#082719

In an Attic Corner

I’m feeling a bit defeated.

It’s stupid.

I moved in yesterday and today. Into the house. A real house. With rent and utilities and responsibilities. I just. I feel so sad. Hopefully it’ll pass.

I didn’t end up getting my own room. I could have. But the last single room is insanely small. I could definitely fit in it tho. My mom kept making comments about how I should take the small room but then that derails everyone.

She was right though. She said that the size of the small room was probably the same size as my half of the shared room. But if i move then Jane gets the whole big room to herself and that’s not fair. Especially because Rose was suppose to have the big room to herself, back when Jane and I could actually live in the attic. And I know Rose would be upset.

I’m partially frustrated at myself for not just saying something while we were there and just being like “I’ll take the small room I don’t care.” But then we’d have to call and discuss with Rose and Jane about who would get the big room and who would get the living room room. I don’t think Jane wanted the living room room at all. Like not in the slightest. I would have taken it but I doubt either of them would take the small room.

I’m debating about if I should tell Jane about my second thoughts and it would be our secret. We’d both know that I’d eventually be moving to small room. At that point it’d be too late for Rose to argue because all her stuff would be settled in the living room. But I just feel like that’s shitty. And what if I don’t even move. Or my stuff doesn’t fit. When would we even mention it to the other two.

It also depends on what we do with the small room. It was suppose to be our clothes room but I don’t think Hope will put clothes in there. She has a closet and two dressers. When I left the house it was only mine and Jane’s stuff in there. I have no idea about Rose though. But if I was her I wouldn’t want to because that’s such a hike to just get clothes. But I really have no idea with her.

I’m also hoping that maybe if I just don’t say anything and if we’re all still living there maybe I’ll just say something about moving my stuff next year. Or even next semester. It’s not like Jane and I will be in each other’s way. It will be fine. I was just excited about potentially having my own room. And the fact that Rose was suppose to have the room just really complicates things.

I was also thinking maybe if the other two do use the small room for storage we can just move it their extra stuff to Jane’s room so it’s like, “yes, you get the big room but you also are the storage room.”