#10062021

451 wip

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I’ve thought about making a post to sum up my life over the past week and there’s so much scrambling around in my little brain about it, it seems like too much to succinctly write.

Here’s a recap, and while I’m trying to be succinct, I doubt it’ll be short. 🙂

I had an appointment last Thursday where I was prescribed meds for high blood pressure and for PPD/anxiety. I’ve been taking the PPD/A meds since. I took the BP meds for two days, and stopped because they were giving me headaches and making me insanely thirsty despite chugging tons of water.

On the BP front, my doctor prescribed me meds after my blood pressure spiked in her office. I was there to talk about PPD, so no surprise that I was anxious and nervous. She freaked (though she’s very lovely and kind) and prescribed meds, recommended an EKG and bloodwork, and set me up with a primary care appointment. I have a very well documented pattern of my BP being higher in the office and normal at home - hello, crippling anxiety - so being prescribed meds was very frustrating. Since I wasn’t going to continue taking the meds, I decided to track my BP twice a day in preparation for an appointment with a primary care doctor on Tuesday.

Tuesday rolls around and I’m nervous as all hell, of course, but my BP is better at the office than it was with the OB. I meet my new primary care doctor and, guys, she is INCREDIBLE. I’ve never been listened to by a doctor like that before. She was kind, gentle, patient, and she spoke to me on my level. She shared plenty about her family, life and health. I was so comfortable. Long story short, she agreed that I don’t need the medication and instead asked me to do two things: (1) clean up my diet and start drinking a high-potassium smoothie every morning, and (2) get back to exercising regularly. Both of these things will be easier to do now that I’m not suffocating underneath the weight of PPD/A. She also had me cancel my EKG and fasting bloodwork appointment and just did some bloodwork there while I was in the office. Much easier. I love this doctor. Side note: my bloodwork results already came back and everything was perfectly normal.

I’ve started the green potassium smoothies and B is joining me with them.. it’s just a banana, spinach, water, and ice. Apparently a dose of high potassium in the morning will lower my BP by 10 points. I’ll take that. Bonus: the smoothie actually tastes good!

So, that’s the end of the BP saga, for now.

As far as mental health goes, the meds I’m taking have been nothing short of transformative. I hated the idea of taking anything, but after having taken them for only a week now, I’m so happy I finally caved and was willing to try it. I’m noticing a big difference in outlook - so much more positive - and my weepiness has gone away. B has also noticed a big difference and says I seem “back to my old self”.

I had a consult with a mental health group on Monday and they’re going to put me on a wait list to get set up with short-term therapy. All their therapists are specialized in postpartum/women’s mental health/pregnancy/loss/etc. It’s all sounding very hopeful.

One positive change I’ve noticed physically: my sleep has been much better. I still have trouble falling asleep, my mind racing about something I really shouldn’t be worrying about, but overall I’m sleeping more deeply. When I wake up, it feels like my body has been working hard to heal and mend. I’m sure on some level it actually is.

One less-than-positive change I’ve noticed physically: I’m getting tuckered very easily by routine things. I’m hoping that drops off eventually. I didn’t realize how bad things had gotten for me — my mental health had deteriorated so much that it was affecting my physical health pretty significantly. That’s for another time. For now, I’m trying to be patient with myself. I’m making to-do lists to help manage the nighttime overthinking and while I might not check everything off, I’m doing what I can as I can do it. I worked out this morning and while I was more winded than I would have been “normally”, I did it.

I’m also still waiting for shark week to arrive.. it’s now a week late and pregnancy tests are negative. Who knows, folks. I’m just assuming the stress of this past week has taken its toll and my body will figure it all out in due time.

i’m finally going out next saturday i’m so excited!!!!!!! really hoping i can keep it together for the next week and a bit and not go over 1000 cuz we’re gonna be eating heaps hehehe (i’d also like to be down a kilo before then pleaseeeee)

my sister and i also fantasised about having the house to ourselves for a weekend and buying a cheesecake from the grocery store and just eating it between the two of us and ugh that would be the dream, not having parents up my ass about eating during the day and then spending all my intake on baked cheesecake yes pls

i fucking hate thinking like this but i don’t think i can ever go back to being blissfully ignorant of what a calorie is

this is really gross but i c/s 3 times today and oh my god, i feel like i’ve accidently stumbled across the answer to what to do whenever i wanna snack on baked goods, like now i can take pastries home from work and just c/s it

it’s so gross tho and apparently u can get stomach ulcers/teeth problems from it too which doesn’t sound fun, i’m gonna try limit myself to doing it once a week and that’s only if i really need to (stopping binges, “eating” when someone brings me food)