is how i carry your tea mug to your desk after making it

how you ask me if i will come down and smoke with you and

how i have to look away when you’re rolling my cigarette because i think i cannot take seeing you lick the paper

how i reach for your lighter and you chuckle

how you look at me when we are talking and i look away because i cannot take the intensity of my own feelings and i do not want to hope i do not want to hope i do not want to hope

i hope.