#120813

Previously unreleased video of Louis and Zayn at JFK airport in 2013 - 12/08/13

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I really have to start setting my priorities straight. I mean I know what they are but.. they’re all crooked and out of line and I’m just, I don’t know. Maybe I’m just being lazy. Again. It is the most absurd and idiotic thing to be lazy right now because it’s finals week and blah blah blah. My brain feels so wishy-washy right now, it’s like all the contents in my head have been turned into mush and as it regenerates, everything is going back in no particular order. Just the other day I totally blew off studying because I was offered a free deal on getting finger tattoos. So I did that, and what did I do after? Go shopping, for gifts of course but along with those gifts were items for myself as well. I don’t know what’s going on in this brain of mine. It kind of reverts back to free will, I always think to myself if it’s really me that’s controlling what I’m doing or is it the environment and circumstances that I’m in that’s pulling the strings. It’s like I was so sure of myself being the ultimate decision maker of my life but now all these stupid philosophies (okay they’re not stupid) has got me thinking. Well I’d like to be responsible for myself all the time so at this moment I still believe that’s it’s just myself being super dumb and choosing not to do something about something. At the same time what about all these fatalist views and maybe it’s just how my life is prewritten, just as all these other individuals lives are prewritten. In which case I’d believe that I have no control over my life. This is what burns my brain out, I might as well switch my major to philosophy but I’d get absolutely no jobs with that besides a professor. Anyway I’m just rambling right now, there’s really nothing much going on in my life. Well I always say this but, there actually are a lot of things going on right now but, I guess my mind has been in indifferent mode for so long that I barely even wince at anything right now. Guess I have a lot of time on my hands so I might as well recap some events. I went to go hang out with one of my coworkers the other night, the same one that my other coworkers are telling me to hook up with. It’s like, this weird vibe going on. And not a weird awkward vibe but a weird like, I like your company and I like your personality but there’s no attraction going on, which is ultimately the glue to everything. I don’t know maybe I’m just “over-analyzing” it, or whatever my coworkers say. But then again I usually go with my gut feeling for most things…. Which is kind of funny because look at where my gut feeling has taken me thus far…….. Moving on. I went to a frat party last night, it’s the first time in a while that I actually got to get drunk and not worry about driving. I didn’t really know much people at first, but then again they were part of my brother’s frat sorority whatever so it wasn’t super awkward. It’s just fucking hilarious how my own brother warns his bros about how hanging out with me “is a trap.” And I’m not even being sarcastic. Too bad Frank didn’t make it but I did end up meeting some cool people. Wait, actually it was pretty awkward whenever some random or one of my brother’s bros would hit on me, it’s like.. my brother is right there, that is so awkward! No matter how drunk I am, my brother is right there like gross stop no. Anyway I think I just need more excitement in my life. I’ve been looking at the bigger scheme of things. It’s basically like this: finish college, get a big girl job, find my other half, and that’s it. Everything else in between are bonuses. I’ve got to find a way to make this life worth living, not saying that having a family and love for my career isn’t great, it’s fantastic! It all just seems kinda… Boring.

Flávia Costa ( Hiya )