just getting some things out of my system
if iām a weapon what are you
if iām a pistol youāre a bullet
iāll provide the firepower
launch you into orbit
dancing in kitchens forgotten by the world
riding waves of memory
wood weathered by time
the dusty mirror in the back room
reflects someone elseās memory
overlaid over mine iām bleeding colors that arenāt mine
yellow and blue, sunshine on ocean waves
if heās the sun, iām the moon
polar opposite and blue
but heās not my sun
you shine brighter than anything ivāe ever seen
blinding and i couldnāt tell you were there for so long
because i couldnāt see past the lights
blind blind blind
the music comes to me,
the music follows me
follow me home
youāre my worst kept secret
but everyone knows
thatās not true canāt be true
and it helps me keep it close to the chest
where they canāt see my cards falling
falling on the table
everythingās laid out here
my ribcage is open
the bird is flying out
crashing into your glass window pane
of weathered wood houses
memories on top of now
whatās real and whatās a rose tinted nostalgia dream
i felt you
breath behind me walking up
felt the heavy presence of someone behind me
the intake of breath as you watched my words
but something was wrong, turned my head and the lights came back on
brighter
no more shadow over my shoulder
it was just the ghost of you
i can see you over there
a million miles away
laughing at people who arenāt me,
laughing with people who arenāt me,
smiling with people who are so far from me
that i canāt ever measure up
checked my height on the wall last week
not an inch over sixteen
stopped reaching for the stars because iād already landed in them
i thought
stopped growing up
started growing into you
vines tangled between
me and you
thereās no tearing them apart without killing both of them
canāt cut out the cancer without cutting out my heart
and itās hard to live without the beat
beat beat beat
four on the floor and iām three sheets to the wind
floating over fields, wheat and pale white
over mountains, to a place he remembers
a place that isnāt quite the same for him as it is for me
the cabin is where the music happened for me
but for him itās where his heart broke
left it in the bed
everythingās red, everyone knows
how can no one see it spreading
spreading
no one knows but me
how donāt they see it
itās so obvious they must see it
they donāt
theyāre automatic,
walking streets in a trance
nothing outside of themselves
nothing outside of their immediate demands
briefcase in hand every day
never me never me
i canāt hold that handle
i canāt bear the weight
iām scared to stop, iām scared to sit here with the words in my head
drowning out 1990 blasting out of the speakers behind me
a different year than i was drowning in before
i donāt want them stuck stuck stuck
i havenāt felt this free in years
he hasnāt felt this leak out of him
since summer sun poured in the window
heating up the space between
a notebook and a hazy dream
warm hands, cold arms
knock me out of reverie
down a cold shiver
iām lost
shaking
i canāt keep it in
drop me down
-
willow and rye
itās less dangerous in the dark
i could rewrite these words like heās done
at least one time before
a call and response to the future of failures
bigger than his
heās a bigger asshole but
iāve lost more and we both know it
bring everyone you know to the show
just watch and listen and become someone else
somewhere else
lose yourself and find a friend
the girl next to you with the smirk
you dance next to her
you dance up next to her
and when you go home itās not alone
when did things get this low
a fuck instead of a hello
itās less dangerous in the dark
iām already here so you might as well
itās too late for you, iām contagious and dumb
iām already here so you might as well
mixed drinks and mixed loves
a typo but iāll keep her
mixed hearts and mixed up lies we tell ourselves
to bleed it out and get it on
iām the best at failure and i know no one can measure up
so while iām having a dick measuring contest with you
i know that at least iām lucky to be here
four plus four minus two minus you
but youāre still next to me
a ghost over my shoulder
all three
and sometimes plus two plus one
why do you do this
i have to do something to make me feel alive
itās hard to find something that doesnāt make me want to
find a place to hide
i want to smile for now
at the sun
even if itās a lie
cold hands warm heart
the cold on my neck in the winter
is the ghost of your hands
i shiver now for a different reason than i shivered then
fall apart at the onset of winter
the sea is a darker place without the sun
grey clouds, dark stormy seas
a red room, black and decadent
everything is spilling
the room is spinning
my skin is burning up from the fire
in my veins
this is when i lost it
this is when i tripped on my own heart
bleeding on the ballroom floor
i didnāt even notice until i was down on the ground
red faced and red handed
crawling across the floor to drag you down with me
the evidence all over
call a bloodspatter expert because there canāt be any witnesses
everyone who saw is blind
everyone who saw forgot for their own good
itās easier pretending if you donāt remember what you did last night
but my heart doesnāt fit back in the hole the same
iām rough around the edges now and the littlest thing will tip it out of my chest