i really hate being an ELF
right just before the day ends, i just had to say it. i hate being an elf. i hate being a fan of that one k-pop group called super junior. i hate spending all that time, effort and attention to something, as people say, that doesn’t pay you back. they don’t know you even exist. you don’t know them either, and the chances to do so are low. i hate to see that we’re too divided as a fandom even though we’re all in for the same thing. i hate to look strangely happy when i hear or someone asks me about them. i hate crying for a group of people who live so far away from me. i hate being both proud and embarrased of that same group of men. i hate staying up so late just to get an update and not being sure if i regret it or not at the morning. i hate having a duty-like feeling to support them over anything else. i hate feeling that i’m not doing enough too. i hate to admit that being a fan of super junior brought me a happiness i never knew i needed. i hate laughing at things i can’t explain to other people. i hate to keep to myself how a strange group and its strange fandom were the only thing that brought me up when i was at my lowest. i hate to realize that i’ve never felt i really belong to a fandom untill i met elf. i hate to realize i didn’t meet only a fandom, but a family. do i hate being an elf?? yes. do i regret it?? no. will i ever stop loving that sapphire blue and its meaning?? never.
