#0563

Before “All The Wrong Questions”

An unnamed member of V.F.D. writes a letter to secretary J. regarding the potential recruitment of a young volunteer (LSUA, p.52). The youngster in question is implied to be Daniel Handler himself (according to LSUA’s index).

Lemony meets Beatrice for the first time then sends her an apology note (TBL, LS to BB #1).

During “All The Wrong Questions”

NA (although the supplementary material FU:13SI happens between “When Did You See Her Last?” and “Shouldn’t You Be In School?”).

Between “All The Wrong Questions” and “The Bad Beginning”

Lemony writes to Beatrice about an upcoming expedition (TBL, LS to BB #2).

The official V.F.D. disguise kit manual is written (LSUA, pp.99-108). The recruitment guide (LSUA, pp.189-191) could also have been written at the same time. NB: the disguise kit manual and the recruitment could actually be much older than that. However the disguise kit manual mentions sugar bowls, which implies that it would have been written at around the same time period as the earliest mentions of the sugar bowl (first vineyard letter, LSUA, pp.84-86, see below). Note that sugar bowls are never mentioned in “All The Wrong Questions”, which seems VFD’s obsession with the sugar bowl only started after Lemony graduated and became a dramatic critic.

Lemony writes to Beatrice to warn her that he will soon be appointed as dramatic critic for the “Daily Punctillo” (TBL, LS to BB #3).

Beatrice writes a poem hidden inside the booklet of her play (TBL, last pages) but Lemony fails to notice it.

Lemony writes to Beatrice to schedule a date where he plans to ask her hand in marriage (TBL, LS to BB #4).

Lemony writes a letter regarding his childhood memories to Dr. Charley Patton ( LSUA, pp.8-21) before his intended marriage to Beatrice. An unidentified person will later make notes to this letter, remarking on inconsistencies in Lemony’s testimony.

Lemony writes a scathing review of Olaf’s new play (LSUA, p.77-79), also announcing his upcoming marriage to Beatrice.

Jacques (who is currently working inside the Queequeg) learns of Lemony’s review and writes his brother a letter, telling him 1) to go to Damocles Dock in order to plan his exile, 2) not to contact Beatrice ever again. He also mentions that Lemony should expect to get fired from the Daily Punctillo very soon.

The next day, Eleonora publishes a retractation and announces Lemony is fired (LSUA, p.80). She also announces the beginning of a new column by Geraldine Julienne.

The same week, Lemony manages to slip his rebuttal to Eleonora’s retractation into a morning edition of the newspaper (LSUA, p.81). Eleonora submits a second retraction in the evening edition (LSUA, p.82) and confirms that Geraldine’s column is scheduled to begin the next day.

The Vineyard of Flagrant Drapes writes a letter to Lemony, urging him to cancel the wedding as Olaf plans to crash it (LSUA, pp.84-86). This letter is later acquired by the Duchess of Winnipeg somehow.

After the debacle, Lemony is forced to hide in a VFD headquarter. During that time, the (real?) Captain S. writes instructions to Lemony so he can escape from the country on the Prospero (LSUA, pp.109-111), remarking on Lemony’s firing, and includes tickets with the letter (LSUA, pp.112-113). This letter and the tickets are sent to Larry in Damocles Dock so he can give them to Lemony when he gets there.

A crisis meeting is held with different members of VFD. J., the secretary, writes a live transcript of this meeting (LSUA, pp.33-47). It appears that the “J.” and “K.” characters present at the meeting are not Jacques and Kit, although Daniel Handler appears to be there. Several photographs (LSUA, pp.48-51) will later be added to this transcript. Olaf and Esme crash the meeting, threatening to light it on fire unless the volunteers agree with their demands.

After the meeting, the volunteers have no safe place left in the vicinity. Lemony has nowhere to go. He receives a break-up letter from Beatrice, brought to him by carrier pigeons, and answers back with a coded letter regarding her co-star’s possible duplicity (TBL, LS to BB #5).

Lemony then supposedly receives Jacques’ letter around that time and goes to Damocles Dock. Larry gives Lemony the Captain’s letter and the tickets.

A photograph of the ship is taken on the day it leaves port (LSUA, p.91). The Daily Punctillo publishes an article about the ship’s mysterious departure (LSUA, pp.93-95).

Lemony writes to Beatrice to warn her of an upcoming danger (TBL, LS to BB #6). It seems likely that this message was sent some time before Sunny’s birth but there’s also an argument for Violet’s and Klaus’.

During “The Bad Beginning”

As soon as her learns about the Baudelaire fire, Lemony dispatches Brett Helquist to draw the scene of the crime. Helquist draws the smoldering remains of the Baudelaire mansion and writes a letter to Lemony with said drawings enclosed   (LSUA, pp.182-183). He plans to discuss both documents at the Valorous Farm Dairy where a meeting with Lemony Snicket and photographer Meredith Heuer has been set.

Lemony writes an early draft of the first chapter of “The Bad Beginning” (LSUA, pp.177-178). Babs later receives this early draft and writes a note to Hal (LSUA, p.176) so he can add it to the Snicket file. Lemony also writes a letter to his sister (LSUA, p.192) announcing his intention to write a book on the Baudelaire case.

Between “The Bad Beginning” and “The Reptile Room”

The new dramatic critic of the Daily Punctillo (not Lemony) writes a scathing review of Al Funcoot’s play. Enraged that Olaf is being criticized, Esme writes to Geraldine Julienne to pressure Eleonora Poe into firing the dramatic critic, as well as to enquire about Jerome Squalor’s habits. The critic is fired by Eleronora Poe. Geraldine answers Esme’s letter (LSUA, p.119-120), confirming the new critic’s firing, with a menu of the restaurant at which Jerome usually eats (LSUA, p.121).

Gustav Sebald writes a movie script to warn Montgomery Montgomery of his new assistant and of the survivor of the Baudelaire fire (LSUA, pp.61-65).

The movie is shot. A photograph of a toddler helping Gustav build the snowman is taken, with Gustav not actually appearing in the picture as he was hidden behind the snowman (LSUA, p.71). A photograph of the actor playing Young Rölf is later taken (LSUA, p.53 and p.57). Other miscellaneous pictures of the production are taken during that time (LSUA, p.68, p.69, p.70).

Lemony realizes that Montgomery Montgomery does not know the Sebald code and that the plan needs to be changed. He schedules a meeting with Gustav Sebald near the Swarthy Swamp. On his way to the meeting, Gustav is spotted by Olaf who drowns him.

Lemony arrives at the appointment and waits nineteen hours for Gustav Sebald in the Swarthy Swamp. To pass the time, he writes a letter to the cheesemakers (LSUA, pp.55-60). Lemony is unaware that Gustav is actually already there, drowned at the bottom of the swamp.

Between “The Reptile Room” and “The Wide Window”

A review of “Zombies in the Snow” by Lena Pukalie (an anagram of real-life film critic Pauline Kael) is published (LSUA, p.165) and finds its way to Lemony’s commonplace book.

During “The Wide Window”

A photograph of the Baudelaire orphans on Damocles Dock is taken by a mysterious person. Two copies of this photograph later end up in possession of K./R. (who later sends it to Olivia Caliban a.k.a Madame Lulu).

Between “The Wide Window” and “The Miserable Mill”

Jacques Snicket visits Olivia Caliban at Caligari Carnival and asks her if his brother is alive. She gives him a copy of the photograph which R. sent to her, indicating that Lemony may be currently tracking down the Baudelaire orphans from his taxi. Jacques leaves to investigate Dr. Montgomery’s house as he knows that a book on the secret Mortmain Mountains is kept there. When he arrives, he is surprised to find Quigley. Jacques gives his copy of the photograph to Quigley.

Olaf’s henchmen kill Firstein in Paltryville, intent on replacing him with the Bald Man under the pseudonym of Flacutono. They use the the lumbermill’s machines to destroy Firstein’s remains.  Jacques learns of Firstein’s death and leaves for Paltryville, instructing Quigley to stay behind. In Paltryville, Jacques manages to send his investigation to the Daily Punctillo for an article. But Jacques is discovered by Olaf’s agents and has to flee. Because the body parts are unindentifiable, Detective Smith covers up the murder as the accidental death of an unknown person. Sir does not explain his foreman’s sudden disappearance to the workers. The Daily Punctillo uses Smith’s version for its final version of the article (LSUA, p.118). An earlier edition of Jacques’ article did survive (LSUA, p.117).

Jerome and Esme spend an evening together, at the end of which Esme bullies Jerome into marrying her.

Jerome schedules a wedding at the Vineyard of Flagrant Grapes where Esme hopes to receive the sugar bowl (perhaps because she expects Jacques to attend his friend’s wedding). The vineyard writes back, confirming the wedding but declining Esme’s request (LSUA, pp.84-86). Somehow the Duchess of Winnipeg later manages to get her hand on this letter. Jerome also sends a wedding invitation to Jacques Snicket. Fernald starts working as a doorman at 667 Dark Avenue in order to intercept any letter Jerome may be supposed to receive.

The Duchess fears that keeping the two vineyard letters is no longer safe for her. Unaware that Isaac Anwhistle is dead, she writes a letter to Kit Snicket, asking her to archive the two vineyard letters (LSUA, p.83).

Jacques finds out that Esme plans to marry Jerome in order to access the old V.F.D headquarter at 667 Dark Avenue. Fearing the worst, he writes Jerome a letter (LSUA, pp.122-124), but the wedding happened so quickly that Jerome was probably already married by the time Jacques found out about his engagement. Sometime during Jerome’s and Esme’s honeymoon, Jacques’ letter is intercepted by Fernald who works as a disguised doorman. Fernald and Olaf’s allies analyze Jacques’ letter and find out the village where he is hiding. 

Between “The Miserable Mill” and “The Austere Academy”

An unnamed person adds a photograph of the Quagmire triplets (with a note) to the “Zombies in the snow” file in the Sebald archives (LSUA, p.70). This is because the movie was made for Montgomery Montgomery and Quigley Quagmire eventually escaped from his childhood home to Montgomery’s house.

Lemony Snicket writes Sally Sebald to inform her of Georgina Orwell’s death. Sally answers, informing him of the circumstances in which the survivor of the Baudelaire fire was hidden (LSUA, pp.66-71). Sally also finds the photograph of the Quagmire triplets inside the file and does not understand what it’s doing there. Lemony will later replace the photograph of the triplets with a photograph of people “around the same age”.

During “The Austere Academy”

At this point in time, first editions of “The Bad Beginning” and “The Reptile” apparently already exist. We see excerpts of these two books later on in other documents. This edition finds its way to a library which has recently been overtaken by the tweed-coat-wearing librarian. This is a contentious topic as “The Reptile Room” mentions Klaus and Violet reflecting on its events “years later” even though only a few months/weeks have passed at the time of the book’s publication. One can only assume that these passages are either:

 the result of Lemony making reasonable assumptions on Klaus’ and Violet’s future,

additions which Lemony made years later as he kept updating the books with new details of his investigations (in which case what we, the readers, are reading is not the first edition of the book read by Al Funcoot’s fan, bur rather a later edition). This is plausible because “The Bad Beginning” got an updated edition called “The Bad Beginning: Rare Edition” with additional notes regarding Lemony’s more recent findings on the events depicted in the book.

Al Funcoot (probably Olaf under a pen name) writes to one of his fans, ordering him to investigate the fate of Montgomery’s collection of reptiles. The henchman goes to his local library and reads excerpts of “The Reptile Room” (LSUA, pp.147-148).

The henchman (now disguised as a cow) roams the surrounding of Lousy Lane, looking for survivors of Montgomery’s collection. The henchman noticeably hears the Dissonant Toad who is repeating something he once heard Olaf say. Supposedly the comment made by Olaf on how incovenient it is to drown someone happened the night of Monty’s murder. The toad was in the Reptile Room that night and heard Olaf kill Montgomery, after which he wondered aloud how he was going to dispose of the body. The henchman disguised as a cow also spots the Mamba du Mal as well as other reptiles. The henchman later reaches the Valorous Farm Dairy but does not dare approach the location.

The henchman disguised a cow sends Al Funcoot his own report of the events (LSUA, pp.145-153). The information from his report will later be used by Olaf’s allies to find and kill the survivors of Montgomery’s collection. Only the Incredibly Deadly Viper is now safe for now at the Valorous Farm Dairy.

Growing frustrated with his unsuccessful hunt for the Incredibly Deadly Viper, the henchman disguised as a cow finally works up the courage to ask the cheesemakers about the reptiles. Suspecting his ill intentions, the cheesemakers immediately write a postcard to Lemony so he can be warned that Olaf’s henchmen are looking for reptiles near the Valorous Farm Dairy (LSUA, pp.155-156).

Lemony writes a letter to the Duchess, announcing his intention to attend her Masked Ball (LSUA, p.144) even though the survivors of Montgomery’s collection are being hunted.

Supposedly the events of the Masked Ball happen soon after (Lemony flashes back to the Masked Ball in the beginning of the eleventh chapter of “The Austere Academy”). After the Masked Ball, Coach Genghis arrives at Prufrock Prep (fourth chapter of “The Austere Academy”).

Between “The Austere Academy” and “The Ersatz Elevator”

Jerome, who never received Jacques’ letter, writes Jacques to announce Esme their plans to adopt some children (LSUA, p.125).

Quigley, growing impatient, reads an article of “The Daily Punctillo” which describes his siblings’ kidnapping. He leaves for Paltryville.

Jerome writes a letter to Jacques Snicket, lamenting the fact his friend wasn’t present at his wedding (LSUA, p.125). Esme is planning to acquire the custody of the Baudelaire orphans during that time.

During that time, the tweed-coat-wearing librarian seems to change jobs as he now works at Prufrock Prep. Carmelita Spats runs into him, which earns him an appareance in her autobiography (LSUA, p.171).

During “The Ersatz Elevator”

The Duchess (or somebody impersonating her) writes a letter to Lemony (LSUA, pp.25-28). This letter was supposedly written during the “first few days” that the Baudelaire orphans spent with Esme and Jerome at 667 Dark Avenue (mentioned in Chapter Three of “The Ersatz Elevator”), before Gunther’s arrival.

At the In auction, the Esme Squalor fan club bids on the corpse of the Mamba du Mal. This is reported by the In Auction catalog (LSUA, p.164) and Lemony includes a page of the catalog in his commonplace book.

Lemony sends the cheesemakers a note (LSUA, p.159) with the contents of his commonplace book (LSUA, pp.161-175). The excerpts contained in the commonplace book are intended to warn the cheesemakers of the reptiles of montgomery’s collection and the secret messages/codes they can communicate. One of the excerpts is a newspaper describing how the Mamba du Mal was killed and auctioned.

At the Valorous Farm Dairy, the meeting planned by Meredith, Brett and Lemony goes haywire as they have been spotted by the villain disguised as a cow. The dairy is burned down by the villain but Meredith manages to take one last photograph of the dairy before the fire (LSUA, p.185). The three volunteers flee. Lemony leaves a copy of his drawing of the burned down Baudelaire mansion behind in the commotion.

Detective Smith covers up the arson when reporters of the Daily Punctillo come to investigate the fire. He provides the reporters with Brett’s drawing, unaware that it actually concerns the Baudelaire mansion. The drawing may have ended up in the archives of the Daily Punctillo. The Daily Punctillo publishes an article on the “accident” (LSUA, p.184).

During “The Vile Village”

Lemony receives the suspicious letter from the Duchess at Veblen Hall while he’s interviewing witnesses about who was driving the car on the day the Quagmire triplets were smuggled out of the city by Olaf. He fears that someone may be impersonating the Duchess and writes a note about it (LSUA, p.30).

While the Baudelaire orphans are working at the Village of Fowl Devotees, Arthur Poe meets his sister Eleonora Poe in Damocles Dock. Their conversation is recorded by a mysterious individual (LSUA, pp.134-137). The transcript of the recording is later found by an unnamed individual.

During “The Hostile Hospital”

Olaf (under the alias of Al Funcoot) knows that the Baudelaire orphans are probably somewhere in the Hinterlands and that they’ll soon try to use a telephone or a telegram machine. In order to thwart them, he writes to Eleonora Poe under the alias of Al Funcoot, convincing her to publish articles about the danger of telephone poles and fake telegrams, and later writes to an unnamed person about said article. Esme also manages to phone/write Geraldine Julienne, ordering her to lock up Eleonora Poe once the articles are published.

Eleonora writes to Arthur Poe, warning him of the danger of fake telegrams. The telegram sent by the Baudelaire orphans in the Last Chance General Store (LSUA, p.140) reaches Arthur’s bank some time later and is as such ignored.

During "The Carnivorous Carnival”

While the Baudelaire orphans try to use the phone at Caligari Carnival, the unnamed person chops down the telephone poles. This ends the connection, leaving the Baudelaire orphans confused as to why the person on the other end isn’t responding anymore. Later on, the unnamed person writes back to “Al Funcoot” (LSUA, p.132-133), thanking him for the article.

Kit roams the financial district looking for scraps of newspapers. She writes a note about that to the cheesemakers (LSUA, letter on pp.75-76). The note and the scraps of newspapers are later found by an unknown person (LSUA, note to file on p.75).

During “The Slippery Slope”

Geraldine Julienne locks up Eleonora in the basement of the Daily Punctillo’s building. Eleonora sends a telegram to her brother (LSUA, p.141), but the message is ignored by Arthur Poe on the account of her article.

During “The Grim Grotto”

As he’s following the Baudelaire orphans’ footsteps, Lemony writes a letter to his sister Kit Snicket, instructing her to meet him at the Hotel Denouement, and slips it into the pages of the manuscript (end of Chapter Five) of “The Slippery Slope”. It’s extremely unlikely Kit ever received the manuscript as she seems to believe her brother is dead in “The End”. Indeed the V.F.D. meeting scheduled at Hotel Denouement happens during “The Penultimate Peril”, which would leave barely a day for said manuscript to be forwarded to Kit. One can only assume that the letter was kept within the manuscript and never removed (for sentimental reasons?). Interestingly the letter does not specify a date and “Hotel Denouement” could refer to the underground library beneath the pond rather than the building on the surface, which means that said meeting could have been scheduled much later than the building’s eventual destruction.

Arthur Poe sends a thank-you letter to Eleonora (LSUA, pp.138-139), including the two telegrams he received (LSUA, pp.140-141).

During “The End”

Remora slips on a banana peel and quits his job at Prufrock Prep. Kit Snicket is hired to replace him and teaches at Prufrock Preparatory School for a few days. This supposedly happens during the “days” the Baudelaire orphans live with the Islanders doing pretty much nothing on the Island (this undefined time period is described in Chapter Five of “The End). A photograph (LSUA, p. 127 and p. 142) is taken of Kit “supervizing” the children during gym class. Genghis and Tench no longer teach at Prufrock, so without anyone to teach them the Prufrock students just sit around looking at a camera during their gym class. During that time, Kit also seems to write a note (LSUA, p.154) about receiving the postcard intended for Lemony by the Prufrock librarian.

The Daily Punctillo publishes an article warning parents about their children reading forbidden books. The Spats parents send that article to Nero who subsequently fires Kit Snicket and writes back to the Spats parents in gratitude (LSUA, pp.129-131).

After “Chapter Fourteen”

Lemony eventually publishes an updated edition of “The Bad Beginning” with additional notes (The Bad Beginning: Rare Edition) in which he announces his intention to release the thirteenth and final volume of “A Series Of Unfortunate Events”.

Lemony is officially declared by the authorities. The Daily Punctillo publishes an official declaration of death, announcing a burial even though no body was identified (LSUA, p.3, see also the back cover with Lemony’s note). Lemony attends his own burial where photographs are taken (LSUA, p.4 and p.7). Lemony writes a note to explain the photograph and the Daily punctillo clipping and adds it to the Autobiography file (LSUA, pp.5-7).

Beatrice Baudelaire Jr eventually learns of his uncle and his research on the Baudelaire file. She starts tracking him down and sends him several letters (TBL, BB to LS #1, #2, #3, #4 and #5). Lemony does not answer these letters as he believes the author of these letters to be Esme impersonating Beatrice Baudelaire Sr.

Beatrice Baudelaire Jr eventually meet in person at a party. During the party, Beatrice Baudelaire Jr writes her uncle an apology note (TBL, BB to LS #6). Daniel Handler later writes about this party (LSUA, pp. ix-xvii and p.193) and the autobiography is finally published.