#1.19.22

Small design that’ll be in a much bigger thing I’m working on! It’s a tiny part of the full image, but I like it enough!

Alright party people, here’s the audio of tonight’s show...it’s an extended version due to the stream cutting 30 minutes in.

Tracklist

Medina Green feat. Mos Def - Fla La Lashe

Jigmastas - Iz You Dee (Instrumental)

Baldwin Brothers - Dream Girl (Pilgrims Of The Mind Remix)

FFF - So Special

Jetone - Untitled

Size 8 - Shimmer

Olav Basoski - Infatuation

Sansibar - Sunshine In Gomorrah

Ion Ludwig - Arcadic

Driven By Attraction - StormClouds

JL - Mixed Feelings

Suki & Sniper1 - Purple Haze

Mancini - MOFO MF

Hoschi - Moonshine

Steve O'Sullivan & Frazer Campbell - Soultonic

Altitude - Touch Sensor

Boyz Science - Lost Planets

Gavinco - Sapiens

Huerta - It's Science

Len Lewis - Redux

Ion Ludwig - Le Imagen

Jonas Kopp - Don't Lie

Dream_E - Freefall

Biri - In A Shade

DJ Tripple A - Groove Factor

DKMA - Blow It Up

T-Sounds - Berry Picker

Watergate - Lonely Winter (Dubfire's Luv Dub)

Hot Lizard - Big Air (Love From San Francisco Mix)

Hear - Innerpath

Main Phase - Hear Them

why?

not sure really, but let's try to find out.

it's been a day. every day this year has been a day. it's been a day, in a week, in a month, in a year. and damn, a girl feels tired.

maybe i should be resting.

but i'm not gonna lie, i feel the time pressure from B's ultimatum hanging over me, and i feel like if i don't "get these things out of my system" now, i never will be able to.

maybe that bothers me more than i thought. being rushed. it feels a little forced.

i may see shawn tonight. i may not. i'm not exactly sure how to handle being an option to someone and not their everything. like hello - i'm everyone's everything. lol.

but this is what i wanted, right? this is the path i chose to explore. and i can take it back at any time, so i'm treading lightly as i go.

lord and universe - grant me serenity. grant me peace in my aching heart. i want so deeply to no longer have strife. i want to be free from anxiety and i'm unsure how to get there.

do i force myself to have fun, remembering once i'm out there that sometimes fun is worth the risk?

or do i shut myself in, keep myself down. rest. be away. be quiet. will it be paradise? will it be purgatory? sometimes you are your own worst enemy...

i see now that i am still grieving lauren. she wrote to me yesterday and man it takes everything in me not to respond. i have so many feelings, and so many of them are angry, to be honest. that tells me that i'm not healed yet, but i am working on getting better. i grieve our laughs, our jokes, our sex, our love for the animals and our crazy, unreasonable and borderline psychotic love for one another. it was the craziest, most intense, high pressure romantic relationship i've ever been in. and i almost don't know where i go from here.

but i am me. so i will only rise. it's only up from here. i need to remember that it's not helpful to spend so much time looking back, i'm not going that way. my future is ahead, it is bright, and i am so capable. i am pure magic in my best form. and even when i'm not - i'm still light. i'm still love. i'm still compassion and warmth and intensity and greatness.

thank you universe for giving me this life. i am so blessed. i have everything one could ever want and more, and i am working to appreciate that.

So I'm going to take a 30 minute nap, make some espresso, and relax until my first session in about 2 hours.

I so don't miss feeling shitty constantly.

11 - 9 = 2 = 2

Also:

1 + 1 = √9 - (2 / 2)

Also: