#10.3.16

blonde I see you tryna come back

people will still point out my flaws with different faces

a shapeshifting demon, or perhaps, a whisper

an echo of my own tainted mind

a drip from a faucet creating a tsunami through my soul

a drop in a sea, ripples become waves,

and crashes through my brain

I wander, I wander

my path’s shape changes as I walk, but

the desire for society to analyze people and try to study them and make assumptions about them and assume they know them better than they know themselves the desire to categorize and label people in order to better wrap their mind around the complex concept of human existence –a practice that I too am guilty of– trying to determine “what kind of person someone is” trying to learn about someone by gathering observations–of race, aesthetic, socialization style

is it in order to connect with them?  often it seems like we do these things to determine someone’s worth–how cool they are how intelligent they are and whether I want to be friends with them or not because certain identities are “better” or “cooler” or more attractive to us we have very strong connotations to every piece of identity we hold and we jump to conclusions about what a certain label or brand means about a person as a part of human nature, we want of brand people we are obsessed with making simplified conclusions in order to avoid working through and listening to and uncovering the jumbled, interconnected, dynamic aspects of someone’s being the complex nuances of one’s naked self the very existence of someone

i guess that uncovering the naked depths of individuals we encounter would be impossible, even if people had the desire–if people were even conscious of the hypothetical possibility of doing so; if people were conscious of the fact that we currently don’t do so

On the rides home or to start our day always begin with putting the car in drive, carefully making my way to the road not to scratch the front end, getting through the round about and taking in the feeling that finally, I get to be with my lady.

I bought her Salmon Poke. I know she loves Salmon. I also got her Sweet tea, she also loved that as well. I figured today is her relaxing, and loving day so I’ll be sure to make sure of it.

I really love this woman. I feel that she deserves the world. Such a kind soul, and a fiery personality. Her character is both warm, and viciously cold to people that threatens to ruin her day. I don’t want anything to ruin her days. I don’t want her sad, mad or disappointed. I want the best for her. She laid on the bed, hands to her sides and she relaxed.

I made my way to the foot of the bed to start off massaging her legs. I made my way from her hamstrings all the way to her toes but made sure to focus on the bottom; I read that you can heal the whole body through someone’s feet. I looked up ways to ease the pains of a menstruation, and massages does wonders on certain focus points. I did my research before she came over. Her legs are so model like and gorgeous, I love them.

I moved onto her beautiful arms, and nice long fingers. Her skin is so soft and silky white. I felt strength in these arms. I love the way she holds me with these arms, and feels my face with these beautiful lengthy fingers.

Made my way to her back. I knew she needed more of a lower back focus but I also made damn sure I touch every inch of that gorgeous upper body. She truly has a build of a super model, no-- a goddess. I moved to her upper back to work her shoulders, by now she must be fully melted.

I kissed her as my fingers finished up the session. “All done” I whispered, running my hand gently down her back to seal the feeling. She groaned happily as I rested beside her. Her beautiful velvet hair curved by her face. So beautiful, her cheeks, kissable and firm, her beautiful and bright smile, and those lips, oh my Lord, those kissable and full lips, I am jealous of every coffee cup, and boba tea straw that met those lips. Despite her electric contacts, I knew behind those were her hazel eyes that has this beautiful bronze in the sun light, the power she has to leave men breathless were focused on mine and left me longing to be with her forever, in this life and for any other lives I have after this.

She brought me in closer to hold me in thanks. She was lost for words. I am no professional, but to her I was her special one. I want to be the only one, I want to be her only focus, I want her to see me the way I see her, this precious beauty that I want all to myself. Selfish? No... finally unified. We’re one, we’re unified. My life is hers, and her’s mine. We do things together and we fill in each other with everything like we’re doing now. Her problems and anxiety are mine as well to tackle together; and same goes for me.

Her body, warm, and her bare skin pressed on mine and I felt like the luckiest man on earth. I am sorry to all the males out there who has not found their love of their life; it’ll come. In time it’ll come, despite your devours, sadness, near suicides, she’s there, God has it for ya.

Food, Smoke, and intimacy was the agenda for today, and that’s always our fix; and should be our fix. I can not wait for the day we can have ALL our days like that, it’ll make that day more savory when it is to come.

The day ends reversed in the garage. Kissing her multiple times to get my final fix, unknowing when we’ll see each other again. A body heart, a hand heart, a blown kiss, exhaust fumes in a trail, and into the night I go. It all concludes with my car in drive,carefully making my way to the road not to scratch the front end, getting through the round about and taking in the feeling that I am now away from my love, wishing that we’ll see each other soon again. But that in itself too makes it more savory when we’ll each other again.

She’s the spice of my life.