#10042023

We made homemade applesauce! By we, I mean I, with the help of my 2.5 year old sous chef. It came out awesomely. I only cut myself on the peeler three times, one of which was more of a “chunk” than a cut. 😬

I’ve been steeped in domesticity lately — nursing and caring for the baby 24/7, doing as much toddler care as my time will allow, grocery shopping, cooking, meal planning, laundry, dishes, tidying. Not much in the way of deep cleaning, but at least I’m still caring for myself and showering regularly.

We’re having some serious issues with MIL and the arrangement to have her help with childcare. Part of it is dependability, part of it is her well-being and whether she is in a place to actually be a caretaker for any significant amount of time. Therapy has been a really helpful tool for me to talk things through and come up with strategies and tools for myself on coping, addressing issues directly, and making decisions for a path forward. Ultimately, I’m really frustrated and disappointed, pissed off, and a little annoyed with myself that I thought it could be different than it has been. I’m definitely in a “let’s see what the next week or two brings” kind of space. If this were a job, she’d be on notice.

Zdravotně na tom sice pořád nejsem dobře a teprve zjistím, co je se mnou vlastně špatně, ovšem mám pocit, že alespoň moje mozková chemie se konečně začíná srovnávat. Konečně cítím i něco jiného než jen úzkost a nepřipadám si, jako kdybych musel každou molekulu serotoninu na svých synapsích vlastnoručně bolestivě ždímat s vynaložením toho nejintenzivnějšího úsilí. Tři hezké věci...