#042814

i wish you hadn't said anything. hadn't made so many promises. hadn't gotten my hopes up. hadn't made me think that maybe, just maybe, something spectacular would happen this year to help us out. and you know why i wish these things? because you talked all this big game, and now, whenever i ask you to deliver on the things you promised, you make excuses as to why that can't happen. just don't say anything in the first place. that would have been a way better situation. i've dealt with too many unreliable people in my lifetime, and that's part of the reason why i don't ask for help. i don't trust other people; i'd rather do it myself and take on extra responsibility than rely on someone to do something for me. it's not good, but my past experiences haven't really taught me otherwise. i've been repeatedly disappointed, and i've thus shut myself off from others in terms of allowing them to offer assistance. you wanna help, show and prove. but please don't say something can and will happen when it won't. i don't need that kind of false hope right now.