Jan 23, 2020
Billboard’s 2018 Live Music Summit-Panels. 11.13.18
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Billboard’s 2018 Live Music Summit-Panels. 11.13.18
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
Let me begin. Let me ascend. Let me with grins take to the wind. Let me beget the begetting, without any letting, for letting would require a sire, a setting. A netting, the kind that catches and holds, until one is ready, the bright and the bold. The light and the load, the loathing and life. One in time, dissolves, withholding the strife. Though to reach this end, one must never, never be clever enough to begin. With such comes a rough, a tough tough effort, enough one says after enough has been had. Enough tough efforts, he said and he had had enough of this roughness, this weather. Tethered to such, he'd felt daunted and rabid, now he was dauntless, and dashing, the rabbit, a rapid, quick rabbit, who's habit was napping, and stashing coined phrases inside of a hashling. What is a hashling, they asked, and they prodded, they wondered and whirled about like some toddlers. A bag, a wonderful bag made of hash, the perfect sort to stuff my stash. He said this with wonder, and grandness and plundered all-throughout plains made of blunder and sunder, where thunder rained down on the lands of the under. In caves, and in raves, in holes made of staves, at least walled with. The walls made with tape. The tape was of duct, the kind that was blackened, or darkened, but only to a hue known as silver. The prettiest silver, imagine if golden, their hold of it would be quite emboldened. Enthroned with onyx, and pearl, and diamond, jade made of jade, is there any other kind? Of a royal upbringing was this tape and it's captor, though it held the tape not, thus this tape was not captive. An empty container, a thoughtless no-brainer, eternal retainer of nothing, no lanes were to be seen anywhere, for nowhere was all. The now and the here, this moment is tall, and short, and long, and skinny, and more, and well beyond the fitting and bored. Different from interesting and better than common, leaving the mundane behind in a comet. Like Haylee's or bailey's or Jay-Z's or crazies, the lazies all made me's for you and I to use, but I, refuse to lie, or use an eye that's false, besides mine work quite fine.
part 2 of 2 of the maple leafs’ pregame warmup back on 11/13/18 (during native american heritage night at staples center)--various individual shots
Zayn for British Vogue | Behind The Scenes
Eater’s Agreement 11.13.18
Okay, so tomorrow is my last day of program here before I transfer to the place near my house, so tomorrow I am having a graduation ceremony. As part of our ceremonies, we share an “eater’s agreement.” I think I just finished writing mine, so I thought I’d post it. If anyone has any feedback, please let me know! (Only for small changes or additions, no dramatic ideas for changes please). Thanks!Â
This is my eater’s agreement. Its not an agreement to perfection, but rather an agreement to try—and not to just say I’m trying, but to actually try, and to never give up.
From this day forward, I want to fully participate in my life. There will be days when that feels impossible, and on those days, I will work find balance and treat myself with self-compassion. If I slip into old behaviors, I will try not to wallow in guilt, but I will pick myself up and keep going. I recognize that being in recovery is not about constantly achieving a golden standard of perfection, but rather about continuously making the best healthy-minded choice in the moment. Sometimes I might make the wrong choice, but then I will recognize that as an opportunity for growth and continue to move forward.
To be a full participant in my life, I can no longer use food—consciously or subconsciously—to numb or control my emotions. I agree to continue to actively try new foods, to recognize and break disordered habits, and to hold myself accountable for my nourishment. There can be no more restriction, and I must continue to work to fight rigidity and aim for variety. I hope to one day have a healthy relationship with food; but for today, I agree to keep pushing myself forward, even if I stumble. I agree to acknowledge when I slip, and I agree to pick myself up and try again.
I will take the time to cook for myself, because I am worth the extra fifteen minutes of effort. I will have different foods today than yesterday, tomorrow than today. I will avoid rigid patterns and rituals. I will challenge myself.
I will reach out when I am struggling, but not in the way in which I have past used my eating disorder to seek care and support. I recognize now that I have care and support, and I do not need to be in a crisis to be loved. I recognize now that I have care and support, and the love I receive outside of my eating disorder can fulfill me far more than my eating disorder ever could. I recognize now that though I have care and support, I also can also be the provider of my own care and support. I agree to take care of myself.
To be a full participant in my life, I must fully explore and experience my emotions. I can no longer use restriction, self-harm, or dissociation to numb myself. I can no longer punish myself or willingly hide. I recognize that my feelings are not a problem to bury away, and I will try to let myself feel even when it’s painful. I will try to ground myself and stay in the present when I am overwhelmed. I will process and grow through all of life’s experiences. I will no longer let anxiety paralyze or control me. I will seek to fully participate in the positive opportunities presented to me.
More than anything, I agree to try, even when the odds seem stacked up against me, even when my logic seems to point me to giving up. I recognize that at its deepest level, eating is an affirmation of life. I know deep down that life can—and will—be more than what it was yesterday, more than what it is today, more than what it might be tomorrow. There is always more coming. I will find that life, and I will embrace a life in which I can flourish.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
11.13.18
Colossal (2016) dir. Nacho Vigalando
A woman discovers that severe catastrophic events are somehow connected to the mental breakdown from which she’s suffering.
This movie is pretty original and an unexpectedly uses it’s strange concept to tell a story about abusive relationships and toxic personalities stemming from insecurity. I was not expecting this movie to get as real as it did, since judging from the trailer it seemd like it would be a kinda fun but mostly forgettable goofy comedy but it is so much more than that. The story takes a lot of turns very early on in the movie so I would recommend not looking up too much about this movie if you wanna get the intended effect. Some may find it difficult to watch if you’re someone who has dealt with abusive people in the past, but this isn’t a movie that goes overboard with it’s dark content and it doesn’t have a negative or depressing message. Watch it it’s good.
(Rated R for Language)Â Content Advisory
Available to stream on Hulu
Billboard’s 2018 Live Music Summit-Panels. 11.13.18
Billboard’s 2018 Live Music Summit-Panels. 11.13.18