#021223

yam.yam.ii sunday°

Calum out with friends in LA — Feb. 12th, 2023

this year's coming to an end, another year passes by, and I still haven't even processed 2022. didn't think about the pain, the songs I've written, the journeys I made, heck - I haven't even processed Colombia properly. And I haven't processed that, which was unspeakable in 2022. I've been running away from it because of the pain that lies in it. I have been running from it for over a year now. but it's still there, looming, waiting to be spoken of. I'm not there yet, and I don't know if I'll ever be. but I need to. at least address the worst of it, deal with it. but I'm afraid it comes back like the first time around. and that was already too close to disaster. my Styx, my Charybdis. unspeakable. I watch this love like an open wound, fascinated, yet as if I'm numbed by adrenaline, touching it without sensation, reaching into it until the pain flames up after some delay. I'm not supposed to touch it, but I am drawn into it. into it like an unforgiving current. this is what love feels like. but I am alone, you are nowhere near. in somebody else's arms, devoid of any memory of me. you are happy now, you must be. that's all there is to it for you. what this love means to me I couldn't make you understand, I couldn't make you understand how much I love you. or you wouldn't see, refused to see it. whatever. it doesn't matter. the results are the same. you chose what serves you best. no plea can find me solace. sitting in the cold night, it's almost 4 am, where should I be by now but in your arms? where should you be by now but in mine?, he spoke to the cold east wind.

regardless of whether that happens or not, thank you again for loving my work enough to want to do this ! (and for asking my permission) ^^

230212 43rd K-Stage Untact Concert

na_lyynn 엑스트라 버진 카멜리아 페이스 오일💚 #협찬 #산다화 #유기농화장품 #비건화장품 #천연화장품 #동백화장품 #산다화서포터즈