#03-2022

you're possessed, look this child in the eyes.

there's something dark in you.

look this child in the eyes.

tell it.

as you twist this child's skin, as you dig your fingers into its flesh, look it in the eyes, and tell it.

you have something very dark inside you.

you're dirty within.

pray over this broken babe, atonement for your sins, a burden unladen unto you. this little life. drown it's head in blessed water and stick needles in it like a doll. a small, aching thing.

look this child in the eyes.

look. it. in. its. eyes.

if you have to turn it by its chin, if you have to pry them open, if you have to move to catch it or take up its entire field of view.

pierce it's eardrums, dig your shrillest in and twist it.

look it in the eyes, cut through them. and tell it.

hold it's fluttering hands still. tamp down a bobbing knee. still the rocking. force a tolerance (numbness. disconnect.) if you cut it out from it's body, this too is an exorcism.

too old for it's age.

this means: too much pain for such a small body.

it means: a child blind to other children.

it means: too much and too little, always off beat.

you've always been a bit haunted.

she said

you've always been a bit haunted.

maybe

theres a thin line between x and y

and youre putting it on your wrists

and im tying it around my neck

(performing burlesque, going to the office, standing in the garage hands shaking hoping itll hold)

its a thin line shes painting on her face and that's keeping the rails together.

it's a thin line she traces with her fingertip on her windshield, it's a thin line she twirls as she bats others.

it's a thin line that he sinks through to the chopping board underneath, it's a thin line he cuts.

it's a thin line he dashes the T:s with and it's a thin line he holds the letters steady against and it's a thin line that says nothing left on a kitchen table, it's a thin letter full of thin lines of thin letters against thin lines that will never be more than another hollow carved next to his, that will never fill in the gaps in the walls of a rented house.

it's a thin line that grows taller and thinner, it's a thin line that wilts and becomes a thin circle. it's a thin line soaked with your blood and it's a thin line that gets thinner. it's a thin line that defeats water still and it's a thin line that he ties the tackle with before he topples his opponent. it's a thin line in a bad windsor.

March 3, 2022: This was a pretty active day. I walked to the science museum to hand in some documents (oh, yeah, this means they offered me the job! Hooray! 👏). It was pretty cold and I should have taken gloves with me. At the museum I already got to know two people and I believe I made a good first impression, if I may say so myself 💅