more summer 2020 early concept drawings of the angel and the imp
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more summer 2020 early concept drawings of the angel and the imp

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The uncertainty of what lies ahead, at times, paralyzes me. When the fear of not knowing whatās waiting for me in the future eats me whole, my whole world gradually goes on snail pace and everything inside me feels heavy. And when that happens, Iād stop caring about everything that I care for so much ā my work, daily routine, people, and me.
Itās the similar feeling like when in my dream, I am running really fast and then my body slowly becomes heavy and the ground turns downy. My sprint becomes a slow motion run, like the guys who landed on the moon. And then Iād forget why Iām escaping from whatever thatās running after me and just give up. Iād stop moving and wait for that something thatās chasing after me proceed to execute its plan.
I woke up today feeling extra blue. The first thought that came in to my mind when I opened my eyes was, āOh, I didnāt die in my sleep. What a bummer.ā I wanted to just stay in bed and sleep the day away. Or, maybe, Idk.... die right there and then?
I havenāt been putting much effort on everything that I do lately. In my work or in my personal life, everything I do lately are half-assed.
I find it weird and uncomfortable whenever I sleep on a bed without at least a layer of bed cover. But because I stopped caring about that, Iāve been slumbering on my sofa bed without proper bed sheets (see photos) like... girl, who are you???
I didnāt care if the sunās already out and Iām still in my bed, pondering about the meaning of life or āshould I take a shower now or later?ā
I asked God for anything thatās gonna motivate me to grab my towel and take a shower so I could begin with my supposedly 4AM routine. (It was already past 6AM when I took those photos, by the way.)
And I was reminded that Iām not rich. I have to work. And when youāre not wealthy, you have no choice but to get yourself together when your done feeling down, put your brave face on, get out of bed, and hustle. The fear of not getting paid today was, I guess, greater than this monthly paralyzing episodes. The realisation that I am an average, minimum wage earner kicked me out of my sheetless bed today.
āHeās just a friendā