#20140810

Decided to sit and think on this for a night, wound up sitting on it for a week:

001 ) PROOF OF LIFE

Trying to stay awake until midnight in the hopes that I can sleep in later than 7 AM tomorrow. Did some highly necessary hair-maintenance today in the hopes that I can at least try and keep it nice until I can chop it all off; it’s officially reached Tasteful Mermaid Bra length.

002 ) ALL GOOD WRITERS ARE READERS

I’m watching Flashdance with my cousin and I think it’s a movie every single creative person alive on earth needs to see. I can only guess that when Simpson and Bruckheimer set out in the mid 80s to make a romantic drama about strippers and jigglin’ butts, they didn’t count on making such a powerful statement about the creative process: You will Fail, Badly and Uncomfortably, and it will Embarrass You and Trash your Ego. Keep Going.

It is deeply important to me that all of the characters in the movie fail at some point, creatively or emotionally. Not elegant-fail; not “oh, that’s cute” fail; bust-your-ass, congrats-you-fucked-it-up uncomfortable to watch straight up failing. And every single time they get up again, after various amounts of time down. That’s important to me. The only real, meaningful, permanent giving up is in not getting up; the only way to get shit started for yourself is to pound it out, and it's a struggle (especially if you're supporting yourself at the same time). I feel you, Flashdance. 

003 ) IN THE MENTAL QUEUE

Free disclosure: I’ve had a lot of crushes on straight girls. Most of the lesbians and bisexual girls I know have at some point harbored an unrequited crush on a straight girl; the trope pops up so often in western (and specifically white) lesbian media that it's been subsumed into the standard coming-out narrative. In fictional coming of age / coming-out stories, the baby queer angsts over their feelings for her best friend / new and rebellious acquaintance for approximately 60% of the story, following a crisis usually involving some expression of physical intimacy and resolving also via physical intimacy to either a warm or tragic ending (seldom ambiguous). 

When that same fictional situation involves a woman who has come out / is secure in her knowledge of her own sexual orientation, the tone from the beginning is far more predatory and even self-loathing. While it's important to take the emotional struggles of young queer girls seriously (because at the time, it FEELS serious), what exactly are we teaching youngins is angst-worthy?

YA Straight male unrequited love narratives, when they exist in the wild, resolve by the character getting over their feelings and (usually) getting together with the female character waiting conveniently to the side the whole time. Queer female unrequited / troubled love narratives resolve with a lifelong commitment to a dead end or unhealthy relationship and, frequently, a body count.

Patriarchy!

(To expand on later, with more specific examples?)

004 ) FROM THE NOTEBOOK

My heart, too, has off-seasons and peak seasons. Check before you visit.