#01202021

He’s here!

Our little cutie arrived on 1/16, about a week and a half before my scheduled due date. My doctors decided last minute that I would be induced on Thursday evening and after a really long and grueling 48 hours, he was born Saturday at 7pm.

We’re all back home now and everyone is healthy. So far he’s doing pretty well with sleeping and feeding — B and I have even gotten a bit more sleep these first few nights than I had anticipated. It’s been challenging in ways I didn’t expect and it’s been rewarding already in so many ways I couldn’t have imagined.

Me: *Trying to get my nap*

Boss: C, wag ka na umidlip. 20mins left. It will only give you headache.

Me: *Awkward laugh*

Boss: Please proofread this, scan, and send it back to RMM. After, check your messages I have further instructions. *walks away*

Me: SHUTANGINA NAMAN TALAGA KANAL. 12:34PM PALANG HAYUP. GUSTO KO MATULOG EHHHHH. AT DI BAYAD BREAK TIME DITO!

Still Me: *Still did the work*

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Welp, bad strategy sa market :(

I’m typing this journal on Jan 22, kasi ayun nabusy bigla sa work as youtuber, hahahaha.  Uploaded back to back yung gameplays namin ni Crush at ng highschool friend ko last Dec 30... Sinamantala ko na yung bilis ng internet :D

About sa stock market, nagoyo ako ng upward trend, pagkapasok ko biglang pula... ayun 4k loss, pero hoping pa rin ako na gumalaw pataas to

About sa lustful sin, I’m still having it.  Wew, hirap mag-cold turkey

i don’t wanna be okay without you - charlie burg; 12:22 am

siguro deliks talaga ako at this hr ksjkadjj sobrang nagpapalamon ako sa loneliness :(( i hate it nga pero hay, idk what to feel anymore, bakit feeling ko araw-araw na lang akong longing?? lalo na paggabi djksdjd more on paggabi lang naman!!! 

i also wanna start my youtube channel na rin and focus more on singing?? like as a way of release talaga ng sadness? and creative outlet din!! ineenjoy ko lang pagiging tamad this week tbh lskkjskdj pero at least good na magkikita na kami ni jean!! naeexcite na ako pero kinakabahan din kasi ewan dami siguro naming need pag usapan!! ayoko lang idread sighHHH lkskdjsj ayun lang naman 

jowang-jowa na naman ako!! haha mga ilang taon pa ba huh!! putangina talaga jskjadh hay pero yun sad di ko alam pagod na ako sa mga patterns ng mga lalaki!!! sjkdjjd why does it have to come so hard pag ako :(( why is dating so hard for me? why do i somehow always pick the wrong guys!!! GRRR hay jskajdkjdkj i know i look and feel good na!! pero di talaga mawawala sa sarili ko na palaging tatanungin kung may kulang ba sakin :( ano bang kulang sakin :(( and bakit ko to kinukwestyun dahil sa mga lalaking di naman worthy in the first place ijshjdh EWW PAT 

pero yun regaining na talaga na i’m fine being alone, it gets TOO lonely lang talaga minsan :( lalo na at night when i want some landi and want someone to talk to, i need to get to my bad bitch attitude na talaga always dnmkjjcjhhd i hate reveling in loneliness so much, kaya gustong-gusto kong ulit-ulitin sa sarili ko na “kapag may itinuro sa ’yo ang pag-iisa, yakapin mo.” 

ang panget lang talaga siguro ng dating life na naabutan ko hay again why do i have to live in this age? :(( feeling ko sobrang malas ko talaga, and what did i do in my past life to live in this period? HAY