve been on a mission to become more flexible and get my splits down.) When I’m in a split, the pain and discomfort reminds me of the pain and discomfort of the shower – the mental strength I’m developing in the shower is giving me the ability to just see that discomfort and welcome it.

Day 8: This feels easy peasy at this point. Getting in isn’t scary at all anymore, and I’m beginning to welcome the refreshing cold. My friend Willie calls it a “force field effect” – the feeling when you get out and feel so warm.

Day 9: I’ve run into an interesting discovery: Today, I didn’t have enough to DO in the shower because I forgot to replace my razor, so I couldn’t shave today. Not having something to occupy myself made passing the time way harder. Perhaps I use tasks to distract myself from my feelings in other parts of my life, too.

Day 10: I’m starting to dread getting in again. This added minute (three minutes vs. two minutes) makes a huge difference…

Day 11: The shower wouldn’t stay cold today! It kept warming up, not matter which knob I used. It was like the universe didn’t want me to tak ea cold shower today. During the last 45 seconds it finally happened, and it felt FREEZING because the warm water had meant my body had warmed up.

Week 3 (4-minute showers, and on vacation):

Day 13: I’m on vacation this week, and oh man, I’m all of a sudden REALLY resisting these showers. They feel like a chore I shouldn’t have to do. Also, this larger “nicer” shower somehow makes it more unpleasant – maybe it’s the light* and all the space? [note: At home, I usually take my showers in the dark. I know this is unusual, but it’s super peaceful! Highly recommend it.]

Day 14: I’m literally dreading mornings at this point. Also, four minutes feels SO LONG – long enough that there’s not nearly enough to do. I’m forced to stand there uncomfortably with no distractions, and try not to check the clock every five seconds.

Day 17: Okay, I lied. On Day 17, I skipped my morning shower, because I had forgotten and had already put a large amount of sunscreen on for the day, and didn’t want it to go to waste. (This also was a really, really handy excuse.)

Day 18: My teeth are chattering. I was VERY resistant. It’s the last day of vacation showers, thank god. It’s still so weird that I hate it so much more here; they’re actually warmer here than at home, where the cold water is FREEZING.

Week 4 (5-minute showers):

Day 21: Five minutes is a LONG TIME. I have to distract myself by doing stuff. It is WAY colder than my vacation showers, but somehow much more tolerable. Also, the rash under my armpits are still there, and I probably shouldn’t be shaving them, so I don’t irritate them. I still don’t know if the rash is caused by the cold or just happened to spring up at the same time, but I really hope they go away soon.

Day 23: The rash under my armpits is hives. I’m getting a little concerned … but I don’t want to sacrifice the experiment! It might not even be caused by the cold water anyway. I looked online, and I can’t find anything about cold water causing hives (unless you suffer from a rare condition called Chronic Cold Hives, but I really don’t think I do…)

Day 25: I’ve decided – I really like the cold showers at this point. The five minutes went by really fast somehow today, as long as I shave and keep myself occupied.

Day 26: I’ve become really OCD about the last ten seconds of my showers, which is interesting. (For those of you who don’t know, I have diagnosed mild OCD.) I feel like the last ten seconds have to be *just right*, an even coating of freezing water all over my body, so sometimes, even when the timer is up, I’ll still be in the shower, spinning around slowly until I feel evenly coated. I feel like I’m going crazy.

Week 5 (6-minute showers):

Day 27: Six minutes is an INCREDIBLY LONG TIME. After I’m all done with both washing myself and shaving my legs, I still have two full minutes to just stand there.

Day 28: It was so cold today that after six minutes, I’m literally numb all over. I’m not sure if this is good or bad for me.

Day 31: I’m actually getting a little emotional about this being the last day. I’ve grown to really like these showers, I tihnk. I will continue them (though not as long!)

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Finaly, I just want to just summarize the above log into some Overall Takeaways from this experiment:

While getting into the freezing shower is initially difficult, toweling off afterwards feels incredible, as I’m swathed in this warm, “I can take on the world” feeling. It makes me feel so powerful, energetic, and alive.

The cold water may or may not have given me hives under my armpits, which was weird and unfortunate (causation or just correlation? It remains to be seen.)

Every time I increased the shower length, it felt like a huge adjustment (note my complaints throughout the log of “this is SO LONG” every time a new week starts.) However, I always would adjust, and by the end of the week, it no longer felt as crazy. It appears that humans are indeed adaptable, after a strong dislike of iniital change. Or, at least, this human is.

While at home, exercising the discipline required for this experiment felt good. While on vacation, it felt like a miserable chore.

I form new OCD ticks pretty easily, as I did around the shower exit. From now on, I am going to pay attention to budding ticks, and work to break them down as they start.

I rely on mindless tasks (like shaving my legs) to distract myself from uncomfortable realities (like freezing cold water all over my body). Over the course of the month, as the shower length increased, I ran out of tasks, and was forced to learn how to deal with uncomfortable realities.

(related to the above) This experiment definitely increased my mental fortitude towards both cold water and pretty much all other negative forces in my life – discomfort while stretching, bugs while outside, etc. I learned to see those things as just a temporary     disturbance rather than a crisis. I think this wil be a valuable skill.

I would like to continue with cold showers (at least in the summer). 

That’s all, folks! Tune in tomorrow (or, more likely, Monday) for an intro post as this brand new month of August begins!

Lots of love,

Hi everyone!

Despite it being July, this post is not about my July Cold Showers project -- all updates and results of that will be posted at the end of the month. Rather, this post is about a spontaneous one-day Experiment that I conducted recently

On Sunday, July 5, I did an experiment that’s been on my Bucket List for a curiously long time: I spent a full day without any electronics or clocks. I’m not sure where the idea for this came from – on Saturday, I had been perusing my Bucket List for some fun activity to knock out the next day, since I had no plans, and I came across this item, and asked myself, “why not just do this tomorrow and knock it out?” So I did just that.

The terms of the experiment were as follows:

The experiment would take place on Sunday, July 5, 2015.

I would turn off and put away all electronics and clocks in my apartment before bed on Saturday, July 4, 2015.

From the time I woke up until the time I went to bed, I     would not use any electronics

From the time I woke up until the time I went to bed, I     would not look at any clocks.

It was CRAZY. I was not expecting the way I felt during this day at all. For a long time, I’ve felt a rather conservative, Luddite tendency towards a lack of technology – a romantic wish for it all to go away, to live the way people used to. To go to Walden Pond like Henry David Thoreau, or Alaska, like Chris McCandless, or a village in sub-Saharan Africa to take bucket showers and read by candlelight. A harkening back to simpler times, so to speak. And so, I thought that a day without electronics and clocks would leave me feeling relaxed, refreshed, and more in touch with my priorities and what’s really important. For someone like me, this would be easy.

To be honest, it wasn’t at all what I expected. It was HARD.

Specific thoughts and findings:

Not knowing what time it was all day was SURREAL. Seriously, I thought it’d be refreshing, but it was just really, really disorienting. I’m currently reading 100 Years of Solitude (Gabriel Garcia Marquez), which is marked by lots of magical realism, and I seriously started to feel like I was a character living in the book, or in a magical realist book of my own. It didn’t feel like a real day. It felt like a dream, in which I was an observer of a strange world (perhaps my inner world?). The day felt so long, and it was supremely odd and kind of mystical-feeling. I would try to guess what time it was based on the sunlight and its direction, and I found myself thinking of early explorers, and how they had to rely on nature to guide them, and how we’ve mostly lost that ability in modern-day society, and whether that’s a bad thing or not.

It was really refreshing to wake up and NOT check my phone first thing in the morning. Because I use my phone as an alarm clock in my iHome dock, getting out of bed to turn it off is the first thing I do every morning, which inevitably leads me to check my email and Facebook, too. I think I’ve been vaguely aware for a while that I didn’t like this habit, but Sunday made it very clear how refreshing it was to wake up, hang out in bed for a while, make breakfast, and read a book, all without knowing what was going on in the outside world, at least for the first hour of my day. Why does it seem so urgent to know if anyone emailed me overnight? It’s pretty unlikely I’d get any earth-shattering emails at 2am anyway. It’s a habit I have no need for and that just bogs me down mentally and starts my day in the mindset of looking outward instead of inward, focused on my priorities and my own wellbeing.

Not having electronics made me more keenly aware of my actions, feelings, and general state. Without any distractions, I found myself literally listening to my heartbeat. I was intensely aware when I was hungry, or thirsty, or sad, or tired (curiously, I took THREE naps throughout the day…)

I rely on music a lot to set the tone of my day and its activities. If I’m exercising, I use pump-up music. If I’m chilling, I’ll listen to acoustic pensive music. If I’m trying to focus, I’ll put on lyricless music through headphones to keep myself on task. Not having music all day – and having to make my own – was strange. The world felt so quiet, so devoid of a specific mood, except solitariness. I started listening to my surroundings more, and discovered how musical the world around me is     inherently. But still, it felt oppressively quiet.

I rely on the Internet and my phone a TON, every hour of every day. I encountered my first no-Internet struggle when the toilet wasn’t flushing in the morning when I woke up. My first instinct, of course, was to call Maintenance, but then I realized that I couldn’t use my phone because that was an electronic, and thus had no way to reach Maintenance. My next thought was “no worries, I’ll fix it myself!” …but then I realized I would be using the internet to Google how to fix this problem, and I couldn’t do that either. It made me think hard about how much we rely on communication with others, and the global pool of knowledge known as the Internet, to function every single day.

In a similar vein: I rely on the Internet for entertainment … a LOT. I constantly found myself wanting to read Internet articles. I was suddenly desperately in the mood to read a blog post from The Minimalists, or Postsecret’s Sunday Secrets. Without the ability to access these sites, I suddenly felt like I was missing out, like there was nothing else in the world worth doing. Quite frankly, I was BORED. I considered my non-electronics-related options … and found very few that sounded appealing. I could play my guitar, but I didn’t really feel like dedicating any serious amount of time to working through difficulties on it. I could stretch on the floor, but I didn’t have any music to stretch to (the same obstacle stood in my way when I considered going to the gym.)  I could read, but I had already read for two hours, and I just didn’t feel like it     anymore. I realized I don’t have enough hobbies that don’t require     electronic assistance. I take for granted the ability to access any form     of knowledge or entertainment whenever I want it. [Side note: this made me realize how great of training this was for the Peace Corps, where I will have a lot of down time and won’t likely have consistent access to the Internet, and will have to entertain myself!]

I rely on clocks to run my body and my life. When I woke up and had no idea what time it was, I quickly realized that I didn’t know if it was breakfast time or lunch time, or an awkward in-between time. I didn’t even think to just listen to my body and see if I was hungry or not, and if so, what I actually wanted to eat, until that was my only option off of which to base my decision. Clocks tell me when to eat, when to sleep, and what to do with my life at any given moment. Wouldn’t it be     refreshing to be able to rely on my own body and its signals more – to trust myself enough to let me satisfy my needs without this external governing force we call time? It’s an interesting thought I had never seriously considered before. 

Some parts of life really do require clocks, though. When I was in the heights of my boredom and wracking my brain for activities that didn’t require music or electronics, I had the brilliant idea to go to a yoga class at Yoga To The People! ... until I realized that I would have no idea when to leave for it in order to make it to class on time. Clocks definitely do serve a purpose -- I should just rely on it less to regulate my body and what I do with my alone time, and use it only for events and planning with other people.

It was really, really isolating. I guess I should have expected this, but as an introvert, I thought I would welcome the solitude with my thoughts. Instead, I genuinely felt kind of lonely by the end of the day. I think often, when I’m alone, I will text my best friend, or call my mom, or use my smartphone to distract me with interesting articles and Facebook posts to make me feel artificially connected. I think perhaps I would have found the solitude more easily digestible if I had a purpose I was working towards that day -- a focus of sorts, or a project. But since I was just being, just existing, it felt arduous and difficult to just be alone with my thoughts for that long with no one to share them with. This brought up existential questions of what it means to be human, how we’re alone when we’re born and, ultimately, we’re alone when we die. People come and go in our lives, but we’re the only ones there the whole time, so it’s worthwhile to learn to love being alone with ourselves. This loneliness felt like an ugly problem that I often will just shove down and distract myself from by hanging out with friends, but at the end of the day, it’s still down there, an inherent fearful discomfort with being by myself. And perhaps it’s a balance – if I’ve been hanging out with people 24/7 lately, I embrace a day alone happily. But if I’ve been alone a lot lately – like I had been that weekend so far – I start to get antsy and need people again. All I can say, in the end, is that I’ve never been more sure that human beings are social creatures, built for community.

That’s all I’ve got for now – thanks for reading this unexpected post! I’ll talk to you all again in three weeks, when I finish up my cold shower challenge (which is, surprisingly, going quite well!)

Lots of love <3

Hi everybody – it’s July 1! I can’t believe we’ve made it to the middle of the year. My half-birthday! We’re past the summer solstice, past the longest day of the year, now at the very middle. I’ve finished six whole challenges, and now it’s really summer. I can’t believe how far we’ve come!

This month, I’m going to do a challenge that I only recently started reading about. I forget how it even came up -- did I see a single article about it on my Facebook newsfeed, then did more digging? Did I just randomly wonder, in a streak of boredom at work, what temperature of water was best for you to shower with?

All I know is, if you google “cold showers”, you get a slew of results – pages upon pages of articles and blog posts – all saying the same thing: cold showers are REALLY, REALLY GOOD FOR YOU. Here are a few:

“Benefits of Cold Showers: 7 Reasons Why Taking Cool Showers Is Good For Your Health” (Medical Daily)

“The Scientific Case for Cold Showers” (Fast Company) 

“7 Reasons to Take Cold Showers and One That Really Matters” (The Hacked Mind) 

“15 Benefits of Cold Showers That Will Blow Your Mind” (Menprovement) 

“The Benefits of Being Cold” (The Atlantic)

The health benefits touted repeatedly include: improved circulation, improved mood, improved immune system, balanced hormone levels, metabolic advantages, better breathing, and even weight loss. This is incredible, I thought. I’m always looking for ways to make my lifestyle healthier, to find ways to live longer and stronger … and here was such a simple one, totally free, sitting right under my nose, in my own apartment. Amazing!

Feeling pretty sold already by the health benefits, I then realized a benefit just as compelling if not more: the mental fortitude that this could build. The feeling of standing outside the shower thinking “no no no no this is going to be horrible, this is going to be horrible” and then getting in, and learning to stop cringing, and instead realize that it’s. just. water. It’s not going to kill me to be physically uncomfortable for a few minutes. In fact, if I can learn to embrace that discomfort, it might make me better at dealing with discomfort in other parts of my life, discomfort that I can’t control. Basically, standing in an ice cold shower for five minutes is the equivalent of a certain type of meditation, the type where you can’t move and have to endure things like itches, back pain, a buzzing bee in your ear. It’s learning to be zen despite the world around you, and learning to give up the need to always control, always be comfortable. That seemed like something I could definitely use more practice with.

Outline of Experiment Terms:

This experiment will run from July 1 to July 31, 2015.

I will take a cold shower every single morning. (My usual night showers will continue at the temperature of my choosing, but I will now also take a shower every morning when I wake up. Re-cleaning myself is optional.)

I will not use the hot-water knob at all. It will be only freezing water. 

I will stay in the shower for the following lengths of time:

Wed. July 1 – Sun. July 5: 2 minutes

Mon. July 6 – Sun. July 12: 3 minutes

Mon. July 13 – Sun. July 19: 4 minutes

Mon. July 20 – Sun. July 26: 5 minutes

Mon. July 27 – Fri. July 31: 6 minutes

After doing a couple trial runs during the last week of June, and my first official cold shower this morning, I can say – this will be tough initially, but I think the mental fortitude I build, in addition to all of the health benefits, will be well worth it!