#...no i'm not

Saruhiko’s pretty much convinced he’s either In Trouble or very close to In Trouble at any given point (see: S4′s visit to Ashinaka in S1, where he thinks he’s in trouble for the whole chloroform incident when Seri brought him along specifically so he’d go off and do something morally dubious but highly efficient!). 

He also does not have a great track record with relationships and, specifically, feels like his relationship with Yata fell apart for reasons he had no control over and didn’t expect, making it even more important that he not do anything to jeopardize his relationship with Reisi. Would Reisi actually break up with him over... anything? No. But he thought his friendship with Yata was unbreakable too, and look how that turned out.

He also really does not like coming across as clueless or incompetent. Not knowing exactly how to do something isn’t incompetence... but try telling him that.

These three points combine into someone who would very much like to top sometimes, but is convinced that doing so would be a disaster on only a slightly smaller scale than a Damocles Down so it’s really for the best that he just not try or suggest that he would be at all interested in trying. He doesn’t even really know what to do during sex as it is. Fuck, he’s bad at cuddling. (He is not bad at cuddling. Reisi adores cuddling with him even if it does inevitably end with a razor-sharp elbow and/or knee digging into his ribs. Reisi, if asked, would insist with 100% sincerity that Saruhiko is not bad at anything he contributes to their relationship except perhaps communicating with actual words.)

You REALLY shouldn’t have done that to Angel, buddy.