#14kmom

I’m an orphan.

I was sad I’d miss Halloween in my nabe -- it’s so fun to see 30th Av. turn into a parade of costumed kids -- but I just realized that, if the timing’s right, I’d be able to go trick-or-treating with BBF’s kids. Maybe I should see if 14KNiece wants to bring a costume with her? SN1 is only a year younger, they could probably have a nice time together that evening too. Honestly, I think I’d rather live a bit that night than sit shiva again (we’ll do three nights)... but of course the timing could be all wrong. I like thinking of plans though (my horrid anxiety of the past few days ebbed a *lot* once I was able to make a travel plan yesterday evening).

Oooh boy, drugs and a long talk with BBF and (finally) a meal later, I’m tempted to forward my sis’ email to bro-in-law and tell him that he gave a really good story on the ride home, but clearly my sis has no desire for reconciliation. She has no respect for me, and love without respect is pretty worthless.

Yay, now I get to spend the day avoiding killing myself! Good work, 14KSis.

Yup, still banned from staying with -- and therefore seeing -- my mom. I hope she enjoys dying without me there!

When you’ve finally managed to music yourself into feeling good for a minute, don’t look at an email from your sister who is currently with your dying mother.