#...but seriously:

...Sometimes you just shake your head at people, you know?

Tale the First: My Girlfriend Baked All My Beans

(Courtesy of Darach Ó Séaghdha over at Bluesky)

Noting this fabulous response from @permaconfused at Bluesky:

ETA: There's a second half to this story.

(sigh)

...But wait, there's more!

Tale the Second: My Girlfriend Buried All My Beans In The Woods And Won't Tell Me Where

I said why only bury the beans, why not bury our more valuable items? She said the canned food was most valuable for long-term means, and that since we get fresh food in our online grocery deliveries, it would make sense to continue to stockpile beans. She intends to go bury more beans in the woods every week. This was too insane for me and I got very upset. I demanded to know where the beans were buried, and she refused to tell me. She said if I knew she was afraid I'd dig them up, I said damn right I would. She said "I will never jeopardize the beans." I crossed the line and said she was out of her mind, she stormed away. We have not talked since last night.

...Results Warning: Matters do not go well for this chap.

Meanwhile, in the "Baked All The Beans" dep't again: Couldn't help but think that, around here, matters would have gone differently.

@petermorwood: “Where’s all my beans?"

DD: "Baked 'em all."

PM: "Even the magic ones from selling the cow?"

DD: "Guess so, yeah, if they were in with the pintos."

PM: "Was it the recipe from the Three Village Inn, the one with the pork belly?"

DD: "Yeah."

PM: "Okay, I'll crack some rosé. Write "More Beans" up on the shopping list, yeah?"

DD: "Yeah. Light the BBQ? We've got steak in the freezer…"😏

...Just as info: I'd stayed at the TVI back in the earlyish-80s for a convention, and P. and I visited there around Christmas time before we were married. There was pheasant on the menu... but the baked beans were BETTER (in the great scheme of things) than the pheasant. Over some years of trying I arrived at a recipe that was similar to theirs (which they possibly correctly refused to give away). It remains, in memory, a high water mark of baked-beandom.

Sometimes simple things are the best. :)