#041415

041415 “You got that James Dean daydream look in your eyes” <3 

Going through all the pictures you sent me and that I have is torturous. Idk why I’m doing it. But i truly had some good smiles and laughs out of it.  It really makes me miss you oh so damn much. So so so so much. After day one of my missing puppy, i truly am really sad and miss her so much.  My puppy’s lost out there somewhere and it’s sad because this puppy means so much to me.  We went through so many things together, so many good times and bad times but what matters most is the way this puppy makes me feel.  You’ve showed me how to love and care like i have never before. You made my dull life so much better and worth living.  You lifted me up everyday when I saw you and your beautiful smile and all the cute little things you do everyday.  The way you rest your head on my shoulder, lap and usually my chest.  It made me feel at ease. It made me feel safe from everything.  It made me feel love. I never pictured us to end, ever. But here I am. Sitting, laying in this empty room filled with sorrow, sadness, and anger. Anger within myself, at myself. Anger because I was so blind.  So blind because I didn’t see the things that I could do to make things better.  To make you happier than you were the day before. I’m so mad at myself for being so stupid. Because you are simply someone who i would sacrifice anything for. I took our time for granted and made nothing better out of it.  Now that there is no more time, it’s already too late for me to do anything because it’s just simply out of my hands and now into yours. As I lay here on this floor of my room, i see your hair everywhere.  You’re truly a puppy who sheds.  I hate myself for making you shed tears over things that I have done.  Why is this all so hard? Why is life so hard? Why is love so hard? Why am I so hard headed for not being able to see that you are truly a gift from god? A gift that I took for granted. I’d do anything to look for my missing gift.  Because god gave me this gift, he allowed this gift to enter my life.  It sucks that my actions made me lose this gift.  Now I’m just stuck here wishing that I could remake yesterday. I hope you’re doing well.  Thank you for all that you have given me, Tracy Ellen Trieu.  I’m dying to hear your voice, and your words and your mind.  I’m dying to see you.  To hold you.  To have you back at home in my arms.