Dec 8, 2016
Smith vs Law (The Decision) (09-21-15) – Breakfast Club Power 105.1 SUBSCRIBE: www.youtube.com/user/TheDecision1051
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Smith vs Law (The Decision) (09-21-15) – Breakfast Club Power 105.1 SUBSCRIBE: www.youtube.com/user/TheDecision1051
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Mukha
Alam niyo naman siguro na lahat ng parte ng mukha natin ay may kanya kanyang papel na ginagampanan diba? Ang mata para makakita, ang ilong para makahinga, ang bibig makapagsalita, ang tenga para makarinig pero alam niyo din ba na lahat din na ito ay kunektado sa puso?
Katulad na lamang nung una kang nagsalita, alam mo bang nabihag mo agad ang tenga ko? Simula sa tenga ko pumasok ito sa ulo ko. Namumula na yata ako magmula noong iproseso ng utak ko lahat ng sinabi. Sumunod naman yung mata ko na huling huli ko na nakatitig na sa’yo. Ipinalakpak mo pa nga yung kamay mo sa harap ng mismong mukha ko para matauhan lang ako. Nakakahiya man pero yun yung totoo.
Hindi din nga agad ako nakatulog noong mga sumunod na gabi dahil di ko pa rin makalimutan lahat ng iyong mga sinabi. Natatandaan mo pa ba yung mga kapiraso ng basang tubig na lumabas saking mata? Nung bigla kang nagsalita? Damang dama ko pa din ang pagagos ng mga iyon na hindi ko na halos mabilang kung ilan na ba sila, kung saan ba sila napupunta, pagkatapos nilang lumabas saking mga mata.
Nung araw na mismong yun hindi ko alam pero gusto ng magsalita ng tenga ko para sabihin sa’yo na sana ang naririnig ko ay yung mga bagay na ikakasaya ko ngunit nung binigkas mo ng paisa isa yung mga katagang “hindi” isang luha “na” pangalawang luha “kita” sunod na luha “mahal” sunod sunod na luha, hangang sa hindi na makahinga yung mata ko dahil sa mga luhang paisa isang umaagos palabas dito. Lahat ng sinabi mo ay hindi na kayang dingin ng ilong ko dahil hirap na itong huminga dahilan ng paghikbi ko.
Bakit nga ba lumabas yun sa bibig mo at bakit ba pumasok pa sa tenga ko yung mga malalamig mong boses kasama ng mga malalamig na salitang binigkas ng ‘yong mga labi? Bakit ba hindi mo narinig yung paghikbi ko at bakit hindi rin napigilan ng mata ko yung pagagos ng mga luha ko? Bakit ba hindi kinaya ang baho ko ng ilong mo at bakit ako kinaya ko?
Masakit man isipin, balibaliktarin man ang mga posisyon o ang papel ng bawat parte ng mukha ko o mukha mo pero hindi noon matatangal ang lahat ng sakit na nararamdaman ko na kagagawan ng puso mo na hinayaan ang bibig mo na sabihin ang mga katagang ayaw ng tanggapin pa ng buong katawan ko. Hindi rin kita masisi pero pag ang puso na ang nagsabi lahat maari. Kaya gusto kong ipakita na sa huling hininga ko nais ko lang iparating sa’yo at sana pakinggan mo na tapos na at pagod na din ang puso ko.
-AnnieG
09.21.15
Summer Tweed
It’s almost fall, but it’s cooled down enough for this jacket.
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09.21.15
Summer Tweed
Purple socks, purple tie.
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Game at a Glance - Hometown boy Adam Cracknell scored the OT game-winner as the #Canucks beat the Sharks 1-0 on #KraftHockeyville. 👊🏼
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I don’t even know but typing is easier than writing and I just have to let this out somewhere so you can ignore this if you want.
I don’t even know what’s wrong but it makes me sick to my stomach because of the lack of social interactions I’ve had with some people. And I don’t mean to sound like a needy person but I just, honestly sometimes I just need attention from some people just to make sure I’m not bothering or annoying them in any way. Some kind of reassurance that, ya know, they actually enjoy being around me. I just want to scream into the void because like, I don’t even know what’s wrong right now. it all just hurts. It hurts and I want it to stop. I want it to stop but I don’t know who to talk to to make it better. What’s worse is if I try talking to someone but they don’t respond. I’m not blaming them for not responding, maybe it could be that they’re really busy. I’m not trying to prioritize myself over their needs. I’m not trying to. It isn’t what i mean. I just. I just don’t know who to tell anymore. This isn’t something I could easily talk to someone about, especially if they’re part of the problem. I just feel like I’m being so needy, and I probably am. I feel like I’m just trying to put myself in their lives and they don’t want me to. I feel like I’m unwanted there. I don’t belong where I am right now. I don’t know what i want anymore. I don’t know anymore. I just want it all to stop again. I don't know why this is happening and i hate it so much i want to scream and I just want to scream at myself. I want the world to stand still, I need to take a break. I want to feel like I'm wanted. I want to feel like they actually enjoy my presence. That I'm not a nuisance. But if I say anything like this aloud it's like I'm being manipulative and I don't want that. I don't want them to try to think I'm trying to manipulate them into staying my friend. Sometimes I might come off like that but i never mean it and I don't want people to stay because they think if they don't it'll hurt me a lot. I don't want to guilt trip them into inviting me to things and talking to me and all that. And I know friends don't always have to talk to each other. I just. I feel really lonely right now. It all hurts so much because I don't want to be alone. I don't want to feel so lonely anymore. I hate this and I hate myself so much. Nobody can hate me more than I hate me and trust me I hate myself more than enough. I swear I'm just a huge fuck up that fucks up so many things and causes so much secondhand embarrassment who in their right mind would actually like staying my friend. Right? Am I right? I don't fucking know anymore man. I don't know. I hate this. And I hate when I get like this because I refuse to talk to anyone. I just. Sometimes I just hate feeling like I'm the only person who really ever wants to keep trying at these friendships. It would be nice if people would message me first, or just want to talk to me, or something. Please just something. I hate this so much. And it's partially my fault anyways, for pushing people away. I'm such a fucking idiot.