#08052024

I'm currently in the middle of preparing for multiple job interviews. I feel anxious about whether I will be able to pass or not. And if I pass and eventually get a job offer, how would my life change? I would be uprooting myself from a comfortable risk-free place into a world of unknowns, worries, and anxieties. A new place, a new neighborhood, new faces, new relationships, new routines, new responsibilities, and new challenges await. Would I be able to survive moving to the heart of Manila?

Can my eyes keep up with it? Can it still hang on? I currently have no medication or cure for it, so I'm literally letting it deteriorate. And I'm not helping by habitually sleeping at 1am. I don't know why I can't help but revenge bedtime procrastinate.

I tried easing my worries by watching a tarot card reading on YouTube. It felt like it validated what I'm going through. But it's all very vague and general.

I just want to experience life! I want my brainrot era to end. I've had enough of being a martyr for injustice. They made a fool out of me - a pushover. They took me for granted, I'm not gonna keep crawling back every time they mistreat me. I'm done. I'm tired. I don't care anymore. They can go compete for that measly salary by themselves. I don't want to be part of their politics anymore.

Listening to my daily affirmations playlist is one of the only things keeping me going these days.