#090515

Dear September 5th, 

Dear September 5th, 

Today is the day where I gained a hatred for you, you took away my best friend the only person who was in my corner at all times no matter what I did whether it was right or wrong. Why did you think that was okay to just take somebody away from all they knew? Nobody understands what the everyday struggle is until they live it. Its been 4 years and I still sometimes just feel like I can’t live, can’t eat, sleep, or do anything the same routine anymore .. September 5th you scarred me for life... I remember just walking in and not even feeling right to “we had no other choice” really messes you mental up, trying to process the words “no other choice.” What does that even mean, I guess you were trying to teach me everything that I should never take anything that I have for granted because it can be taken at any minute September 5th you knew I wasn’t ready I was only in 10th grade, 15 years old how was I supposed to deal. Nobody knows, September 5th the day after my favorite celebrity birthday something me and him shared that’s what made us closer, waking up in the summer because he’s blasting “ If you like it then you should of put a ring on it,’ or “ This girl is on Fireeeeeee” that's what we shared that made us closer music, late-night work trips knowing I had to be to school the next morning but I guess that was my way of not going to bed early because I had the privilege to travel all around Philadelphia to check on workers or just night out too get a super late dinner because we know he was always hungry. 

But September 5th you tore my family apart, you made us go distant, no more BBQ’s, Pool Parties, or even low-key basement parties that eventually got around Facebook and turned into a full out DonSims house party those were the classics. September 5th why couldn’t you just wait to come a couple of more years later, I guess I couldn’t just be mad at you right, you probably didn’t even know any better just thought you were helping him out, but only hurting the family... September 5th why couldn’t you tell him to just fight a little longer and harder. Not knowing what lifestyle to live not knowing to follow in his footsteps or just create a journey of my own. Crazy how in a matter of seconds your life can change without any notice, without you even knowing your next move. September 5th even thoug I don't like you I am thankful for you, youve taught me how to live, how to do, how to live without having my wholeself. Waking up day and wanting to dial (215) 432-**** just to say what you doing man, can you come pick me up, I just call just to hear your voicemail I guess that's good enough right ?

But Until we meet again September 5th.. I'll leave the rest for you to do.. 

Sincerally, 

The end of August-early Septemeber was when my life had taken the craziest left turn. I lost someone who was half of my world... Still unknown but on a piece of paper, it says septic shock, whatever that means right. Anyway, I don't remember much but I remember getting the call saying you were in the ICU at Einstein hospital and I knew from there it was little hope to see you home again. I remember coming to the hospital after school for a week straight and the first day seeing nothing but tubes and machines helping you breath just was confused on why or what was happening. I know you heard me crying saying "this isn't you please wake up" crazy because I know you probably were thinking if this girl doesn't shut up. You were my person so how was I  supposed to shut up. Week one went by and everyday mommom cried because she didn't know what or why this was happening to us. You left us with no explanation, without warning so how were we supposed to cope with no answers? September 5th, 2015 was the last breath you were able to take, nobody ever heals from losing their person sleeping became harder, crying became easier, laughing was the hardest because the tears would be able to take over at any given second. I never thought in a million years you would leave before I could walk down any aisle weather it was graduation or me getting married. I feel like you gave up on us and on yourself, the person who tells us to not give up no matter what the circumstances were giving up wasn't an option, but you gave up why? Why did you leave us the way you did? I would give anything to have you back or to just see or hear your voice just one more time because every day I want to call your phone and say are you almost done up there and is it almost time for you to come back. I love you and even though things look different down here we haven't forgotten about you.