perhaps i have determined my problem.  and it’s a big one.  i need someone to care for me 24/7.  i have an insatiable need for affection.  to touch and be touched.  not inappropriately; i’m talking the most innocent of touching.  holding hands.  playing with hair.  hugging.  whatever it may be.  i need that all the time, and i can’t handle it when i don’t have it.  and that fucking sucks because more often than not, i am alone and without people who would even want to be affectionate with me.  i’ve been sad for the past 2.5 hours, and i really can’t shake it.  my boyfriend isn’t answering his phone.  my best friends are busy.  i don’t like being a burden to people.  i don’t like being clingy and annoying.  i don’t like being so fcking needy all the time.  how do i stop doing that?  maybe one day i’ll be enough for myself so that i don’t have to seek shelter in the arms of people who could potentially just be pretending to care.  gahhhh i need to stop thinking.  i need to focus.  this stupid ass portfolio is due on wednesday, and i didn’t even finish the first reflection.  ugh.  whatever.

Chest started hurting today. It’s a sharp pain right in the center when I move and a mild discomfort when I’m still. The last time I got this was when I was super stressed out. I went to the doctor and even got an EKG just in case something was seriously wrong with me that time. They said everything was normal. I went a second time for a second opinion from a different doctor and she tells me it’s stress related and gives me some medical terminology for the condition. She walks out and comes back with a printed version of a WebMD explanation. I totally could have done that myself. Thanks, doc.