#01.11.2022

“The air was heavy with vivid rumours of life—the life of things infinitely small—and broken at intervals by the crackling of shots from a neighbouring shooting-range, that exploded with a sound as of champagne corks to the burden of a hollow symphony. And then, beneath a sun which scorched the brain, and in that atmosphere charged with the ardent perfume of death, he heard a voice whispering out of the tomb where he sat. And this voice said: ‘Accursed be your rifles and targets, you turbulent living ones, who care so little for the dead in their divine repose! Accursed be your ambitions and calculations, importunate mortals who study the arts of slaughter near the sanctuary of Death himself! Did you but know how easy the prize to win, how facile the end to reach, and how all save Death is naught, not so greatly would you fatigue yourselves, O ye laborious alive; nor would you so often vex the slumber of them that long ago reached the End—the only true end of life detestable!’”

Sabah okula giderken bu videoya

"Bu havada gidilmez " şarkısını ekleyip paylaşmıştım.

Banah Hills, Fitting, Family Dinner

Um 07:30 geht es los. Vorher muss ich noch meine Sachen packen, da ich umziehen muss für die kommende Nacht.

Der Bus ist voll und los geht es. Natürlich döse ich immer Mal wieder ein und fühle mich zurückversetzt in 2011 als ich die Tour in Irland machte.😱😅

Wir fahren mit der weltweit längsten Seilbahn nach oben. Wuhuuu. Erster Stop das berühmte Fotomotiv mit den Händen. Erst jetzt begreife ich, dass das hier ein Themenpark ist.😅 Ich hatte keine Ahnung auf was ich mich hier einlasse. Ich wollte nur die Hände sehen. Es ist Arsch kalt hier oben, zum Glück hat einer der Jungs von gestern mir geraten mich entsprechend dick anzuziehen.😅

Die Gruppe ist super cool, vorallem Paul ist einfach super. Ein Ende 50 jähriger Australier der einfach unglaublich witzig ist. Wir fahren mit dem Roller coaster und haben nach dem Lunch freetime... Ich weiß nicht wie, aber Paul überzeugt mich sogar in den Freefalltower zu gehen. ich schreie mir die Seele aus dem Leib, aber bin mega stolz auf mich. Boxauto fahren wir auch. 🥳 ansonsten, besuchen wir ein 360 Grad Kino und ein 5 D Kino. (Wir reiten auf Pferden durch die Wüste und erschießen die Bösewichte) 😅

Alles in allem ein gigantischer Tag.

Am Abend gehe ich wieder zum fitting und bin noch immer nicht glücklich. Ich solle eine Stunde später wieder kommen.

01.11.2022

There are so many meetings and notes to take that it doesn’t even feel like I’m getting anything done (*꒦ິㅂ꒦ີ) How do people live in this world, my sense of satisfaction is RUINED. Anyhow~ I woke up feeling a bit better~ Had a dream about walking home from a bar and taking care of a girl I was crushing on even though she didn’t bother much with me. On the way back home I saw an elderly couple who harvested jasmine flowers~ They were always nice to me and I think we were friends. In the bar someone had a pet Hakunamatata (like that was the name of the breed) and it legit looked like a dark blond Pikachu. It was so cute.

The freaking pain of having overlapping meetings and computers too freaking slow to keep up with my fast movements ( º言º) I wanna punch this laptop.

In all likelihood, I’m gonna have to take a genealogy course. And it makes me a bit sad-mad. I don’t care for genealogy. Not in the least. I can’t imagine any African American liking it either. And in my case, African-Legally-American it’s kinda useless. But what I hope to do for my master’s thesis would require genealogy. Livid. Maybe I can just volunteer and learn how to do it without taking a class in it.

If I could quit my job to go to school full time, I would. But I would need like, a rich benefactor willing to pay my tuition and books and house me. ….anyone? I can cook! ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ Lol that would be amazing though… I’m in a meeting where we get to meet our professors and the SLIS faculty and my only thought is “I want to do this!!! But I need money!!!”

So I’m gung-ho set on getting an Archives specialization. ….Magnus. I think maybe it’s a little bit because of Magnus. Hearing the professor guy talk about it tho omg I’m excited. This sounds so fun (´；ω；`) I wanna do this so freaking bad. I’m gonna take all his classes. Paining treasure maps, archives all across the country, making your own paper, creating your own archives, YES PLEASE ໒( ♥ ◡ ♥ )७ Like, if I was hesitant before on if I really wanted to do this, my sudden excitement and interest when he started talking about archives especially when I started off with suspicion should be proof enough. I want this. After that meeting I am now reinvigorated to do well in these classes. I’ll be organizing them more tonight, and I really hope I can get a good study schedule for myself!

(I have found a good kaomoji app so now I have all of the power >:3c)

Okay now that we’re back to work I’m sad again. My computer had to restart and it’s been restarting for ten minutes. I have a meeting in five minutes. This is hell. Yeah a regular job is not…for me maybe…. Oh Mx Benefactor? I hate this computer. I hate this life. I said ‘ohmygod’ really loudly at the end of the meeting and I wasn’t on mute and I joined late and I am just. So done with myself. And this. All of this. I just want school please, no more work. Death. Death and pain. And I have a meeting with them after this one. Dead and pained. But I mean this in a legitimate way too, tho. I hate this life and this kind of job now, where I can spend one hour in a meeting and quite literally have one to two hours of organizing notes and planning next steps for that one meeting. It feels like I’m never getting anything done and I hate it all so much. I’m not learning as I should be I’m pushing stuff around and shuffling and sometimes I pick up things. I’m so tired of this and pretending to like it and wanting to do it. I’M COMPLAINING BECAUSE I HAD AN EMBARRASSING MOMENT AND A FLEETING THOUGHT OF A BETTER LIFE IN STUDIES. I just want to live my academia dreams is all… Just let me learn…

Welp. I wasted my last two hours of work and overate because I felt bad so now I feel sick and like death. I’m so tired of this. I’m gonna make a light African coffee and organize my classes… Please let’s try to be good and be productive…