#09 phan

I love watching Dan and Phil, I am not scared to hide it, but I also don’t gloat about it. I wear their merch often, and the other day someone said “really?! You like Dan and Phil, that’s so childish”. (Seriously what the hell bishes?!?!?!)

Like this made me really angry as I don’t believe that Dan and Phil are childish or even just a ‘phase’ in my life. I believe I will watch Dan and Phil long into the future of it. Additionally I am proud to be associated with them.

Seriously though their content is so diverse for all different people, and try to represent others who have found it hard to speak up. They use their popularity and fame on YouTube to try and create a better word for all of us. They also don’t care how old their fans are, they make diverse content that everyone can enjoy. Not just “children”.

There are so many instances where Dan and Phil have inspired us or changes our lives in some shape or form. So yeah, I am really proud to be associated with these two fantastic people, I won’t ever be ashamed for it. So to all you people out there attempting to shame people for something “you consider childish”, we look up to these people for a reason, we find a safe place here, we have happiness, memories, jokes, friendships, and that all because we love two nerds on the internet. So why shouldn’t we share our love of them.

It’s not childish to watch Dan and Phil, nor is it childish to wear their merchandise. But it is immature to shame things that make people who they are.

In the end call me childish for watching Dan and Phil, I don’t care. For people who: inspire you, make you happy and offer so much more to life. That you don’t care what names others call you, or if they make fun, because you are appreciative for the Phandom you are a part of.

From the past to the present to the future, I will forever have pride in the face of doubt that I have been associated with these two internet nerds. 💚💜

I was inspired by the lovely @knlalla to attemp to write a “don’t imagine” as I really enjoy reading them. I was also given some great ideas from @alexandraa8791

This is a long post as it covers all the years DnP have known each other.

Don’t imagine when brown eyes met blue eyes separated by the pixelated screens for the first time. Don’t imagine these eyes scrunched up with huge grins, because finally they can see eye to eye, or the glint of joyous tears that dance down their faces framing this memory into their expressions and hearts. Seriously don’t imagine the conversation going quiet as chocolate gets lost in ocean, as lapis explores caramel.

Don’t imagine when sapphire and golden quarts collide in a multitude of colours during the first of many hugs between them. Crystal like tears cascading down their faces, as they embrace each other harder, laughing and crying. Together.

Don’t imagine the skyline reflected in blue eyes while sitting on the Manchester eye. Try not to think about the nervous sideways glances, widening pupils or when coffee eyes lock on to fairy dust speckled night time irises. Definitely don’t imagine eyes fluttering closed, nor the sudden hitched breath as butterfly lips perch together. As amber and sapphire open to a magical glaze of awe, amazement and affection shrouds them... a moment forever incased inside their hearts and seen in their eyes.

Don’t think about cute giggles and endless smiles are shared , nor how easily the bants flow between them or how “this was the most fun I ever had” from the perspective of the owner of the hazelnut coffee eyes.

Especially Try not to imagine how brown eyes suddenly widen, after seeing mischievous blue eyes -before being tackled to the ground with a gasped “oh” and pinned under the same doting crystal blue eyes. Don’t imagine a devilish grin shared between them as they both know where this is headed.

Try not to imagine a square waterfall of hair drowning the caramel, glazed irises as they bant and fall into the deeper pit of love. Don’t imagine the glint of joy in the toxic blue pools shrouded by raven feather hair as he watches and sees his future as iced caramel. As their two lives join together into one.

Try not to envision long curling tides of brown hobbit hair bouncing on the head of the brown eyed boy as he tries to tackle the raven haired blue eyed boy off a giant floating square. Or when an air of determination strikes across the empowered ocean eyes as finally he chucks the other into the sea below.

Really try very hard not to imagine tear choked chocolatey irises staring up into the night sky, after so much trouble and stress only to be replaced by the beautiful ice and fire dancing around each other. Don’t imagine long arms closing round the owner of those chocolate eyes, a head resting on a tense shoulder. A gentle kiss perched on a damp cheek. Try not to imagine them snuggling closer into each others Embrace while having whispers of great futures together and reassurance, that it will be ok. That Maybe law isn’t what the bronze eyes are destined to go into.

Don’t imagine vicious and spiteful words being shot between blue and brown, yet no one ever means it. Fire and ice fuse into one the words biting into his mind eating away like a poison at his heart. Don’t imagine brown and blue fading to monochrome.

You shouldn’t imagine a sad melody played on a piano, a reflection of the monotonous monochrome plane of existence they have landed in, the icy eyes boring a hole in his skull. Don’t imagine the intertwining fingers interrupting the melodie, replaced by a song of sorrys. And the spectrum of colours returning, faded mahogany blends with faded oceans to create a colour only known to them. Don’t imagine a serene ambiance falling between them as the static fades, harmonised breathing bringing forth an era of peace and serenity.

Don’t imagine the excitement when tickets were booked because of a spontaneous thought. Japan. Don’t imagine the glitter of excitement dancing in the blue oasis, an enchanting spark of passion flying its petals paving the way to their holiday. Try hard not to imagine the love and adoration in those golden chestnut scrunched up eyes and the raw laughter because of the surprised shriek from the owner of the multicoloured eyes as he gets sprayed with toilet water. Seriously don’t think about how pearlescent blue eyes always looked past the camera to stare into something that is never not beautiful to him, and just linger for a few moments too long.

Try not to think about the nervous glances shared between blue and brown, the anticipation and excitement encapsulating them. To be preforming live... in-front of so many people. The bringing to life of a project they slaved over for months on end, don’t imagine how when blue meets brown they communicate endless words from a single look; words of encouragement, happiness and support. Really don’t try to imagine when their pupils widen as they jump out the microwave to be met with; the somewhat overwhelming chorus of cheers from the crowd. The crowd with the eyes from a spectacular rainbow to see them, to relive this moment in the eyes of others and their own. This was the chance for gingerbread eyes and sky blue eyes to create a legacy for them and those whose lives they have impacted on in the best ways.

Try not to envision the twinkling of jubilant hazelnut eyes as emerald and amber tinted sapphire eyes gleam after winning ‘creator of the year’. Especially don’t envision how the same hazelnut eyes are enveloped with delight because finally his best friend receives the recognition he truly deserves, or how he stands tall and passionate clapping his heart out. Because it is what the amazing person with the blue eyes is worthy of.

Really try hard not to picture the outright bewilderment that caused the brown irises to expand only to capture the silhouette of the person who just invited him on stage to share an award with. “I have spent the majority of 2016 with another person... Dan Howell, so I think it’s only fair that he comes up here and shares it with me”

Don’t envision how mocha eyes told a story in the hopes that it may help others, things and actions described into deeper depths, the advice itself flows through him and resonates within his aspirational golden eyes. Golden eyes, talking for others and giving them the courage to understand their own tales, the courage to exist.

Don’t imagine darkened copper eyes filled with deep set determination, to finally be true to himself and be more open. To give something back to the world as thanks, to not let things define who he was. Who he still is.

I implore you, try not to think about blue eyes encased and shrouded by anxiety that he won’t be liked if he changes his “iconic emo fringe” his mind in a constant battle to change it to something he wants or something others want. Don’t imagine how big hands grasp on the shoulders belonging to his best friend and stopping the pacing raven haired man, or how one of these hands is used to tip up the others head just a tiny bit until they see eye to eye. Don’t imagine how support, decisiveness and adoration are reflected in the brown eyes, and how each time they expressed kind words of reassurance that “people love you for who you are, not for your hair”

Try not to perceive when raven hair glides to the floor, removed from a hidden forehead. When mirrored blue eyes sparkled with anticipation and an air of confidence, wanting to see how the brown eyes light up. Don’t imagine how blue eyes are speckled with slight nervousness on that first gaming video, the sims. The debut of the quiff. And especially don’t imagine how these same ocean eyes gleamed with every single comment about how amazing he looks.

Don’t imagine when doting blue and brown eyes look at a pixelated screen, a fragrance of reminiscence encapsulated them as they rewatched: as cute giggles and endless smiles are shared , bants flowing between them and the iconic quote “this was the most fun I ever had” from the perspective of the owner of the hazelnut coffee eyes. Don’t think about how two pairs of hands interlock perfectly, as if they were made to be together, or how they break out into laughter hands still heald together.

Don’t imagine chorus of pride resonating around them, standing tall, complete and accomplished. Together toffy and aquamarine eyes sparkling, stupid grins plastered on their faces as they see the past , present and future. Their accomplishments. Who knew two different pairs of eyes could experience their own legacy together.

Try not to think about how glittery topaz eyes stared lovingly, magnified by the frames of obsidian coloured glasses, matched with an indescribable genuine smile of endless pride and compassion. Don’t imagine the owner of chocolate brown waves with the hot caramel eyes turning... taking their time to once again become lost in the pools of ice, fire and emerald irises with the opal black quiff. Don’t imagine everything around them quieting in their minds, into silence. How brown explore blue or blue becoming encapsulated in brown, seeing the memories they made together reflected in each others eyes, as vivid harmonies. Try not to imagine them seeing how far each individual has come to reach this point, the forbidden tears threatening to break free, because in this moment they feel completed.

Don’t imagine the silent thank you passed between them.

Really don’t imagine them showing how much they love each other just through their eyes. The eyes that have seen their experiences, the eyes that they loose themselves in. The eyes that see their special bond, and the same eyes that tell their stories.