#01may2014

Dunno when, or if, I'll let you read these...

Still missing you. We've spoken for approximately seven hours in a matter of a week. That's not nearly enough time to show you how much I love you and how I care. That's not enough time to relieve the frustration that builds every second we're apart. Not enough time listening to you be your loud self; singing, yelling at retarded League players, just trying to make me laugh. We may only have talked for so little as seven hours. But the thing is: I'm ok. By realising this, I've also noted how I still continue to learn from you. I've learned patience. I'm now learning independence, self-value, and how to be alone. We spent practically a whole month talking to each other literally 24/7. I did get used to it-and I loved every second of it-and I do miss it, but it's gotten me to a point of neediness that I hoped to never allow. Things slowed down very quickly, it seemed. A bit too quick, I might add-those withdrawals kicked my ass. Times like those, I'd see myself resenting you for not wanting me. But that's changed. I'm still very much in love with you, but I've realised-finally fucking realised-that I don't need you. I don't need anyone in particular to keep me occupied or entertained. This lesson took five years of trial-and-error and a hell of a lot of tears to learn. Alas, I'm o-fucking-kay.