#04302017

We met online, not knowing that was the first step to know you better. It started out sending out comments and posting on our Tambay thread with the rest of the Filipinos in the community we were in. Remember when there was an issue about ‘racism’ and one of the admins (from another country) seemed like had a nerve with us Filipinos? I even convinced you to extend your time at the net cafe you're in for help via supporting our argument since your time was about to stop.

We started exchanging numbers to keep in touch a few days or weeks after that issue. I was in high school back then and was to graduate. I was an aspiring UP student then, yet unfortunately my GPA was low to pass the exam (and I was too late to have myself reconsider at UP). You even comforted me that there were other schools better than UP, so I stopped ranting and started thinking for second plans. Came college, and I was super excited that I even texted you about it. I was already asking about college stuff since I was looking forward to it since I was studying for UPCAT. You even gave me tips to survive the pre-zombie life.

Remember our first telebabad night? Yup, that was my 17th birthday. I was busy revising our research papers for FILI 7 and ENGL2 subjects. As far as I can remember, you asked for my permission that night to call me, and I said yes. I didn’t know how and why but as I realized, we began sharing our stories with each other, with some restrictions though. You even asked me, “Kelan kaya tayo magkikita sa personal?” and I answered, “Siguro after five years” cos I was a civil engineering back then, on the verge of shifting on another course. I already knew that, I was blinded with all those “tiwala lang” thoughts.

So it happened. My pre-CE career ended. I was depressed and unsure of what course to take as a shiftee (I knew my family would not let me enroll to another school out of Cavite, so I pursued another program within the university I’m in). A few days after those depressing days of my life, you together with Tine and her ex Erol gave me a surprise visit. I was shocked because Tine brought you along here in Cavite. Never would have thought that I’d see you a month after our first telebabad. We had fun having our hangout though it was two to three hours long.

Minutes after we parted ways, you texted me “Kumusta naman pagkikita natin sa personal? :)” and it started all. Never a day did we not send text messages to each other. We even had our second telebabad night wherein we opened up to each other via asking questions. You even invited me to a date. I was so uncertain of what to response because that was a first. Never did a guy invite me to a date until you came. I was already having second thoughts if you like me or not, because I knew guys who are this way. So I convinced myself, “nope, he’s not the one”, yet I agreed to your proposed date.

Came our first date. You even fetched me at our village gate just to ascertain my safety. I was fidgety and quiet especially when you pinched my sides resulting from a one-sided hug during the bus ride. I was really shocked that I miscalculated your “breezy” moves. You even held my hand and hugged me nth times, you even snatched a kiss from me! All of those during our first date. Wow, ang breezy mo nga talaga!

Remember when Tine and Erol together with Tine’s friend named Ian visited me on our village? You were utterly jealous of Ian since Tine and Erol teasingly matched us up. That was also when Erol gave me a warning to cut my ties off with you due to your crazy clingy ex. But as a stubborn moth curiously want to stay close with the fire; I failed to consider his warning which resulted to a newly born relationship full of ups and downs.

I did fell. Hard. No, harder than I ever imagined. I began being adventurous, e.g., going on Manila trips without the consent of my parents just to see you. I altruistically shared my money whenever you’re in need which you do as well (kahit na sure na kong maglalakad pauwi). I also began taking risks without worrying about people’s opinion about us. You taught me how to keep my cool when pressured, think twice (or thrice) before doing a specific action, even mull over personal happiness instead of obligations in this world.

What better way to say goodbye to April than listening to this jam. I fkn loooooooove Juanga. This man is responsible for many nights going to sleep after crying my heart out. I cannot begin to tell my non-Spanish speakers just how important this man is to my culture. One of the most prolific songwriters of our time. I cried my ass off when he passed away. I felt like a huuuuge part of my childhood left with him. I felt like a huuuuge part of my love life died with him. Here’s the thing about his music/songs, he made you feel like he was there with you. He cried with you, he explained that which you couldn’t even comprehend yourself. He was the one responsible for making it safe to cry, safe to miss someone && never put you down for the act of doing so. 

The beauty of Juan Gabriel was that besides being a brilliant songwriter, he used his voice as a brilliant instrument to truly interpret his art. You felt that he understood you on all levels. The intimacy that he created among his fans && himself was truly astounding. I unfortunately never had the privilege of seeing him live. My sister did && she had urged me to buy tickets to the LA show he did, right before his death. But, I didn’t go. I do regret it but then I kind of don’t because his death would’ve affected me that much worse. 

I just want to say that I love music. All types of music if my repertoire says anything. I know many don’t really like or post about this endeavor of mine, but I hope that at least you listen to the music. Music is the universal language we can all understand. Juan Gabriel is a very very very private && intimate part of my life. He kept me company through all those moments when I felt alone, lonely, hurt && misunderstood. Wherever you may be Juanga, thank you. Eres el orgullo de México, de millones de personas pero para mí siempre fuiste el amigo que siempre me consoló y me brindó una fuente para poder desahogarme.

April 30, 2017

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o9gK2fOq4MY