#04212020

“Hi, Ji--”

He cuts you off with a tight hug. “I can’t believe it. The council, they don’t even see soulmates as humans, do they? ‘The sole purpose of a soulmate is to reproduce with her wolf.’ What is that nonsense? You could be a doctor! An astronaut! A-- a-- a--.”

“Jisung, I’ll be okay. I mean, there’s still hope that their child is human, right?”

Jisung pulls back from you. “Sorry. I’m supposed to be comforting you and here you are, comforting me instead.”

You rub his head right where he likes it. He stays silent for a few moments. He picks up your other hand and traces his thumb over the mark Hyunjin has on you.

“Are you scared?” he asks.

“I’m just… waiting.”

Jisung reaches for a pen behind you and starts putting ink over the design on your arm. “If worse comes to worse, what are you going to do?”

“Nothing, I guess. A lot of young people have to go before they grow old. Like those with cancer, for example, except I’m lucky enough to not have to spend my last days in a hospital.”

Silence.

“Are you angry? At Hyunjin? At the whole system? At me?”

“Why would I be angry at you?”

He stays silent and lets his pen fall to his side. You look at your wrist to find another shape on it. It still looks like it fits in one of the werewolves’ patterns, but none which you can remember. Jisung looks upon it wistfully.

“Jisung, you can’t blame yourself for this,” you say when he doesn’t reply.

“How can I not?” he opposes softly. “I could have even stopped Hyunjin. Maybe got him to break up with her or something once we realized he’s found his soulmate, but no! If anything, I encouraged them because I was too selfishly trying to--” His eyes flicker to the design he gave you.

“Jisung?”

“I just wanted to be loved,” he says inaudibly. He lifts his eyes back up, though they stop before they reach your eyes.

“I…” He leans forward with glistening eyes. “... can’t take it anymore.” 

He grabs your wrist with the pattern he drew and flushes it against the surface behind you with one hand. The other he snakes behind you. He parts his lips slightly, as short, uneasy breaths escape between them and--

“Jisung!” someone calls from down the hall. You can hear footsteps approaching.

Jisung shifts his body to the side and pulls you into a hug instead. 

“I can’t lose another one,” he whispers, tightening his hold on the ink on your wrist.

That night, as Jisung is stepping out of the house, a voice stops him.

“Would you actually do it?”

“Do what, Hyunjin?” Jisung sighs flatly into the shadows.

“Kill the child-- my child-- for her,” Hyunjin answers as he steps into view. “I just want to know. That’s understandable, right?”

Jisung clenches his fists and grits his teeth.

“You’re considering it!” scoffs Hyunjin. “I can’t believe it! You’d kill your best friend’s child for some random girl from bio.”

“And I can’t believe you’re killing your soulmate just to mess around with your girlfriend! Have you thought about this like that, Hyunjin?”

“I am not killing anyone. That’s what Jiyoung said. Besides, there’s still a good chance the child’s human.”

“And if it’s not?” Jisung challenges. “What are you going to do then?”

“Well I-- I--”

Jisung pushes past his brother.

“And are you any better?!”

Jisung freezes in his step.

“What are you going to do once my child’s dead?” Hyunjin continues upon seeing the effects his words have. “What are you going to do with Y/N? Date her? Marry her?” Hyunjin walks up to the shorter male. In a lower voice, he presses on. 

“Everyone knows why that’s why you’re so worked up about this. If the child is a wolf, you’d disobey Chan and the law just to try to have what you can’t.”

Hyunjin slowly creeps Jisung’s sleeve up his arm, revealing monochrome skin. Jisung snatches his hand away with a snarl. Hyunjin steps back and looks the other wolf dead in the eye.

“Look,” Hyunjin states. “I’m not saying that what I did was right or that I don’t regret anything. I’m just saying that you don’t have the moral high ground, so stop being such a hypocrite. The cards have been dealt. All we can do now is play with them.”

“Easy for you to say. You’re the dealer and your girlfriend has a straight flush.”

There is a pause. “I suppose you’re right, but if you try anything, you best watch out.”

The night is dark when Hyunjin and Jiyoung welcome their new addition to the family. Not a sliver of moon can be seen.

You and the wolves gather into the room as the midwife exits. 

“Look. Isn’t she beautiful?” Jiyoung breaths.

“Yeah,” you say with a mustered smile. The rest of the wolves shift on their feet.

“May I?” Chan asks.

Hyunjin transfers the baby into his leader’s arms. Carefully, Chan inspects the child. After an excruciatingly long minute, he returns her to her mother and turns to his pack.

Everyone in the room leans a little towards him in anticipation.

“No sign just yet,” he announces.

A mixed murmur fills the room. Jisung gives your shoulder a squeeze and you a weak smile. You return one of your own.

“Only forty-one months and twenty nine days to keep checking, right?” someone says.

The rest of the room scolds him for the tasteless joke, but you can’t help but bite your lip in agreement.

“What’s out the window?” Jisung leans over to see what you’re staring at.

“Nothing,” you sigh, bringing your attention back to your research report. “I mean, literally nothing.”

The sky is pitch black again, indicating the start of yet another month. 

“It’s been half a year already,” Jisung adds.

“Yeah… Hey, do you remember what Professor Kim said about the--”

Your eyes widen as a sudden pain shoots up your arm. You fall off your chair, clutching your wrist. Jisung is by your side within the second. 

Outside your room is its own pandamonia. 

“WHAT IS THIS?” shrieks a female voice. “HYUNJIN, WHAT IS THIS?”

“Jiyoung, please.” It’s Chan.

“YOU DIDN’T TELL ME IT’D LOOK LIKE THIS! WHAT IS THIS MONSTER?”

The baby starts wailing from all the commotion. You yourself give a hollow gasp and grasp at your soulmark even tighter.

“It’s okay; it’s okay; it’s okay,” Jisung assures you even though things are anything but okay. He has already realized what this means even without the fuss outside. “Is there anything that could help? Ice? Ibuprofen?” 

You shake your head, sinking deeper into the floor.

“Well this monster,” someone outside snaps, “is what we are.”

“I don’t want any part of it!” cries Jiyoung. “Hyunjin, give me back my sweet baby girl!”

“Jiyoung, she’ll return to human form in a while. When she grows up, she’ll learn to control the changes,” Chan tries.

“No! She shouldn’t be able to do that at all! This… this is all your fault!” She points accusingly at her boyfriend. 

“Sweetcakes, please--”

“Don’t ‘Sweetcakes’ me,” she snarls. “And this… doesn’t this mean that girl’s gonna die?” Jiyoung’s eyes widen. “You did this to me! You made me a murderer I--I have nothing to do with this, okay? I was tricked. I was given false hope. I--I… This is all his fault, okay?!!”

There are hurried footsteps and the slamming of the door. The baby’s crying intensifies and so does your pain. You can’t help but let out a scream through gritted teeth, which sends an arrow through Jisung’s heart. He gathers you into his arms, stroking your back, pressing you to his chest which you try to muffle your cries with. 

“Seungmin, Felix, try to talk to Jiyoung. Changbin, help Jisung with Y/N. Minho, Jeongin, the baby. I’ll talk to Hyunjin,” Chan orders.

In the room, you’re pathetically clinging onto Jisung’s shirt, too tired to further attend to the pain. 

“Make it stop,” you whimper. “Please…”

Jisung goes silent for a moment before asking calmly, “Are you sure you want me to?”

One last tear rolls down your cheek before the pain takes over your consciousness. You didn’t need to answer; he can already see it in your eyes. 

Jisung brings his knees up to hold you to his chest. With you unconscious, he lets his own tears fall freely. In thirty-four months, this exact scene will repeat itself. Except that time, you won’t be waking up again.