Jan 9, 2019
I'm 22 today.
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I'm 22 today.
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"Say Anything"
The beauty of creative expression.....you can say anything in any way.(no edit. 1.9.19)
So an emotionally exhausting week rolled right into 3 days (so far) of my boys and I all home with the flu
*glares at art to do list*
I’ve done none of that this week
*Looks at upcoming 5 days*
I can still do all of that stuff i didn’t get done last week
This is me keeping a positive outlook folks!!! It can happen, sure
I spoke about veganism today w the woman who was helping me pick out glasses lol she was Greek and was like “IT WAS ALL VEGAN Ud be surprised by the dishes my mother would whip up!! Soups, vegetables!! It was AMAZING” like it was so cute getting pumped up about cooking. It’s always with older woman too I love it
Today is my birthday, and I just got brunch with my best friend. Last time I went to this place, I restricted the rest of the day to make up for it, and I was overridden with guilt all day, unable to be present in the moment. And right now, yeah, I feel guilty af, and yeah, I have urges to restrict.... But.... I'm also present in the moment... And I'm happy... And I had a good time.
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1.9.19 tw
A lot of my day was good, but my evening was hard. I had IOP. I spent half an hour or so with the dietitian, sobbing about how uncomfortable I feel in my body. How long until it gets easier? I do not feel at home in my own skin. The curves are foreign. My clothes fit me differently. And my eyes tear up as I think about it. But really, why does it matter?? Why does my ED have to torture me? I'm at a healthy weight, and I'm maintaining with significantly less restriction and rigidity.
So, I'm 22 today.
I didn't have my challenge dessert at dinner. And I've spent so much time crying about my body.
But my morning was good.
I dressed cute today for me, bc I want to feel nice—not for the dudes on the subway or the men on the street. This has been a psa.
Bleak and wavering. Too feeble to know. I am not yours, don’t touch me, I need to do this on my own.