#12.29.2017

WWE Instagram Photo

WWE Instagram Photo

I was planning on sending it to you. 

Then I remembered.

The things that you would love to see from the kids I want so desperately to send to you. 

But it’s too late now. 

I’m sorry I didn’t send every moment that I could to you. I falsely assumed we had more time. 

It was interesting. Nothing like when you were here. 

Thanksgiving we used disposable plate, silverware, and cups. 

Isabela took it harder than any of them. She made name tags for everyone to sit at the table. She even made one for you. Put it up on your urn. She has taken it the hardest I think. 

I still had issues with Randal. But he is having a hard time. He still blames himself to an extent. 

We miss you. All of us. I haven’t cried yet. I don’t know if I ever will. It isn’t because I don’t love you. Because I do. 

It isn’t because I don’t miss you. Because I do.

It is just because I’m broken. Interestingly enough, Randal feels the same way. 

I wish I knew how to be there for him. I wish I knew how to be a decent sibling

I’m not sure why I don’t know how to.  

We fight about something new,

But end up dwelling in the past mistakes.

We fight cause you closed the doors,

When I was struggling to open it once more.

I cry cause you can't hear my thoughts,

Then you shout cause you can't deal with it.

Not anymore.

I talk explaining myself,

While you talk back spitting bullet words.

Like walking naked to get to you,

With bullet holes that came from you.

I do so, blindy,

taking all the pain that you give me

Knowing so, I did something too,

But I'm willing to pay for you.

I love you then,

and more even so right now.

You do the same,

I don't know, somehow?