#1vd

(I read the original 90s series, and watched the CW show, but I assumed you were referring mostly to the latter.)

💨: Damon is a 4/10 as a human. He farts slightly less than average, and it’s usually silent and scentless. That said, if he feeds on more than five people in a night, he’s definitely not inviting himself over for naughty times with anyone. He absolutely cannot handle when things racket up to even a 6/10. He immediately secludes himself in that state.

It’s about the same as a vampire, except his trigger foods affect him way more. They can crank things up to a 9/10 stinkwise, since he’s an expert on putting on the silencer. It’s very noticeable, and Damon will frequently crop dust locations, or use his good looks to blame some human guy (honestly it’s usually Matt, because Jeremy and Elena will fly off the handle if he does that to them) (he tried claiming NewVamp!Elena had trouble adjusting to blood, and he had a very unsexy back scrape to prove it; that sucker took three days to fully heal).

🫘: Damon cannot handle most Asian or Latin cuisine, Italian being the obvious exception. It’s not just that he’s a white bread American, but that for most of his natural life, and the first two decades of vampirism, these foods weren’t widely available in America outside of major cities, especially not in Civil War-era Mystic Falls. He’s adapted pretty well to Chinese food after a month or two of bad reactions, but even after nearly two centuries, he still cannot handle his spice. Indian and fast-food Mexican are particularly hard on Damon’s stomach.

😳: For all his modern hedonism and living in the moment, the 19th century gentleman in Damon will blush even imagining the thought of passing gas in public (and yes, home with Stefan counts as public). His embarrassment levels are definitely a 10/10, maybe even more like a 1000/10. And with a lady love or gentleman partner? Watch him disappear to another country for the next seventy years if they’re a human, and forever if they’re a vamp. After all, he could learn to love Japan. Sweden is also supposed to be lovely.

Part of his drama trauma stems from a moment he had with Katherine. After a rich meal of Chinese food Katherine had Emily prepare for her and the Salv brothers, the foreign food, particularly the egg rolls, had an effect on Damon. He was making love to Katherine at the time it hit, and as his thrusts grew got slower, he could tell she was already losing interest.

“Why the sudden gentle act,” Katherine asked. “It’s like you’re starting over before anyone finishes.”

As a human, Damon was so desperate to please her, to beat out not only Stefan, but 300 years of other lovers, that he immediately picked up the pace.

Her moans increased as he did so, and his trademark smirk came to his face. And then… *BRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrOOOOOOOObrrtbrrt!*

The smirk dropped from Damon’s face as Katherine stared up at him in blatant disgust.

“I apologize,” Damon said as his face reddened. “I did not know I would…”

“Release worse flatulence than a horse,” Katherine supplied.

Damon hung his head in shame as Katherine climbed out from under him and walked out of his chambers laughing, obviously heading to the rooms of his perfect brother.

And so, to this day, he associates gas with another time he lost to Stef.

❤️: He will hold it until he’s blue in the face, bloated, and possibly having the first vampiric heart attack. If he doesn’t want to draw such drastic attention to himself, he’ll let it out silently whenever his partner is out of the room. This was a fairly effective tactic until Elena became a vampire and could tell whenever she came back that, at the very least, there was something lingering under the strong Febreze. After that, she pretty frequently gets snarky about Damon’s little habits and his shyness with the topic of his gas, shocked she found the one thing to make Damon nervous (well, other than the constant world-shattering Mystic Falls danger of the week).

Some quotes over time include:

“So, we had Indian. Do you want to go to the bathroom now, or should I wait for you to tell me the only thing that smells is my upper lip?”

“Just because Jeremy’s human doesn’t mean you can blame your farts on him. You know, if you really think you can keep yourself from sucking its blood, we could get a dog.”

*BRRRVVVVRRRT!* “…So I’m gonna take that as either a request for some alone time or some Tums and cuddles? Where are we going with this?”

Like, she definitely proved she has nothing in common with Katherine other than snarkiness, but honestly Damon puts up with it, because it’s a strange kind of affection he’s grown used to.